The First Cut is the Deepest
by Lillibet426
Summary: Severus Snape returns to teach at Hogwarts and he discovers that he's not the only one with scars...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello All. So this is my first Harry Potter fic and I'm already loving writing it! It's going to be a McGonagall/Snape romance at some point, so if you don't like them then I'd suggest turning back now :D ****Any suggestions or comments then please feel free to leave a review, I'd like to improve my writing so anything helpful you might have then that would be great. **

**Just so you know, on here this story will always be rated T but for some chapters there will be an extended adult version that I'll post on my LJ page.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy and please leave a review. Thanks!**

**- Lillibet xxx**

**

* * *

**

Severus stepped down off the train and glanced around Hogsmeade station. He hadn't been on this platform since he was 18. The memory of seeing Lily climbing into the carriage with James hit him hard and he shook it away quickly. He could see the heavy set outline of someone approaching from the smoke coming from the train and he frowned, hadn't Dumbledore said McGonagall would be meeting him? His hand automatically reached for his wand, knowing the outline wasn't the deputy and prepared to duel should he need to.

"Don't just stand there lad, it's raining!" Professor Sprout emerged from the smoke and beckoned him over.

"I thought Professor McGonagall was meeting me?" He shouted over the whistle of the train as it began to make its way back to London.

"Something came up," the professor said and walked towards the station gates. Severus noted the sinking feeling in his stomach, for some reason he'd been looking forward to seeing his old professor again, she'd been one of the few that he had liked. "Come on!" Professor Sprout shouted and Severus quickly walked to join her.

Professor Sprout didn't say anything to him, she barely looked at him and that was fine with him. He shouldered his small bag containing the few belongings he wanted with him and quickened his pace. He noticed Professor Sprout panting a little to catch up with him but he didn't slow down. Finally they reached the carriages and Severus stopped, staring at the Thestrals. The last time he'd seen the carriages he hadn't been able to see the Thestrals...

"I expect things will be different this time 'round," Professor Sprout said, noticing him staring and guessing at the reason. Her tone was hard and when Severus looked at her there was something in her eyes... it was accusatory. So she knew what had happened to Jacob Daniels. She gave him one last severe look then climbed into the carriage. Severus let out a breath and climbed in after her, welcoming the silence that led them towards the castle.

When he stepped out onto the front steps of the castle he was greeted by Dumbledore, who wrapped his arms around Severus and embraced him. Severus was suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of safety and when he glanced up at the castle something welled up inside him.

"Welcome home Severus," Dumbledore said with a smile.

Home. That's exactly what Hogwarts had always felt like to him. He was glad to be back.

"Come inside," Dumbledore led the way and Severus slowly followed. He noticed, without surprise, that Professor Sprout had left. No doubt she had returned to the greenhouses. "How was your journey?"

"Fine," Severus said.

"Did you have any trouble with the train time?" He asked and Severus knew he wasn't referring to the train time. Did you have any trouble with the Dark Lord? That is what he'd really asked.

"No."

"Good," Dumbledore led them up to his office and Severus paused, remembering the last time he had been here. "Severus?" Dumbledore had already entered the office and Severus forced himself to follow him.

When he finally managed to drag himself into the Headmasters office he walked straight towards the desk where Dumbledore was sitting, a blank piece of parchment rolled out in front of him.

"Your contract," he said and words began to appear onto the page in Severus's own hand, as if he was writing the words himself. "If you'd like to read it and you consent to everything in writing then sign the contract." Dumbledore handed him a black raven quill that was old and worn. Severus signed the contract without reading it, blind trust for the man that had given him his second chance. Dumbledore nodded and after taking the quill from Severus, signed the contract himself.

"What now?" Severus said, looking to Dumbledore.

"Now I sign it," a voice from behind Severus startled him and he spun around just in time to see Professor McGonagall stand from the lavish armchair by the fire. He hadn't seen her tucked away behind the office door and judging from the Headmaster's expression, he wasn't at all surprised to see her there. She walked towards them, her eyes focused on Dumbledore and Severus thought she looked as though she were trying to stop herself from saying something.

"Professor McGonagall," Dumbledore said her name softly. She gave a dry laugh and snatched the quill from his out stretched hand. She signed her name, graceful swirls showing up beautifully next to his and the other mans scrawl.

"Is that all?" She asked impatiently and Severus knew she was probably there under duress.

"Just one last thing Professor." Dumbledore had that glint in his eyes that meant he was planning something and Severus felt Minerva stiffen beside him. "Would you be so kind as to show Professor Snape to his new quarters?" He was met with a cold silence but he continued to look at McGonagall with that same joyful expression he always had.

"Of course," she smiled and Severus thought it looked as though it took a lot of effort.

"Get settled in, I'll send someone by to bring you to the Great Hall for dinner." Dumbledore patted Severus on the shoulder and walked them towards the door. McGonagall headed for the stairs without a word to either of the men and Severus followed her quickly.

They walked in silence and Severus had no trouble in keeping up with her long strides. He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes and noticed she looked different. She wore glasses now, making her eyes seem small and her cheeks hollow. Her hair was as black as ever but the faint lines across her face told him that recent times had taken their toll on her. Severus quickly looked away when she noticed him starring at her.

"You'll be in Professor Slughorn's old quarters. The furniture has been left as it was but should you want to change anything, summon a house elf and they will know what to do." She stopped outside what Severus recognised as the former Head of Slytherin's office.

He followed her inside, the rich overpowering decor just as repulsive as it had been the last time he'd been in here. He stopped to look at the bookshelf, Professor Slughorn had left a lot of books and Severus wondered if he'd be allowed to read a few of them.

"These books..." he started but the Deputy had already disappeared behind the curtain that hung behind the large desk. He quickly walked after her and ran down the small dark corridor to where she was waiting outside his chamber doors.

"This room no longer has a master, you must enter it first to show that you wish to reside there. Once you're settled in you can cast your own protective enchantments and the room itself will have a few, which once you have declared your authority, will reveal themselves." She stepped aside and Severus eyed the door cautiously before opening it and stepping inside. "I'll wait here."

The door slammed shut before he could reply to her and a large bright light shone in his eyes. He tried to block it with his hands but it was too strong and he turned away.

"_Who dares enter my chamber?_" Came a hissing, haunting voice and Severus looked around blindly for where it was coming from.

"It is Severus Snape," He shouted. The light shone even more brightly and the voice grew angrier.

"_A half-blood?_"

"I am Severus Snape!" He shouted back, looking straight into the light. It started to fade a little and he felt his confidence grow as he continued. "I am of loyal Slytherin House," he walked towards the light and it started to recede into the shadows. "I was born a Prince and I am Master of this chamber!" He shouted and the air seemed to be sucked into the light as it vanished. Severus stood in the dark for a few seconds before the door flew open, making him jump slightly. Professor McGonagall eyed him curiously, as if trying to decide whether or not to congratulate him. Finally she settled for a small nod and entered the room.

"You were quicker than most," she said kindly, as she lit the candles in the room with a sweep of her wand.

"Is that a compliment?" It came out as a sneer, not at all how he'd meant it.

"Merely an observation," she said, her voice becoming cold again. "I trust you don't need me to remind you of the layout of the castle, it hasn't changed much since you were last here."

"I believe I'm competent enough to find my own way around, yes." The Professor gave him a cold stare and began to leave. As she reached the door she turned back to look at him, her eyes filled with the same accusation as Professor Sprout had earlier.

"Why did you do it?" She asked.

Severus stared back at her. Why did he do it? He wasn't sure anymore. He watched the accusation turn to hurt and he found it almost unbearable to look at her, but he kept his gaze steady on hers.

"All those people," she shook her head.

"I..." he stopped, unsure what he should say. Was he sorry? Did he wish he could take it all back? He closed his eyes. The truth was, if he hadn't wanted to save Lily's life... he'd probably still be with the other Death Eaters. He shuddered.

"Why did you come back to us?" Severus opened his eyes to see Professor McGonagall standing in front of him.

"I wanted a second chance," he whispered. And it was true. He did want a second chance, but what he longed for a second chance with was no longer available to him. He'd made the mistake before and he wasn't going to do it again. Dumbledore had given him a second chance to redeem himself and he knew one way or another, he'd probably die trying.

Professor McGonagall searched for the lie in his eyes but she found none. He could see her thinking things through in her head, trying to process his words. She gave a small nod and turned for the door again. Once again she stopped and turned to look at him, Severus braced himself for what he knew was coming.

"Did you have a hand in what happened to them?" He knew she was talking about her Gryffindors.

The Longbottoms... the Prewett's... she had been fond of them all.

He drew a deep breath. He may not have been directly responsible for what happened to them but he had certainly been involved in most. He'd watched Bella torture the Longbottom's, she'd taken her time with Alice. They had all watched her slowly go insane, drank over Bella's performance while the broken witch lay in a pool of her own blood and piss. Fabian Prewett had been brave, there was no denying it. Both brothers had been hard to defeat and the story of the Death Eater's success was shared with triumph. It was soon after this that he'd flown into the safe confidence of Albus Dumbledore, pleading with him to save the one person he'd ever truly cared about.

He glanced up to look at his former teacher and she was watching him with heart-rending eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but she raised her hand and shook her head. Something in the way she looked at him told him she'd somehow received the answer she needed.

"Albus wishes you to attend dinner with us at 7. You have a few hours to get settled in." And with that she left, leaving Severus staring at the door feeling confused. What had she seen in him that had left her looking at him with such... sadness? Or had it been pity? Perhaps disappointment?

He ran a hand over his hair, brushing it out of his eyes and looked around his room. He explored the lavish bedroom and bathroom and summoned an elf.

"Remove everything but the bare essentials." The elf nodded and bowed low to the ground before setting to work. In a matter of minutes the rooms were ready and Severus looked around in approval. The bathroom contained the bath, a toilet and a small mirror. His bedroom held a bed and nothing else. A bookshelf, sofa and desk occupied his living room.

"Would master be needing anything else, Sir?"

"No." The elf disappeared. Severus opened his bag and began to place his few belongings around his new home.

It was time for a new beginning.

* * *

**Please leave a review xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's Chapter 2. There might be a few points in here that don't make sense or seem incorrect but I promise that they're not mistakes and everything will become clear in later chapters. Thanks so much to those that reviewed and to all of you that are reading and that have put me on alerts. I hope you enjoy this chapter too and please remember to leave a review :D **

**Thanks! **

**- Lillibet xxx**

* * *

Minerva had practically run back to her own quarters after showing Severus to his room. She was grateful that she hadn't seen anyone on the way and once she was in her chamber, she slammed the door shut behind her and sank down to the floor with her head resting on her knees. She felt the pain searing through her body and the old dull ache in the deep scars across her back as memories flooded into her mind. Losing so many people that had become friends, people she had fought beside hit too close to home and she closed her eyes trying to banish memories of old faces. She let out a deep growl and tried to stand up but her legs wouldn't move.

"Get up," she said quietly. She tried again but still her legs remained motionless. "Get up!" She said it with a renewed sense of resolve and finally she rose up from the ground. She brushed the few tears that had escaped from her eyes and straightened out her robes. She'd just managed to pull herself together when a knock sounded at her door. She paused a few seconds, giving the impression she had had to walk across the room, then opened the door.

"Well?" Filius asked, his arms folded across his chest.

"Well what?" She said, letting him walk past her into her living room.

"The boy. Pomona said he didn't say much when she brought him here, did you have any luck?" Filius was determined to accept Severus back into the fold, his good and friendly nature over-looking what everyone else could not. In any other circumstance she would have loved him for it.

"No."

"He always seemed to like you when he was a student here Minerva, perhaps you should try harder too..."

"Do not presume that I will take your advice on this Filius. I did not sanction his return and I certainly do not wish to talk to him." She knew she was being rude but her anger and hurt overpowered any resolve she had to stop herself. "If you're so intent on making him feel welcome then I suggest you go down and talk to the traitor yourself." Filius waited patiently for her to finish.

"Are you done?" He asked, softy.

"I..." She let out a long sigh, trying to gain control of years of pent up anger. "Yes."

"Good." He sat down on her sofa and Teensy, her house elf, appeared with a tray of tea just the way she liked it. She gave a small smile of thanks to the elf and to Filius, then joined him on the sofa. "He's here now Minerva. He must regret what he's done or else he wouldn't be here."

"I'd say it was an opportunity. The Governor's board allowed him to come here because Dumbledore swore he'd pledged his allegiance to us. Of course he had, what was he going to say to Albus when he questioned his reasons? I'm here because He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named sent me?" She gave a dry sarcastic laugh. "No one is foolish enough to welcome the confines of Azkaban, no matter where their loyalties lie."

"You condemn him too soon my friend, give him a chance and I'll think he'll surprise us all." Filius handed Minerva a cup of hot tea and welcomed it's warmth as it ran down her throat.

"I wish I could see the good in people as you do Filius."

"When I taught you as a child you were." He smiled at her and Minerva fixed him with a hard stare.

"That was before I learnt what people are capable of." Her hidden memories plaguing her mind.

"I feel you've lost faith in the people of this world." Filius said, bringing her out of her thoughts. "Don't be so quick to shut everyone out. Perhaps if you can learn to trust our new professor you might just find yourself regaining the ability to believe." Minerva rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Have you been talking to Albus?" Filius laughed.

"I think you'll find all wizards become voices of wisdom in their later years."He quickly drained his cup and stood up. "I should get going, things to do." He walked towards the door and Minerva followed him to see him out.

"Thank you Filius," she said, holding the door open for him.

"May I suggest a walk in the grounds before dinner, just to clear your head?" He winked and set off quickly down the halls. Minerva rolled her eyes again and shut the door. She knew what he meant. Walk the anger off, no one wanted her sitting in a brooding mood all through their first dinner back after summer. He was right.

The elf had already taken the tea away and her cloak was waiting for her on the sofa, it seemed Filius had taken care of everything before talking to her. She smiled as his constancy.

"It's raining Miss Neva," Teensy said from behind her.

"That's alright Teensy, you know I enjoy the rain." She patted the elf on the head as she walked past her. "Perhaps you can get the fire going for when I get back." Teensy nodded eagerly but her worried eyes followed her mistress. "I'll be fine."

With that Minerva made her way to the courtyard and slowly walked down the stone steps towards the Black Lake. The air was cool, promising the winter bite that was looming in the months to follow. She pulled her cloak around her tightly and increased the speed of her walk, hoping to generate some amount of heat. As she got to the lake she watched the Giant Squid making ripples on the water and she scanned the bank for drift wood. Instead she found a large dead tree, it must have been there for a while for even the insects had abandoned it. She waved her wand over it and it lifted into the air. She moved it over the lake and it hovered above the ripples, teasing the monster that lay underneath it. Suddenly a huge tentacle rose out of the water and made to grab the tree but Minerva was too fast for him. She continued to play with the squid for some time, something she'd done since being a student at Hogwarts. Finally the squid took hold of the tree and dragged it down into the depths to its final resting place.

She continued her walk, making her way back towards the castle. She stopped to look out over the loch, it was peacefully quiet and she basked in its glory. She stepped towards the large boulders and rocks that lined the cliff and climbed onto them to get a better look. The wind and rain was gentle against her face and she closed her eyes for a second. The sound of a twig breaking under someone's foot made her turn around quickly and she lost her balance. Her eyes spun around to see how close the edge of the cliff was and her heart exploded in her chest as her heeled shoes slid on the slippery rocks. She heard someone run towards her and whoever it was grabbed her arm and pulled her towards their body. She clung to whoever it was and hid her face in their robes.

"You should be more careful Professor," Severus said and Minerva's eyes snapped up to look at him. "You shouldn't have been up on the rocks."

"Well, you shouldn't be sneaking up on people," she said, moving away.

"You could have fallen."

"If you hadn't startled me I wouldn't have lost my balance." She swept a few wet strands of hair from her face and noticed her bun had come loose in the struggle.

"That wasn't my fault," Severus said, his voice and eyes dark. Minerva sighed, knowing he was right.

"What are you doing out here?" She asked, finally.

"Same as you I'd imagine."

"But it's raining."

"I could say the same to you." His face was unreadable and it infuriated her.

"Yes and I'm heading back inside now." She lifted a foot to step away from him and realised she was still standing on the rocks. She stumbled and once again Severus caught her. She straightened herself up and tried to pull her arm from him but he kept tight hold of her. He pulled her down off the rocks and once her feet hit the solid ground he let go of her arm. "Thank you," she said, a little reluctantly. Severus nodded but remained silent.

Minerva walked briskly back to the castle and headed for the dungeon entrance instead of walking back up the stone steps. She berated herself for her foolish behaviour and cursed Severus for not only pulling her back from the edge but having to do so twice. Twice! How could she be so careless? She walked along the freezing cold corridor and when she glanced back she saw Severus had followed her.

"Professor?" She stopped when he called her and turned to look at him.

"What is it?" She snapped and Severus faltered slightly before speaking.

"You hate me." It was a statement and it unnerved her to see his eyes void of emotion. She studied him for a moment and let the words filter into her mind. Did she hate him? _Yes!_Her mind screamed for her to say yes but she found she couldn't. Had Filius's words got under her skin without her realising? _Don't be so quick to shut everyone out_ he'd said but she was reluctant to take his advice and she knew it had everything to do with the man standing in front of her. She took a deep breath and untangled her damp hair from around her neck.

"No." She said and Severus jerked oddly as if she'd slapped him.

"No?" He asked, eyeing her suspiciously as though he thought she was playing some sort of trick on him.

"No, I don't hate you." He gaped at her for a few seconds but Minerva continued before he could say anything. "Don't get me wrong, I dislike you... intensely. You are wicked and manipulative and untrustworthy." His black eyes bore into hers, drinking in every truthful word she spoke. "But I do trust Albus, and in this instance, I feel I must put my own prejudice aside and... believe in my friends' judgement." _Perhaps if you can learn to trust our new professor you might just find yourself regaining the ability to believe._Damn Filius and his capability to get to her!

"Thank you, Professor." Severus said, quietly. It seemed alien to her to see him so unguarded and... desolate. It was out of character and it threw her. An uneasy wave of guilt swept over her and although she had spoke the truth, part of her regretted being so cold. If this young man had indeed done as he claimed and returned to their side then she should be encouraging and hospitable. But that wasn't her and she knew deep down that she couldn't do it.

"Dinner will be served soon, I suggest you go back to your room and change before coming to the Great Hall." She turned, intending to do the same thing, leaving Severus alone in the cold corridor.

She walked quickly, not wanting to give Severus chance to catch up in case he questioned her again. In the safety of her chamber she quickly changed her robes and forced herself not to think about the man that was, unbeknownst to her, thinking about her too.

* * *

**Please remember to leave a review! xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! I was hoping to get this up over the weekend but I ended up having to work, some friends came to visit, then I made an unexpected trip to the ballet and all of a sudden my free weekend disappeared. Oh well! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, I'm not as happy with it as I have been with the others but hopefully you'll still like it. Let me know what you think :D**

**Oh and thank you to those of you that have reviewed, you've all been really supportive and generous with your words. So thanks again. **

**Happy reading!**

**- Lillibet x**

**And one last thing '_Colquhorn_' is pronounced '_cohoon_'... it'll make sense when you get to it, hahah. **

* * *

Chapter 3

It was 7.05 and Severus was still wandering the halls. He growled his frustration and turned back the way he had come. He'd been wandering the corridors from some time now and although he'd managed to make his way out of the dungeons, actually getting to the Great Hall was slightly more difficult. Not for the first time that night his thoughts turned back to his former Transfigurations professor. She'd told him the castle hadn't changed much since he'd left. She lied. He twisted and turned through the halls, not recognising anything. He knew Professor McGonagall had been angry that he was here but he didn't think she would do this to him. She would have made a perfect Slytherin. The thought made him smirk and he found himself almost pleased to discover that the other teacher had a mean streak to her. It was somewhat reassuring, although he could safely bet that he couldn't compare his traits to hers.

"You're lost my boy," a voice came from the portrait to his left and Severus turned to see an old man following him through the neighbouring paintings.

"I'm not lost."

"Maybe I can be of service." Severus stopped and looked at the man who was now standing in a painting with fire breathing dragons.

"Perhaps you should do yourself a service and watch what you walk into." Severus smirked as the old man scurried out of the painting, his wand doing nothing to ward off the dragons. Severus found him a few paintings down, bent double and breathing heavily.

"You should have warned me!" He shouted between breaths.

"You said you could help me?" Severus had no time for this, he was already 10 minutes late and he hated being late. The painted man straightened his robes and looked Severus up and down.

"Well I'm not bloody helping you now, not after -" Severus shrugged and started to walk away. The man followed him, running as quickly as his long robes would allow him. "Wait!"

"Yes?" Severus turned to look at him.

"I'll take you to the Great Hall if you wish it." The old wizard said reluctantly. Severus eyed him suspiciously; nobody helped anyone else without expecting something in return.

"And what do you want?" He asked. The man scoffed and looked indignant.

"I'm not offering my services out of some kind of -" Severus began to walk away again and the man stopped talking. After taking a deep defeated breath he called out again. "Fine!" Severus smirked, he knew he'd been right. "Every new teacher must replace the portrait hanging over the door to their private quarters." Severus frowned.

"I don't have a portrait hanging over my door." This was a waste of time and the longer the old man kept him here, the later he was going to be.

"And they said you were smart," the old man scoffed and Severus scowled at him, an insult on the tip of his tongue but before he could spit it out, the man continued. "The portrait that once lived there was taken down when his master left and it's become tradition here to take it with you when you leave. We portraits can find out a lot of information about the home they protect... and the people inside it." The man winked at Severus and he suddenly felt uneasy at the thought that the painted dead could retrieve such information. He shook his head, not wanting to hear anymore from the man as he already knew where it was leading to.

"I do not require a portrait; I have exemplary protective enchantments on my rooms. Enchantments much more adequate than an oil painting." The old man lifted his nose and stormed away, taking offence at his words.

"Good luck finding the Great Hall," he shot over his shoulder and Severus growled. He didn't need anyone to show him the way. How difficult could it be?

-x-

Severus checked his time piece, it was 7.35 and he was still wandering the halls. At one point he almost admitted defeat and returned to his rooms to floo someone, the only thing that prevented him was his inability to locate said rooms. Part of him was glad.

"Bloody castle!" He shouted through clenched teeth and he punched the air.

"Are you sure you don't require a portrait?" Severus paused and took a deep breath before turning to locate the old wizard. The man was reclining on a sofa, a dozen naked women fawning over him, caressing his hair and feeding him. The man winked again at Severus and he frowned.

"If..." he paused, disappointed in himself for giving in. The man jumped up and ran to press his face against the front of the frame, scattering the women in his haste. "If I allow you to protect my quarters, you'll show me the way to the Great Hall?"

"You allow me to guard your secrets and I'll do anything you ask. It is the portraits honour code." Severus hesitated.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Sir John Colquhorn. You may call me Sir John," he made a funny little bow and Severus nodded. This may have been a mistake of colossal proportions but he'd deal with that later.

"Fine, Sir John, I'll have an elf move you tomorrow morning." He didn't dare look at his time piece to see how long this had taken; he just wanted to get going.

"Excellent, follow me!" Sir John moved with amazing speed through the frames and Severus had a difficult time keeping up with him. "Come on!" Sir John called from the top of some very steep stairs. Severus was climbing as fast as he could.

"If you don't stop calling me like that I'll rip your frame down and have you-" he crashed into someone at the top of the stairs and it took a few minutes for him to focus his oxygen deprived brain on the person in front of him.

"You're late," was her smooth, irritated reaction and he was immediately transported back to her classroom.

"I was on my way," he said, pulling himself up and trying to get his breath under control. He watched her take in his appearance and knew she had guessed what had really happened.

"Who were talking to?" She asked, looking at him curiously. Severus glanced at the portraits but found no sign of Sir John.

"No one," he lied. Severus caught her roll her eyes as she turned and walked back down the corridor.

"You should have called if you were lost." Severus jogged to fall in step with her.

"I wasn't lost," he snapped, trying to secretly remember where they were walking for future reference.

"I'll get you a map," she said with an amused tilt of the head. Severus frowned. He was becoming increasingly irritated with this woman and it was her fault he was in this situation in the first place.

"I don't need a map," he said through gritted teeth, which seemed to amuse her more and make him even angrier.

Minerva pushed the door open and entered; Severus remained in the doorway to take it all in. It was exactly the same and yet, something felt different. He wasn't sure what. The tables had been moved to the side, leaving one table for them sit around just like it was at Christmas. The familiar gold plates and goblets were set out in front of each person. There was music playing from the old gramophone placed on a stand behind the table. His former teachers were talking loudly, completely relaxed in their environment and enjoying every minute of it. It felt strange to see them like this. As an adult he knew better than to think his professors had no life out of school hours but watching professor Sprout pinch professor Flitwick's cheek playfully was almost too much for him to process.

Professor McGonagall cleared her throat and everyone turned her way, the joy and laughter dying in their eyes when they noticed him standing next to her. He scowled, unable to stop the practised action and professor McGonagall moved to her seat.

"Come Severus, sit with us." Professor Flitwick stood up and offered his seat to him. Severus took it reluctantly and felt the people on either side of him shrink away. Something tightened in his chest, making him feel like he'd swallowed a large ball and his scowl deepened.

"Where is the Headmaster?" He asked, noticing the older man's absence.

"Something came up," Professor Sprout said in that same cold, dismissive tone she'd used earlier when he asked about professor McGonagall's whereabouts. Professor Flitwick bristled and managed to wedge a chair between Severus and the Head of Hufflepuff.

"He can't be here for dinner but he promised to join us for drinks in Minerva's room." The man smiled as he filled their glasses with wine. Severus frowned. Drinks in Minerva's room? Professor Flitwick must have noticed his confusion and Severus saw him turn angry eyes towards the deputy but she turned away from him. "You are invited of course," Flitwick said, patting Severus on the back.

"Thank you professor but it's..." Professor Flitwick shook his head and smiled.

"We won't take no for an answer," he chuckled and passed a bowl of potatoes over to him. "And please call me Filius." Severus glanced around the table and he knew none of them but the Charms Professor wanted him there. They hated him. It was nothing new, it was something he'd gotten used to but he'd never had to share drinks or cohabit with those people. It was going to be a long night, he thought.

Once everyone had begun to eat Severus glanced over at Professor McGonagall and watched her talking animatedly with Professor Vector. She glanced up suddenly and she caught him staring at her. She frowned slightly but instead of averting his eyes he held her gaze. She let her eyes drop to her plate and Severus watched her move the food around with her fork.

"Tell us Professor Snape," she said all of a sudden and quite loudly. The staff went immediately silent, their eyes focusing on the deputy. "How did you come to be here?" He hesitated for a split second, trying to decide his words carefully while fully aware that everyone was now staring at him.

"I wanted to teach," he said finally.

"But you never showed an interest for teaching as a student. As I recall you showed only a passion for the dark arts." There was a hushed murmur around the table but he sensed Filius's disapproval like heat coming from his body. Professor McGonagall waited patiently for his response, never once taking her eyes from him.

"You are correct Professor," he nodded in her direction. "But I realised that my decisions were poor when I graduated and I would hope that by teaching, I can help other wandering individuals avoid making the same mistake." Some of the staff smiled slightly at his words, fooled into believing him just like the Headmaster had predicted.

"I'll drink to that," Filius's said, taking a long swig of his wine and Severus noticed some of the teachers follow suit. Unsurprisingly, Professor McGonagall didn't.

"A well rehearsed speech, how long did it take Albus to come up with it?"

"That's enough Minerva," Filius admonished and to Severus's surprise she smirked. He watched her shake her head, push her food away and stand up.

"Excuse me," she said and headed for the door.

"But you've barely touched your food," Madame Pomfrey called after her.

"I'm no longer hungry," she shouted over her shoulder as she left. Severus watched her go and felt the ball in his chest drop into his stomach.

"You'll have to pardon Minerva; this time of year is very stressful for her." Filius said with an ease that made it sound as though he was used to apologising for her. Filius smiled reassuringly at him but Severus couldn't find him it in him to return it. The smaller man didn't seem to mind.

The rest of dinner passed uneventfully and Severus was pleased that no one other than Filius tried to engage him in conversation. He didn't know what it was about the older man but something about him made Severus want to talk. A very dangerous trait should he ask about his deal with Dumbledore. Thankfully he hadn't. Once the last piece of treacle pudding was eaten the staff made their way to Professor McGonagall's quarters. Severus lingered at the back, knowing nobody would notice of he slipped back to his own rooms but he hadn't counted on Filius's ever watchful eyes. As Severus turned to walk in the opposite direction a voice held him in his tracks.

"You're coming with us boy," Filius said with a friendly smile that signalled he'd already had a little too much to drink. But as Severus looked down at the other man, he knew he couldn't say no. He took a deep breath before joining Filius to make the rest of the journey to Professor McGonagall's chambers.

When they arrived the portrait to Professor McGonagall's room was empty and Filius stepped up to knock on the door. Suddenly a large magnificent male lion walked into the frame and stretched as though he'd been woken up. His yellow eyes observed the group and he let out a powerful roar before opening the door to allow them entry. It was an amazing display, one that left you with no doubt as to what kind of person lived behind the door. Only a Gryffindor, Severus thought with an amused shake of the head.

Severus followed Filius into the pleasantly decorated room. He looked around at the red oak furniture, it's creams and dark reds making the room warm and welcoming. He wasn't sure what he'd expected to see but this wasn't it. Filius appeared next to him with a glass of whiskey and smiled.

"It'll help with the nerves," he said quietly before joining everyone else already comfortable on the sofas. He watched his former teachers and took a sip of his whiskey, enjoying the warmth that spread through his chest.

He didn't fit in here. It was clear in the way everyone looked at him, even those that had joined Filius's toast at dinner. He'd become accustomed to not fitting in but he thought he'd left the strong desire be part of a group behind when he'd left school. Apparently not. He could feel the familiar pang of jealousy as he watched his teachers together and a horrifying longing to be back with the Death Eaters seeped into his gut.

"You're not doing yourself any favours." Severus turned to see Professor McGonagall standing beside him, jolting him out of his thoughts. He did a double take when he registered her appearance. Her hair was loose, curling in waves down to her lower back. She no longer wore her glasses and Severus found himself looking into the dark grey-blue eyes he remembered from his youth.

"Is that what you were doing at dinner? Helping me make friends?" He asked sarcastically.

"I'm not here to help you," she said with a smirk and drained the last of her wine from the glass in her hand. Severus was confused. _Was she playing with him?_

"If your colleagues don't like me then that's their problem. I'll keep to my own as long as they do the same." It was just as cold as he'd meant it and Professor McGonagall nodded, unfazed by his rudeness. She reached for the wine bottle that floated past on a tray and refilled her glass. As she placed it back on the tray the sleeve of her robe lifted and Severus caught a glimpse of a long thin scar running up her forearm. It was old and he couldn't help staring at it.

"Surely you've seen scars before," she snapped. Severus looked away quickly.

"I just..." he paused, having no idea what to say. She shrugged and pulled her sleeve down her arm.

"We all have secrets." She glanced over at her colleagues and turned back him. "You have to work at it."

"Work at what?" He asked, unable to take his eyes off her. She gave a dry laugh and shook her head, reminding him of time when he'd asked an innate question in his fifth year. She walked around him in the direction of the other teachers but stopped behind him and leaned into his ear.

"My colleagues..." she said, repeating his earlier words, "are your colleagues too." And with that she left him to join the others. Severus watched her; _you have to work at it_. He observed the other teachers and sighed. He understood but no matter how much he longed to, he just couldn't bring himself to try.

* * *

**Let me know if you liked it :D x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Good evening my wonderful readers! **

**Once again thank you so much for your reviews, I honestly can't tell you how much it means to me. All your support is making my first story an absolute pleasure to write. I hope you enjoy this one, I know things might be confusing but things will become clear I promise. Also, I know it might be going a bit slow, four chapters and its covered two days but I just wanted to set everything up before I move into deeper waters. The next chapter will jump forward a couple of weeks.**

**I'm not sure when my next update will be, I have a job interview on Monday and Tuesday so I need to do a lot prep work over the weekend. But once they're over, you'll have your update! Wish me luck! Hahah.**

**Happy reading and please leave me some love at the end :D**

**- Lillibet x**

**A/N: **_**Dolor Altor **_**– is the title given to paintings that guard an entry way. It means painted protector.**

* * *

Chapter 4

Minerva woke and blinked her eyes blearily in the faint morning light coming in through her window. She lifted her arms above her head and stretched, pointing her toes and enjoying the release in her muscles. She heard a noise coming from somewhere in the direction of her living room and she propped herself up to look through the open doors. Teensy appeared, a tray of dirty glasses piled high on her head while she cleaned. Minerva smiled.

"You don't need to do that," she said gently to avoid startling the elf.

"Teensy wanted everything to be nice for Miss Neva when she woke." Minerva chuckled and started to get out of bed.

"That's very kind of you Teensy, but you didn't need to."The elf gave a toothy grin and resumed her cleaning. Minerva sat up and reached for her dressing gown, the thin strapped night gown letting the chilled air cling to her skin. She wrapped the dressing gown tightly around her and got out of bed.

"Headmaster left Miss Neva a note," Teensy bounded over and handed her the note. "I is getting your tea now." She disappeared before Minerva could respond. She turned the note over in her fingers with a frown. Albus hadn't shown up at all last night and thinking about it, she wasn't sure if he'd returned to the castle after his late night visit to the Ministry. She stepped into her living room and found the letter opener that had been her father's on her desk.

_Minerva,_

_I ran into an old friend at the Ministry, would you take care of my usual morning duties? _

_I may be in the mood for pineapple jam when I get back, make sure the elf's leave some out._

_And one last thing, could you give our newest resident a hand with his lesson plans? I'll have him meet you at 10am._

_Yours, _

_Albus._

Minerva clenched the note in her hand and shook her head. That man was infuriating! Of course, the 'old friend' meant he was attending to Order business. She was only too happy to see to anything that needed to be done but did she really have to see to Mr Snape too? At that moment Teensy returned with a tray of peppermint tea and set it down next to the fire place.

"Would Miss Neva like the fire lit?" Teensy asked, pouring tea into a cup as Minerva took a seat.

"No thank you, Teens. I'd like some time to myself, if that's ok?" Teensy nodded, with that uneasy look on her face and Minerva found it amusing that even after all these years, the elf still wasn't used to being treated like an equal.

"Of Course mistress, Teensy has plenty to do." And after collecting the last of the dirty pots she disappeared.

Minerva nursed the steaming cup between her hands, the peppermint smell taking her back to her childhood in Lailoken. She closed her eyes, hearing her father's voice and took a few minutes to remember him. She sipped her tea and enjoyed the feeling of it trickling down her throat after last night's round of drinks. She opened her eyes and chuckled, remembering how much fun she'd had with the others but wishing she hadn't let it go on so late. It had been after 4am by the time everyone started to leave and as she brought her cup back to her mouth she paused, remembering the way he'd looked at her. Severus had been the last to leave and she recalled wondering why he'd stayed so long. He definitely hadn't enjoyed the night, refusing to join in their conversations or play their silly games, no matter how hard Filius tried to coax him into it.

"There's someone wanting to come in," a deep, gruff voice said behind her, breaking her thoughts. She turned to the double sided portrait on her door to see Leander, staring at her. He was tall, blonde and god like. The kind of man that Minerva knew had been worshipped when he was alive. His usual form took that of a lion and she'd picked him for that. He had turned out to be compassionate, humble and very loyal, but something inside her told her when he'd been alive, he probably hadn't been any of those things.

"Who is it?" She asked, sipping her tea.

"I don't know," Leander replied, his deep growl vibrating through her body. She turned to him with a frown.

"You don't know?"

"Wouldn't tell me his name," Leander leaned against the edge of his frame, his shirt opening to show his impressive muscles. He brushed a lock of golden hair out of his eyes. "He's bad-mannered and callous, said you were expecting him. Something I should know?" He asked, that jealous glint in his eyes that Minerva had come to expect. She sighed.

"It has nothing to do with what's going on in that mind of yours. I suggest you let him in." Leander observed her for a few seconds. "Now, Leander!" The man scowled and shifted into his lion form before walking towards the back of his portrait.

Minerva quickly vanished the last of the mess from the night before and reheated the tea. She secured her dressing gown and watched the door slowly open to reveal the young teacher. Professor Snape stepped in cautiously, giving the door an evil look as he passed through it and it shut quickly, scrapping the back of his heels.

"Your portrait is difficult." He stated, standing by the door and not showing any sign of moving further into the room. Leander reappeared in his animal body and growled.

"I'm only as difficult as –"

"That's enough Leander," Minerva gave him a stern look and the lion twitched his tail angrily before stalking away.

"Are all portraits like that?" He asked.

"Over time they become protective of their charges, have you been approached by a portrait?" She indicated to the tea pot and he nodded.

"Yes. An old wizard, said his name was John Cul...Cog... something beginning with a C." He shrugged his shoulders and Minerva felt her fists tighten as she poured the tea.

"John Colquhorn?" She asked, so desperately wanting him to say no.

"Yes," he frowned. "You've heard of him?"

"Oh yes, I've heard of him." She sighed, unsure why she felt uneasy about it. "Don't believe a word he tells you." She noticed Severus smirk but she ignored him.

"You know him well?" He asked, his voice annoyingly smooth. He'd made his way over to her and she pushed the teacup into his hands.

"If you must know," she let out a deep breath; he was going to find out anyway. The old coot couldn't keep his mouth shut. "I am a descendant, my family lives on the land he once owned." She glanced up to see him observing her curiously.

"'_Sir'_ John, that's what he prefers to be called." Minerva bristled as he connected the dots in his head. "What does that make you?"

"You're early." She stated, ignoring his questioning stare.

"The headmaster told me to be here for 10am." He sat down in the chair Minerva had been in earlier and sipped his tea. Minerva glanced at the clock on top of the fire place, it was just after 10. Had she really slept so late? Trying to avoid admitting that she'd lost track of time she decided not to comment.

"Then I should change, I trust I can leave you out here on your own?" She made her way towards her bedroom.

"I'm no longer your student, Professor," he said, staring into the fire.

"I bed your pardon?" She noticed his icy tone.

"Do not treat me like I'm still your student!" He turned to look her, his steely eyes cutting into her.

"Then why do you still call professor?" She asked angrily but not really sure why she'd issued the question.

"I refer to you as _Professor_ out of respect." That surprised her and it took her a minute to recover. "And you haven't given me permission to address you by your first name." She knew she should give it to him but she couldn't bring herself to say the words. The thought of hearing him say her given name made her shudder and she turned away from him.

"Keep an eye on him Leander," she said, knowing the man in the portrait would be listening and entered her bedroom.

She closed the door behind her and sighed. This was impossible. How was she supposed to live and work with this man when she couldn't even bare him to use her name? She allowed her head to flop back against the door and closed her eyes. _You have to work at it_, her own words came back to haunt her and she growled in the back of her throat. There was nothing for her to work at, she had her colleagues, she was at home in the castle and she was... happy. She opened her eyes and sighed. Was she happy?

"Stop it Neva!" She said out loud and pushed herself away from the door. She quickly changed into a long sleeved dress and chose to forgo her robes, knowing she wouldn't need them in her own rooms. She pulled her hair up into a clip, slightly less formal than her usual bun and started to head back out to see to the difficult boy sitting in her living room. _Man_, her mind reminded her and she froze with her hand on the door handle. He had been just a boy when he'd left this castle, when he'd joined their side but he returned to the castle a man. She thought back to her conversation with Filius the previous day and understood how right he'd been. He was here, that's got to count for something.

"He's gone," Leander said, walking into a still life painting above her dressing table.

"Gone where?" She asked the man.

"I don't care, he's gone." Leander gave her a reproachful look and disappeared from the frame.

"Leander!" She flung the door open and dashed after him as he made his way through the paintings. "What did you do?" She vanished his frame, trapping him in the neighbouring portrait.

"_I_ didn't do anything," he said, with a snap.

"And what do you mean by that?" She asked, angrily.

"It means, dear Neva that he left because of you. You weren't exactly... friendly." Friendly! How dare he? And how dare Severus just leave her rooms like that? She replaced Leander's portrait and stormed towards her door. "Where are you going?" He asked, running after her towards the door.

"Where do you think?"

"I don't think that would be wise, my Lady." Leander stood in his portrait before her, his irritating handsome smile brightening his eyes.

"When I want your opinion I'll ask for it." She swung the door open and she glanced back to see he had turned back into the lion. "And seeing as though I haven't, I suggest you keep your mouth shut!" As she walked away she heard the big cat grumble his displeasure and she suddenly felt guilty. She shouldn't be taking out her anger on him and come to think of it, why was she so angry? She stopped walking and clenched her fists. She knew she was in the wrong, she had been rude and unpleasant the entire time he had been here. She turned towards her room and slowly walked back. She chewed on her thumb nail, deep in thought.

"I'd thought your mother beat that bad habit out of you." Minerva glanced up to see Sir John Colquhorn standing in the portrait with Leander. She dropped her hand away from her mouth and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What do you want?" It came out a lot harsher then she intended but at that moment she didn't really care.

"I came to see what you'd done to upset the boy so much." There was a look that passed between the two painted men that told Minerva they'd already been discussing recent events.

"I doubt my actions will have disturbed Professor Snape, you're just here to get in on the gossip," she pushed her way back into her room and shut the door, she'd had enough of Sir John for the time being.

"The advantage of being a Dolor Altor is that I can now freely roam the entire castle." Sir John was in the portrait above the fire places and she shook her head.

"Yes, how wonderful for me." She gave him a rueful stare and he smiled brightly from behind his dark full beard. She made her way over to the chairs in front of her fire and flopped down in one. "What did he say to you?" She asked, unsure if she wanted the answer or not.

"He didn't say anything, merely mumbled something about 'insufferable, elite women' and I could only assume he was talking about you." Sir John sat down on a log in the painting and she could feel him watching her.

"That's not who I am," she said softly and when she looked up at her great grandfather he was smiling.

"You've shut yourself away for too long Neva, it's time to let go of the past. He's not to blame for what happened to you... or to Robert." She felt tears fill her eyes and run down her face.

"Every time I look at him, knowing what he has done to my friends," a sob racked her body and she felt like she couldn't breathe. "I don't want him here." The truth was coming out of her so quickly and so suddenly that it was difficult to understand.

"He may be responsible for someone's death, but he's not responsible for Robert's." Minerva looked up at Sir John, tears still streaming across her face.

"I miss you," she whispered and Sir John nodded.

"I'll be close by." He gave her a gentle, loving smile and Minerva felt her chest tighten. How much she longed to be held by him, to feel his scratchy beard on her cheek as he kissed her goodnight. He stood up and began to move through the portraits.

"How is he?" She asked, watching him go.

"He's lost," he said and with one last sad smile he left her quarters. Minerva stared into space, remembering how he'd once said the same thing to her and it dawned on her that she'd never really found her way back. Not completely.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and thought over their conversation. For the past two days she had been odious to the young man that had once excelled in her classes, a man that had once questioned her so brilliantly that she had had to look the answers up. Sir John was right, what happened to her wasn't his fault but she'd been blaming him this whole time anyway. She sniffled and wiped the last of her tears away before setting to work for the day. As she headed for the door she stopped at her bookshelf and pulled down an old, worn muggle book and opened it. Inside laid a still photo of a man and she felt hot tears sting her eyes as she followed his smiling gaze to small boy sat at his feet. She slammed the book closed and forced back her tears as she headed up to the Headmaster's office.

* * *

**Please let me know what you thought :D xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long delay, things have been really hectic and I was having trouble writing this chapter. So, in my opinion, I think it's another weak one but hopefully you'll still enjoy it. **

**Please remember to leave a review just to let me know what you think. I already have the first drafts done of the next two chapters so hopefully I'll be back to posting as quickly as I was, but that's not a promise so don't be angry if I'm not :D **

**Thanks to everyone that has already reviewed and to those that have put me watch lists and favourites. **

**Happy reading!**

**Lillibet xxx**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 05

Severus closed the door to the staff room behind him and sank into it. _It was finally Friday_! He'd just completed his first full week of teaching and although it had gone better than he had expected, he was glad to be done with it. He'd had a shaky start, especially with some of the older students who had come to expect special treatment from Professor Slughorn but once they had figured he wasn't to be messed with, the rest of the week sped past smoothly.

"How was it?" Filius asked from behind his newspaper.

"Gruelling." Severus walked to the chair near Filius, flopped down into it and propped his feet on the chair in front of him. "The seventh year students are nowhere near the standard they should be considering they have their NEWT's coming up."

"They've just come back from their summer holidays. It takes them awhile to get back into the swing of things but once they do, you'll find that they'll do just fine." Severus scoffed quietly at the older man's words but remained silent. He'd been at the school for nearly a week now and Filius was still the only one that engaged him in conversation. It suited him fine but for some reason he found himself half hoping Professor McGonagall would say something to him, she'd even stopped with the snide comments.

He could hear hundreds of footsteps outside the door as students finished their lessons and made their way back to their common rooms and he found himself looking towards the door to see if she would appear. He didn't have to wait long. She swept into the room with Professor Sprout and she was laughing about something, her eyes shining and cheeks flushed. She glanced over at him and something passed over her features as if she were about to say something but deciding against it, she followed Professor Sprout. He wasn't surprised; she'd been doing the same thing since his outburst that day in her rooms. He turned his head towards Filius and watched the words on the newspaper move around without reading them.

"How was your first week?" Severus turned around to see Professor McGonagall standing beside him with two cups of tea.

"I'm sorry?" He asked, unable to keep the surprise from his voice. She'd never done this before.

"Your first week," she handed him one of the cups. _She'd definitely never done this before_. "How was it?"

"Fine," he managed to squeeze out. She nodded and waited for him to continue but he was lost for words. When she looked like she was going to walk away he did something that even amazed himself. "Would you like to sit down?" He removed his feet from the chair and ran his hand over it to make sure there was nothing on it.

"Thank you," she said as she sat down. Severus saw her glance behind him and he guessed the rest of the staff were watching her every move. They were quiet for a few seconds and Severus watched her take a sip of her tea.

"My first week..." His words came out sharp and loud and the sound of it made him nervous. "It was..."

"First weeks always are," Professor McGonagall said with a knowing smile and Severus heard Filius mumble something in agreement from behind his paper. It was quiet again and Severus racked his brain for something to say, _why was he trying so hard_?

"Thank you for the tea," he added, feeling somewhat idiotic.

"Of course," she said, as if the act was a natural thing. Severus focused on the hot liquid in his cup. For anyone else, sharing a cup of tea was a normal everyday thing but for him... no one had ever willing brought him tea. He looked up at his former teacher; _what did it mean_?

Filius put down his paper and picked up his own cup. Severus could feel him observing them and he knew Filius was going to try to keep the conversation going, something he'd tried, unsuccessfully, with other teachers.

"Severus was just telling me that he thinks the seventh year students are behind," Filius said and Severus felt Professor McGonagall's eyes land on him.

"Is that so?" She asked and Severus nodded, his eyes lifting to meet hers. "They all performed very well in their final exams earlier this year, they wouldn't be in your class if they hadn't." She added and Severus noticed the way she had shifted in her seat to face him properly, giving him her full attention.

"I just don't believe they are ready." He said and although he tried to keep the tension from his voice it still sounded hard. Thankfully it didn't deter the other Professor.

"Of course they are not ready." She chuckled slightly which surprised him. "That's why they have you, to prepare them for what is to come." Severus observed her, thinking about what she'd just said. When he had been at Hogwarts, he had always made sure that he had a good understanding of what was to come in the following year. He always felt it gave him a solid ground to build his learning on.

"When I was a student..." He started but Professor McGonagall cut him off with a look of understanding.

"You were an exception. You'll discover that they come along every once in awhile." She gave him a kind smile that he didn't feel he deserved and placed her empty cup on the table on the table. "If you will excuse me, I have a meeting with Albus."

Severus wasn't sure what to say as she got up but his eyes followed her until she disappeared from the room. He glanced back at Filius to find the older man smiling slightly and wondered what could have brought it on. Before he could question it any further a few of the other teachers followed Minerva's suit and sat down next to him. Overwhelmed by their sudden interest he abruptly excused himself, knowing full well that by doing so he was taking away his chance to be finally included in the staff's friendly circle. He found himself regretting it as soon as he closed the staff room door behind himself.

-x-

Severus had woken up on Saturday morning with a headache and he knew straight away that it was due to lack of sleep. He'd tossed and turned all night, worrying about the Dark Lord's plans for Lily and knowing that his stay in the castle was keeping him out of touch with what was going on within the Death Eater's circle. He got up and padded across the cold floor into his living area to check for post. There was a letter from Lucius Malfoy but it contained nothing of importance and no sign of a summons. Severus let it fall into the empty fire place and set fire to it. He knew the Headmaster was becoming restless and frustrated at the lack of information he had been able to obtain but sometimes he felt Albus had misjudged his level of importance within the trusted circle that reported directly to the Dark Lord. He was a grunt, a no one, someone who cleaned up after the others. The only thing that set him aside was his connection to the Black's and the Lestrange's, and he knew the only reason the Dark Lord hadn't cast him aside was because he had been vouched for by Lucius. He knew that the time would come when he would have to try to attain some sort of information, anything to do with the Dark Lord's future plans and he realised how dangerous his task would be.

Severus walked back to his bedroom, feeling slightly sick at the thought of what he must one day do. He quickly changed, deciding on taking a walk to clear his head. He glanced outside to see the grey clouds darkening and he pulled a thick robe from his closet. He made his way of out of his room and up the winding staircase and as he approached the heavy oak doors he heard heels clicking on the stone floor behind him.

"Good morning Professor Snape," Professor McGonagall said as she made her way down the wide staircase behind him.

"Good morning." He mumbled.

"Would you care to join me for a walk into Hogsmeade?" She asked and although Severus knew he should accept her offer, part of him couldn't.

"It's raining," he said and he knew from the way her eyes travelled over his thick robes that she knew he was planning on taking a walk.

"Barely," she said, ignoring the fact that he'd tried to brush her off. "I'm meeting my sister and her son, I'm sure they'd like to meet you."

"I'm sure you are mistaken Professor." His voice was clipped, the kind of tone he used when trying to make sure people left him alone.

"Come, one drink and then if you wish to leave, you can." Severus shook his head, she just wouldn't give up.

"I..." he sighed and looked into her eyes. "I have things to do here." He said finally, unable to accept her offer when his frame of mind was so dark.

"Then perhaps you can meet us there?" She said, looking at him with encouraging eyes. "We'll be in The Three Broomsticks."

"Perhaps," he said, quietly. Professor McGonagall nodded and as she stepped towards the door he pushed it and held it open for her. She brushed past him, wrapping her long black shawl around her head and shoulders and Severus froze when he felt her hand land gently on his shoulder. He looked into her eyes that shone brightly from under the shadows of her cloak and he felt something in him relax. He watched her run gracefully across the courtyard then closed the door once she had disappeared from sight.

He wasn't sure what had passed between them but something had. He began to walk aimlessly along the corridor. He couldn't allow himself to be distracted, he had to find a way into the Dark Lord's inner circle but no matter how hard he tried, his mind was already in Hogsmeade. He shook himself, _what was happening to him_? More importantly, what should he do about it? For some reason Professor McGonagall was reaching out to him and although every fibre of his body was telling him to pull away, there was one small neglected part of him that longed for her company.

Just one drink... he took a deep sigh and ran his hand through his hair. Somehow she'd gotten to him. He growled deep in his chest and turned on his heel to make his way back to the main doors. He pulled it open forcefully and began to march towards Hogsmeade.

As he pushed the door open to The Three Broomsticks he was immediately greeted by loud cheerful voices and he had the sudden urge to leave. He tried to back-pedal out of the family pub but a large group pushed their way in, dragging Severus with them. He managed to free himself from the group and bumped into a nearby table. He mumbled a quick apology and headed for the door when he suddenly spotted her in the corner of the room. She was sitting with her sister, who shared similar features with the professor but had short light brown hair. Severus had already made up his mind to leave the bar when she suddenly looked up. Their eyes met for a second and she smiled brightly as he slowly made his way over to her.

"Professor Snape, I didn't think..." She was obviously surprised at his appearance and a fleeting shot of panic swept through his body.

"If you wish to withdraw your invitation..." He watched her shake her head quickly.

"No, not at all! I'm glad you decided to join us. Would you like a drink? Logan has just gone to get us some tea..."

"That's alright, I can buy my own." He almost ran to the bar. He couldn't understand the change in the deputy's behaviour, _why was she suddenly being so nice to him_? But was this not what he wanted? When he came back to Hogwarts he was looking forward to speaking to his former professor but she had been anything but the fair and admired teacher he had once known. But now she was more than that and in addition, she was welcoming him into her life. He ordered a strong cup of coffee and made his way back to the table where he noticed a man with dark wavy hair sitting with Professor McGonagall.

"Professor Snape, I'm Lydia." The sister reached a hand out to Severus when he joined them and he shook it. "This is my son, Logan." He shook hands with the other man and Severus thought he couldn't have been much older than himself. He was long and thin but he had what his mother would have called 'broad worker shoulders'. His face shared the same square jaw and eyes as his aunt but his overall face resembled his mother.

"Good to meet you Professor Snape," Logan said as they shook hands.

"Severus, my name is Severus. Taking into account that we are sharing a drink I think it appropriate to use my first name." As he said it he noticed Professor McGonagall look at him at little surprised. He wasn't even sure why he'd said it.

They lapsed into an easy conversation and Severus was glad that he wasn't expected to join in too often. He found Logan easy to talk to and they were soon discussing the other man's Auror training.

"He's doing wonderfully," Lydia said proudly, brushing her hand through her son's dark locks. He brushed her hand away playfully.

"With the amount of time he's wasting visiting friends, he'll be lucky to pass his exams this year." Severus turned to see Professor McGonagall fixing her nephew with a firm look.

"Oh sister, you're too tough on the boy." Lydia said, filling her son's cup with fresh tea.

"And you're not tough enough, dear sister." Professor McGonagall said with a forced sweet smile.

"My aunt believes in all work and no play," Logan said with a chuckle.

"There's always time to 'play' later," she responded to her nephew, "but you only have one chance to pass these exams. Studying hard for four years during your training will allow you to live your life as you wish."

"Your aunt is right," Severus heard himself say. "I believe that kind of thinking will make a successful individual and your aunt is living proof of that. Perhaps you should take on her advice; I know I wish I'd had someone giving me that kind of counsel." Severus could feel everyone watching him closely so he peered down into his empty cup. After a few seconds Lydia spoke to her son and the conversation started again. When Severus finally lifted his head he caught the deputy looking at him with an expression that he couldn't quite place.

-x-

An hour later they left the pub and after a long goodbye Severus finally began the walk back to school with Professor McGonagall.

"Did you enjoy yourself?" She asked and although he had, he didn't feel he could admit it to her.

"It was better than the marking I had planned for this morning." He glanced to his side to see her shake her head but she wore a slight smile. Something deep within him jumped at the thought he'd put that smile there.

They carried on walking in companionable silence and Severus found it odd that he felt so at ease with her. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and noticed she was frowning. He wanted to say something to her but he could think of nothing. Suddenly she stopped and he turned to look at her.

"Did you really mean what you said back there?" She asked, eyeing him carefully as if waiting to catch the lie in him. He wasn't sure what she was referring to. "That you think I'm successful?" She asked, jogging his memory.

"I don't just _think_ it, it's factual." He kept his voice neutral, like he didn't really care about what he was saying. "You are a powerful, successful witch that is held in high regard." He watched the frown deepen on her face.

"I've never felt..." she whispered, almost to herself.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." She shook her head and began to walk past him.

"Professor..." He grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. As he did, her arm twisted slightly and the sleeve on her dress fell away to reveal the scar there. She hadn't noticed.

"We should head back -" She started quietly.

"How did you get that scar?" He cut her off forcefully and her eyes snapped down at her arm.

"What does it matter?" She jerked her arm away from him and he let her go.

"Do you have others?" he asked, feeling foolishly brave.

"This is personal, I do not..." Severus could see she was becoming uncomfortable but he kept questioning her.

"Does the rest of the staff know about it?"

"No they don't and that's how it will stay." She gave him a distrustful stare and started to walk away from him. He knew he'd ruined it, messed up his chance at getting to know her a little better. There was one last question burning on the tip of his tongue... _how much more damage could he do_?

"Did you do it to yourself?" He called after her and she spun around to face him, eyes blazing with fury as she marched back to him.

"I'm no coward Professor Snape! I may be plenty of things but I would never take the easy way out of any predicament, no matter how desperate I felt." Severus could see her rebuilding the walls around her that she had let down for him and he felt almost sorry for it.

"Who did it to you?" He asked, unable to stop his curiosity. The deputy gave a dry laugh and shook her head.

"We are not friends professor Snape, not by a long shot." Her words were cruel and he ignored the clenching in his stomach. "You are not privy to this information and nor should you expect an answer to your presumptuous questions." She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and began walking towards the school. Severus stayed still, watching her walk away.

He knew he'd made a mistake, a mistake that hadn't even been worth making. It had got him nothing. He'd just chased away the only person who had reached out to him after Filius and he regretted it. He seemed to be regretting a lot lately. He looked down at the floor and kicked some of the stones before taking a deep breath and heading back towards the castle himself.

* * *

**Thanks again guys! Please leave a review! :D xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Sorry it's taken me so long to post this but I've been super busy. Well not really that busy but my mommy came to visit! So spending time with her trumped all else... sorry hahah. And also, my theatre had an opening night and we have a huge gala coming up on Monday, so I actually have been busy. Anyway, that's part of the reason this chapter is a little shorter. **

**I know that in these last two chapters MM is taking a more friendly approach towards SS and I know that you all want their relationship to go slowly... this is just to say; don't worry it will. For what I want to do with this story it's going to be quite a hefty fic so sometimes I will have to jump a week or two... maybe even a few years. But I hope that what I'm writing is making sense of what happened during any passage of time. If it isn't or you start to get lost then please let me know. **

**Thanks to those that have reviewed! I normally like to reply to everyone's comments but I just haven't had time but thank you all the same. They mean a lot!**

**Anyway, enough of the rambling! Hope you enjoy reading it! And please remember to leave a review :D**

** - Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 06

She'd finally made progress with him, it had taken her a week to work up the courage to approach him and here she was, storming away from him. The boy had responded well, he'd come down to the Three Broomsticks and in one well worded sentence she'd ruined it all, sending them straight back to square one. She glanced behind her and she could see Severus in the distance, his long robes billowing in the unusually strong summer wind.

She felt bad. He'd only been curious but it was still a hurtful topic, even after all these years. She guessed that seeing Logan had brought feelings she thought she'd managed to suppress. Upon reflection, she'd taken out her angst on the new Professor. She slowed her steps and glanced back again. Severus had his head down and Minerva stopped to allow him to catch up.

"Professor Snape..." His head snapped up and she realised he had been so deep in thought that she'd startled him. "I'm sorry," she said, not only apologising for surprising him but also her outburst earlier. He nodded and began to walk past her. She followed him.

"Professor Snape..." he whipped around to face her so fast that she nearly walked into him.

"I asked you to call me Severus." He was standing so close to her that she could feel his breath on her cheeks when he spoke. Minerva licked her lips nervously and noticed his eyes shift to them. She waited for him to step away but when he didn't move she took a step back and swiped an imaginary piece of hair behind her ear.

"Alright Severus." She took a deep breath, unnerved by his closeness. "Let me explain..."

"You have nothing to explain. You were right. We are not friends." She understood the look in his eye was a challenge for her to deny his statement.

"No we're not," she heard herself say and Severus let out a snort as he turned back towards the castle. "But I would like to be." He froze and spoke with his back to her.

"Why?"

"Because I think we could both use a friend, don't you?" She waited patiently while he slowly turned around and she felt uncomfortable under his intense gaze.

"Will you tell me what happened to you?" He asked. It almost sounded like a test.

"No." His eyes bore into hers as if hoping she'd buckle under his gaze but she held strong. Realising that she wasn't going to get a response she took his continued presence to mean that he wasn't completely in opposition to being... friends. She walked past him and felt him turn to walk with her towards the castle. They remained silent until Severus closed the door behind them.

"Are you heading to the Great Hall?" Minerva asked, removing her shawl.

"I was going to take dinner in my own room." Severus said, his eyes watching her every movement.

"Perhaps tomorrow," she said, giving a slight smile.

"Perhaps."

She watched him walk away and a few first year Hufflepuff students scurried out of his way. Minerva shook her head and walked across the corridor towards the Great Hall. As she made her way to the staff table Albus looked up at her with a smile.

"You're late for lunch," he said, pulling out her chair for her sit down.

"Yes, a slight delay in my schedule." She could feel his eyes on her as she took off her outdoor robe and helped herself to a bowl of soup.

"You saw Lydia today," he stated and Minerva looked up at him surprised.

"How did you..?"

"I spoke to Rosmerta," he smiled and Minerva chuckled.

"Did she also tell you..?"

"That Logan was there?" Albus cut her off again and Minerva shook her head disbelievingly. "Yes. Said he's looking more and more like his aunt as he's getting older." He turned to look at her properly but she couldn't look at him.

"Yes, I thought so too." She whispered quietly, desperately wanting her mentor to stop talking.

"Has a lot of his father in him." At that Minerva's eyes snapped to his and she suddenly lost her appetite.

"Yes." She wasn't sure why he was bringing this up but she wished that he would leave it alone. Of course he understood her needs without her having to speak them aloud and after a gentle pat on her hand, he changed the subject.

"I heard Severus was at the pub too. Did you speak to him?" Minerva smiled. She knew this was his way of letting her control the conversation.

"You know very well that I did." She pushed her food away and leaned back in her chair. "He was there on my invite."

"And how was it?" He asked his expression unreadable.

"Fine. He's..." She shrugged her shoulders. "He's different." Albus frowned.

"Everybody changes, with what he has been..." Minerva shook her head.

"No you misunderstand me. I meant, he's different to what I expected him to be, considering what he's been through. He's actually more like the boy I taught." Albus nodded thoughtfully.

"Except he's a grown man now." He looked at her pointedly and she avoided his eyes.

"Yes."

"He has surprised you?"

"He said something today..." She paused, letting their conversation play through her head and smiled slightly. "Yes, he surprised me." Albus smiled too.

"I think he will continue to surprise you Minerva, just don't pull away." She frowned at him but before she could ask his meaning, he was pulled into another conversation.

-x-

Later in the evening Minerva was in the library collecting books for a research project she had started. She checked her list and made her way over to the Restricted Section, a pile of books floating along behind her.

"You've been hiding," a voice suddenly said and Minerva peered between the books to see Pomona's friendly smile. Minerva shook her head and moved a book to cover the gap the other teacher was peering through.

"I have not been hiding," Minerva said as she added a book to the pile. "Merely busy," she turned around to see Pomona leaning against the bookshelf looking at her with a sceptical look.

"Yes, making friends with the _new professor_." Minerva moved along to the next row but she frowned back at her friend when she heard the malice in her voice.

"Really Pomona, never have I heard you be so cold toward new teachers." Of course, Minerva knew why her friend was behaving so hostile but it was still very out of character for the normally warm and welcoming Hufflepuff to show such disdain.

"Do you remember Jacob Daniels?" Pomona asked angrily as she followed Minerva to the library desk to sign her books out on the register. "They slaughtered him in front of his family!" Pomona's words slowly filtered into Minerva's head and she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she felt bile rise in her throat. "They tortured him because he married a muggle girl! Murdered his children and left the poor muggle girl with crazy with grief." As she continued to talk Minerva could feel a familiar burning in her chest and the dull memory of pain throughout her body. She turned to face her friend, hoping that she wouldn't be able to read anything in her features.

"Was Severus there?" She asked and Pomona jerked back in surprise, at the question or the use of his given name Minerva didn't know.

"What has that -"

"It obvious that he didn't do anything to prevent their demise but you can't be sure he was involved." Pomona was looking at her with incredulous eyes and Minerva couldn't quite believe what she was saying herself. "He may have their deaths on his conscious but his hands are clean." She signed the rest of her books out and Pomona just stared at her in silence for a few seconds before speaking.

"They murdered him Minerva, his wife..." Minerva could feel her palms begin to sweat and her mouth became dry. "Do you have any idea how she must feel?" Pomona's voice was full of emotion. Minerva looked at the other teacher and smiled as she shook her head. "What is it?" Pomona asked and Minerva suddenly felt a bubble of angry laughter rise through her chest.

"Do I know how it feels?" She asked through manic laughter and Pomona looked on with worried eyes. "I would imagine that it was terrible. It was probably the worst moment in her life." She wiped tears from her eyes furiously as her inappropriate laughter subsided and her voice took on a harsh tone. "She would have felt helpless; she had no wand, no other means of protecting her husband and children. I would imagine they tied her down, made her watch as they beat him to a pulp. I can _feel_ her agony as she looked into her husband's eyes and the utter devastation from knowing that it was _her fault_. I know how it feels, _because I have to live with it every day_." She wasn't sure why but part of her enjoyed the horrified look of shock on Pomona's face. "I'm sorry Rebecca had to see that, I truly am but don't you dare lecture me on her feelings. You have no idea what it's like." Pomona reached out a careful hand towards Minerva but she angrily pushed it away as she stormed towards the library doors.

As she was about to leave a small movement caught her eye and with horror she turned to see Severus starring at her. _Oh Merlin, what had she done? _Her eyes fell to the floor but she could feel his intense gaze burning into her skin. _How could she be so foolish? _Minerva couldn't bring herself to look at the young man and in a violent wave of panic she fled through the doors, leaving Severus to stare after her with a thousand things running through his head.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment :D They always make me write faster... heehee x**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey folks! I think I should be given a special round of applause for getting this chapter out so quickly considering I've worked none stop since Sunday and one of those days was a 20 hour day! Wow! hahah.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and please remember to leave a review!**

**Also, a great big thank you to everyone that reviewed that my last chapter and to those of you that have favourited this fic and put me on alerts. Its muchly appreciated!**

**Hope you all have a wonderful evening!**

**Lillibet x**

****

**

* * *

**

Chapter 07

Severus made his way back to his room, taking the back stairs to avoid seeing anyone in the corridors. He wanted answers but he knew that talking to Professor McGonagall was probably the only way he'd find them. As he approached his door he noticed the frame was empty and he frowned. _Where was Sir John?_ He took out his wand and after a few complex spells the door finally swung open, allowing him access. By now, Severus was in a bad mood and he stomped into his quarters to find the old man.

"Come on... come with me..." Severus could here Sir John's voice but he couldn't see him anywhere. He heard a girlish giggle and followed the sound into his bedroom, where he found Sir John trying to coax a buxom woman over to his portrait.

"Sir John!" Severus called his name and the woman jumped away.

"Not now boy!" Sir John said, with a dismissive hand.

"I am master of this chamber and you are my Dolor Altor. When I arrive at my door I expect to be greeted by you," his voice was dark and he watched the woman scamper back to her own portrait.

"Listen here lad, I don't appreciate being talked to like that..."

"If you don't like it, I'm sure I can find a replacement." Severus knew his words would put a stop to the old man's anger.

"You're right, I'm sorry." Sir John bowed and mumbled something under his breath. Severus eyed him icily and Sir John should have been glad that he couldn't hear him because if he had...

Severus shook his head and turned back to his living room. He sat down at his desk with his collection of books.

"Did you get everything you were looking for?" Sir John asked, after a few minutes. His gentle tone told Severus he'd had time to cool off.

"Not everything, someone was..." Severus paused and lifted his head to look at the portrait on his wall to his left. He wanted answers to what Professor McGonagall had said... "What happened to her?" Severus watched Sir John for a second.

"Who?" The wizard asked slowly.

"You know who I am referring to." Severus could see it in the other man's manner.

"It is not my place to say. If you want to know about it, I would suggest talking to Minerva." Severus snorted and shook his head.

"Do you honestly think she would confide in me?" Severus took the silence to mean what he had already guessed. "Were you there?" He asked.

"If you're asking if I was alive... yes...and no." The man walked from his current frame and Severus frowned. _What did he mean?_

"What did you mean by that?" Severus asked, running after him.

"You should talk to her about it. I cannot tell you."

"I order you to tell me what you know," he knew Sir John wouldn't be able to refuse his order.

"She'll never forgive me," Sir John said with a deep sigh. Had Severus been anyone else he would have let the old wizard off but unlucky for Sir John, he wasn't. Severus wanted answers and if this was what he had to do to get them, then so be it.

"She needn't know," Severus said as he sat down on his sofa and waited for Sir John to speak.

"What is it you want to know?" Sir John asked with a defeated sigh.

"What happened to her?" Severus asked eagerly, wanting the wizard to continue.

"A man came to the house. Wanted Minerva for one of his sons but she didn't want to marry. She was only 17, she had her own ideas but during those times, she was expected to marry well.

Apparently she discussed the marriage with the chosen son and they agreed against the arrangement. Of course, the father was furious and although the decision was mutual, he spread the word that she had refused him. Shed a bad light on her in the eyes of the magic community." Sir John moved to chair in his current painting and sat down heavily. "A few months later, the man returned with friends and tried to force her into marriage. But when she refused, they attacked her." Severus frowned, he was no stranger to violence but for some reason this made him feel uneasy. Maybe it was because he knew the person... or more than likely, it was the thought of something like that happening to Professor McGonagall.

"They attacked her because she didn't want to marry his son?" Sir John nodded, solemnly.

"Yes, I suppose he thought he could frighten her into it. He certainly underestimated her." Severus noticed Sir John smile fondly at the thought of his relative.

"Why was he so insistent?"

"Well I'd imagine it was the estate he wanted." Severus stared in confusion at the painted man.

"What estate?" Sir John suddenly fixed Severus with an icy stare.

"Oh yes, everyone always perks up when they learn of the estate." Severus eyed him darkly, angry that the man was judging his interest. Sir John remained silent while Severus was deep in thought. An estate? Of course! Severus berated himself for not thinking of it sooner. _Sir_ John. If he was given the title or inherited it then there would be land, not to mention a large sum of money to go with it.

"So she was an heiress," he said, more to himself than the painting.

"She was sole heir to everything her father owned and at that moment in time, she had just inherited the whole lot upon his death." Severus didn't know what to do with the information he'd just received. He stared at Sir John, unsure what to say.

"So no one knows about this?"

"Oh I'd imagine a lot of people know about it." Sir John said with a shrug and Severus frowned. Professor McGonagall had said no one knew of it.

"How so?"

"Well in those days, she was quite the_ celebrity_." Sir John smiled. "Everyone watched her, wanted to know what she was doing, what she was wearing." He paused a second and when he continued Severus noted a hint of bitterness in his voice. "When people heard she turned down a marriage proposal it was a huge scandal and everyone turned their backs on her. But once they learned of the attack and how bravely she defended herself... well, everyone soon changed their tunes. She was everyone's daughter, sister... suddenly they wanted what was best for her." He gave a sceptical laugh and shook his head. "But when she disappeared..."

"Wait, she disappeared?" Severus asked shifting forward in his seat eagerly.

"I'm not sure of the details, I died just before then but..."

"What do you mean she disappeared?" Severus asked again, cutting the older man off for a second time. Sir John frowned at Severus and took a few minutes to respond.

"She left, disappeared. She signed her sisters' name as caretaker for the estate and left." He said, sounding a little angry at Severus' impatience to gather information.

"Where?" Sir John shrugged.

"I left her a small cottage, I suppose she could have gone there." Sir John began moving through the frames towards his own portrait and Severus followed him. He still had questions.

"Why?"

"I don't know." Severus caught the wizard's eyes shift slightly and he noticed the way he hastened his steps.

"You're lying." He stated.

"Look," Sir John stopped in his portrait and turned to look at Severus. "It's not my place. I've told you what I can but if you desire more, you have to find it some other way."

"But..." Sir John shook his head and gave a slight bow.

"Now if you'll excuse me..." Severus watched Sir John walk into the distance of his portrait and growled in the back of his throat.

So Professor McGonagall had been attacked when she was younger. Could that be the reason for the scars? Sir John had said most people knew that had happened to her but she had stated earlier that no one knew of it.

He walked back to his desk deep in thought. This was all interesting information but how did it relate to what the deputy had said in the library?

Suddenly he realised with a note of anger that Sir John had not supplied the information he needed, the wizard had tricked him, giving him information he could have probably found in the library.

Severus' lips curled and he let out a dry laugh. He had to hand it to the old man, he was an intelligent trickster.

Severus stored away the information he had learned and sat down behind his desk. Just as he was about to pick up a book he felt a tingle on his left arm and he froze. He pulled back his sleeve to show the graceful grey swirling lines of the Dark Mark. It tingled for a few seconds then stopped, it didn't burn, it didn't turn black... what did it mean?

He suddenly felt sick at the thought of being summoned and pulled the sleeve down over it quickly. He knew he should contact someone in the Dark Lord's circle but he was hesitant. Maybe he should talk to Albus.

He stared at his covered arm for a few minutes before standing up and heading in search of the Headmaster.

Severus made his way along the corridor toward the large eagle that would escort him to the Headmasters office. He was only halfway towards it when the man himself appeared from behind a tapestry, whistling happily.

"Severus, I haven't seen you in the Great Hall recently." Albus said with a wide smile. Severus stopped and gave a deep sigh.

"Yes and there is a reason for that, Headmaster." They walked towards the eagle together.

"Oh?"

"I do not wish to sit in a room full of people that do not like me."

"Not everyone feels that way." Severus rolled his eyes at the slightly teasing tone the older used.

"Filius doesn't count," he said as he followed Albus up the stairs.

"Then what about Minerva?" Severus caught his foot on the next step and stumbled slightly.

"What about her?" He asked, recovering quickly. Albus smiled, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses.

"Is she not making more effort to get to know you?" He asked, beckoning Severus inside his office.

"Well yes but..." Severus paused in the doorway. _How had he known that?_ A sudden nervous feeling spread through his stomach. "Did you send her?" He managed to ask.

"I'm sorry?" Albus had sat down behind his desk and was peering up at Severus.

"Did you order her to keep an eye on me?" He stepped into the office, his temper beginning to flare. "I'd do the same thing if I there was someone around me I didn't trust." Albus' eyes lost their sparkle and Severus knew he'd spoken out of turn.

"You and I both know I did no such thing," his voice held the same strict tone it had when Severus had first come to him for help. Then, as if it hadn't happened, he smiled. "Besides, as you get to know my deputy, you'll understand that she is not one to do something just because I asked her." Severus snorted.

"I may not know her well, sir but I know she would do anything you asked of her."

"But this is personal, she wouldn't do this." Severus sat down as Albus offered him a chair. He stared at the older wizard, wondering just how well he knew Professor McGonagall.

"How long have you known Professor McGonagall?" Severus asked.

"Almost her whole life." Albus leaned back in his chair and smiled slightly, Severus wasn't sure why. "I taught her here as a student and she became my assistant before she eventually took over my position."

"What can you tell me about her?" He asked, knowing this was his chance to get real information.

"Why the sudden interest?" Albus asked and Severus noticed, with a touch of panic, that the annoying twinkle had returned to the Headmasters gaze.

"No real interest, we were merely talking about her..." He shrugged his shoulders, hoping to give the impression that he didn't really care.

"Minerva is a gifted witch who has always strived to do good for children. Whether it's their quality of living or their education."

"What brought her here?"

"I did." For some reason that surprised Severus and he frowned.

"Why?"

"Like I said, she is a gifted witch and I knew she would make a tremendous teacher." Albus crossed his hands over his chest as if he thought this conversation might go on awhile.

"What did she do before that?" He asked, looking down at the floor. Albus was silent for a second and Severus finally looked up to see him staring at him.

"Why don't you ask her?" Severus shifted uncomfortably in his seat under the Headmaster's eyes. "You should be trying to befriend your colleagues and this is the kind of topic you should bring up with them. Shows you have an interest in that person, I'm sure it will reflect well on you." Albus smiled encouragingly but Severus sneered and let out a deep sigh. They were quiet for a few seconds before Albus spoke again. "Did you need something Severus, or did you merely come to question me about Minerva?" Severus started out of his thoughts and frowned at the amused look Albus had.

"I think I may be summoned soon." Severus was pleased to see that that brought the older man back to his senses.

"Do you know why?" He asked, leaning forward onto his desk.

"No Sir, I felt..." He gripped his left arm for a second and he noticed Albus' eyes flicker over. "I think I will be summoned but I can't be sure."

"What does this mean?"

"I can only think he'll want a report of on-goings here."

"Do you know what to give him?" Albus asked, as he stood up and began pacing the room.

"I have an idea sir yes." Severus watched him move back and forth over the well worn rug. The Headmaster seemed almost as agitated as he felt.

"And you have been practicing..?"

"Of course I have." Severus interrupted with an annoyed frown. He'd been working on becoming a master of Occlumency long before he returned to the castle.

"Then you have my permission to leave whenever you need to. Aberforth has a place for staff to apparate to and from, you should use that." Severus nodded and stood up. He turned to leave but Albus reached out and grabbed his arm forcefully. "I want you to report to me as soon as you get back." Severus nodded again but the older man's grip tightened on his arm. It was painful. "I will be the first person you see." He slowly let go of his arm and Severus eyed him curiously.

"Yes Sir." He replied and bowed slightly as he left the room.

Severus was about to head back down toward the dungeons but before he started down the stairs, he looked down the hallway towards Professor McGonagall's rooms. For some reason his feet moved in that direction and he found himself being taken there. When he arrived outside the door the great lion raised his head and gave a low threatening growl.

"My mistress does not wish to be disturbed," the lion said in that deep reverberating voice.

"I don't want to see her," Severus said and he wasn't sure if it was the entire truth.

"Then why are you here?" It asked, its ears flattened against his head as if preparing to hunt. But before Severus could answer him the door suddenly swung open causing the lion to stumble and Severus to step back.

"Severus..." Professor McGonagall stood before him in a navy, long sleeved dress. It looked the sort thing she would wear under her teaching robes as the material was thin and as he looked at her, he could see every movement her slim body made under the flimsy fabric. "What can I do for you?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. At the action Severus' eyes were drawn to her chest and he could see the swell of her small breasts peeking up just above the scooped neck line.

"I..." _What was happening to him?_ He never noticed this sort thing on any other woman apart from... He suddenly felt sick at the thought of Lily.

"Severus?" He looked up to see his former professor peering at him with worried eyes. Once again she wasn't wearing her glasses.

"I'm..."

"Are you alright?" Severus felt one of her hands fall on his shoulder as if it were on fire. All of a sudden he had an overwhelming need to tell her everything, about his deal with Dumbledore, about what had happened to his scar, about the possibility of being summoned... but he knew he couldn't.

"I'm perfectly alright," he said, his voice clipped. "I don't need you smothering me." He shrugged her hand away and ignored the cold spot it left behind.

"Was there something you needed?" She asked, her voice matching his.

Severus wanted to talk about what he'd over heard in the library but he knew it was pointless to even try. He watched her for a second, trying to think of the right way to approach this situation he'd found himself in.

"Will you be taking breakfast in the Great Hall tomorrow?" He asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Yes."

"Perhaps..." He was about to ask her if they could sit together but at the last minute he realised how childish it would have sounded. Although when it came to becoming better acquainted with someone, he did still feel like a nervous adolescent sometimes. He cleared his throat, readying himself to try again.

"Will you be sitting with us?" Professor McGonagall asked before he could say anything else. He nodded. "Then I shall try to save you a seat." Severus nodded again and upon realising that he had nothing to say, turned away and headed off down the corridor.

"Severus." He turned back to look at her. "You may want to arrive early or you may end up sitting between Cuthbert and Sybil." She smiled slightly before closing the door but Severus was left frowning.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please remember to comment :D xxx**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long delay in posting but I've been super busy and I couldn't quite figure out how to upload a new chapter with FF acting up. But here it is and I hope you think it was worth waiting for! **

**Enjoy and please remember to leave a comment :D**

- **Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 08

Minerva arrived at breakfast the next morning and saw to her ultimate amusement that Severus was sitting between Cuthbert and Sybil. Dear Cuthbert was a gentle soul and she did indeed like him but he had a great tendency to droll on. Sybil on the other hand... well, upon her first encounter with the 'Seer' she attempted to read her 'aura', something Sybil soon regretted.

Every now and then Minerva would glance down the table and at one point she caught Sybil trying to read Severus' aura. Once Minerva was finished with breakfast she stood up to leave the table and noticed Severus do the same thing. She walked out of the Great Hall, fully aware of the potions master behind her. Once outside she turned to him.

"Did I not tell you to arrive early?" She said to him and Severus huffed.

"You didn't tell me I needed to be here at breaking light. Apart from your customary seat, that was the only one left." He moved past her to walk down the corridor but she noticed he stalled just enough to signal that he wouldn't mind her joining him.

"I'll talk to Filius; perhaps the two of you can swap. He finds Sybil interesting, I'm sure he wouldn't mind," she said as they both walked along the quiet corridor.

"Rather Filius than myself. One more minute of her telling me about my unfortunate past and I would not have been able to control my actions." He suddenly stopped and turned to her as if thinking she might have taken his words the wrong way. She chuckled lightly to let him know she had taken it as the joke he had meant it to be.

"I feel the same," she said as they continued walking. They approached Minerva's quarters and when she stopped, she hesitated for a second before speaking. "Would you care for some tea?" She watched his body stiffen and his eyes shifted uneasily.

"In there?" He asked, looking towards her door. He looked so uncomfortable. She shrugged her shoulders and looked down the corridor from where they had come.

"Well, we could always go to the staff room if you'd feel..." His quick head shake drew her attention back to him.

"No, no. This... will be fine." Minerva nodded and motioned for Leander, who had been watching them closely, to open the door. The lion growled softly as Severus walked by him and she shot him a scornful look.

Minerva heard the door shut gently behind them as she walked into her living room. She noticed that Teensy had already set out the tea as she always did for Minerva's return after Sunday breakfast. She took off her outer robes and hung them over the back of the sofa. She glanced back to see Severus still hovering near the door and she smiled slightly. He looked like a nervous student who'd been summoned to her office.

"Make yourself at home," she said as she made them both a cup of tea. She could hear Severus moving around behind her and although she was intrigued to see what he was up to, she didn't want him to feel like she was 'keeping an eye on him'. As she finished making the tea his voice brought her attention to him.

"This is a magnificent set," he said, looking down at her chess set.

"Do you play?" She asked as she made her way over to him. She handed him his cup of tea.

"No, my mother used to though." He bent down to look closely at the pieces. "What is it made from?"

"Ivory," she took note of his lifted eyebrows. "It's been passed down through my family for centuries and then my father gave it to me when I was 10."

"It must have been made with great care, look at the delicate features on the faces." He lifted one very carefully between his fingers and Minerva was taken in by his intense curiosity and appreciation of something she had almost forgotten.

"We should play sometime," she said and Severus shook his head.

"It was more my mother's talent." He placed the piece back carefully and continued to move around her room.

"I can teach you," she said, taking a sip of tea. Severus stopped and looked back at her with an amused look.

"Perhaps another time." Minerva watched him and she suddenly felt awkward. Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea. They'd only been in the same room for ten minutes and already they had run out of things to talk about. She continued to sip from her cup, more out of giving herself something to do while Severus examined her belongings. Just as the silence was becoming too much for her he spoke once again.

"You have a piano." He stated, running his fingers across the ancient wood. "Broad and Sons, made in London... early 1800's?" He looked over at her but she couldn't answer him. She didn't know the answers. She had to admit to being impressed by his knowledge and she made her way over to the piano.

"It was my fathers." She said, putting her tea cup down on the side table where Severus had put his.

"Can you play it?" He asked his eyes almost alive with excitement and Minerva was reminded of the tiny 11 year old boy that once sat in her classes.

"Very ill I'm afraid," she said with a slight chuckle. After their brief conversation they were silent again and while she racked her mind for something to say, she just couldn't find the right words. Her hands fiddled with the hem on her long sleeves and she couldn't stop it when she suddenly found herself chewing her thumb nail. _What was about him that made her so awkward?_ She shook her head and forced her arm down by her side.

Seeing that Severus was completely engrossed in the old piano she quietly excused herself and almost ran to her bedroom. She wasn't ready for this, for him being in her living room, it was a mistake. As she was pacing the floor thinking of a way to politely get rid of him her thoughts were interrupted by soft solemn music.

She listened for a while. Whatever the piece was it was beautiful. She slowly opened her bedroom door and stood in the doorway to listen. Severus was playing, his eyes were closed and his expression was almost painful. Although they were in her quarters she felt like she was intruding on something personal but she couldn't look away. She carefully made her way over to him and stood next to him so she could see his well practised hands glide over the keys. As he came slowly to the end, Minerva watched him open his eyes and although he was looking at her, he seemed to seeing something different. She wasn't sure what to say to him and for a second they both stared at each other.

"You play very beautifully." She said, after awhile and she noticed the way her words seemed to shake him out of whatever he was seeing. He stood up abruptly and Minerva took a step back.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." Minerva placed a gentle hand on his arm and he froze immediately.

"Nonsense. It is neglected by me, so if you can find some use for it then by all means play." She followed his eyes as he stared at her hand and she quickly dropped it to her side and moved away from him.

"My father hated music." He said suddenly and she turned back to face him.

"How did you learn to play?"

"He worked nights. My mother would teach me in the evenings." He moved back to the piano as if drawn in by it and Minerva watched him finger the keys. "Did you know her?" He asked, without looking up. Minerva frowned for a second before realising what it was he was asking her.

"Your mother?"

"She would have been around the same age as you."

"She was," she nodded and made her way back over to the piano to lean against it. "And yes, I did know her. Not well but... our families moved in the same circles."

"What can you tell me about her?" His eyes were completely focused on the keys as he played a made up tune quietly.

"She was a nice girl, gentle and always very polite." For some reason she felt uncomfortable talking about Eileen. Although they didn't know each other very well there was one thing they shared in common.

"Why did she marry my father?" Severus asked but Minerva shrugged her shoulders.

"I think she was in love with him." She watched Severus scowl and his hands tightened into fists.

"Is it true I could have been a Black?" Minerva's heart skipped a beat and her answer faltered slightly.

"Yes... I think so," she said, not sure how much to reveal to him.

"Then why didn't she marry him?"

"For the same reason as the rest of us. We were sick of people telling us what we should and shouldn't do." She watched Severus' face suddenly change with interest and she realised she'd said too much. She moved away from the piano quickly and when she spoke her voice was that which she used with difficult students. "Your mother was a good woman Severus, I know you may have heard differently but I liked her well." She turned back to face him and he was watching her intently. As she observed him she realised that it wasn't Eileen she was uncomfortable talking about... it was having this conversation with her son. She took a deep breath.

"Thank you," he said suddenly before turning his attention back to the piano.

"Are you alright?" She asked, sensing vulnerability in him that she would never have associated with the boy.

"The last time I played the piano was for her." When he looked up at her Minerva had a strong urge to go to him but she knew she couldn't. Not only would he refuse her comfort but she still wasn't ready to pass that line in their friendship. For Minerva this conversation was too personal and she wanted to leave the discussion behind.

"Would you like some more tea?" She asked, stepping towards the tea pot.

"I should go." She turned to see him making his way to the door and felt both relief and disappointment at his departure.

"Certainly," she said, seeing him to the door. As he stepped into the corridor he turned back to look at her and she waited while he seemed to mull something over in his head.

"Thank you for the tea," he nodded politely and Minerva smiled slightly. Just as he was about to leave he glanced over at the piano with a longing she found touching. Then without further delay he turned and was marching through the halls before she could say anything else.

Minerva watched him for a second before closing the door quietly behind her. Their conversation had been strange and unsettling and Minerva was left wondering about what exactly Severus had been through as a child. She had no doubt Eileen would have been a good mother but there had always been rumours surrounding the young couple when they wed. Of course, Minerva believed very little of them but once Severus came to Hogwarts she couldn't help but wonder at the truth in the gossip. She hoped for Severus' sake that they were indeed not as bad as rumour had it.

She moved over to her piano and sat down where Severus had played so beautifully. She stroked the keys gently and summoned her elf.

"Miss Neva summoned Teensy?" The elf asked, bowing slightly and Minerva smiled.

"I have a favour to ask of you and you must do it tomorrow."

-x-

The next morning Minerva was walking back from breakfast with the intention of finding Teensy to see if she had indeed done as she had asked. As she made her way back to her own room she could heard footsteps behind her.

"I've been looking for you." A voice said, making Minerva jump slightly. She turned around to see Pomona walking briskly toward her and she sighed.

"Really? I've been avoiding you." Minerva replied without really thinking. She hadn't spoken to her friend since their conversation in the library and although Minerva wasn't one to run from anything, she desperately didn't want to have this conversation.

"I just..." Minerva watched the other woman shrug her shoulders helplessly and although she was angry, she couldn't help but feel a little sorry for her friend. After all, what did one say to someone like herself? "I wanted to say I was sorry." Pomona said with a slight shake of her head as if knowing that nothing she could say would make the past any less painful to bear.

"You have nothing to apologise for. I never told you, so how were you to know?" Minerva gave her a friendly smile but Pomona eyes were still filled with guilt.

"I still feel bad." She said.

"Don't." Minerva placed a gentle hand on her friends shoulder. If anyone should be apologising it should be me." She leaned in closely to Pomona and whispered, "But if you don't mind, I'm still not quite ready." Minerva winked and Pomona laughed, obviously pleased that the tension had been broken.

"I'll be here when you are." She said and Minerva laughed too but they both knew they would never really talk about this again. "I've been thinking about what you said." Minerva glanced sideways at the other woman as they walked down the corridor together.

"What did I say?"

"About... Severus."

"Oh?" For some reason she felt her whole body stiffen at the sound of his name and apprehensive of what Pomona was going to say.

"I can't accept him as easily as you have." Minerva let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd held as Pomona played with the frayed sleeve of her old gardening robes.

"You think it was easy?" Minerva asked with a dry laugh. Pomona frowned.

"You and Filius..."

"It wasn't easy Pomona and it still isn't. It's a constant struggle." She stopped and turned to face her friend. "I've spent the last three days trying to..." What exactly had she been trying to do with him? She threw her hands up in the air in frustration. "... trying to at least talk to him and only yesterday did I manage to hold a conversation with him that didn't end in an argument." She brushed a hand over her hair not really sure why she was getting so worked up about this.

"I wish I was as forgiving as you."

"He has done nothing to us, there is nothing to forgive." Minerva said, echoing Sir John's wise words and hoping they would help Pomona find it in herself to give the boy a chance. Pomona shook her head and gave Minerva a distrustful look.

"I don't see it like that." She said and although Minerva wanted to argue her point she didn't want to be on bad terms with one of her oldest friends.

"Please Pomona; I don't want to argue again." Pomona relaxed, seeming to understand the slight pleading in Minerva's voice.

"Neither do I." There was a slight pause, both wondering what they should say next when Albus suddenly appeared, breaking the silence.

"Ah there you are, Minerva." He said with a joyful smile, oblivious to what was going on between the two women and Minerva thanked the Gods for his timely arrival. "Good morning Pomona, would you mind if I stole Minerva away from you?"

"Not at all Headmaster. I'll see you both at lunch." Minerva smiled when she felt the other woman squeeze her hand as she passed.

Minerva stared at the Headmaster waiting for him to talk but his eyes were on the Herbology professor as he watched her walk out of sight. Minerva was about to question him when he suddenly steered her outside with a hand on her lower back.

"Severus was asking about you yesterday." He said as they approached the fountain in the middle courtyard. Minerva turned around to face him with a frown.

"Yes?"

"He seems quite intrigued." Albus said, watching the stone gargoyles jumping into the water from the top of the fountain. She knew what he was doing. Pretend not to care, make others come to him.

"I doubt that." She said, turning her eyes from him and refusing to rise to the bait no matter how innocent or playful his tactics were.

"Are you still making an effort with him?" She wiped around to look him fully in the eye.

"Why are you pushing us together so insistently?"

"I think Severus needs someone to talk to, he always seemed fond of you when he was a student and you always spoke so highly of him."

"He was very talented, you know that," she said, probably sounding more defensive than was necessary.

"I do, I do." Albus said nodding knowingly and Minerva watched him play with the wispy ends of his beard. She hated herself for what she about to do; she was rising to the bait.

"There's something you're not telling me."

"There's a meeting tonight that I'd like you to attend." Minerva frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. There was only one meeting he could be talking about.

"You're finally allowing me to join the order?" There was nothing to read on the man's face and it annoyed Minerva that he still refused to talk about it.

"No." Minerva shook her head angrily; she knew he'd say that.

"Then why..?"

"There's something I'd like you to hear," he said, turning to her slightly. Minerva frowned, her mind racing.

"What..?" But Albus held up his hand to stop her from talking.

"You'll find out tonight. It starts at 7pm," he began to walk away but he turned slightly to talk over his shoulder. "Try not to be late." Minerva clenched her fists and she knew that this time Albus was winding her up.

"I'm never late." She replied and it infuriated her even more to see him chuckle as he re-entered the castle.

Minerva stared into the water trying to get her emotions under control. Of course, she knew why he still denied her request to officially join the Order but it still made her furious. She sighed and summoned Teensy to her.

"Good morning Miss Neva," she said, her wide eyes brimming with excitement.

"Is it done?" Minerva asked, trying to work up the enthusiasm that Teensy showed.

"Yes Miss Neva, Teensy did as you asked." Minerva smiled genuinely then and she nodded to her elf.

"Thank you Teensy, let's hope he uses it more than I did." The elf bowed and disappeared and Minerva headed back towards her rooms before the start of her first lesson.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and please let me know what you thought xxx**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey guys! I'm **_**so**_** sorry for the huge delay in getting this chapter uploaded. So much has happened in the last few months that things were just hectic.**

**Although, after keeping secrets for work, I can now tell you that a little while ago I actually got to meet Alan Rickman, Ralph Fiennes and David Bradley. For me it was the greatest thing ever! As most of you have probably guessed I prefer the adult characters in the books, so getting to work with them was amazing! I also got to meet Rupert Everett and Alex Kingston, if any of you are interested. I LOVE my job! In other news, I was at a pre-screening of **_**Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows II **_**where I got to meet Alan Rickman again (which he actually remembered my name – eeeep!) and Geraldine Somerville who was incredibly sweet and even more beautiful in person. I may have been working but it was still amazing!**

**One last thing: a big shout out to **_**More-Than-Ever17**_** for the wonderful review and kind message. It was the last once of inspiration I needed to actually get myself to sit down and type up all my notes. So thank you again! :D**

**Anyway, enough chatter and on to what you all have been waiting for! Hope you enjoy it and thank you to everyone that reviewed and sent me messages. I've loved reading them and more are very much appreciated! Have fun reading this extra long chapter! **

**- Rex (aka Lillibet) x **

* * *

Chapter 09

Severus had just dismissed his last class for the day. The students had left so quickly that he found it difficult to believe that only two minutes earlier there were 15 cauldrons scattered about the classroom threatening to boil over. He stood up from behind his desk after noticing a book on the nearest table and made his way over to it. Just as he was about to pick it up a boy suddenly appeared in the doorway. Severus picked up the book and he watched the boy pale as he held it out for him to collect. It amused Severus to see the boy practically dash from the classroom once he'd collected it with a mumbled thanks.

As Severus made his way back to his desk someone cleared their throat. He turned to see Albus watching him with a bemused stare and he knew he wouldn't be getting out of here anytime soon.

"Can I help you Headmaster?" He asked in a clipped tone as he sat back down behind his desk.

"I just came by to see how you were getting along." Severus looked down at the papers on his desk.

"Checking up on me?" He asked, glancing up to see that Albus had made his way into the classroom. "Don't you trust me with your students?" The annoyances clear in his voice. Albus kept his face expressionless but Severus could sense the frustration the older man felt.

"How many times are we to do this my boy?" He asked, sitting down at one of the desks and folding his hands on top of it. "I believed your reasons for returning. You have my complete trust." The look Albus gave him made Severus feel stupid. He knew he'd been disrespectful to the Headmaster and although it was in his nature to mistrust people, he knew he should have no doubt in this one.

"As you can see Headmaster, I'm doing just fine." He said after a few seconds and Albus nodded.

"Yes. However," he glanced toward the door where the young student had disappeared. "You could be a little easier on the students." Severus scowled.

"We each have our own way of teaching Headmaster," Severus retorted. Albus held his hands up in surrender and stepped closer to Severus.

"Of course, of course," he said with a friendly smile. Severus let out a sigh; he wasn't sure why he was being so hostile but for some reason he just couldn't hold his tongue.

"Was there something you needed?" He asked, unable to keep the impatience from his voice.

"I think the time has come to inform the Order of the Phoenix of your current situation." Albus' voice had turned serious and Severus felt his body tense as the other man talked of business.

"Why?" Severus asked, narrowing his eyes.

"I would like you to get into the habit of feeding back information to the whole group."

"But you said I was to report to you..."Albus nodded and interrupted him.

"Yes and that still applies but I also want you to attend our gatherings. You won't need to be present for every meeting," he added quickly and Severus guessed the Headmaster must have seen a flicker of panic in his eyes. "Just when it is necessary."

Severus stared at the floor deep in thought. There would be people in the Order that he didn't want to see, people from his past that he hoped he'd never have to see again. His thoughts immediately went to Lily. He had agreed to the deal with Albus to save her life and he would do anything to ensure her continued protection. But still, the thought of becoming part of the Order and seeing its members made him feel uneasy. He suddenly felt a moment of panic and his eyes shot up to the older wizard.

"Will they be told of my reasons for being here?" He asked carefully, belying the alarm he actually felt.

"Not if you do not wish me to," Albus said.

"You may tell them anything but that," he whispered. "When is the meeting?"

"Tonight."

"Tonight?" Severus wasn't ready to face the Order on such short notice. "But I..."

"I will be introducing you to the members. They already know everything you have told me but I feel that it is important for them to realise who it was that supplied it. Will you attend?" Severus took a deep sigh. He knew he couldn't refuse.

"Yes, Headmaster."

"Good, I'll come by for you at 6.30." Severus grimaced slightly when Albus patted him on the shoulder and he watched the older man walk from his classroom without another word.

Severus slowly collected his things made his way to his chambers. He was dreading the meeting. Despite his quiet nature he had never had issues with talking in front of a group people but the thought of having to do it tonight, with those _kinds_ of people, set his nerves on fire. As he reached his office door Sir John was waiting for him with a twinkle in his eyes. Severus bristled knowing what that look signified, he had no patience for games today.

"Open the door!" He snapped and the door swung open immediately. As he passed through the doorway he glanced up at the man in the portrait to see him smiling broadly. "What are you smiling at?" He snapped again, snarling when he heard Sir John chuckle as he left the frame.

Severus dumped his class notes on his desk and moved through the tapestry to his quarters. To his approval, Sir John had opened the main door to his chambers in anticipation of his arrival. As he stepped into his quarters he glanced around the room for his Dolor Altor and instead his eyes fell on the magnificent piano in the corner of his room.

"Beauty isn't it?" Sir John asked from a portrait behind him but Severus couldn't seem to find his voice. "It was a very great present when it was originally bought, so I've heard. I believe it was made especially for the Lord of Lailoken to give to his eldest son. A very generous gift," Sir John had continued while Severus had slowly made his way over to the piano. He ran his fingers across the smooth wood.

"What is it doing in my rooms?" He asked out loud and Sir John laughed heartily.

"I assume the Deputy Headmistress wanted you to have it," he said. "I thought that would have been apparent."

"But why?" Severus looked up at the portrait opposite him where Sir John now resided.

"I thought that would have been apparent too."

Severus sat down on the piano stool and placed his fingers lightly over the keys. He was surprised to find his mood had lightened slightly. He tested the keys gently, pressing random keys to make a string of pleasing notes. Eventually he began to press the keys in order of his favourite piece and the more he played the more he felt his spirits lift.

Suddenly he stopped, as if just realising what he was doing. He could hear Sir John saying something behind him but he wasn't listening. He summoned a house elf and one appeared instantly.

"Yes master?"

"Have Professor McGonagall's elf come see me now," he ordered, unable to take his eyes off the piano and a pop signalled the elf's disappearance.

"What is it Severus?" Severus looked up at Sir John and shook his head.

"I shouldn't keep this."

"But she gave it to you!" Sir John protested indignantly.

"And she shouldn't have!" Severus replied just as heatedly. "She doesn't know me," he stood up abruptly and gently closed the lid over the pristine keys.

"Master summoned Teensy?" Teensy asked, appearing with a pop in front of the fire place.

"This is your mistress's piano, correct?" Severus asked, indicating to the instrument. The elf nodded enthusiastically with a large grin.

"Yes master, she is asking me to bring it." Severus sighed, he couldn't keep it, no matter what his heart wanted.

"Take it back." He turned his back on the piano and started to make his way to his bedroom. He heard Sir John gasp and shout something, while Teensy ran after him.

"Master Snape is not happy with it?" She asked, her ears flopping down by her shoulders.

"I'm..." Severus stopped walking and turned to look at the elf. Of course he was happy with the piano. No one had ever given him something so precious but still, he couldn't keep it. "I don't want it, take it back."

With that he strode to his bedroom, ignoring the confused stammering from Sir John and the elf and slammed his door shut. He slowly walked over to his bed and sat down with his head in his hands.

_Why had she given him such an astounding gift? Was it some sort of game? Or perhaps a test? _Whatever the reason, he couldn't accept the piano. In his experience, no one had ever given him something for free. There was always a catch. And this time, he wasn't falling for it.

-x-

At 6.25pm Severus made his way to the door when he heard Sir John and the Headmaster laughing jovially on the other side of the main door. He pulled it open and Sir John grumbled angrily as the sudden movement caused him to stumble.

"You didn't tell me Sir John was your Dolor Altor," the Headmaster said with a bright smile.

"You never asked," Severus replied through gritted teeth as he joined the older man in the corridor.

"Don't mind this one, he's been in a foul mood all day," Sir John huffed in the background as the door swung closed and Severus detested the patronising way with which he said it.

"Watch your tongue Sir John or you'll wind up in the cellar!" Severus spat but Sir John chuckled as if he were a petulant child.

"My great granddaughter gave my piano to the ingrate, can you believe it?" Sir John asked Albus but Severus froze. "I honestly have no idea what she sees in him!" Severus stared at Sir John and deep down he knew his Dolor Altor was trying to get him worked up... it was working.

"You're Professor McGonagall's great grandfather?" Severus asked, hoping the others hadn't noticed the way his voice had hitched when he said her name.

"Didn't you know?" Albus asked with that annoying twinkle that told Severus he was being played with.

"I knew you were related but I..." Severus looked up at Sir John who shrugged.

"You never asked," the painted said and Severus bristled at the sound of his own words being thrown back at him.

"Is there anything else I ought to know?" He asked, his voice dangerously low.

"That you _ought _to know?" Severus watched Sir John glance at the Headmaster and they shared a smirk. "No." And with that Sir John smiled knowingly and slinked out of the frame. Severus growled and resisted the urge to kick the door in his frustration.

"Let's go my lad," Albus laid a gentle hand on Severus's shoulder. "We have places to be." The older wizard began walking away and Severus reluctantly followed him silently.

-x-

"Where are we?" Severus asked looking at his surroundings.

Albus had taken him through side-along apparition to a deserted meadow. There was nothing for miles, all he could see were fields and the odd tree here and there. It reminded him of his childhood in Spinners End... the thought made his blood boil.

"I'm not sure," Albus said with an air of vagueness as he took a deep breath. "Isn't the country side beautiful?" He asked and Severus just stared at him. "You know, Minerva enjoys the country side, it reminds her of her childhood." Severus narrowed his eyes at the older man but said nothing of the connection he'd made in his own head of the Headmaster's words and his own previous thought.

"What are we doing here?" Severus asked after a second and Albus smiled.

"Order Headquarters." Albus scanned the field and gave a slight gasp of triumph as though he'd spotted something. Severus couldn't see a thing and his patience with the old man was wearing thin. He followed him anyway. "Ah, here it is!" A door suddenly appeared in front of him and Severus pulled his wand out in surprise. "You won't need that in here," Albus said as he pushed the wand away gently.

"Only you can find the door?" Severus asked, quickly pocketing his wand and covering up his embarrassment by turning their attention to the wooden door.

"Only once you've passed through these doors can you find it on your return. It's our way of making sure that the people in this room are trustworthy. Only a select few of the order congregate here. Once information and plans have been settled here it is then distributed accordingly to who needs to be informed." Severus nodded as he followed the Headmaster through the door, agreeing with the way Albus was running the Order. Trust only those you know for sure and keep your secrets close to your chest. After all, it was how he had survived amongst the Death Eaters.

They walked along a narrow corridor for what seemed like an eternity, the only light coming from Albus' wand casting eerie shadows across the wall. Suddenly Albus stopped when they met a dead end and pressed his hand to the cold stone wall. A bright light appeared under his hand and broke away to form the outline of another door. Albus pushed it open and stepped through. After a moment's hesitation, Severus followed.

The room they entered was not what he had expected. It was well furnished, with several tables and enough chairs for everyone to use. There was a small kitchen, nothing outstanding but it would serve its purpose. There was an empty fire place and next to it a bookshelf and wardrobe. The floors were wooden and they creaked under their weight as Severus continued to follow Albus.

"Good evening everyone," Albus said and Severus tore his eyes from his surroundings to see where the Headmaster was now looking. He froze. In front of them were a dozen people and Severus noted with some contempt that there were more than a few faces he recognised.

Sirius Black was leaning over a sofa, talking animatedly into someone's ear. He clenched his fists, trying to keep his anger under control but suddenly Sirius looked up. When the other man realised who stood behind Albus he raced forward, wand drawn. Severus drew his own wand and prepared for an attack.

"You!" Sirius shouted, ignoring Albus's attempt to stand in his way. He lifted his wand and Severus mimicked his movement but suddenly Sirius stopped. He turned to look at the person at his side; Professor McGonagall had wrapped her hand around the wrist of his wand arm and was slowly pushing the wand down. She remained silent but her focus was on Sirius alone, calming the man's anger and trying to make him understand that there was no threat. "He's a Death Eater, Minerva," Sirius said quietly to her. Severus watched her and her eyes flickered to him causing his heart to flutter slightly.

"Albus wouldn't have brought a Death Eater into our fold, you know that Sirius." She locked eyes with Albus and he nodded once. Severus noticed Sirius' body stiffen at her words and he looked down at her in disbelief.

"No one ever stops being a Death Eater, no one!" He shrugged her hand off his arm and skulked away. Once he'd gone Severus became aware of a number of eyes on him and he turned to see that everyone in the room was watching him. He felt Albus squeeze his shoulder tightly as he stepped forward to address the group.

"Severus is my way into Voldemort's inner circle." Albus paused as the group broke out in a hushed murmur but Severus was watching Professor McGonagall who was studying him with attentive eyes. She was the only one not talking and for some reason, it comforted him.

"We can't trust him!" Sirius said as he came rushing toward him again, his wand pointing into his face. Severus reacted instantly and the two men now stood face to face with their wands ready to duel.

"Severus came to me and swore his allegiance!" Albus said loudly. "His reasons will stay between the two of us, all that you need to know is that I have given my full support and I expect you to do the same." Albus looked at Sirius with a pointed stare until he lowered his wand. "What is important is that is that he has agreed to continue his role as a Death Eater and feed back any information he is able to obtain." Severus listened as the group began to protest the Headmaster's words. He glared at them all as they voiced their agreement with Black but when his eyes found the Deputy, he noticed that she still remained silent.

"Yeah, I bet he has! And what happens when..." Sirius began but before he could say anything else Albus threw his hands in the air making everyone stop dead.

"Enough!" He shouted angrily, in that deep booming voice that could terrify even the most formidable wizards. Severus felt a moment of smugness as the tone Albus used caused Sirius to back down. "Severus has my absolute trust! He has proven to me his loyalty and it was he who supplied the information about the Potters. _He_ is the reason they are in hiding, _he_ is the reason they are safe." There was another spatter of murmurs around the room but this time Severus could hear a less reproachful tone in their voices. However, Severus couldn't allow himself to be pleased about that, for the fact still remained that he was the _actual_ reason for them needing to go into hiding in the first place. If only he hadn't told the Dark Lord of the prophecy...

"Let us welcome Severus into the Order, he is one of us." Albus patted Severus on the shoulder again and pushed him gently toward the group but only one person strode forward and offered his hand.

"Welcome back Severus, it's good to see you again." Severus hesitated before shaking the man's hand.

"Lupin," he said with a slight nod. Remus smiled slightly but didn't offer any other words for which Severus was glad. Severus looked over Remus' shoulder to see Sirius lean toward Professor McGonagall and whisper something in her ear. She frowned and snapped something back before turning sharply and moving away from him. Severus felt a smirk tug at his lips and he quickly stepped around the werewolf to find a chair away from the group. He sat down across from the others which allowed him to observe them all and pocketed his wand as Albus set the start of the meeting into motion.

-x-

The never ending meeting seemed to drag on for hours and Severus found his concentration wandering. His eyes scanned the group until he came across Professor McGonagall. She was sitting on high backed wooden chair, one leg crossed over the other, her hands neatly folded in her lap and her back erect as she gave her full attention to the person now giving a report on their latest mission. She was completely absorbed in what everyone had to say and she failed to notice him staring at her. As any Slytherin would, he took full advantage of the situation at hand.

It was odd to see her out of school. And although he'd joined her in the Three Broomsticks he didn't count it as he'd always associated Hogsmeade with school life. But this was a completely different setting. There was no history here. They had both walked into the room as equals and that thought caused a spread of warmth to spread through his chest. He ignored its implications.

His thoughts were distracted when she lifted a hand to unfasten the top few buttons on her robe and underneath he spied a deep plum coloured dress. He watched her hand as she pressed it against her chest unconsciously while she listened to the speaker. He licked his lips, his mouth felt dry. The expanse of flesh he could see was smooth and he noticed her fingers toy with a thin silver chain that held a small pendant around her neck.

Severus allowed his eyes to travel up her long neck until he reached her face. Professor McGonagall wasn't an obviously pretty woman in the way that Lily was but she seemed to exude something so powerful that she had captured him entirely. Her square jaw held years of experience and good breeding, her thin nose of noble ancestry and sharp eyes that suited her namesake. He never fully realised it before, or perhaps he had never taken the time to find out but she was the embodiment of the Roman Goddess Minerva. Could it be this observation that drew him to her or could it be that he was actually attracted to her?

He shook himself suddenly as if he'd been splashed with ice cold water. His movement must have been bigger than he'd thought as Professor McGonagall turned her eyes to look at him. He could read the concern in her eyes and he found the genuine look to be somewhat unsettling. He nodded once and she took one last moment to look him over before turning her attention back to the speaker.

An hour later the meeting finally came to end. Severus was grateful that apart from his introduction at the beginning of the night, very little had been said of him. As Albus and Professor McGonagall circulated the room, talking and interacting with the other members, Severus lurked by the door more than ready to leave.

He observed the group talking and after a few seconds he spotted Sirius weaving through the group and stop right next to Professor McGonagall. Severus watched in mild delight as Sirius tried to engage her in conversation but she smiled politely and walked away from him. Sirius followed her closely as she began to move toward Severus.

"Severus, I'm heading back to the school, Albus said you are free to leave with me if you wish. He has a few other things to attend to here," Minerva said as she stopped in front of him. Severus nodded enthusiastically but lowered his eyes to the floor. He didn't quite trust himself around her after his thoughts earlier in the night.

"Minerva..." Black appeared again and Severus felt as though his heart was pumping searing hot lead through his veins at the sound of her name coming from a man he despised more than any other. "I'm sorry if I offended you earlier, I wasn't thinking..."

"Clearly," she barked and Sirius immediately went quiet. "We have to go Sirius, but it was good to see you." She patted his arm gently and swept from the room. Severus noticed the way Sirius held his hand over his arm where the Professor's hand been and he frowned.

"What are you looking at?" Sirius snapped and Severus snorted in disgust as he followed Professor McGonagall into the narrow corridor. _Something's never change._

-x-

They had apparated to Hogsmeade. Severus watched Professor McGonagall make polite conversation with the Apparition Point Guard and he tugged his cloak tighter around his body, the summer nights fading into winter leaving the air with a stinging chill. Finally they began the walk back to the castle and Professor McGonagall was the first to break the silence.

"You returned my piano," she said, looking straight ahead of them.

"I can't accept it," Severus was watching her from the corner of his eye when she stopped all of a sudden and turned to look up at him.

"Why?"

"You said it had been in your family for decades," he said, deciding to leave what Sir John had said out of the conversation.

"Yes," was all she said. She continued to look up at him and Severus tugged at his cloak nervously. _What was she doing? _Her unreadable expression made it difficult to judge what he should say next.

"Then you should keep it in the family." Professor McGonagall shrugged and continued the walk but at a slower pace than last time. Severus followed her.

"There is no longer anyone in my family who would derive any pleasure from it. I'd like to think that by giving it to you it would be going to a better home." Severus still couldn't figure what she was up to. Although her reasons for giving him the piano were believable he still found himself being cautious.

"What if I refuse to take it?" He asked, testing her. Professor McGonagall stopped walking again and when she spoke this time she was frowning.

"Do you not like it?" Severus wasn't quite expecting the seriousness of her question and he shrugged, hoping to give the impression that he was indifferent.

"It is a beautiful instrument, the finest I've ever seen in fact." Professor McGonagall seemed pleased with his answer and she nodded, her frown quickly disappearing.

"When you arrive at your chambers you'll find that I have already taken the liberty of having it reinstalled." Severus almost laughed at her audacity but he was able to stop himself just in time.

"No doubt with a permanent sticking charm this time," he stated, making her smile.

"Not permanent but you certainly have the right idea." Severus paused for a second and gazed down at his former teacher. There was a sudden unfamiliar tightness in his chest and he couldn't stop the next words that tumbled out of his mouth.

"I don't know what to say to such... kindness." Professor McGonagall's smile brightened and she touched his arm briefly before quickly pulling away.

"You don't have to say anything, just promise me you'll use it." She said and he nodded in agreement of the promise as they started to walk again.

With a burst of confidence and an unnatural willingness to keep the conversation going, Severus found himself asking the Deputy a question that had been burning at the back of his mind since Albus had suggested it.

"What did you do before coming to Hogwarts?" Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow at his question and he knew he'd surprised her with his interest.

"Why do you ask?"

"I just wondered."

"I was a nurse," she said after a second and Severus could feel her eyes on him as if waiting for a reaction but he wasn't why.

"At St. Mungo's?" He asked, a little uneasy under her gaze but she shook her head.

"I was a nurse, not a medi-witch." She said but he couldn't see the distinction between the two. "I trained and served at the London General Hospital for six years. After that I work part time at a local hospice which I continued until I came here."

Severus was deep in thought as she spoke, his brain trying to process and connect all the information he had on this woman. _Was this the time Sir John had referred to when he said she'd disappeared? _He didn't ask her.

"You worked with muggles?" He asked instead and he noticed the way she tensed as she continued to walk beside him.

"Yes I did. Is there a problem with that?"

"No," he answered quickly, for there really was no problem. "I was just making sure I was correct." They lapsed into a slightly awkward silence and Severus was a little angry at the conclusion she had so easily jumped to. Although given his history, he could hardly blame her for it. "What made you come back to Hogwarts?" He asked.

"Albus asked me to." _That he already knew_.

"But what was it that made you want to teach?" he asked.

"I..." she paused, her breath catching in her throat. "In my twelve years after graduating from Hogwarts I had seen too much death. It surrounded me and although at times I felt like I was making a difference, somewhere along the way it became... consuming." Severus watched her closely and there was a ghost of something in her bright blue eyes giving them a sadness that he never thought he'd see on her face. "Then of course," she continued, her voice suddenly strong, the sadness leaving her eyes and he watched as she rebuilt the walls around herself. "As you heard in the library, my husband died." Severus felt a jolt of guilt in his stomach at the mention of the library debacle. This was the first time they'd spoken of it and he had a strong wish to apologise.

"Professor, about that day... I wanted to apologise..."

"No need." She said, cutting him off. "The library is not the most appropriate place to have such a conversation." She gave a soft, barely audible laugh. "But if you'd asked me that day, it would have been you that was in the wrong." Severus scoffed slightly, fully believing her words.

They reached the main doors to the castle and Severus held it open for Professor McGonagall to step through first. The halls were deserted and he loved the castle at night for this particular reason. The pair walked along the corridor until they came to a flight of stairs leading to the first floor where Professor McGonagall's rooms where. She turned to him, placing her hand on his shoulder and halting his steps.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked, looking at him with a troubled frown.

"About what?" Severus asked, acutely aware of her hand still resting on his shoulder.

"About what you're doing for the Oder." Strangely, Severus had completely forgotten about the Order meeting tonight.

"Albus told me not to speak of it to anyone at the castle. To be honest I was surprised that you were at the meeting tonight." He admitted. Albus hadn't mentions that any of the other staff would be in attendance. He noticed the way his former professor's lips had thinned and her tone was brisk when she answered him.

"I'm not usually a part of it."

"Why is that?"

"Albus wants someone he can trust at the castle at all times," she said in a tense voice and Severus frowned.

"You're the only teacher he trusts here?"

"My argument precisely!" She snapped but he could tell by her face that she immediately regretted it.

"What's the real reason?" He asked, trying his luck. She'd revealed so much about herself tonight, perhaps she would continue to do so.

"You'll have to ask him," she said with a slight smile. _Not so lucky_ he thought. They fell silent again and Severus felt Professor McGonagall's hand smooth out a crease in his robe and he felt a calmed existence wash over him. It made him think of Lily.

"Severus," she was looking up at him when she broke through his thoughts. "I think you're very brave. Not many people could do what you are doing."

Severus wasn't entirely sure what to say to that. No one had ever called him brave before. He watched her give him a warm smile and he nodded, still unable to respond to her. The Deputy turned and began to climb the stairs.

"Goodnight Professor," he called after her and she turned to look over her shoulder at him.

"Good night Severus." And with that she disappeared from his view.

Severus lingered at the bottom of the stairs He wondered what could have made Professor McGonagall take a job as a muggle nurse. With her skills and power surely she would have made an excellent Auror or perhaps even an 'unspeakable'. Whatever the reason, he found himself wanting to know more. As he made his way toward the dungeons he wondered why he was so curious. It surprised even him. He'd never really shown an interest in anyone other than Lily and it confused him to think about what it could mean.

But he couldn't dwell on it for long. All of a sudden the Dark Mark burned intensely on his forearm and when he tore back his sleeve the tattoo grew and pulsed black ink. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Something was going to happen.

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed it! And that you thought it was worth the wait :D **

**Also... what were everyone's thoughts on Deathly Hallows II?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey everyone! I told you I was trying to get back into updating faster and well, I think this was pretty fast. Thumbs up! :D**

**Anyway, we've jumped a little bit in time but I'm sure you'll understand where to when you start reading so I won't bore you with details on that. But I will say that I found this quite hard to write. I think what it is, is that I find it hard to write from Minerva's POV. I just can't quite get into her head sometimes so I don't really feel like this chapter is as good as it could be but I've been playing around with it all day and I thought, ok that's enough! Just put it up. So here it is... be gentle :D**

**So I've seen the film twice, the first time I loved it, the second time I wasn't so sure. So I'm seeing it again and after I've seen it a third time I'll let you all know what I thought. Although I can say that I loved Snape, Alan Rickman played him perfectly and it was so heartbreaking. And it was great to see McGonagall again - she kicked ass!**

*******SPOILER******* And _obviously_, seeing as though I'm a huge MM/SS fan, Snape's hesitation before he duelled with Minerva didn't escape my notice, nor did the fact that he didn't fight back. The shipper in me did the happy dance! Hands in the air and everything! ***SPOILER END*******

**Also, I have based Snape in this chapter on the performance from the film because I thought it was just so beautiful. So I'm sorry if you think he's not quite in character but it just worked so well for where I wanted to go in the next chapter. So recognition to Alan Rickman for that! Hahah.**

**Anyway... thank you all so much for the reviews! I have had such an amazing response to this chapter and it's produced some fantastic swapping of emails, talking about the film and MM/SS. And please keep them coming! I love meeting new people, hearing other people's thoughts, sharing ideas... everything! Thanks for all your continued support!**

**This chapter is dedicated to my 50****th**** reviewer **_**More-Than-Ever17**_**. Hope you like it! (I wonder how long it will take to get 100 reivews :D hahah)**

**Enjoy everyone!**

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 10

Minerva folded the corner of her page back and closed the book she had been reading. She'd had a long day, a very long day. And although she had always enjoyed the Halloween Feast, this year's festivities were rather more rambunctious than usual. She'd found many students out of bed trying to play tricks on opposing houses and one or two couples in various empty classrooms. Now however, she had finished her patrolling shift and all that had troubled her was someone else's problem. She didn't normally like to pass off responsibilities onto other staff members but tonight she pushed all those thoughts from her mind. She looked up at the portrait above her fire place and found that Leander was already asleep in his lion form. It must have been a lot later than she thought if he'd fallen asleep while she was still awake. She placed her book on the table beside her sofa and with a stretch, made her way toward her bedroom.

Minerva quickly went about her nightly routine and she slipped into a long sleeved white cotton nightgown that was perhaps a little too thin for the end of October. She sat down in front of the old mirror on top of the equally old vanity desk and pulled the pins from her bun. She began combing her fingers through her hair, taking away the days tension and then ran a brush through her dark tresses. She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation and then began to braid her long hair. She had just tied off the end when she heard Leander speak from behind her.

"My Lady," he panted, his handsome face contorted with concern and alarm.

"What is it?" Minerva asked, feeling a dark sense of foreboding in her stomach.

"The Headmaster has sent for you, he asked you to meet him in the courtyard. Do not waste time my Lady!" Leander said, stopping Minerva from collecting her dressing gown. "Make haste!" Leander dashed from the portrait and Minerva rushed into the living room.

"Leander what..?"

"The Headmaster has asked for your help Neva," the man said, interrupting her. "Now go, quickly!" The door to her quarters swung open and Minerva ran into the corridor, her wand gripped tightly in her hand.

The cold autumn air hit her like a ton of bricks when she burst through the main doors and into the courtyard. She ran to the walk way, slipping on the rain soaked stones and she realised she was bare foot. She was about to use a warming charm on her freezing cold feet when she caught sight of something ahead of her.

Albus was staggering toward her through the mist that had gathered around the castle and Minerva ran toward him when she realised he was half carrying someone with him.

"Albus!" As she neared him he stopped, exhausted and gently let the person he was supporting fall to the floor.

"Take him home Minerva," Albus said, touching her shoulder gently. "Take him home and care for him. He's been through enough tonight." Albus strode away from them and Minerva watched him disappear into the fog again. She slowly knelt down in front of the man and nudged his hair away from his face.

"Come Severus," she whispered affectionately. "Let us go home." She was surprised at how willingly he took hold of her hand and she helped him up into a standing position. At his first step his knees gave way and he gripped Minerva tightly. Minerva stumbled and she heard her nightgown tear as he pulled on her but she managed to keep them both up right. "You need to go to the hospital wing," she said but Severus shook his head violently.

"Bed." That was all he said and Minerva pressed her lips together.

"Hold onto me," she said as she pulled one of his arms over her shoulder and she felt him grip her arms tightly. She knew she'd have bruises tomorrow. They slowly made their way back to the castle and Minerva struggled to keep her feet from slipping on the stones.

Finally they reached the main doors and they stumbled inside. Minerva quickly grabbed Severus before he fell face first in the wall and she helped him along the corridor. Severus made a beeline for the dungeons but Minerva knew they'd never make it down the stairs in his condition. After making a quick decision she helped him up the stairs to the first floor and pulled him toward her quarters.

Leander was pacing back and forth in his portrait and when they approached him he stood stock still, watching them carefully.

"Neva, what..?"

"Open the door now!" Minerva shouted and the door flew open instantly. Despite his slim frame, Severus was dead weight around her neck and she was beginning to weaken under the strain. As they entered the warmth of her chambers Severus tried to head for the nearest chair but with her last ounce of strength, Minerva steered him toward her bedroom. She pushed him toward her bed and he fell into it heavily while Minerva fell onto her knees on the floor in front of him. She took a few deep breaths before standing on shaky legs and leaning over him to check that he was alright. He slowly looked up into her eyes and Minerva hoped she was successful at holding back the shock she felt at what she saw.

Severus looked completely broken. He was pale and his eyes seemed empty. He was lost. It was a look she remembered on herself long ago when she peered into the mirror.

"He promised..." His breath caught in his throat as he tried to speak.

"Severus..." she brushed a hand across his forehead and she watched as tears fell across his cheeks.

"He promised..." he tried again but his voice was hoarse as if he'd been screaming for hours. "He promised to keep them... it's all my fault." He closed his eyes tightly and then surprised Minerva by sitting up sharply and grabbing her shoulder tightly.

"Severus..." She felt a twinge of fear in her chest at the intensity on his face.

"The Potters are dead," he said with a surreal calmness that made Minerva just stare at him for a second until his words actually sunk into her mind. "They're dead." He repeated. There was no emotion to his voice, nothing in his eyes. He was a blank canvass and Minerva wasn't sure what upset her more, the death of her favourite students or her colleague's complete and utter despair. "It's all my fault," he said quietly, more to himself than to her.

"I don't believe that," Minerva said, shaking her head and feeling her own tears splash down her cheeks. "You came to us... you've told us things... they went into hiding because you..." Severus flinched at her words and she stopped talking.

"Yes, they were in hiding... because of..." He swallowed hard and his eyes fell to her neck. "It's my fault." Minerva tried to read what was in his eyes but he'd closed himself off to her.

"The Potter's death is not _your fault_. No one could have stopped him!"

"I should have tried harder! I should have pressed him for more details... I should have pushed further into his thoughts..."

"But then you would be dead too!" Minerva exclaimed, holding his face between her hands, making him look at her. Severus closed his eyes, more tears spilling from under his lashes. They fell silent for a moment until Severus opened his eyes and looked at her.

"The boy... Lily's – " his breath caught. "Lily's son survived."

"What?" But Minerva knew she'd heard him correctly. She shook her head slightly in disbelief. "But how..?"

"I don't know," Severus said with an unconcerned shrug. "But I think... I think the Dark Lord... I think he's dead."

Minerva stared at him in amazement. _Could it be true?_ She felt her body jump up from the bed and a sudden wave of dizziness washed over her. She knocked into the bedside table and she felt Severus' hands reached out for her waist to steady her. She tried to hold back the first sob that racked her body, unable to let herself believe in what Severus thought might have happened. _Could he really be dead? Could all this really be over?_

"Minerva..?" She quickly wiped away her tears and took a deep breath before turning back to face Severus.

"You need to rest," she said, unclenching his fists from her nightgown. "Stay here, I'll be right back." She threw on an emerald green teaching robe over her nightgown and slipped into her shoes as she headed for the door. As she was about to exit her quarters she turned back to see Severus standing at the doorway to her bedroom, watching her carefully. She opened her mouth to say something but thought better of it and fled into the corridor.

Minerva was running toward Albus' office when someone nearly collided into her. She stopped short and held her hand over her heart as her eyes travelled up the large body of Hagrid.

"Hagrid, you gave me a fright!" She exclaimed and Hagrid looked down at the floor.

"Sorry Professor," he said, wringing his hands together. "I need to get to Professor Dumbledore's office."

"I'm heading right there now," Minerva said as she and Hagrid quickly walked the rest of the way.

"Have yer heard?" Hagrid asked after a second. "'bout the Potters?"

"Yes," Minerva said with a twinge of sadness and she looked up at Hagrid who blew his nose into his large spotty handkerchief. She watched him out the corner of her eye, waiting to see if he had heard anything of You-Know-Who or the Potter boy but he remained silent.

"They were a nice couple," he muttered when he managed to get his emotions under control.

They reached the Headmaster's office and Minerva shouted the password as she jumped onto the stairs and ran the rest of way. She burst into Albus' office and although she knew he probably wouldn't be there she couldn't help but feel frustrated at the same time.

"Do you know where he is?" She asked as she turned to look at Hagrid.

"No... he sent Fawkes." Hagrid pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to her. "Said to bring the 'package' Sirius had to Privet Drive, does it mean anythin' to yer?"

"Privet Drive? No, it doesn't." She handed the note back and headed for the stairs. "You should floo straight to Godric's Hollow, Sirius will be waiting for you," she said as she passed Hagrid and he touched her shoulder.

"Is everythin' alrigh' Professor?" He asked and she nodded. She looked up into his eyes and she knew he could tell she was lying but just as always, he never pushed. _He'd find out soon enough anyway_, she thought as she made her way down the stairs and headed for her quarters.

When she made her way back into chambers Leander was nowhere in sight and she guessed he must have gone to find out the gossip now working its way around the castle. She hoped he would be discreet on who currently resided in her rooms. Thinking of Severus she made her way to her bedroom and found the young man sitting in her window seat fast asleep.

She slowly made her way over to him and sat next to him, careful not wake him. She looked at his face and even in sleep he seemed pained. She brushed a piece of hair from his face and his eyes fluttered open when her finger tips brushed his skin.

"Where'd you go?" He asked in a whisper.

"To look for Albus," she said, pulling the throw from her bed and covering Severus with it.

"Did you find him?" She shook her head and Severus turned to look out of the window.

"But I know where he'll be going," she said and he slowly turned to look at her.

"I want to come with you," he said, knowing she was planning on looking for the Headmaster but she shook her head.

"I think it's best if you stay here," she said and he grabbed her arm.

"Do you trust me Professor?" He asked in a sudden outburst, his voice bordering on desperation.

Minerva froze and stared at him for a few seconds. _Did she trust him?_ She knew what he was worried about. His master had been vanquished, leaving behind his followers to face the consequences. His hands clenched tighter on her arms and she squirmed uncomfortably. He must have seen her unease as suddenly his face went blank and he dropped his hands from her arms.

"Perhaps I do deserve to go to Azkaban. The things I've seen..."

"Listen to me Severus Snape," she said interrupting him. She may be undecided on her level of trust of him but she knew he didn't deserve a life amongst the dregs of society. "Azkaban prison is no place for you. Yes you may have played witness to some atrocities but you have a long life ahead of you to redeem yourself. This will be your fresh start and you should grasp it with both hands." She took hold of his hands and squeezed them tightly. "Albus will stand by you, Severus, you know he will." His eyes dropped to the floor as if he was embarrassed by what she was saying and when he spoke his voice was so quiet she had to strain to hear him.

"Will you?" He looked up at her when she didn't answer straight away. "Will you stand by me?"

"Yes," she said without thinking, surprising herself at the genuine feeling of loyalty toward him. "Yes I will." Severus closed his eyes and nodded with a sigh of relief.

"I..." he shook his head as if dismissing what he was about to say and opened his eyes to look her. She could read his appreciation in his eyes and she nodded.

"I have to go," she said after a second. "Try and get some rest."

Severus said nothing more and turned his head to look out the window again. Minerva glanced over her shoulder at him before stepping into her living room. She took out her wand and summoned a patronus.

"Severus is in my quarters, please watch over him while I find Albus." She said before sending the small tabby cat to relay the message to Filius. She took a small amount of floo powder into her hand and threw it into the fire before stepping into the green flame.

"The Hogs Head!"

-x-

The next night, Minerva and Albus stepped out of the fireplace into his office. Albus moved straight to his desk and sat down while Minerva remained by the fire. She folded her arms over her chest and watched the Headmaster sort through a pile of letters as if nothing had happened.

"This isn't right Albus," she said with a hard edge to her voice. Albus looked up at her as if he were surprised to see her there.

"It is imperative he remain anonymous, he cannot grow up famous. Living with his aunt and uncle will give him the protection he needs. Here, in our world, his life is still in danger. Sending Harry away was the only way to ensure his survival." Albus took a breath and Minerva looked away from him but she could still feel his eyes on her. "I thought you of all people would have understood my reasons."

At that Minerva's head spun around to face him and she narrowed her eyes at him. _How could he do this to her? How could he dredge up a past that she'd tried so hard to put behind her?_ Minerva felt her anger simmering under her skin and she turned toward the door, wanting to head to her quarters before she said something she'd later regret.

"How is Severus?" Albus asked before she could open the door. Minerva sighed and turned to look at him over her shoulder. He was looking at her with an apology in his eyes and she swallowed deeply before answering him. She knew he hadn't meant to upset her.

"Fine... shaken," she added after a second. "When I left him he was thinking about what would happen to him now that..."

"Yes," Albus gave a remorseful nod. "I have already had pressure from the Governors Board."

"They've asked you to remove him from the staff?" She asked carefully and when he nodded she felt outraged. "But you're not going to..." He held up a hand to interrupt her with a slight smile.

"Do not worry my dear," he said. "I do not intend to remove him from his post but it is regrettable that he will still have to stand trial."

"Stand trial?" Minerva shook her head. "But he..." She stopped and took a deep breath. If Severus were to stand trial he wouldn't stand a chance. They'd send him to Azkaban Prison for sure.

"I will speak on his behalf. I will give evidence of his allegiance; you have nothing to worry about Minerva. He will not go to Azkaban." Minerva couldn't help the breath of relief that she let out and Albus smiled over at her gently. "I do believe you have become rather fond of our Potions Master, Neva."

"I think _fond_ is too strong a word Albus, perhaps _tolerant_ is a better one. We have learned to tolerate each other." She avoided his eyes because she knew he could hear the white lie in her words. She had indeed become fond of the young man. In fact, she had been fond of him at school and despite what she'd heard of his past, she was pleased to see that deep down, he had not much changed since his school days. Of course there were things about him that she did not know and would never wish to know, but that didn't change the fact that she often sought out his company during meal times.

"Well whatever you wish to call it," he said looking down at his letters. "I think he will come to depend on it in the coming weeks." Minerva watched him pick up his quill and he began to reply to a letter he had just opened. "There are celebratory festivities in the Great Hall, you should go enjoy yourself." Minerva wanted to say more but she knew she had been dismissed. She shook her head affectionately and gave a slight laugh.

"Goodnight Headmaster," she said and she heard his sing song reply just as she was closing the door behind her.

As Minerva headed back to her quarters she couldn't help but think about the man she had left there. Severus hadn't said much after his return but she could tell that whatever had really happened on Hallows Eve had shaken him more than he would ever admit. She knew from his school days that he had once been friendly with Lily but their friendship seemed to dwindle as they progressed through the school. She knew Severus probably mourned the death of his childhood friend but it wouldn't account for his desolate behaviour. Or had the children's bond been stronger than she had ever noticed?

As she drew near her door she noticed Leander was still missing. No doubt he would be celebrating with the rest of the school. She let herself into her quarters as quietly as she could and the first thing she spotted was Filius fast asleep in the armchair in front of her fire. As she made her way over to him she noticed the fire had burned out and the air was beginning to chill. She conjured a woollen throw and carefully draped it over him to keep him warm. She didn't have the heart to wake him but she took the fact that he was still here to mean that he had stayed with Severus for the whole day. She was grateful to think that Severus hadn't been left alone.

After making sure Filius was still asleep she made her way into her bedroom in search of her other colleague. She knocked gently, even though the door was open and entered slowly. She looked toward the bed but instead found him at the window, in the exact same place as she'd left him. Had it not been for the crumbled bed she'd have wondered if he'd moved at all since she'd left him last night. She stepped toward him and he turned to look at her.

"I'm not a child Professor, there was no need to send a babysitter." Minerva stopped at the contemptible look on his face and she took a minute to choose her words carefully.

"It was for my own peace of mind Severus, I meant no harm by it." Severus studied her warily and he shifted in the window seat, leaving space for another person. She took it as a sign of forgiveness.

"Filius lost his son in the Second World War, did you know?" He asked as she sat down beside him.

"Yes I did."

"And his wife died soon after," he added, his eyes trained on the trees outside. "Did you know that too?"

"Yes." She had a nervousness feeling in her stomach when he turned to look at her. Filius had shared the same story with her when she had first arrived at Hogwarts and she knew the older man would not have betrayed her confidence and informed Severus of what she had confided in him. But she could already see the burning questions in Severus' eyes and she dreaded his next words.

"Your scar... is it to do with your husband dying?"

"Yes." She realised it was all she had been able to say for the last ten minutes but she didn't trust her voice to keep the emotion out of her words. He nodded and reached out a hand to gently take her wrist. Her pulled back her robe and turned her arm over so that he could see the long thin scar. He traced his finger lightly across it and Minerva shuddered under his touch, sending sparks down her spine and stirring up feelings she hadn't let herself experience in a long time.

"You must be tired," he said, looking up into her face. His fingers were still tracing her marred skin and she managed to shake her head. Despite spending the better part of an entire day sitting on a cold stone wall in her animagus form, she felt wide awake. There was too much on her mind.

"I don't think sleep would come tonight," she whispered. Severus lifted his fingers from her skin for a second before replacing his index finger, followed by his thumb, then his index finger again. She kept her eyes on his as she felt him tap his fingers across her scar until she suddenly realised what he was doing. He was playing something on her arm, as if there were keys tattooed on her skin and she smiled softly. "What are you playing?" She asked, knowing from the look in his eyes that he could hear the tune in his mind.

"I want to show you," he whispered. He laid his hand securely on her own and pulled her up from the window seat. He grabbed the throw she had given him earlier and draped it across her shoulders. They slowly made their way into her living room, trying to be as quiet as possible as they made their way to the door. Severus turned to Minerva and took hold of her hand again, he squeezed it gently and she let him lead her down into the cold, dark dungeons.

* * *

**Hope you liked it... let me know what you think :D x**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey hey peeps! :D I'm in a great mood today! I just received confirmation that I got my Last Night of the Proms tickets. And they're in the stalls... SCORE! Time to bring out the funny big hat and flags, rehearse the words to all our favourite patriotic songs and start practising the bounces in formal attire! Oh yeah! And this year, I'm on the hunt for a car horn... they're bringing back the **_**Sailor's Hornpipe**_**. Yes!**

**Anyway, this chapter was quite exhausting to write. Lots of emotions running high in me and now I'm absolutely ready for bed! But I had to finish this chapter and upload it... I'm on a creative roll and I'm taking full advantage :D Also, the piece of music mentioned in this is Chopin's **_**Prelude in E Minor Op 28, no. 4**_**. If you want to listen to it I've posted it onto my LJ wall which is linked in my profile. It's not essential, I hope you'll get mood of the scene without listening to it but still, it's a wonderful piece if you're interested.**

**Hope you enjoy it! And don't forget to let me know what you thought.**

**Lillibet x**

**One last thing, I've uploaded two chapters in quick succession so just make sure you've read chapter 10 beforehand or this one won't make that much sense... ok enough with the ramblings...**

* * *

Chapter 11

Severus made his way into the Lestrange household, nodding his greeting as he passed Wilkes and Avery.

"We're hunting tonight my friend," Wilkes said as he slung an arm over Severus' shoulder.

"Hunting?" Severus said, trying to sound interested.

"Benji Fenwick," Avery said as he joined them.

"Benji..?" Severus stopped walking and turned to look at his former school friends. "He's one of..."

"Dumbledore's?" Wilkes finished for him with a broad grin. "Yeah he is, been causing a lot of trouble for us at the Ministry."

"What do you say Snape? Up for some fun?" Avery clapped a heavy hand on his back and Severus forced out a slight smirk.

"I must see our Master first, then perhaps..." He left his sentence open as he left Wilkes and Avery jostling with each other in anticipation of tonight's activities.

Severus slowly stepped into the study and Bellatrix turned on him instantly.

"Here he is... Dumbledore's lapdog!" She spat gleefully and waved her wand dangerously under Severus' neck.

"Silence!" The Dark Lord's voice rang through the room and Bellatrix immediately stepped away from Severus. "You have information for me Severus?" He asked, beckoning Severus over to him.

"You asked me to track the Order's movements tonight my Lord." The Dark Lord looked pleased at the prospect of news and he leaned forward in his chair to look at Severus. "Most members of the Order will be away tonight, they think they have information on where you are hiding." The Dark Lord barked a laugh and indicated for Severus to continue. "I can tell you my Lord that the Ministry will be unprotected tonight. Benji Fenwick and Alastor Moody are the only Order members there. If my Lord wishes to make an attack, tonight would be the most opportunistic."

"Excellent!" The Dark Lord stood from his chair and sneered at his followers. "Go Bellatrix; take the group to the Ministry!" Severus watched the crazed witch fly from the room. His mind was whirling. The trap these people would be walking into wouldn't fail but he couldn't help but wonder what would happen to Fenwick.

"You are not going with them my Lord?" Severus asked carefully, surprised that he wouldn't be joining such an epic milestone in his plan to take over the wizarding authorities.

"No my faithful servant, tonight, I have more important matters to attend to." He drifted across the room and Severus followed him, keeping a cautious few steps behind him.

"Please my Lord, may I ask..?" The Dark Lord whipped around to look at Severus and he tried not to flinch at the sudden movement but he still took a step back.

"I," he said in a sing song way. "Am searching for the chosen one," he said with bright eyes. "I know where they are Severus..." And with that the Dark Lord vanished.

Severus felt as if his chest had caved in on itself. _He couldn't mean_... He raced down the hall, heading for the fire place when someone stepped out of the shadows.

"You!" Severus shouted, pointing his wand into the other man's face.

"Yes Severus, it is I..." Peter Pettigrew smiled maliciously and pushed Severus' wand away from his face.

"What are you doing here?" Severus asked suspiciously. Albus had not said anything about sending another spy into their fold.

"Serving our Master," he whispered. "I have given him there the whereabouts of the Potters, he will kill them Severus and then... nothing will be in his way!" Wormtail laughed, his eyes rolling back in his head making him seem insane.

Severus didn't know what to say to Wormtail's revelation. He was stunned! _How could he... a Gryffindor, betray his friends?_ Severus shook his head, _he had to stop this! _He grabbed the front of Wormtail's robes and pushed him up against the wall.

"Where are they Pettigrew?" He asked, furiously. "Where did you send him?"

"God... Godric's Hollow..." He stammered, alarmed and confused at Severus' outburst.

"You will take me there!" Severus pulled Wormtail into the fire place that took them to Borgin and Burkes. He continued to drag the traitorous snitch out of the shop and the two of them apparated to Godric's Hollow.

As soon as his feet hit the floor Severus looked up to see a small house in front of him. Wormtail pointed to it.

"There, that's it!" He said, looking up at Severus with terror in his eyes.

Severus looked up at a small window and took a step toward the house. There was a sudden flash of green light and his heart stopped. _NO! Please Gods, no_! He went to take another step when he saw another flash of green and suddenly the pain in his left arm was unbearable. He collapsed on the floor with an agonised scream, his eyes clenched shut and he could hear the cries of Wormtail behind him as he too fell to the floor. Severus forced his eyes open and he looked up just in time to see the side of the house explode; glass and wood rained down on him as a screaming shadow passed over them and disappeared into the night sky. Severus staggered to his feet and in the background he could hear Wormtail muttering something.

"Get out of here!" Severus barked at him and Wormtail immediately took off. Severus looked up at the house and time seemed to slow down as he headed inside, searching of what his desolate heart already knew he would find.

-x-

"Severus?"

Severus opened his eyes to see that they were standing outside the door to his office. Sir John was looking at him with a worried expression but he knew it hadn't been his voice that had brought him out of his dark thoughts.

"Severus?" He suddenly realised that there was a warm hand in his and he closed his eyes again, taking something, he didn't know what, from the security of its sturdiness. He turned to the person next to him and opened his eyes. He had expected to see pity or apprehension in her expression but instead, Professor McGonagall stood before him as confidently and unyielding as ever. It was good to know there was still some certainty in his world.

He turned his attention to his Dolor Altor and nodded his head. Sir John opened the door for them and when Severus led his former Professor through the door and the tapestry in his office he heard the door to his private chambers open too. Sir John remained quiet the whole time for which Severus was glad. Despite some of the things he often threatened Sir John with; he did actually like the painted man.

"I'll give you some space lad," Sir John said with a comforting smile. "You know where to find me should you need anything." Severus nodded and was surprised when Sir John gave him a slight bow.

"Thank you Sir John," Severus muttered. He stood in the middle of his rooms, not sure what to do with himself. He felt her thumb stoke his knuckles once and he looked down at the hand he still clasped in his own. He knew he should drop it, he should let go of her but he couldn't. He once let go of Lily's hand and look where that had gotten him...

"Severus," her voice was soothing and warm. "Will you play for me?" She asked, brushing her thumb over his knuckles again. He nodded, remembering why he brought her here in the first place and led her over to the piano.

Severus withdrew his wand and extended the piano stool before pulling Professor McGonagall down onto the seat with him. They both sat facing the piano for a moment, hand in hand, lost in their own thoughts. Severus placed his other hand on top of hers and once again began to tap his fingers across her skin. When he'd been in her rooms he hadn't quite realised what he'd been doing until she spoke to him. He'd never done it to another person before. When he was a child the action had been a comforting way to block out the sounds of his father's voice, it was his way to escape the reality of what was happening around him. He hadn't done this since the night he finally left his father's house for the last time. He'd been 18.

"Do you know Chopin?" He asked, placing his right hand on the keys while he kept hold of her hand with the other.

"Not as well as I should like," she answered quietly and Severus nodded.

"Chopin wrote a series of Preludes... I found them once in the library in – Spinner's End," he choked on the name of the village where he grew up but moved on quickly. "Opus 28, number 4."

Severus finally untangled his hand from hers and began to play. The music was just as haunting and wonderful as he remembered, the simple melody changing back and forth between two notes before descending. He hadn't played like this in a long time. He closed his eyes when there was a pause in the music and he took a breath. He could feel the tension building in his chest, the previous day's emotion making him press the keys harder than was necessary. He poured everything he was feeling into the music. He continued with the piece, returning to the beginning but this time going through a different string of harmonies. It built in him, the music soaring to a bittersweet climax before descending again, falling into the three-chord ending. It was exquisite... he was exhausted.

"Suffocation," he said, removing his hands from the keys. "That's what people call it." He turned to look at his former teacher beside him. Her eyes were closed but tears streamed down her face as she cried silently.

Severus felt something break inside his chest when she finally opened her eyes to look at him. He could see exactly what he was feeling in her eyes, she mirrored him completely. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to touch her and after a moment's hesitation he brought his hand to her face and brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. Her eyes fluttered closed and she did something that he least expected. She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. He froze for a second until he felt one of her arms circle around his back and he found his own wrapping around her slight frame.

Just over 24 hours ago he'd done the same thing with Lily. He'd held her as her flesh cooled under his fingers, her lifeless arms dangled by her side. Severus breathed deeply, swallowing his tears and he pressed his nose into Professor McGonagall's hair. She was still warm, the arm around his waist tightened and the other slowly lifted to the piano. He watched her fingers dance across the keys lightly, barely making a noise but Severus could hear every note clearly in his head. He tightened his arms around her, bringing one hand up to brush across her neck and he could feel the reassuring pulse under his finger tips. The image of Lily's unresponsive body on the floor of the nursery slowly filtering from his mind as he allowed himself to fall against the woman he held. Holding her close he listened to her steady breathing and concentrated on the rhythmic pulse under his fingers...

-x-

Severus woke with a start, forcing his body to sit up quickly and he found himself being wrapped in someone's arms. He relaxed as soon as he felt her hands rubbing circles across his back. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her neck as he tried to push the images out of his mind.

"Don't ignore them Severus," she whispered into his ear as if she knew what he was thinking. "You must confront whatever it is that you're feeling." He pulled back to look into her eyes and he knew instantly that she didn't know. For a second he had wondered if Albus had told her of Lily, told her why he was there... but looking at her now he could see the uncertainty. She had a feeling, but true to her character she wouldn't make the leap without the facts.

"Is that what you did?" Severus moved away from her slightly and realised he was in bed. He couldn't remember how he got there.

"No." She said, sadly. "And because of that... I still live it every day."

"What happened to him?" Severus asked, feeling drawn to her in that moment. "Your husband?"

"He was murdered Severus," she said in a factual tone that surprised him. "Murdered at our home..."

"In front of you," he stated, remembering what he'd over heard in the library that day.

"Yes."

"Who did it?"

"Adelwolf Rosier and his friends." Her eyes studied him, waiting for the connection to drop and Severus blanched slightly when the realisation hit him.

"Evan Rosier's father?" He stared at Professor McGonagall, horrified at her information. He had been close friends with Evan when they had attended Hogwarts together, _what must she think of him?_ "Was it... did the Dark Lord send them?" He asked, leaning toward her, knowing that Adelwolf had had strong ties within the Dark Lord's followers.

"I doubt that he did," she said with a wry smile. "I don't think You-Know-Who cared about the details of my marriage."

"Then why –"

"Because I married a muggle." She said cutting him off. Severus had to admit he was taken aback. He thought back to what Sir John had said to him all that time ago.

_"She left, disappeared. She signed her sisters' name as caretaker for the__ estate and left." _

_Had her muggle husband been the reason for her disappearance? Had she done it to protect him?_

"You seem surprised," she said softly, a ghost of a smile playing on her lips.

"There are lots of us who..." he paused, catching what he'd said. _Us._ "There are many witches and wizards who fall in love with muggles, why would you be any different?"

"_I was destined to marry well_," she said with a dry laugh. If she'd heard his slip, she didn't give him any indication that she had. "In other words, I was expected to marry a pure blood."

"They killed your husband because they didn't like your decision?" There must have been more to it. He watched his colleague study him for a second and from the way she was looking at him, he thought she wasn't going to tell him anything more.

"I believe they killed him as punishment. I was what they called 'reckless' in those days and recklessness in women was not tolerated amongst pure blood families."

"Did they give you that scar too?" He asked and he knew he was pushing too far but Professor McGonagall gave him a gentle smile.

"Not this one," she said softly.

_This one? There were more? _Severus was about to question her further but she suddenly stood up from his bed.

"You should rest; I doubt you've had much sleep." She placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him down under the covers. He opened his mouth to say something but she placed her index finger on his lips. "Not tonight Severus, I can't talk about this tonight."

There was something in her eyes, a sadness so deep that he believed he could almost see her soul weeping. Just as she was about to leave he grabbed the hand that was pulling away from his lips and held it flat against his cheek. Professor McGonagall turned back to him and this time he could see pity in her eyes. _That wasn't what he wanted._ She brushed his cheek with her thumb and ran her other hand over his forehead affectionately. As Severus looked up into her breathtaking face he couldn't help the longing he felt for her. He desperately wanted to touch her lips.

"Sleep, Severus," she whispered, breaking his thoughts. He nodded and let go of her hand allowing her to move away from him. He felt both relieved and disappointed at the loss of her warmth but he ignored it. His thoughts were chaotic as he looked up at her.

_He missed Lily... he was feeling this because he missed her... he was grieving her death... it had to be about Lily...it was all about Lily..._

He watched Professor McGonagall leave his bedroom and the longing for her touch returned. He closed his eyes.

_Wasn't it?_

* * *

**Well, hope you liked it... let me know what you thought :D xxx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey beautiful people! Another quick update, not as quick as last time but still pretty speedy.**

**Quick question... do any of you watch **_**True Blood**_**? I adore it! It's not at all child friendly, so any of you little nippers out there should avoid it but... Fiona Shaw (Aunt Petunia in Potter films) is playing a witch in the new series and she's brilliant! I've been a fan of Fiona Shaw for some time, I've seen her a lot on the stage and she is a powerhouse actress! Such a kind, intelligent and funny person when you meet her face to face. So I was wondering what your thoughts about it were, I've only seen one episode as it hasn't actually started over here in the UK yet but if there's anyone watching it in the US, I'd love to know your thoughts.**

**So this chapter was actually pretty fun to write. It's jumped a little bit again, only a few weeks but I'm sure you're all following along. I really hope you enjoy it as much as the other chapters and please remember to let me know what you thought! Another quick question, did many of you check the music out from the last chapter? Don't worry if you didn't, it's not a problem but I will be writing about another piece in the next chapter and was wondering if you'd like me to post the music again?**

**One last thing, if I haven't had chance to reply to your reviews on the last chapter then please let me apologise and thank you for your comments. I normally like to thank everyone who reviews but this weekend has been a bit hectic and I just haven't had time. So... THANK YOU! :D**

**Happy reading!**

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 12

The beginning of December had come quickly and with it had come the snow. Ten inches of the bluish white glittering fluff covered every area of the castle grounds. It was beautiful.

Minerva was thankful for her fur-lined cloak and matching hand muff, its insulation protecting her from freezing temperatures. She pushed her hands deeper inside the muff and continued her walk toward the lake.

She smiled when she saw some of the students skating on the ice and she was reminded of her own days at Hogwarts and the exciting build up to Christmas. She stopped to watch them for awhile and she could hear the children's laughter as they twirled and threw snowballs at each other. Just as she was about to turn back she noticed something in the forest out of the corner of her eye. She gasped in surprise but relaxed instantly when the Potions Master nodded in greeting.

"Severus!" She breathed, pressing a hand to her chest but smiling none the less. "You startled me."

"Good evening Professor," Severus said stiffly and Minerva frowned, her smile fading quickly.

For the most part of November, after the defeat of You-Know-Who, Severus had regularly sought her company. He never wanted to talk, just content to sit with her in the staff room and read while she'd work on her research paper for The Future of Transfiguration. They had not ventured into each other's rooms since that night he'd played the piano for her and she was fine with the arrangement. However, sometime in the last week of November, she'd lost him. He became withdrawn and haughty, much like he was when he first arrived at the school. She couldn't imagine what had brought on such a change in temperament.

She could feel Severus' eyes on her for a few seconds but she didn't want to be the first to speak. After another few seconds when it became clear that he wasn't going to say anything more she opened her mouth to say something. Before she could however, Severus turned on his heels and began marching back toward the castle. Minerva was furious.

"Severus Snape!" Her tone was the one she reserved for reprimanding her students and although she made it a rule to never use it in regards to a colleague, she was pleased to see Severus stop in his tracks. "What has become of you?" She asked, hopping through the deep snow to stand beside him.

"I have no idea to what you are referring," he said in a severe voice.

"You know perfectly well to what I am referring!" She said stepping in front of him as he tried to continue his walk. "I don't understand what happened... did I offend you?" She asked, taking note of Severus' surprised expression.

"No... no of course not." He frowned at her as if she'd gone mad.

"Then why have you been avoiding me?" She forced herself to calm down with long steady breaths.

"I... I haven't..." Minerva raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged his shoulders. "The trials have been..."

"Albus told me they've been questioning you." Severus grimaced at her words.

"I asked him not to tell you," he sighed and Minerva looked at him curiously.

"Why?" She asked but Severus pursed his lips together slightly and she knew she wasn't going to get an answer. "I don't need protecting Severus, if that's what you're doing."

"I'm perfectly aware that you can take care of yourself but that isn't what this is about."

"Then what?"

"Would you care for some tea?" He asked suddenly and Minerva flinched at his words. Even Severus himself seemed surprised by them.

"I... yes." She managed to say through a clouded mind. _Had she just missed something?_

"Perhaps we can head down to the kitchens?" He began to walk but Minerva stayed where she was, looking at him a slight worried expression. "Do not worry about me Professor," he said taking hold of her elbow and gently pulling her toward the castle. She brought one her hands out of the fur muff and laced her fingers with his. He didn't seem to mind and after a few steps he tightened his hold on her hand tenderly as they made their way back into the castle using the dungeon entrance.

When they entered the kitchens Severus shed his thick heavy winter cloak and an elf appeared immediately to take his belongings back to his quarters. Minerva meanwhile was having trouble with the fastener on her own cloak. She tugged at it with an impatient laugh but froze when Severus put his hands on top of hers. She dropped her arms down by her sides as Severus worked at the knot. His skilful strong hands making short work of the mess she'd made.

"Can't take you anywhere," he mumbled as he pulled the robe from her body and handed it to Teensy who was waiting patiently, the matching muff already clutched in her tiny hands. Minerva felt herself heat at Severus' light teasing and she smiled.

"Thank you," she said and he nodded.

The elves jumped at the chance to make them tea, offering up plates of freshly baked pastries and bread to which Severus helped himself to a cream puff. She smirked as she watched him add a heaped spoon of sugar to his strong tea.

"I didn't take you as the sweet tooth kind," she said with a slight admonishment of his sugar in take. Severus merely raised an eyebrow at her.

"At least they're better than Ginger Newts," he said with a snap before taking a large bite from his pastry.

"There's nothing wrong with Ginger Newts," she snapped back but she couldn't hide the amusement in her eyes.

"When was the last time you ate a cream puff?" He asked her abruptly and Minerva wasn't surprised to find that she couldn't remember. It must have shown on her face as Severus suddenly lifted his hand to her mouth and offered the pastry to her. She gave him a wary look and lifted her hand to take it from him but he batted her hand away.

"What..?"

"Once you get a taste you'll want to keep it. This one's mine," he said, his eyes flashing brightly which Minerva now understood as a sign of amusement. He pushed the pastry against her lips and to Minerva it felt oddly intrusive. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling.

She opened her mouth a few centimetres and bit down on the sweet dough. The effect was immediate. The smooth, rich taste of the vanilla cream filling her senses and she smiled as Severus pulled the treat away from her.

"You were right, I do want one now." She said with a chuckle and noticed that Severus was looking at her strangely. He placed the pastry on the table where they sat and reached a hand to her face, brushing his thumb across her bottom lip. Minerva opened her lips automatically with a sharp intake of breath. Her lips tingled pleasantly and she bit down gently on her bottom lip.

"You had cream on your lip," he said as he pulled his hand away from her. His voice was as dark as his eyes, which were focused on her lips as she licked them nervously.

"Thank you," she added, feeling slightly self-conscious under his watchful eyes. They were silent for a moment and Minerva absentmindedly pulled the pastry apart which had just been placed in front of her by one of the elves.

She wasn't sure what was happening with her colleague. One minute he didn't want anything to do with her, avoiding conversation and making snide remarks whenever she approached him. And now, he was very attentive. Inviting her for tea, helping her remove her winter cloak and even taking the liberty of feeding her! She had never met anyone who could switch from being almost callous to being as affectionate as a lover. It made her head spin.

"Severus –"

"Have you – "

They both started talking at the same time and Minerva let out a small laugh. Severus, on the other hand, let out a small sigh and shook his head. To anyone else he would have seemed annoyed but she knew he was laughing inside.

"Go ahead," she said, taking a sip of her tea.

"Have you heard anything of Sirius Black's trial?" He asked, taking a chunk of her pastry and eating it. Minerva froze at his question. She still couldn't believe Sirius was guilty of what they had charged him with. To kill one of his oldest friends and all those muggles... she didn't want to believe it of a man she had grown so fond of. "You liked him." Severus stated and Minerva glanced up to see his own eyes focused on the piece of pastry he still held between his fingers.

"Yes, I liked him very much." She said and Severus nodded.

"He seemed to like you too," he glanced over at her and Minerva felt herself blush. She'd always known that Sirius had harboured a crush for her. Even during his school years, some of the staff would tease her about it but it was merely a young man's crush. He was still considerate and often flirted with her but it was harmless fun, she knew not to take any of his advances seriously.

"It was nothing more than harmless fun," she stated with a shrug and Severus looked at her sceptically. _Had he noticed something she hadn't?_

"Do you think he did it?" He asked. Minerva couldn't help but think he was digging, like he was trying to gauge her awareness of something.

"I don't want to believe it... but the evidence against him is insurmountable." She took a deep breath, fighting the urge to cry. "Despite what I once thought of him... to kill Peter..."

"Pettigrew deserved what he got," Severus said suddenly, his eyes angry.

"How can you say such a thing? Peter..."

"You'd be surprised what people are capable of." Minerva studied his profile. He couldn't have been talking about little Peter Pettigrew, _he wouldn't hurt a fly!_

"Are you speaking of yourself?" She asked carefully.

"You cannot compare Peter Pettigrew and myself. There are something's Professor, that are unforgiveable." Minerva watched him drain the last of his tea and she pondered his words. She wasn't sure if he had been referring to something he himself had done or...

"Severus, do you know something?" She asked as she watched him stand from the table.

"Of course not." He took their empty cups and saucers to the sink where an elf jumped up to take them from him.

"Because if you do – "

Severus spun around to face her, a snarl disfiguring his face and fire behind his eyes.

"The bastard will go to Azkaban Prison where he belongs and even if I could help... I wouldn't." And with that he strode out of the kitchen leaving Minerva feeling rather perplexed.

"Severus..." she marched after him but it was too late, he'd already gone.

-x-

Minerva carefully braided both sides of her hair and joined them into one long braid at the nape of her neck. She was carefully rolling the braid under to make a chignon when Leander appeared behind her.

"My Lady, the Potions Master is waiting in your living room." He said disapprovingly and Minerva wondered what Severus had threatened her Dolor Altor with in order to be allowed entrance into her chambers.

"Tell him to wait," she said brusquely. She was still angry with him for his behaviour yesterday down in the kitchens. She was beginning to grow tired of his near schizophrenic behaviour. She began carefully placing pins in her hair to keep it in place when the doors to her bedroom flung open.

"I am here for a reason Professor McGonagall and I do not appreciate being kept waiting. I recognize that my manners in the past few weeks have been unpredictable but I..." Minerva watched him freeze as his eyes took in what he was seeing. She silently placed the last of the pins in her hair and then stood to face him. She was wearing her under dress, a beautiful black silk and lace piece with a bodice that nipped and pushed at all the right places. It was more ornate than the ones she usually wore under her robes but tonight was different. Teensy suddenly appeared with the evening dress Minerva had chosen and froze at the sight of Severus.

"My mistress is not decent!" Teensy squeaked as she dashed at Severus and began to chase him out of the room. Before he moved Minerva called out to her elf.

"That's alright Teensy, I think Professor Snape had something he wished to tell me." She looked at him expectantly, very aware of his eyes skimming across her undergarments. Teensy looked horrified but dutifully made her way over to her mistress's bed and laid the dress she was clutching out flat.

"It can wait," Severus said, his eyes finally resting on hers and then shifting to look at the floor quickly.

"Obviously it couldn't or else you wouldn't be standing in room, addressing me while I'm in my underwear." Severus blushed, not overly so but she could see the pink flush under his collar.

"I can wait." And he practically ran from the room, closing the doors behind him.

Minerva couldn't help the small smile that crossed her lips. She never thought she'd see the day when Severus Snape blushed and yet there he was, practically tripping over his own feet in his haste to get out of such an awkward position.

"Miss Neva, is not right for a man to see you like this," Teensy said, reminding Minerva of the rules she once abided when she was a young girl.

"I'm sure it's nothing he hasn't seen before," Minerva said, with a slight chuckle at Teensy's wide eyes.

She made her way to the long mirror inside her wardrobe and turned so she could see the back of herself. She breathed a sigh of relief when she noticed that the slip didn't show the faded scars on her back. She turned around to look at her chest and up close she could see a tiny white scar peeking out just above her left breast. She knew Severus wouldn't have been able to see it and she relaxed.

"You wish to dress now?" Teensy said, drawing up a high stool out of thin air and climbing up onto it.

Minerva lifted her arms above her head as Teensy used a quick spell to lower the gown onto her. The dress was beautiful. Edwardian styled, chocolate brown silk - it had been made especially for her a few years ago but she knew it would never go out of fashion, whether she be in muggle society or among wizarding folk. The skirt reached down to the floor and it moved smoothly with her body when she walked. Its elbow length lace sleeves and chiffon stooped neckline that continued over her shoulders to drape loosely down her back added to the overall effect. Teensy laced up the back with delicate ribbon and Minerva stepped into her plain black heels.

She glanced at her reflection one last time, rather pleased with what she saw and smiled. Teensy looked up at her in the mirror and smiled too. She handed Minerva a black pendant necklace and began tidying up the room.

"Thank you, Teens," Minerva said as she stepped out of her bedroom to deal with the difficult man on the other side.

Severus was leaning against the fire place on one arm, looking down into the flames as his other hand twirled a time piece between his fingers. He hadn't realised she was walking toward him and she took a moment to study his profile which was illuminated in the fire light. He looked tired, his cheeks hollowed and dark circles under his eyes. And yet despite that, the cheery glow from the fire made him seem more alive than she'd him in the past few weeks.

"You wished to speak to me?" She enquired, clearly taking him by surprise as his hand slipped on the mantle and he stumbled slightly. His wide eyes took in her dress and Minerva couldn't help but enjoy his obvious admiration.

"Am... am I keeping you from something?" He asked, bringing his eyes up to hers ad keeping them there.

"Not yet, I still have a few moments." She sat down carefully on her sofa and indicated for him to do the same. He remained standing.

"I wanted to..." he took a deep breath as if what he was about to say caused him some discomfort. "I wanted to apologise for my outburst in the kitchens... and... for the way I have treated you in the past few weeks." He ran his hand over the back of his head and Minerva just watched him carefully.

"And?" She prompted, having not actually heard any form of apology from him.

"And what?" He asked, confused.

"Apologise!" She said, with a slight smirk.

"Ok, I'm sorry!" He slumped down into the arm chair closest to him and glared at her. "You are a difficult woman, Professor McGonagall, do you know that?"

"You're only scratching the surface Severus," she said with a small laugh. "I accept your apology and thank you for coming to see me." She smoothed her hands over her dress and checked the clock on her mantle piece.

"Are you going somewhere tonight?" Severus asked, quietly and Minerva had to bite back a witty remark. Severus was obviously trying to right things and she didn't want anything she said to be taken the wrong way.

"An old muggle friend is hosting a party at his home in London for the new members of the London Symphony Orchestra; his godson is making his debut as the second violinist."

"Sounds... interesting," he said unable to keep the monotony from his voice. Minerva smiled.

"There will be a performance at the Royal Albert Hall beforehand. Then it's a short walk to my friend's home." Minerva looked down into her hands and saw the pendant still there. She stood up from the sofa and made her way over to small mirror on the wall.

"Do you know what they will be playing?" Severus asked and Minerva could feel his eyes on her as she struggled with the tiny clasp.

"Rachmaniov, Piano Concerto No.2," she said, trying to look back at what her fingers were doing. Suddenly she felt his cool hands on her bare neck and he rubbed his thumbs across her skin. Minerva looked up into the mirror to Severus standing behind her and she was surprised that he was looking into her eyes.

"When I was a child I would sit in our local library and pour over every piece of sheet music I could find. I was never allowed to listen to the music so I would try to imagine the cellos, the violins, the percussion... when I played the piano, that's what I could hear in the background. My favourite was Rachmaniov's Piano Concerto No.2, 3rd movement." He took the silver chain from her hands and fastened the clasp easily. He laid the chain flat against her sensitive skin and ran his finger across it. "My mother always told me Rachmaniov was the most beautiful music to listen to live but I've never had the chance." Minerva looked at him through the mirror but his eyes were focused on the small black pendant now resting on her chest.

"Why don't you come with us?" She asked without fully realising that she was talking. Severus' eyes snapped back to hers through the mirror and she turned to look at him properly.

"You..." He paused in what he was going to say and took a step back from her. "You don't want me to come with you."

"I beg your pardon?" She didn't quite know what she had expected him to say but that had definitely been at the bottom of the list.

"Why would you want me there?"

"First of all, why are questioning my motives? I have done nothing to lead to such distrust from you. Secondly, I can see how much you truly love music. Your mother is right, hearing this piece live is wonderful and if I can share that with you then it would be my pleasure to take you." She took a breath. Severus opened his mouth to say something but she placed her fingers on his open lips. "And lastly, it would be rather nice to have some company during the evening."

Minerva could feel his hot breath against her fingers and she quickly removed them. Severus just stared at her and she could almost see the conflicting emotions on his face as his mind weighed out the pros and cons.

"What would I wear?" He asked suddenly and Minerva smiled broadly.

"Hold your arms out," she said as she picked up her wand from the small table by the sofa. He did as he was told and Minerva began to transfigure his black robes into a tuxedo. Once the suit had finished reshaping she stepped back and nodded her head in approval.

"Very nice," she said giving him a smile and pulling him toward the mirror so he could see her work. "Not that much different from your own clothes." He pulled at the sleeves slightly and Minerva held back a laugh at his self-conscious action. The tux was exactly like the one all the men would be wearing at the concert. Black tails with a black bow tie and white waist coat.

"It feels..." He pulled at the shirt collar slightly and brushed his hands down his chest. "Good."

Leander appeared in the portrait above the fire place.

"The Portkey is ready my Lady." His eyes took in Severus' appearance and he glowered at him. Severus was unaware of what the Dolor Altor was doing but Minerva could see him and she cleared her throat. "You look very beautiful my Lady," Leander said with a winning smile. Minerva shook her head at him and went into her bedroom to fetch her cloak. She quickly transfigured one of her school robes into a winter over coat for Severus and handed it to him on their way out.

"I've never been to anything like this before," he said as he followed her to the Headmaster's office to use the Portkey.

"Not to worry Severus, just stick by me." She smiled at him over her shoulder before stepping onto the winding steps leading to the Headmaster's office.

* * *

**Well, hope you enjoyed... as always, don't forget to let me know what you thought xxx**


	13. Chapter 13

**Good evening Ladies and Gents! How are you all today?**

**So, a big shout out to CJ.T who I finally met this weekend at the Vintage Festival at the Southbank. We had a ball! I was taught to Swing, Foxtrot and how to do the Charleston in the Royal Festival Hall by a man who was 77 years old, who's name was Ian 'DJ Jive' Hartley. Wonderful man!  
I had such a fantastic time with a wonderful lady! And I might add, we looked fab in our 1940's garb. Also, CJ got a snap of Johnny Depp who was visiting the festival. I didn't get to see the wonderfully dishy actor but I got to meet Snape a few weeks back, so who cares? Tee Hee.**

**Anyway, I've posted the music mentioned in this chapter on my LJ page which, just to remind you, is linked in my profile page. It's a long piece in three movements but I promise you, it's worth sitting and listening to it all. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as you have the previous ones and thank you again for all your wonderful reviews!**

**Hope you're all having a magnificent day and that your weekend was as smashing as mine :D**

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 13

The Royal Albert Hall was even grander than he had expected. Severus stood in the foyer and glanced up at the glittering chandeliers that hung from the ceiling all around the corridor. The red and gold decoration reminding him a little too much of what he always imagined the Gryffindor common room to look like, but in this instance he was willing to let the colour scheme go. It added to the theatres majesty.

Severus turned to see Professor McGonagall walking up the steps toward him. Her black hair glittered in the light in a way he'd never seen hair shine and he briefly wondered what it would feel like in his hands. The dress she wore moved fluidly with every step and it accentuated her slim figure. He couldn't help but picture what she wore underneath it which he hadn't quite forgotten about. She was glorious.

"Let's go to the bar," she said as she stepped up beside him. "My friends are gathering for a champagne reception. It would be nice to see them before we go in." She gave him a soft smile and Severus felt himself leaning unconsciously toward her.

"Does your friend know about..?" He left the question open knowing she would understand what he was asking. He took hold of her elbow gently and led her toward the stairs.

"Yes, he does." Severus raised his eyes at her, his next question forming in his mind but she answered it before he asked it. "He's not a wizard and neither is any of his family."

"Then how –"

"He's my brother-in-law." She kept her eyes straight ahead but Severus stopped on the stairs. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt uncomfortable about meeting his colleague's bother in law but he did.

"Your brother-in-law..." he whispered, looking into her eyes when she turned to look at him. "Your husband's brother?"

"Yes. Older brother. You're blocking the way Severus."

He frowned at her, confused by what she'd said until he felt someone brush passed him. He jumped forward, muttering a quick apology to the growing line behind him trying to get up the stairs. It was just as he was turning back to look at his colleague when he realised what he'd done. In his rush to get out of everyone's way he'd pushed Professor McGonagall up against the banister, their bodies now pressed together, faces inches from each other. Severus looked down at her, her lips parted slightly and her eyes were focused on his chest. She'd completely frozen underneath him but Severus felt an unwanted heat intruding on his body. He jumped back from her, knocking into someone on the stairs and almost knocked back into the woman he'd just moved away from. Suddenly he felt her hand on his and she pulled him up the rest of the stairs. Once they were at the top, Professor McGonagall ran her hands over her dress but avoided his eyes. _She must have felt it too._

"Are you alright?" He asked, running a hand over his head. She nodded, glancing at him tentatively and turned quickly on her heel, leading the way to the bar.

"Neva!" The booming voice met Severus' ears as soon they entered the bar. The voice belonged to a older man or perhaps he would be best described as a beast. _He was huge!_ He must have been at least 7 feet tall, his broad shoulders and muscular arms belying his true age. If this man was Professor McGonagall's brother-in-law, he had to be in his fifties, if not sixties. His hair was still dark but there were slithers of grey peeking through. His neatly trimmed thick beard going the same way as his hair added to the effect that this man could easily be a werewolf.

Severus watched as Professor McGonagall's eyes lit up excitedly at the sight of him. Her remarkable features attracting more than a few pairs of eyes in the room and Severus was surprised he'd even been watching other people's reactions to her. Professor McGonagall hugged the older man tightly and then she turned her incredible smile back to Severus.

"Severus I'd like you to meet Pete Hartley." Severus watched her untangle her arm from the older man and place a hand on his own shoulder. "Peter, I'd like you to meet Severus Snape."

"Severus, ey?" Pete stuck his hand out for Severus to shake and he almost regretted taking it, the larger man almost crushed his hand. "Mighty nice to meet ya son." Pete smiled warmly and despite himself, Severus took an instant liking to the burly man.

"Severus has just started teaching at the school," Professor McGonagall said and Pete clapped Severus on the back. He stumbled slightly from the force of it and he glanced at his former professor who gave him a sympathetic smile.

"How are you finding it?" Pete asked as he took them over to the bar. Severus was about to respond but Pete cut him off. "You can't have been out of school yourself all that long, were you taught by our Neva?" He handed the first glass to Professor McGonagall then gave one to Severus.

"Yes I was sir and I'm finding teaching to be an admirable occupation." Severus mumbled, feeling slightly out of place in front the large boisterous man that seemed unaware of the attention of his voice was bringing to their small group.

"Is she a good teacher? I can imagine it, although I can also imagine her being quite the disciplinarian too, ey?" Pete wrapped an affectionate arm around the woman he was talking about and Severus noticed the way she rolled her eyes.

"Ignore him Severus, Peter takes great pleasure in tormenting those that he _apparently_ loves." She chuckled softly but it was drowned by the sound of Pete's roar of pretend outrage.

"Actually Professor McGonagall was one the best teachers Hogwarts has ever had. Yes she was strict but she was fair, she wouldn't treat you any differently no matter your background, what house you were in or your ability. She has great talent and taught me most of what I know today. She is well respected in our community and although I tend to dislike most Gryffindor's, I can't deny that this one at least, has good taste in music." Severus took a sip of his champagne. He wasn't entirely sure why he'd said what he'd said. He knew Pete was joking around with his former professor, almost like a sibling rivalry he had envied as a child, but he still couldn't resist the urge to stand up for her. He actually thought she might be angry, just yesterday she lectured him on not needing his protection and now here was, doing just that.

"Well now!" Pete smiled broadly and clapped a friendly hand on Severus' shoulder. Severus was pleased that it was a little gentler than the clap on his back earlier. "You're gonna fit in perfectly around here son, the ladies rule the roost. Us men, well, we just fall in line." He laughed and nudged Severus with his elbow. Severus watched the man kiss Professor McGonagall's cheek and with a mock bow, he left them alone.

"I should hate everything about him..." Severus said as he watched Pete greet a few other guests with as much gusto as he'd greeted his sister-in-law. "And yet I find myself drawn to him... what does that say about me?" He turned to look at his former teacher and she smiled.

"He has that effect on everyone; you can't help but adore him." She placed her untouched drink back on the bar and Severus noticed when she looked at him again, she'd grown serious. "Thank you for what you said."

"I was only speaking the truth," he said with a shrug. He meant every word he'd said.

"That is the second time you've spoken of me so highly," she gave him a sad smile and looked down at the floor. "I do not deserve such praise from you Severus." He couldn't help but frown.

"You do not deserve..? Professor I..."

"There was one time when I sided with those in my house, I brushed an incident off as a childish prank and I..." she took a deep breath. Severus froze as the unbearable memory she spoke of came rushing back to him. There was no denying he was angry, he'd always be angry about it but he didn't blame her. Not anymore. "I let you down, Severus and for that I..."

"I do not need anything from you Professor. When I... I said what I said because it is how I truly feel. Having Professor Slughorn as a Head of House... he was only interested in power... sometimes I wonder if I'd had someone looking out me, like you did with your Gryffindor's, would I have turned out the way I did?" He could feel something rising in his chest, a feeling he wasn't used to experiencing but it was somehow akin to how he'd felt when Lily died. He suddenly felt a hand in his and he looked up to see Professor McGonagall watching him carefully. She looked like she was about to say something but a part of him didn't want to listen to her. "Professor..."

"Minerva," she said quietly. Severus frowned at her, wondering if he'd heard her correctly but she offered no comforting smile or reassuring gestures. "You can call me Minerva," she said again. Severus supposed the act in itself was an encouraging gesture and he nodded.

Severus couldn't help but feel like something had just happened. Like they had just crossed some invisible hurdle, but he wasn't sure what it signified or what it would mean to them. All he knew was that in this moment, something good had happened.

-x-

Severus followed Minerva up the stairs toward one of the private boxes that they would be sitting in. Pete waited for them at the top of the stairs and grasped Severus' hand again, shaking it and his whole arm in the process.

"You'll be in here with Neva," Pete said as he watched Minerva walk into the box and he leaned into Severus with a whisper. "You'll be seated with Michael Boulton, a drunk and a fool with too many hands, if you know what I'm saying." He fixed Severus with a pointed stare and Severus glanced into the box to see a middle aged man trying to engage the professor in conversation.

"You want me to keep an eye out for your sister-in-law?" Severus asked, turning back to look at Pete. He wondered if Minerva had ever given her brother-in-law the lecture on 'not needing to be protected'.

"Well I suppose," Pete said with a slight chuckle. "But mostly, I'd like you to just make sure she doesn't kill him. She dislikes the man even when he's sober but when he's drunk... she abhors him!" He added in a loud whisper.

"I'll do my best sir, but I can't make any promises." Severus smirked and Pete winked conspiringly as he patted his back.

"That's a good lad."

Severus stepped into the box and glared at the man seated next to his colleague. Michael Boulton looked to be in his 50's. He was bald, enormously fat and extremely red faced. He glanced up at Severus and stumbled out of the seat he was currently in. Severus hoped the other man understood his glare to mean _back off_. Michael muttered something to Minerva and retreated to a seat behind their own. Severus gave him one last glare and sat down next to his companion.

"Pete seems to have taken quite a liking to you," she said, her nose buried in her programme.

"Yes, he does." Severus said, not sure what he was supposed to say to such a comment.

"When he asks you how I _behaved_ with Mr Boulton tonight, would you kindly ask him to keep his nose out of my business?" She looked up at him over the top of the programme and Severus smirked.

Without warning the lights dimmed. Severus glanced over at his colleague, she was still engrossed in the programme. He was excited at the prospect of seeing his first concert and his eyes flickered toward Minerva again. He was trying not to seem too eager, resisting the urge to slip onto the edge of his seat and rest his elbows on the rail like the children were in the box next to them. Minerva seemed relaxed, reclining in the plush red velvet seat, the programme delicately resting in her right hand while her left arm rested on the arm rest between them. Severus couldn't help the smile that crossed his lips. She'd obviously done this a million times before.

There was a spattering of applause before the whole auditorium joined in and Severus quickly averted his eyes from his colleague as she looked up to toward the stage. The orchestra players had taken their places and the Conductor and Solo Pianist were shaking hands.

After a moment, it began.

The solo, solitary piano began, its deep bell-like resonance echoing around the hall and then suddenly, the orchestra came to life. Severus felt something rise in his chest and his hands clutched the arm rests tightly. He felt Minerva move slightly beside him but he couldn't take his eyes away from the stage. The music drew him into the moment so intimately it was like becoming aquatinted with a new lover for the first time.

The bittersweet solo flute began and Severus was overwhelmed with a sense of hope that he'd never felt in his life. He felt his worries drifting from him, his dealings with the Ministry Hearings, his guilt and self torture and any lingering thoughts of Lily slowly fading until he was left with nothing but a solid warmth under his hands and a complete sense of calm. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to memorise the feeling. He opened his eyes to see the pianist reaching the pinnacle, his body contorting with the pure passion only another musician could understand. Severus listened regretfully as the final movement came to its end, the piano sounding out over everything else and awakening something inside his chest. He tightened his hands on the arm rests, his breathing heavy.

And then suddenly, with a resounding finality, it ended. Severus felt his body explode with the piece, leaving him completely satisfied and yet, craving more at the same time. Severus turned, for the first time since the piece started, to look at his companion. She smiled warmly at him. He felt something move under his fingers, which were still tightly gripping the arm rests and he looked down at his hand. Minerva's arm lay under his, his fingers wrapped firmly around her tiny wrist. He quickly removed his hand from hers, thinking he should apologise but before he could utter a word she smiled briefly and stood up to clap enthusiastically with the rest of the audience.

Severus felt oddly dazed, like he'd just woken from a deep, dreamless sleep. He struggled to his feet and began to clap too. He glanced over at Minerva who was beaming; her eyes alight with pleasure and exhilaration. Severus felt a small smile tug at the corner of his lips at the sight, this night was glorious.

-x-

Severus stood by the window in the large three storey Victorian townhouse that he was astonished to learn that Pete owned. He sipped his glass of wine while he watched the rich and the glamorous mill around, talking of nothing that interested him. At the beginning of the night people had approached him enthusiastically, apparently his young age was an endearing attribute to the older muggles. Everyone wanted his opinion on the performance and they all seemed so enthralled by anything they had to say. Thankfully, Minerva had led most of the conversations, the muggles taking him for being shy but he knew Minerva was probably more cautious of what he might say to them. He had to admit, her wariness was not for naught, he'd barely held his tongue on many occasions.

After what seemed like an eternity Severus was able to sneak away from the group. Pete had met him as he tried to make his escape and Severus was relieved when the older man chuckled, handed him a glass of wine and sent him on his way. Which is how he had ended up standing alone by the window. The situation suited him perfectly fine.

Minerva seemed to be enjoying her night. She conversed easily and seemed so at home amongst these people. Severus wondered if this had been her life before she returned to Hogwarts.

"Are you a friend of Minerva's?" A female voice asked, breaking his thoughts and causing him to avert his eyes from his former teacher.

"A colleague," he muttered. The woman now standing beside him was possibly in her late 50's, immaculately put together with her curly blonde hair held at the nape of her neck with a clip. Her features were pleasant enough but the snobbish way she turned her nose up when she looked over at Minerva made her look like she smelt something rotting. It made him angry.

"Our _dear_ _Minerva_ has never brought anyone with her before," she added, smiling sweetly up at him. Severus noted the patronising way she'd said 'dear Minerva' and he frowned, this woman was digging for something.

"Who are you?" He asked, not caring if his abrupt question sounded rude.

"I'm Mrs. Peter Hartley but you can call me Nora," she held her hand out and Severus wondered what she'd do if he ignored it. But this was Pete's wife and he liked the older man... After a second Severus shook her hand once and let go. He turned his attention back to the room to find that Minerva had disappeared and his eyes searched the room for her. "Don't worry, she hasn't left... probably gone for a _quiet talk_ with Pete... we all know how _close_ they are." Severus turned his head sharply to look at Nora at her insinuation and the smug smile on her lips grew. _That couldn't be true. Minerva isn't that sort person... is she?_ Of course, he didn't actually know what kind person she was, he barely knew her. "Well, I do sincerely hope you are enjoying yourself tonight." Nora patted his arm in what Severus assumed was supposed to be a comforting gesture but coupled with the triumphant smile on her lips, it came off as condescending.

Severus placed his glass on the window ledge and made his way into the crowd. He knew it was none of his business what his colleague got up to in her own time but for some reason he felt compelled to find her. As he continued to scope the room he could feel Nora's eyes on him but he refused to look at her. He thought back to the smile she'd given before he walked away from her and he could see that she thought she'd set something into motion. Perhaps she thought she had caused troubled for Minerva. In truth, Severus wasn't sure what Nora had been up to and nor did he know why he was currently looking for his colleague.

"Severus," Minerva was suddenly standing in front of him with a smile. "Are you alright?" She asked, touching his hand softly. He brushed it away and moved into the empty hallway where they would be able to talk freely. "What is it?" Minerva asked as Severus turned to face her.

"Where have you been?" He asked, unable to hide the darkness from his voice.

"What do you mean?" She asked with an amused frown. "I was in the room talking with Mrs. McNamee."

"The whole night?" He asked and Minerva's eyes suddenly grew dark.

"What is it you are asking me Severus?" Severus felt his anger seep away instantly and he reluctantly backed down. He glanced at her eyes and there was something there that he couldn't quite place. "Have you been talking to Nora?"

"Yes..." Severus said slowly, growing even more suspicious of the woman he'd just met.

"That blasted woman!" Minerva clenched her fists and pressed them into her eyes as she let out an angry growl. Severus pursed his lips and raised a slight eyebrow as he watched the woman in front of him flush with anger. She began to pace up and down the wooden floorboards as she seethed. "How dare she...? Bringing you into... the nerve of that... Insufferable, conceited..." Severus couldn't help the laugh that escaped him and Minerva turned to look him, redirecting her anger at him. "You're laughing at me?"

"Yes I am. I've never seen you like this... nor did I ever think I would." Minerva opened her mouth to say something but Severus placed his hand on her shoulder. "Judging from your reaction, I can guess what kind of woman Mrs. Hartley is and I can assure you, that whatever she may have implied in our brief conversation has been entirely dismissed from my head. I can see how much she bothers you." Minerva let out a breath and she shook her head with a slight laugh.

"Let's go home Severus, I have no more desire to spend another minute with these people."

-x-

Severus couldn't have been happier when Minerva had suggested that they leave. They said a quick goodbye to Pete, who made Severus promise that they would meet again soon and managed to escape the crowd without much incident. Once they got outside, Minerva flagged a black cab taxi and Severus held the door open while Minerva climbed inside. They rode in relative silence, each enjoying the quiet company of one another compared to the bustling house they'd just left. It wasn't long before they were driving alongside Buckingham Palace and Severus inclined his head so he could see the Royal Flag blowing lightly in the wind above the stately home. As they were heading along the Mall, Minerva suddenly sat forward in her seat, looking out of her window properly. Severus ducked his head to try and see what it was that she was looking at but he couldn't see anything of importance.

They drove for a few seconds more before Minerva opened the hatch to talk to the driver.

"Could you let us out here?" She asked and the taxi driver pulled over.

"What are we doing?" Severus asked as he followed Minerva out of the taxi after she'd paid the fare.

"Come with me," she said excitedly. Severus felt her take his hand and he willingly let her pull him toward a large fountain. It took a few seconds to realise where he was. He wasn't particularly familiar with London, only having ever visited Diagon Alley and never ventured outside of the magic enchantments but he knew this place. They were in Trafalgar Square.

Severus stopped and looked up at the large lion monuments and he felt Minerva's hand slip out of his as she continued toward the fountain. He watched her lean against the fountain wall and he slowly made his way over to her. He watched her brush her fingers across the water, her face lit up by the underwater lights as she leaned over the wall. Severus leaned his back against the wall and watched her curiously. She seemed so different here. He supposed she had done all night. She seemed younger, happier... she seemed liberated. She straightened up and turned to look him, the lights from the fountain making her eyes a bright cobalt blue.

"Don't you just love London?" She asked and Severus felt an overwhelming need to agree with her.

"It's over crowded and dirty," he said instead. Minerva let out a laugh and Severus felt something flourish against his ribcage.

"It's after midnight Severus, there are only three other people in our vicinity and its dark, you can't see the dirt." Severus smirked at her words, _she was right. There was no arguing with her on this one._ Minerva turned back to the fountain, she walked around the wall, trailing her fingers over the cool stone and Severus noticed the way she seemed to contemplating something in her head. Suddenly she stopped and leaned her back against the fountain so she could look up the large lion statues.

"I stood here, in this very same spot when I heard that the Second World War had ended." She said suddenly, turning her eyes to look at him. Severus made his way over to her and stood next to her, shoulders bumping slightly. "A man came running out of that building over there, crying with happiness." She smiled slightly at the memory. "Another came from that building, and then that one until everyone was cheering and crying and... it was a glorious day for muggles and magic folk alike and yet, as I stood here with my muggle friends, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to our people. What had happened to my friends from school... my friends who had just become Aurors... what of Albus?"

"Did you know what he was doing?" He asked, becoming intrigued at the sound of the Headmaster's name.

"Yes. He didn't confide in me as he does now but I knew some of his plans." Minerva continued to gaze up at the statues but Severus' mind was racing.

"Were you here on his orders?" He asked, his eyes looking up at the tall column in front of him. He noticed something tiny floating in the air in the air above them.

"Yes I was." She said and Severus glanced back to see her looking at him. "As you know I was a nurse. I was undertaking my training during the war and although I had my own responsibility here, ultimately, I worked for the Headmaster."

Severus nodded and turned away from her. He felt as though she were trying to tell him something but he wasn't sure what it was. If she was working for Albus... had he sent her here with a purpose? And if he had, what would he have..? Unless he wanted information. Information that only those coming back from the front lines would know... Severus froze and his eyes flickered back to hers. _Had she been a spy?_

"It's snowing," Minerva said softly, lifting her head to the heavens. Severus studied her profile, her sharp, elegant nose and pouted lips. He tucked his hands inside his coat pockets, afraid of what they'd do if he wasn't on his guard. "Let's go home." She said and Severus knew that if there were a chance to question her on what she'd just implied, he'd now missed it.

The snow began falling quickly and Minerva pulled the hood from her cloak over her head and led the way to The Leaky Cauldron. Once inside Severus brushed the snow from his coat and glanced over at Minerva. Her cheeks were flushed and the tip of her nose was pink from the cold. He tapped it gently with his index finger and she glanced up at him, wrinkling her nose with a slight smile.

"You first," he said, throwing some floo powder into the fire for Minerva to step into. Severus followed a few moments later and they exited The Hog's Head. The snow was even worse in Hogsmeade, the open country side offering no shelter from the elements as the tightly packed buildings had in London. Severus tugged his coat around himself trying to keep some warmth and when he glanced at his companion he noticed she was having difficulty securing a barrier against the winds. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her gently toward him as they walked. She put up no resistance and he was somewhat surprised when he felt one of her hands land on his chest. They marched quickly up toward the castle, huddled together against the biting wind. It was clear in the way that she walked that all that was on Minerva's mind was getting into the warmth of the castle, Severus on the other hand, was only aware of the warm hand pressing into his chest. Her fingers moved against him every time she took a step, making him acutely aware of every movement her body made as he held it to him. Had they been any other people, at any other time, in any other place, this moment would have been almost tender.

The large heavy oak doors to Hogwarts finally came into their line of sight and Severus felt Minerva give a sigh of relief. It felt like they'd been walking for an eternity. Minerva pushed the doors open and the pair of them fell inside and closed the door behind them. Severus quickly shrugged out of his coat, welcoming whatever warming charms Filius had placed around the castle. He turned to look at Minerva who had just removed her cloak. Her hair was falling out of place, the long dark tendrils falling around her shoulders and she brought her fingers up to fiddle with the ends. He watched her fold the cloak over the crook of her elbow and reached her hands behind her head to put her hair back in place.

Before he could stop himself Severus was standing in front of her with his hands on hers. He pulled them down, ignoring her confused frown and reached around her to pull the large pin from what was left of the roll at the back of her neck.

"Severus..." She glanced up at his eyes but Severus merely shook his head as he used his fingers to bring the hair over her shoulders. He realised what he was doing was an exceedingly intimate act but he couldn't stop himself. _Perhaps it was because he didn't want to stop._ He toyed with the ends of her hair, it was as soft as he'd imagined. It was thick and heavy, completely different to Lily's. At the thought of the other Gryffindor he reluctantly pulled his fingers away from Minerva's hair. He hadn't thought about Lily all evening, his thoughts had been occupied by the woman he had accompanied and for that, he felt guilty.

"Thank you for tonight Minerva," he said softly, avoiding her confused and rather curious stare.

"It was my pleasure, I'm just happy you enjoyed it." She said and Severus nodded. They stood there for a few minutes, Severus could feel her eyes on him but he kept his on the floor. "Severus I..."

What she was going to say he didn't get chance to hear as there was a loud noise coming from the corridor up ahead. Minerva stepped forward to see who it was. Three large men in Ministry robes were striding along the hall, Albus walking silently beside them while Filius protested to them.

"... all this poppycock about him running away... we told you where he was and when he'd be coming back... and here he is, just as we said!" Filius puffed as he struggled to keep up with the others.

"You!" One of the Ministry officials pointed at Severus and he took an unconscious step back. "Are you Severus Snape?"

"Yes, I am." Severus said, planting his feet firmly on the floor.

"There is no need for this!" Albus said as the three men rushed toward Severus. He glanced to his side to see that Minerva was still standing close to him and he pushed her out of the way of the bustling men as they grabbed him roughly.

"What on earth..!" Minerva's outraged cry rang through the hall as one of the men stamped his foot on the back of Severus' knees causing him to fall to the floor.

"Severus Snape, in the name of the Ministry of Magic, I hereby place you under arrest as an accessory to murder!"

* * *

**Remember to let me know what you think... xxx**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello everyone! First of all, I'm so sorry for the long delay! Things have been rather hectic in the past few months and then I spent an impromptu three weeks with some friends (who are budding models and extraordinary people) in beautiful Paris where I bought way too many things, drank an entire cellar of wine and... started smoking again... I know, I know...**

**Secondly, I've been furiously job hunting – success! I'll be starting my new job in November.**

**And lastly, the Last Night of the Proms was magnificent! Ed Gardner did very well and I'm very much looking forward to seeing him at English National Opera this season.**

**Celebrity met this week? Joanna Lumley! Oh yeah, good old Patsy Stone. She sat and talked with me (and shared a few cigarettes as we smoke the same brand) for nearly an hour. A remarkable and compassionate woman who is just as stunning and gracious in real life as she is on TV. And I got a huge kick when she asked me to go back stage to say hello when I go to see her new play in November. Amazing!**

**So, enough of me! I hope you enjoy the next chapter and I'll say it again... I'm sorry for keeping you waiting :D Thanks to everyone that has reviewed, emailed and added me to your alerts and favourites. I am forever grateful! Enjoy!**

** - Lillibet x**

**(Miss Herby – an email will be coming along shortly)**

* * *

Chapter 14

"Severus Snape, in the name of the Ministry of Magic, I hereby place you under arrest as an accessory to murder!"

Minerva froze, leaning heavily against the wall into which Severus had pushed her when the three Ministry workers made their descent on him. She watched one of the Ministry officials hold Severus' arms behind his back while another secured his wrists with a magical bond. There was a ringing in Minerva's ears, blocking out Albus' outraged arguments as he loomed over the smallest of the three men.

_Murder._

Of course she knew there were many aspects to Severus' life that she didn't know about but could he really be capable of taking a life?

"I'm sorry, Headmaster," the smallest man said as he looked up at Albus. "I have orders from the Minister and Mr Crouch to bring him in. There's nothing more I can tell you." Minerva observed that the man, whose name she suddenly recalled as Walter Harrison, looked genuinely sorry. The other two larger built men were quite the opposite; they looked like they were enjoying themselves.

"You'll get what you deserve," one of them sneered quietly in Severus' ear so the other's couldn't hear but Minerva did. The same man planted his hands on Severus' shoulders and stamped his foot into the back of his knees, making the Potions Master fall to the ground with a grunt. And when Severus tried to struggle back to his feet the other man jabbed a well placed knee into his back, sending him down to the floor again.

"Stop it!" It didn't sound like her voice. Before she realised what she was doing, Minerva rushed forward and knelt down at Severus' side. She pushed the man who was standing behind Severus with one hand as hard as she could. "He's not resisting! You have no right to treat him like this!" The two burly men at each other and immediately drew their wands on her.

"Now see here!" Filius exclaimed as he scurried to stand between them. "This is a school! There is to none of this behaviour here!" Minerva wrapped her arms around Severus' shoulder and she helped him into a sitting position on his knees. She glanced over at Filius, whose chest was puffed out in a defensive manor and was pleased to see Albus step forward.

"As Headmaster I will not allow you to abuse my staff." His voice was calm but full of warning of what could happen if they fought his decisions. Minerva noticed the way the burly men seemed to shrink under his gaze. Harrison rushed forward and made an awkward bow in front of them.

"Of course Headmaster and I'm sorry for my colleagues rather zealous behaviour of this..." Harrison cleared his throat. "Your staff," he finished, not quite disguising his slip. Minerva wondered what he'd been about to say. _This__man?__This__Criminal?__This__murderer?_She shuddered involuntary and she felt Severus turn slightly to look at her. Harrison continued, "You have my word Headmaster, Professor Snape will not be harmed at Hogwarts."

Minerva's head shot up at that last statement and she glared at Harrison's back as he and the Albus made their way up to the Headmaster's office. As the two large Ministry workers made their way toward them, Severus softly nudged her with his shoulder so she would be out of harm's way.

"It's ok," he whispered when she looked at him with worry.

"Severus..."she whispered his name and gently tilted his head up with her fingers so she could fully see his face. She couldn't read his expression or the fire in his eyes. Of course, part of it would be anger, that she could understand but it was the other part she couldn't quite figure out.

"Come on _Professor_!" One of the officials said, trying to keep his gruff voice respectful but failing miserably as they dragged Severus to his feet.

"We'll get you out Severus," Filius said and Minerva felt the older wizard pull her out of the workers way.

They followed Albus and Harrison up the stairs, Filius and Minerva bringing up the rear with Severus and his guards in between. Minerva was chewing nervously on her thumb nail, her body jittery and tense. When Filius placed his hand on her lower back she gasped and jumped away from him until she realised who it was.

As they waited at the bottom of the spiral staircase leading to Albus' office, Minerva noticed Severus sneak a glance back at her. She wanted to go to him, to tell him that things would be fine... but the truth was, things wouldn't be fine. Her stomach felt like it had sunk into her knees.

Before Minerva was even aware of it their small group were standing in the Headmaster's office. Harrison handed Albus the official papers and they readied Severus for floo travel. As they passed Minerva, Severus stopped in front of her, his eyes focused on the pendant around her neck.

"I'm sorry Minerva."

And with that he was pushed into the fireplace, hands reaching from the other side to drag him to the Ministry prisons. A new sense of dread washed over her as she watched Severus' dark eyes vanish behind the green flames. She felt Filius' hand squeeze her own and she clenched back, finding some comfort in his touch. The two Ministry officials followed Severus and Harrison soon joined them after talking with the Headmaster.

"Albus?" Minerva turned to look at him as he headed to his desk to retrieve the heavy cloak draped over the back of his chair.

"I shall go with him," Albus said as he slipped into his cloak. "I'll send word as soon as I know the charges."

"I'm coming with you," Minerva said as she stepped toward him.

"You must stay here, Professor McGonagall." Minerva knew the Headmaster used her professional title for a reason; a gentle reminder of her responsibilities. "I will not allow them to take him to Azkaban Prison, you have my word Minerva." He added with a soft tone before stepping into the fire and following Severus' and his guards to the Ministry.

"And what am I to do?" Minerva asked, turning around to look at Filius in outrage. "Does he expect me to stand by while..?"

"You know you must my dear," Filius said quietly.

"No I do not!" Minerva cried and she began to pace up and down the worn carpet in front of the fireplace. "Why must I?" She watched Filius out of the corner of her eye as she continued to pace and he shook his head.

"There is nothing you can do for him right now; you must let Albus do what he has to." He fixed her with a stare but said nothing more. She knew he was right.

After a short while Minerva stopped her pacing and began to chew her thumb nail as she let her thoughts wander. She couldn't quite get her mind around what had happened. Everything had been fine, better than fine. The evening had gone wonderfully well and she'd found herself enjoying the young Potion Master's company. And there had been more than a few moments when she could tell Severus' had been enjoying himself too.

Severus Snape. A man she once described as being 'wicked, manipulative and untrustworthy' and although she had no doubt that the man could still show those traits in his everyday dealings, she was no longer felt that they ruled his personality. She had discovered a side of him that had surprised her.

"Neva my dear, please sit down you're making me nervous." Filius said and Minerva blushed slightly when she realised she had almost forgot he was there.

"I need an occupation Filius, I can't just sit here." She balled her fists up in the gown she still wore and Filius turned to look at her.

"We should hear from Albus soon," he said and Minerva huffed impatiently. She began pacing again. "I know you are worried for the young man but Albus will sort it out. Just you wait, it will all be a misunderstanding." Minerva stopped and turned to her friend.

"A misunderstanding?" She asked, incredulously. "You think he's innocent?" Filius' eyebrows shot up in surprise at her words and in truth she'd surprised herself.

"Don't you?" He asked and Minerva looked away from him.

What did she think about Severus' situation? There was no doubt that the ex-Death Eater could have been presented plenty of opportunities to murder and she was certain that he had probably played witness to a number of them. But the question was; did she think Severus was capable of it?

"I don't know," she answered finally, looking up at Filius and trying to stop the flow of tears ready to fall at any moment. He sat back in his chair and fixed his eyes on her.

"Then I think before you can truly help the boy, you need to figure out your own thoughts on the matter."

Minerva nodded and before she could answer Filius the fire suddenly turned green. Albus stepped out and although he'd only been gone half an hour, he looked exhausted.

"Well?" Minerva asked straight away, not allowing the Headmaster a moment or two to catch his breath."What did they say? What will happen to him?"

"It seems that they have evidence that Severus was at the Potter's house the night they were murdered." He said, sitting heavily in an armchair by the fire.

"But he wasn't, you brought..." Minerva stopped when Albus began to shake his head. "He was there?" She felt a sudden compression on her chest and she had to concentrate hard on breathing.

"Yes he was," Albus said, accepting the cup of tea Filius handed to him.

"But he wasn't part of it, was he Albus?" Filius asked and although the question was directed at the Headmaster, Minerva could feel his eyes on her. She kept her own on Albus.

"No he wasn't," he said and Filius let out a sigh of relief.

"How do you know Albus?" Minerva asked, needing the facts from her mentor not just his word.

"Because I know that he wasn't Minerva, Severus arrived in Godric's Hollow just as the curse backfired on Voldemort. Think about it, if he'd been in close proximity of the incident, he would have at the very least, bore injuries too. You were the second person to see him after myself; you took care of him and watched over him." He looked at her over his half moon glasses. "Now tell me, did he have any injuries that needed to be treated?" Minerva stared at Albus for a few seconds, trying to find a fault in his explanation.

"No," she whispered, tentatively. "No, he had no physical injuries."

"So the boy is innocent," Filius said with a triumphant smile.

"But how did they know in the first place?" Minerva asked, ignoring Filius' joy.

"It would seem that someone has told the Ministry that Severus was there. That he had been the reason Voldemort knew of the Potter's whereabouts." Albus said and Minerva frowned. "But he couldn't have, Sirius Black was the Secret Keeper, only he knew of their location. And if indeed Sirius did tell Voldemort, he would not have informed Severus for he knew where his loyalties lie."

"You sound as if you believe Sirius to be a murderer too, Headmaster." Filius said, turning to look at him.

"It would seem the Potter's put their faith in the wrong person," Albus said as he stood up and made his way over to his desk. Minerva watched him take off his cloak as she slowly processed all the new information in her head.

"How did he know where to go Albus?" She asked suddenly and she noticed the way the old wizard tensed at her question. She waited for his answer but he said nothing, eventually he fixed his eyes on hers. "Filius, would you mind leaving us alone?" She asked abruptly. She kept her eyes on the Headmaster but in the background could hear Filius wish them both a goodnight before leaving the office.

"Minerva..." Albus started but she cut him off.

"How did he know they were in Godric's Hollow?"

"Severus informed me that Voldemort himself revealed it to him."

"Why?" Minerva asked, folding her arms over her chest.

"He was a trusted servant to –"

"You told us all yourself Albus, Severus wasn't at the heart of the operation." Albus nodded as he recalled his words. Minerva watched him touch his finger tips together and rest his chin upon them.

"I believe that toward the end he was. Severus had done what Tom Riddle could not, which was to gain access to Hogwarts."

"But why was he there?" Minerva asked in frustration, leaning against her hands on the desk.

"He was trying to stop him, Minerva." The silence that followed his statement was deafening and Minerva searched her friend's face.

"Why?" She asked after a few moments.

"I believe Severus had had enough of the atrocities he had come to expect from his master and I believe that he was seeking forgiveness for his past mistakes. He did all that he could to save the Potter's," he said, his eyes watching her carefully. Minerva backed away from his desk and rubbed her hands over her face.

"I want to see him," she said quietly, slowly looking up at him as she lowered her hands to rest at her sides.

"Severus does not want company; he demanded that no one but me be let in." There was sympathy in Albus' eyes and Minerva tried not to let the hurt show in her features.

"Then I shall go to bed," she said, lifting her chin defiantly and turning toward the door. Just before she was about to leave Albus called her name. She paused, her hand resting on the door handle but she didn't turn to face him.

"Despite the fact that there are some things that I still cannot tell you, Severus is innocent. Of this crime at least." At that Minerva did turn to face him, the obvious question on her tongue but she decided it was best if she didn't know. "Severus is not a murderer; that you can be assured of."

Minerva nodded curtly and fled through the door.

-x-

Despite what Severus had said about receiving company, Minerva had taken it upon herself to visit him. The entire trip had been spontaneous and secret. Teensy was the only other living creature to know where she was heading. She took a deep breath and tucked her nervous hands into her robe pockets. As the gates to the holding prisons down in the depths of the Ministry opened, Minerva confidently stepped through and made her way toward the guard station. She found it to be empty, not surprising considering they wouldn't be expecting visitors at six in the morning. She rang the large bell on the desk and she heard a heavy door bang closed from somewhere behind her. She spun around to find Paul Harris, a talented Hufflepuff she taught five years ago, walking toward her. He gave her a warm smile and she returned it.

"Professor McGonagall," he said, offering his hand for her to shake. "It's very good to see you again, how are you?"

"Very well thank you, Mr Harris," she said and the younger man chuckled softly.

"You can call me Paul, Mr Harris always made me feel like I was in trouble." He chuckled again and Minerva gave him a slight smile. "So what can I do for you at this early hour?" He asked and Minerva pursed her lips.

"I wish to see one your inmates," she said carefully. "But my visit must be kept... covert." Paul cocked his head in interest.

"Of course Professor," he said. "I'll keep it off the books but I must ask you to be no longer than 10 minutes, if I am to keep this quiet then I must ask you to respect my position here." Minerva nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Minerva knew he could be punished for this; even lose his job over it and in any other circumstance, she wouldn't ask anyone to do such a thing for her.

Minerva followed Paul down the winding corridors, the cold and damp seeping through her heavy clothes, making her to shiver. They stopped at the large gates leading to the prisons and Paul suggested that the current duty guard take a break. The young wizard made a hasty retreat, probably grateful for an excuse to get out of the cold dungeons. After making sure the young man had left, Paul led Minerva along the cells. She kept her eyes focused on her guides back, not wanting to see what lurked in the depths of the Ministry. Finally Paul stopped and opened a cell door with his wand.

"Call if you need me," he said quietly and Minerva smiled her thanks. She slowly edged her way into the cell, her eyes falling on the figure sitting at the head of his cot, reading under a dying candle.

"I see you have plenty to read," she said, resting her shoulder against the wall as the guard left them alone. Severus' head shot up at her voice and he jumped up from his bed. His face was contorted with anger and for a fleeting second Minerva thought he might lash out.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his smooth tone belying the fire in his eyes.

"I came to see you," Minerva said, straightening her back and refusing to stand down.

"I don't want visitors, leave this instant!" He said dangerously. He was looking down at her, his body close to hers and she could feel the warmth radiating from him in the cold cell.

"I don't care if you don't want visitors, I wanted to see you!" She retorted, keeping her eyes steady on his.

"You will associate with a murder?" He sneered, challenging her with his eyes.

"Is this self pity I see you wallowing in?" She asked as she folded her arms over her chest. He glared at her as if wanting to scare her away but she stood her ground. Eventually Severus scoffed and moved away from her. She missed his closeness.

"What do you want Professor McGonagall?" He asked, sitting back down on his cot and picking up his book.

"I wanted to see how you were," she said, noticing the way he'd reverted back to using her title.

"Well you've seen me, now you can leave."

Minerva felt anger bubble up through her chest and stepped toward him and snatched his book from his hands. He sat up straight in his bed, ready to argue with her but she gripped his head in her hands and made him look at her.

"Why are you always so difficult?" She asked, feeling tears sting her eyes. "I am here as your friend Severus, I am here to enquire after your welfare. And contrary to belief, I am here for my own peace of mind as well as your own. You have no idea how worried I have been about you."

"Minerva..." The sound of her name on his lips was the last straw and her tears suddenly started to fall. She lowered her hands from his face and she tried to turn away from him but Severus pulled her into his chest. Minerva froze at the awkward embrace and she felt him bury his face in the crook of her neck. She relaxed slightly at the comforting warm breath tickling her collarbone. Severus held her tightly and Minerva briefly wondered what could have brought on such an uncharacteristic display of affection.

"What have they done to you?" She asked, leaning further into his chest.

"Nothing," he sighed. "Yet." She didn't like the tone of his voice and she reluctantly pulled away from him.

"You'll be out of here before it comes to that," she said, hoping to seem more self-assured than she felt.

"I'm on trial for murder Minerva; they're not going to let me off that easily."

"But you're innocent," she argued and Severus gave a humourless smirk.

"What do you know of it?"

"I..." she faltered and Severus used her silence to stand up and pace in the tiny space in front of her. "Tell me you're innocent." She hoped she hadn't sounded as desperate as she felt.

"I deserve whatever punishment they decide on," he mumbled.

"Albus told me you were there when it happened." She noticed the intense anger in Severus' eyes when he froze and stared at her.

"What else did he tell you?" He asked in the low dangerous voice she had come to expect whenever he thought he was under attack.

"That you didn't do it, that you were there to stop him. That you want to atone for your past mistakes and try to save the family we were protecting." For some reason he seemed to relax as she spoke and he rubbed his hands over his face.

"I think you should go," he said gently after a few seconds.

"Are you kicking me out?" She asked with a slight smirk. Severus nodded, his own smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth. She let out a small sigh and he held his hand out for her to take. She slipped her hand into his and allowed him to pull her up.

"Take care of yourself Minerva," he said and she felt him brush the back of her hand with his thumb.

"We'll get you out of here," she whispered, leaning toward him and resting her forehead against his cheek. She felt Severus lean into her and his lips brushed her skin briefly making her flush with warmth.

"Go," he said gently, rubbing his stubbled cheek against her. And Minerva couldn't help the excited jolt in her stomach when she realised he didn't really want her to leave. He was enjoying the closeness just as much as she was.

After a second Minerva knew it was time to leave, people would begin to question her absence if she didn't return to the castle in time to be present for breakfast. She reluctantly pulled away from her young friend and patted his arm in an absurdly formal gesture after the way they had just been with each other.

"Good bye Severus," Minerva said suddenly, turning and making her way out of the cell.

* * *

**Well, here it is. I feel I need to say it again – I'm so sorry for keeping you waiting. I hope my writing made up for it though :D**

**Please let me know what you think! xxx**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello darlings! **

**So here is Chapter 15. Not too sure how I feel about this instalment, I think it's quite possibly the worst chapter I've ever written but I've played and pulled my hair out enough over this now and so I thought I'd just post it and hope that you enjoy it anyway. The next chapter is going much better and I feel like I might redeem myself with that one :D**

**Anyway, no news from Rex's life so it's a short AN – bet you're glad about that, hahah. I think they were turning into blog posts!**

**I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter even though it was a pain in the ass to write, lol. And please let me know what you think...**

**Once again thanks to everyone that has reviewed and added me to alerts. Very grateful!**

**Happy reading,**

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 15

On his third day Severus was returned to his cell after another gruelling interrogation with the senior ministry officials. Their methods and techniques were almost medieval, bordering on torture but disguised as 'encouragement' by the 'heads up stairs'. Severus shook his head, they were no better than the Death Eaters they had already sentenced to Azkaban.

Severus had told them exactly what they needed to know. That he had indeed been at the house the night the Dark Lord murdered the Potters but that he had had no hand in their demise. When Albus had accompanied him into his cell the night he'd been arrested, he had suggested that he tell Crouch of his reasons for returning to them. Severus scoffed as he sat down gingerly on his bed. He'd rather go to Azkaban than have people know about... Lily. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he pushed his thoughts of Lily away. He'd allowed the ministry to observe his memories of that night, of him witnessing the Avada Kadarva spell being cast and his entry into the house. He'd even shown them what he'd found but nothing more after his eyes first fell onto Lily's lifeless body.

When questioned on how he knew where the Potters were, he'd told them the Dark Lord had informed him of their whereabouts, just like he had with Albus. It entered his mind that he should probably tell them of Pettigrew's involvement but he saw no reason for it. Sirius Black had murdered his old school friend and a group of muggles. Severus knew there was nothing that could prevent his contemporary from an eternity in Azkaban. He supposed he should feel guilty from keeping it from those he once called his friends but after Severus found out that it had been Black that told the Ministry of his presence at Godric's Hollows, all thoughts of guilt and doing the right thing fled from his mind.

Severus staggered toward his cot. He was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to crawl under the covers and sleep but he knew he had one last thing to do before he would be allowed to rest. He had to be seen by the medi-wizard.

The man that walked into the cell a few moments later was so ancient Severus always thought he looked like he might crumble from old age. He rather reminded him of the old muggle Victorian scientists he'd seen in books, with their long, frizzy white hair and beards. But Severus had found the old wizard was as spritely as they come. His eyes were as bright as a child's and his voice smooth, not yet taken on the gravely tone that most elderly people develop.

"How are we today?" He asked as he always did.

"Fine," Severus mumbled. He looked up at Master Melrose and the older wizard gave him a sympathetic smile.

"I heard they were rather thorough with you today," Melrose looked over a piece of parchment he'd pulled out of his large Healers bag. Severus could tell by the frown on the man's face that he was reading what spells had been used on him. "Well now," he mumbled disapprovingly. "I see they used a number of pain enhancers and revival potions on you... as a Potions Master I assume you know what this means."

Severus nodded his head. Of course he knew what it meant. These types of potions were brewed with the sole purpose of prolonging suffering. He'd bottled many for his 'friends' in his time as the resident brewer of potions among the Death Eaters. One of the after effects of these potions was to leave the unfortunate soul too weak to heal themselves and any attempt made to revive them by others would only result in more pain. Hence the good Healers reluctance to use any healing potions or spells on him.

"I've told the Minister of Magic himself many times that these potions should be band!" Melrose angrily opened his bag and began pulling out a few cloths and creams. "A lot of people that are held down here are innocent and I deplore the way they are treated. Take off your shirt."

"But the guilty ones deserve it," Severus said as he did as the medi-wizard asked. He watched Melrose begin to lather his aching muscles with a warming salve.

"That they do," he said as he worked. "But from what I overheard from your interrogators, you are not one of them. I think you'll be let out soon." He smiled slightly at Severus. "You don't seem too happy."

"I may not be guilty of this crime but..." Severus stopped when Melrose lifted his hand for silence.

"You seem like a fine young man Severus, there's no need for you to rot away for something you obviously regret doing." Melrose smirked when Severus frowned at him. "You wouldn't have joined Albus Dumbledore's cause if you didn't want to fix the mistakes you made."

"I seem to be finding loyal supporters in the strangest of places," Severus mumbled more to himself than anyone else. Melrose nodded as he continued to massage Severus' tired muscles.

"I noticed that Professor McGonagall comes to visit you often," he said distractedly and Severus eyed the old man carefully.

"She has visited me every day," he said in a hushed tone.

"Very loyal. But then again, she always has been." Severus' eyes widened slightly at Melrose's words but the other man barely seemed to realise he was even talking.

"You know her?"

"Hmm?" Melrose finally looked up at Severus, realising he'd been asked a question. "Oh yes, oh yes, I know her of old my boy."

"How so?"

"We worked together. She came to London the weekend after her final exams at Hogwarts." Melrose returned to his bag and brought out another lotion. He began to pour some into his hands as he made his way back to Severus.

"She told me she was a nurse." Severus said, unable to keep the annoyance that she had lied to him from his voice.

"Aye she was, I trained her." Melrose began to massage the new lotion into Severus' muscles. Although he tried to keep quiet, Severus couldn't help the contented sigh he gave as his muscles finally relaxed. "Talented little thing she was, sharper than a knife and a strong will. Very powerful too. I admired her a great deal."

"Were you there for the same reasons as she?"

"No, no. Of course I know now that she was working for Albus but at the time, I believed she was there to experience muggle medicine before embarking on further education at St Mungo's."

"Did you know from the start she was a witch?" Severus asked, knowing this probably the best way to get the information he wanted on Minerva. An unexpected source in an unexpected place but he was going to milk it for all it's worth.

"Oh yes of course, she wrote to me before hand and I took her on without any prior experience in muggle education. But even if she hadn't, I still knew who she was." Melrose finished what he was doing and used one of the cloths to clean his hands.

"How so?" Severus asked, pulling his shirt back on.

"Well, she'd just become the first female to take over Lailoken." Severus frowned in puzzlement.

"Lailoken?" Melrose stared at him for a few seconds as if stunned that Severus didn't know of what he was talking about.

"Grand estate in the Highlands of about 13 acres I think. Very old. It's been passed down through the generations to the eldest male in the family. That is, until Lord McGonagall created a new law that meant, upon the event of his death, his eldest daughter would inherit the lot." Melrose smiled but Severus was frowning in concentration.

"So why did she work for you if she had all that in the Highlands?" He asked.

"Well as we all know now, she was asked to reside in London on Albus' request. But to be honest, I think she was only too glad to be away from the place." Melrose ended with a morose sigh.

"What do you mean?" Severus asked curiously. Melrose hesitated for a moment and Severus could see the conflict in the other mans eyes.

"There were rumours of a disagreement she'd had with her mother... the medi-wizard at Hogwarts during that time told me that the young girl once went to him with what looked like whip slashes on her back. They were badly infected by the time she went to him, so there will no doubt be some scaring but she made him promise not to report it." Severus was surprised that the wizard hadn't reported it anyway but as he opened his mouth Melrose cut in. "In those days there were no real rules about reporting abuse so he did as she asked and never told a senior member of staff."

"And you think her mother did it?"Severus asked, his eyes never leaving the old man's as he began packing his belongings away.

"I know she did, Alexandra McGonagall confessed it to me on her death bed. We couldn't find either of her daughters at the time so she asked me to give a message of apology to them. I was almost sure Professor McGonagall would have obliviated me when I told her had her sister not been there." Severus shook his head and a surprising wave of empathy washed over him.

"But why would a mother do that?" Melrose was shaking his head too and at Severus' question he sat down next to him on the cot.

"Found out she'd been courting a young man from the muggle farm on their land." Severus tried to keep a neutral face but he couldn't help but wonder if this 'young man' had been Robert. "The poor girl must have taken quite the beating from what my friend told me," Melrose continued, unaware of Severus' distraction.

"Minerva once told me she was supposed to marry well..." Severus said after a few seconds, realisation dawning on him.

"That was all her mother wanted and cared about. The family honour depended on the young woman; she was the eldest, an heiress and a pure blood. And the fact that she was a great beauty wasn't lost on all the eligible young men wishing to woo her. Lady McGonagall wanted her daughter to marry a man of considerable wealth so that the estate would grow." The words were practically spat from Melrose's mouth and Severus could see just how fond the other man was of Professor McGonagall.

"You seem to know a lot about the family."

"Well, in those days it was hard to keep anything a secret." Melrose said with a shrug. "It was the beginning of a dying breed and I watched my young student take her first steps away from that sort of life."

"What of Lailoken?"

"She lives there. Returned the same year she started teaching at Hogwarts. It was in good need of repairing when she did but I heard it's now back in pristine condition. I've never been inside but I passed it on a walk with my mother when I was a child. Grand estate, very grand indeed."

"Interesting..." Severus said, staring into space. As a student, he'd always wondered where the Transfigurations professor resided during school breaks. He'd never heard of Lailoken and he couldn't help but wonder why. He'd spent the last few years in the company of pure bloods, he thought he knew them all and definitely thought he knew of all the desirable estates in the country as it was a common sport to ransack old stately homes for their precious relics and antiques. He knew he was missing something, he just didn't know what it was.

"Yes I can imagine." Melrose said, interrupting Severus' thoughts. "You need to sleep as much as you can my boy and drink plenty of water. This salve isn't healing anything but the heat it generates will soothe any aches. I'll come by tomorrow morning to check on you and perhaps we can try a weak potion." The medi-wizard stood up and collected his belongings.

"Thank you Melrose." Severus said as he too stood up.

"Rest." Melrose laid a hand on Severus' shoulder and eased him back down on the cot. "I'll see you tomorrow." He said with a smile and Severus nodded, exhaustion suddenly taking over his body.

"Tomorrow."

-x-

Severus had been awake for two hours now. He'd risen before the guards had rang the morning bell, taken a rushed wash in the cold basin he'd been supplied with and even changed his prison uniform - something he hadn't done since arriving. He was pacing the small space, continuously checking the time piece on the wall near the guards' station. It was 6.30am. He sighed, angry at _her _and furious with himself for caring. He walked to his bed and sat down heavily. He was an idiot for expecting any visitors, why would anyone care? He lay down and shut his eyes. Just as he was falling back to sleep he heard the clang of the prison gates opening and closing and then heels on the stone floor. Severus opened his eyes and listened to the footsteps grow closer until they stopped outside his cell. He shut his eyes again quickly as the cell door rolled open.

"You're late." He said when he heard the guard lock his cell and walk away.

"I didn't realise I was on a schedule." Professor McGonagall's smooth voice filled the cell. Severus grumbled and barely opening his eyes, took a sneak glance in her direction.

"You usually arrive at 6.15. It's almost 7." He said sharply. .

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting; did you have plans to go somewhere?" There was sarcasm and humour in her voice and if he wasn't so busy being angry with her, he might have found her amusing.

"I thought you..." he paused, wishing he hadn't been about say the thing occupying his thoughts.

"You didn't think I'd come?" She said, her voice softening. Severus' eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly.

"I wished it." His voice was cold and hard. Professor McGonagall eyed him critically for a second then shrugged her shoulders.

"In that case then, perhaps I should leave," she turned to call the guards but Severus spoke up quickly.

"You've already taken the time to travel here; you might as well sit for a second." Professor McGonagall turned to look at him.

"How nice of you." She said in that same sarcastic and humorous voice she'd used just moments before.

"Is there anything I need to know?" Severus asked, looking away from her.

"No." She said quietly. Severus could feel her eyes on him and despite the strong desire to send her away he racked his brain for something to say, for a reason to keep her there with him just a few moments longer.

"Then may I enquire after your health?" He asked, his eyes flickering across her face. A warm smile pulled at her mouth as if she was pleased with what he'd asked.

"You may." She walked toward his cot and Severus found himself scooting aside so she could join him. "I'm very well Severus, thank you for asking. And yourself?"

"Fine," he mumbled. He looked at his colleague from the corner of his eye and was not surprised to see scepticism in her eyes.

"How are you?" She asked again and this time he gave an indifferent shrug.

"The heat salves are helping," he said looking away from her. They lapsed into silence and for once Severus didn't mind the quiet between them, he just enjoyed her closeness. A few months ago that thought would have troubled him but in this moment he allowed himself to relax and to enjoy the company his cell had deprived him of. After a few moments his companion spoke up.

"Albus told me the Ministry have been unable to prove your involvement in the Potter's death." Severus nodded but he couldn't look at her. "So after days of torture they've decided that you're innocent?" The outrage in her voice touched him deeper then he would care to admit.

"So it would seem." He said with a deep sigh. "I may need to visit the chamber one last time; they are reluctant to release me." He gave a dry laugh but when he looked over at Professor McGonagall, the worry in her eyes erased any humour from his mind. He turned away from her again and his body jolted slightly when her hand landed gently on his shoulder. He looked down at her hand and then very slowly brought his eyes back to hers. _Had she always been that close to him? _Severus felt something stir in his chest but before his mind could register the feeling he bolted up from his cot and strode to the other side of the cell. "You should be getting back soon." He said, turning to look at her. Professor McGonagall frowned and stood up as well, her eyes blazing with anger and frustration.

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Send me away so quickly. When I arrived you seemed..." She folded her arms over her chest and hugged her body, making her seem unsure of herself. She took a deep breath. "It appeared as though you were waiting for me. And to me that means..."

"I was waiting for you," Severus said, interrupting her. He watched confusion filter into his colleagues face and she crossed and uncrossed her arms a few times as she tried to process what he'd just admitted.

"I'm sorry?" She asked after a second. Severus took a hesitant step toward her and then another until he was able to talk directly into her ear.

"I said I was waiting for you." Severus leaned back so he could see her face but she kept her eyes focused on his chest.

"Well Severus I..." She sneaked a quick glance up into his eyes and Severus noticed the pink flush that spread across her cheeks attractively. "I don't know what to say." She gave a slightly nervous chuckle and Severus almost smiled.

"How about we sit back down?" He suggested, pulling her over to his bed.

"Alright." They sat side by side, their shoulders touching just barely. "Now what?" Professor McGonagall asked, that amused glint back in her eyes and Severus shook his head.

"You annoy me sometimes," he said in a softer tone.

"Only sometimes?" She asked, bumping his shoulder playfully and he shook his head again when she laughed. They grew silent once more and Severus mulled his next words over in his head a few times before plucking up the courage to say them out loud.

"I wanted to... to thank you for coming to see me in here. I haven't had many visitors." He glanced over at her and she smiled warmly at him. She didn't utter a single word, she didn't have to. He knew she returned every morning because she wanted to be there. He was grateful for it, for her and for the friendship she bestowed on him.

Suddenly in the hall way the bell rang signalling the arrival of the inmate's meagre breakfast. They both looked toward the cell door and Severus heard the small disappointed sigh that his companion emitted.

She didn't want to leave.

He didn't want her to leave.

"I should go," she said sullenly.

"Running away?" Severus asked her, gaining him a sad smile.

"Yes." She tried to brighten her smile but Severus could see right through it. She felt guilty about leaving him. He stood up and held his hand out for her to take and walked her toward the cell door. A guard appeared in front of them to open the door for her, then turned his back so they could say goodbye. Severus turned to his former teacher.

"Will you..?" He started to ask a question but stopped himself, not allowing the hope that she might come to him again. He clasped her hand in his own and tapped his fingers across her palm. She smiled. "Have a good day Professor." He said and she shook her head.

"Minerva," she said, correcting him. She leaned toward him and kissed his cheek. Severus revelled in the way she lingered just a little longer than was customary. "I'll see you tomorrow Severus."

Severus dropped his hand from hers as she stepped out into the hall. The cell was immediately locked behind her and she was escorted away from him. Severus stood at the bars, watching her leave and feeling as though his stomach had dropped into his knees. _When had he become so reliant on her?_ Never in his life had he waited for someone like he had for her an hour ago. Never in his life had he missed someone as soon as they'd left his presence.

He was both exhilarated and dismayed at the thought that he had indeed become very fond of Minerva McGonagall.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! And please remember to let me know what you thought... **

**xxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello darlings! Merry Christmas! Actually it should probably be happy new year now :D Almost 2012! Woop. It's going to be good year, I can feel it.**

**So I'm back! As you've probably guessed this story won't be updated as regularly as we'd all like but now that I'm working full time I basically use my free time to catch up on sleep and share a glass of wine with my friends. But my new year's resolution is to regularly update this story! **

**Anyway, here is Chapter 16. I've strayed away from alternating between POV's for this one as it's another Snape POV. It just felt better to do it in his voice but I hope you don't mind and I very much hope that you like it. Please remember to let me know what like, what you don't, if you like the pace etc. **

**Thank you to everyone that has continued to review even though I haven't updated in awhile, it means so much to me!**

**Hope Santa brought you all some amazing presents :D**

** - Lillibet x**

**A/N: Just a small warning for gruesome content. Nothing major but there is a bit of talk about blood and the like. Just thought I'd give a heads up for anyone a tad squeamish.**

* * *

Chapter 16

Severus staggered into the castle and leaned heavily against the large oak doors. His last day in prison had been worse than anything else he'd endured in his life. They had hadn't held back on their cruelty during the last few hours of questioning and Severus knew that they were only prolonging his torture due to his imminent release. He smirked at the memory of their disappointed faces when Albus had stormed into the circular chamber and announced the declaration of his freedom. The guards and interrogators had hurried the Headmaster and himself through the back entrance, not even allowing him to retrieve his meagre possessions from his cell or to be checked over by Master Melrose.

Severus gingerly touched the raw flesh around his wrists where the iron shackles had bit into his skin. The blood had ceased flowing but the throbbing pain and uncontrollable shaking in his hands wouldn't stop. He closed his eyes briefly and thought about Albus; _Get some rest, _the old wizard had said. Severus scoffed as he pushed away from the door and headed toward the dungeon. There was no chance he'd be able to get any rest while he was in the state he was in and knowing the Ministry interrogators, they will have doubled his dose of pain enhancing potions.

Severus shuffled across the corridor but he stopped when he caught something move out of the corner of his eye. He turned to see two small blue eyes peeking at him from behind a suit of armour. Thinking it was just someone's familiar he shook his head and headed for the stairs again until a small meow made him look toward the suit armour again. A small grey tabby with square markings around the eyes watched him with interest and Severus smirked slightly. He may have been 18 when he'd last seen that cat but he had never forgotten it.

"Hello Professor McGonagall," he said, resting his back against the wall again.

"You're hurt," Minerva said as she effortlessly shifted from her Animagus form. Severus smirked and looked up at her.

"I've had better days," he mumbled and Minerva slowly made her way over to him. "I'm alright," he added when he caught the concern written on her face.

"What happened to your arms?" She asked as she reached out for him. Severus snatched his arms away from her with a grunt of pain.

"I'm fine Minerva, let me be." His tone wasn't as harsh as it would have usually been but he just didn't have the energy in him.

"Have you taken anything for it?" She asked, folding her arms across her chest and fixing her stern eyes on him.

"No I can't, they used..." Before he could say anything Minerva cut him off.

"They're still using those spells and potions? It's barbaric! Prolonging pain and making healing potions ineffective! It's ghastly!" Minerva's cheeks were flushed and Severus couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his chest.

"You disagree with their methods?" He asked, keeping his face impassive to make his question appear serious. He watched Minerva glare at him and then to his delight she shook her head and chuckled softly. Severus smirked and allowed her to gently take his wrists in her hands and inspect his wounds. Her smile faltered.

"They've really hurt you," she said and Severus looked away from her.

"I'll be ok," he said, once again trying to shrug her off.

"I'm offering you my assistance Severus, don't brush me aside." She said softly, making Severus look up into her beautiful face. Minerva reached a hand out and brushed the back of her fingers across his stubbled cheek. Severus closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of her skin against his. "Let me help you."

Severus opened his eyes and ignoring the warning signals in his mind, leaned toward her and rested his head on her shoulder. Minerva immediately wrapped her arms around him as if it was a natural thing to do and Severus was surprised to find himself enjoying the warm embrace of his colleague.

"I'm exhausted," he whispered and he felt Minerva nodded her head in understanding. She brushed a hand over his head and dropped a light kiss on the back of his neck. If he'd been on top form he would have jerked away from her at the contact but in his weakened state he allowed his body to revel in the tingling sensation spreading down his spine.

"I know, come with me," she whispered soothingly into his ear. Severus allowed Minerva to lead him along the corridor, her arm linked securely with his to offer support should he need it.

"This is the long way," he said after a few seconds when he realised they weren't taking the stairs by the main doors.

"My rooms are closer," Minerva said and Severus stopped in his tracks. She turned to him with a worried frown. "What is it? Are you alright?"

"I..." he paused. He wasn't sure how he felt about going to his colleagues rooms. Of course he'd been there before but something in him felt awkward going there now. What had changed in the week he'd been in prison?

"Severus?" Minerva's voice brought him out of his thoughts and he turned to look at her. She was looking at him with such compassion and he could feel his chest tighten. That was the moment he realised that the difference, was him. _He_had changed and because of it he was looking at his colleague differently. "Let me take you to my rooms, you look like you're about to drop." She linked her arm through his again and encouraged him to walk with her.

"Minerva..." Severus stopped again and looked down into his colleagues eyes. He brought a hand up to her face and traced her bottom lip with his thumb. Severus could see the way she tensed as he leaned toward her and he paused just a moment to give her time to push him away. But she didn't, she just kept looking straight into his eyes. Severus hovered just millimetres away from her lips, their eyes still locked. His body felt like it was on fire, gone were the aches and pain to be replaced by pure pleasure of being so close to a feminine body. He watched Minerva's eyes flicker shut and when they did he leaned down slowly and captured her lips with his own.

They were both completely still, locked at the lips, arms by their sides. Severus wanted more and he felt an overwhelming need to have her. He pulled away from her quickly and stepped back. _He shouldn't have done that, what was he thinking?_

"You weren't thinking," he mumbled angrily to himself.

"Severus?" He looked up to see Minerva observing him worriedly but he could see the affection in her eyes. He cursed himself mentally; _he shouldn't have taken advantage of her kindness_. She'd offered help and in return he'd taken liberties.

"I'm sorry," he said pulling at the collar of his shirt.

"Don't be," she said with a shy smile. Severus noticed the way she avoided his eyes and he wondered if he'd just ruined a good thing.

When they finally reached Minerva's rooms Severus felt as though he'd ran a marathon. The surge of energy and strength he'd received when he kissed the lady by his side had seeped from him quickly, leaving his body exhausted and hurting. He watched Minerva wake the large lion up in her portrait and the animal made a show of taking his time in rousing. But once the lion realised who had woken him he jumped to attention and bowed his large head.

"My Lady," he said with a loud deep purr of greeting. When his large amber eyes fell on Severus the purr turned into a warning growl. "What is this?" He demanded, glancing back at his mistress.

"Let me into my rooms Leander," Minerva said sternly but the big cat looked as though he was thinking about refusing her. Severus watched Minerva scowl at the portrait and the door swung open. "We do not wish to be disturbed," she said over her shoulder and the lion growled.

"As you wish," he said reluctantly before shutting the door behind them.

"Can we rely on his discretion?" Severus asked as he headed for the sofa. Minerva nudged him in the direction of her bedroom with her hip and he had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. But for the life of him he couldn't remember when he'd been in this situation before.

"Leander may be difficult at times but he is as loyal as they come," she was saying. They reached her bed and Minerva helped him sit gingerly on the edge. "You may not like him but he's definitely trustworthy."

"He started it," he mumbled and Minerva smirked at him.

"Yes well, holding a grudge against an oil painting is hardly worth the effort." Severus watched her disappear into her bathroom and he let out a snort of disagreement but she didn't seem to hear him.

While she was absent, Severus took the time to take a good look around her rooms. He pushed himself up onto his feet and staggered across the room to the dressing table. A number of photographs lined the top, most were of people he didn't recognise but soon he spotted a few familiar faces. The Head's of Houses all together, Minerva and Albus, Peter Hartley with a jovial looking elderly lady and one of Minerva's sister with her nephew, Logan, sitting in a beautiful garden.

Logan looked about ten in the photo and Severus was struck by the striking similarities between the young boy and the nearby photo of Minerva smiling gleefully as she opened her Hogwarts letter. He picked up the two frames and held them together. If he didn't know better he would have assumed that Minerva had given birth to Logan. Behind him, Severus heard his former teacher come out of the bathroom. Feeling like a student about to be given detention he quickly replaced the frames on the dresser and spun around to face her.

"Sorry," he stated immediately but he breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed her smile.

"Photographs are meant to be shared," she said, placing a large medicine box on her bed before walking over to stand beside him. Severus was about to move away when a tiny face behind the picture of Logan and his mother popped out at him.

"Master Melrose!" He said, picking the picture up get a better look at it. The photo was old, the paper yellowing and curling at the edges even under the glass. The people in the shot were completely still, a muggle photograph taken of staff outside what looked like a hospital. Master Melrose sat proudly at the front of the group, his kindly face beaming behind his neatly trimmed moustache. Then it suddenly dawned on Severus – this was the hospital Minerva has done her training in.

"You know John?" She asked, making Severus look away from the faces.

"Yes. He tended to me while I was incarcerated." Severus noticed Minerva's face tighten at the mention of his imprisonment.

"Then I know you were in good hands," she replied softly, looking at the young John Melrose in the picture. "He is a wonderful healer, I learned much from him."

"Yes, he mentioned that he'd trained you," Severus said distractedly as his eyes began scanning the rows of faces.

"Oh really?" Minerva asked and Severus noticed the slight change in her voice. "And what else did the good healer have to say?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Severus paused a moment and he wondered if Minerva was worried that her old friend had spoken of her past. He decided that telling her so would not be helpful to anyone, especially to himself.

"He said that he'd always admired you, that you were very talented." He watched Minerva study his face, searching for the lie but he knew she wouldn't find anything there. After a moment she relaxed and her arms dropped to her side. She tapped the picture frame he was still holding and smiled slightly.

"Can you spot me?" Severus let his eyes linger on her face for a second longer, wondering he'd just done the right thing, before turning back to the photograph. He scanned the rows looking for her and right in the back he spotted her. He knew she'd been young when she started training as a nurse, Melrose had said she'd been recruited right out of school but the little face that looked up at him surprised him. She had been very beautiful, in fact he thought she'd actually improved with age but what drew him to her was the look in her eyes. She wore a smile, a small knowing smile that he'd caught on her many times but the eyes told a different story. They were the eyes of an older woman, they were eyes of experience and hardship. He turned to look at the live woman beside and she chuckled. "I suppose I look rather different?" She asked him, unaware of his true thoughts. He shook his head and placed the picture back on the dresser.

"Perhaps a little but the subtle differences to your appearance make you more appealing." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and Minerva shot a surprised look in his direction. He watched a gentle blush creep up her neck and she unconsciously brushed a strand of invisible hair from her face.

"Thank you," she mumbled, moving quickly back to her bed. "Come, you've been standing too long." Severus did as she asked and moved over to the bed to take a seat. He was surprised to find that while he'd been perusing the photographs he had almost forgotten his pain. But now that Minerva had reminded him, it hit him full force and he felt as though his body were made of lead. His legs were aching, his wrists continued to burn and his head had begun to pound from lack of sleep.

Severus tried to concentrate his mind on Minerva to distract his mind from his body. She place a bowl of water and some clean rags on the bedside table and he watched her open the old medicine box on her bed and pull out several large vials.

"No potions..." his words were slurred slightly from exhaustion and she shook her head.

"It's not a potion," she lined everything up on her bedside table then turned back to him. "You need to take your robes off," she said softly and Severus just stared at her, unsure if he'd heard her correctly.

"I need to... what?"

"You can keep your trousers on but the shirt and waistcoat has to go." She waited in front of him but Severus still hadn't made a move. "I could step out if you like?" she said and Severus looked over at the doorway. "But I'm going to need to come back in eventually. You might as well undress now and just get it over with." Her voice was kind but had the right amount of toughness that made his hands begin to work on the buttons of his clothes. While he undressed he watched Minerva busy around with the vials. There were things that he didn't recognise, which intrigued him immensely.

"What are those?" He asked, pushing his robe, waistcoat and shirt to the end of the bed.

"They're ancient healing remedies passed down through my family. There's no magic involved, just the plants themselves." He watched her dip the rags into the water and she trail the warm liquid over his aching chest. Severus closed his eyes as he felt the weeks hardship seep from him and was disappointed when Minerva took the rag away from his skin. He opened his eyes to see her wetting a new rag in the warm water but this time she began to clean the wounds on his wrists. He flinched from the pain at first and he felt Minerva's touches become softer. Once she'd cleaned up the congealed blood he could see the fresh blood bubbling through the exposed flesh. It was ugly but she didn't seem bothered by it.

"Teensy brought the hot water mistress asked for!" Minerva's elf placed a teacup on the bedside table and turned her worried eyes to Severus. He hadn't even heard her arrive. She stared at him and he stared straight back until she bowed low to the ground and vanished.

"I'd prefer it if you didn't scare my elf," Minerva said, shooting him a glare and Severus scoffed and rolled his eyes a little. He looked back down at her with a smirk and she shook her head, stifling her own smile and continued with her work.

After Minerva finished cleaning the wounds she busied herself with the herbs. The warm water had help sooth Severus' body somewhat and his head felt a little lighter. He leaned closer to get a better look at what she was doing and when Minerva realised his intent, she sat down next to him and held the first vial for him to see.

"Dried Ginseng root, it helps relieve stress to the body. The older it is the better." He watched her crush it and sprinkle it into the teacup. "Drink," she said, handing it to him. Severus stared at the yellowy water and drank it without question, a little taken aback at his own unquestionable trust for his friend. He handed her the cup and coughed a little. The Ginseng was sharp and coppery in the back of his throat but he could already feel the effects as the tension in his body began to seep from him.

"What else?" He asked. She opened another vial and pulled out what looked liked bark from a tree. She cut a chunk from it and handed it to him.

"Chew it but don't swallow it." He took it from her and placed it straight in his mouth, the bitter taste making his eyes water at the first bite. Minerva gave him an amused glance as she placed the rest of the bark back into the vial. "Do you want to know what it is that you're eating?" Severus gave her a hard stare but remained silent, allowing her to continue. "Black Birch, it relieves pain." As soon as she said it he realised his wrists and head were no longer throbbing. His wrists still ached but it was bearable.

For the last vial Minerva had to mix a paste before cutting roots and letting a blood-like substance drip into it. Severus wrinkled his nose at it and he caught her laugh.

"You don't have to eat this one," she said. Severus sighed,_ thank Merlin! _He continued to chew on the bark as he watched her mix the paste and 'blood' together in a bowl. Finally she turned back to him and knelt down in front of him to observe his wrists. "Why did they do this?" She asked, looking up into his eyes.

"They had to keep me bound." He shrugged, he'd suffered worse. The look in Minerva's eyes told him that she'd guessed what he'd just thought and he shrugged again. "So what are you doing to me now?" He asked, in a tone that sounded like he was here under duress. Minerva smiled, knowing that he was grateful of her help.

"This is marrow fat and sap from Bloodroot." She dipped her fingers into the red paste and began to smear it on his arm. He jumped when she first touched him but he nodded in encouragement to let her know she hadn't hurt him. He watched her work and realised that the reason he'd jumped was because he wasn't expecting the tender caress with which she'd applied the paste. A tightening in his chest distracted him; _how long had it been since anyone had touched him like that? _He wasn't surprised to discover that he couldn't remember.

"What does it do?" He asked, his eyes travelling along her arm and focusing on her lips. _Would she let him kiss her again?_

"It's a type of antiseptic," she said, breaking Severus' thoughts. "It won't heal the wounds but it will prevent infection. You'll need to reapply it twice a day until you can get them healed properly." Once the paste was on both arms she carefully wrapped them in clean bandages and secured them with pins. She told him to spit the bark into the empty teacup, then looked up at him and smiled. "You should get some sleep." Severus nodded but he couldn't take his eyes away from her.

"Thank you," he said, attempting to make his voice sound friendly but he wasn't sure it came across that way.

"For this?" She asked with a smirk. "Or the kiss you stole?" She gave him a challenging stare and Severus weighed his options before speaking. It was the first they'd spoken about it and although Severus had been worried that he'd taken advantage of her, her joking had put him at ease.

"Both," he decided and Minerva laughed. She began cleaning away the herbs and when he reached to help her she shook her head.

"Get into bed," she said.

"I'll go back to my -" She pushed him back onto the bed and forced him under the covers.

"It's late and I have no desire to go walking through the corridors with you." He accepted the offer of her bed and he snuggled down under the covers. He didn't care how he looked, he was tired and comfortable. He listened to his former professor busying around the room and he found it soothing to know someone was looking out for him; he'd never had that before. Just as he was beginning to drift off to sleep he felt the bed dip slightly beside him and then lips pressed into his forehead.

"Sleep well Severus," Minerva whispered to him and Severus forced his eyes open to look at her.

"Where will you sleep?" He asked and Minerva shook her head telling him not to worry.

"Sleep," she blew gently on his eyes and Severus closed his eyes again. This time when he tried to open them again he found he couldn't. He was too tired.

As he snuggled down into the plush pillows Severus was aware of a sense of safety and belonging that he'd never before experienced. It was something he wouldn't mind getting used to. Severus felt himself finally fall into Morpheus' arms, and although he couldn't be sure of it, he thought he felt someone lovingly clasp his hand in their own as he slept.

* * *

**Please leave me some love :D And have a splendid new year! xxx**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello sweetie darlings! Happy new year! I'm on a roll...**

**So here is Chapter 17 – hope you enjoy! Thank you for your reviews on the last chapter, it's good to know that there are still a few followers of this story. **

**In this chapter there is once again a warning. Violence and some gruesomeness has been written into the text below but I hope this doesn't put you off. In here you'll find out a great deal of Minerva's background so I hope you enjoy it... maybe _enjoy_ isn't really the right word but I'm sure you will all tell me what you thought about my ideas.**

**Happy reading :D**

**- Lillibet x**

_**One last thing... I've uploaded two chapters in quick succession so please make sure you have read Chapter 16 before this one.**_

* * *

Chapter 17

Minerva was bleeding. She could feel the warm sticky substance running down the back of her legs. With every mirror incantation she could feel her body weaken but didn't care. One by one the oozing open wounds disappeared from her husband's broken body and she felt the wounds explode from her own flesh. Once the last wound had left him, Minerva fell to the ground, her wand rolling from her hand.

"Bertie..." she managed to crawl over to the still body of her beloved and take him in her arms. "Bertie?" The silence broke her heart. She buried her face in his neck and screamed. An agonising wail that tore from her chest.

"Minerva..." Minerva's head shot up and through her tears she realised who the blurry figure was.

"Oh Albus..." She cried more, her tears unstoppable. Albus crouched down behind her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"We have to leave," he whispered softly but Minerva shook her head.

"I will not leave him here," she said as she stroked Robert's cheek.

"Alastor isn't far behind, he will take good care of Robert." He gently pulled her arm but Minerva shook him off, remaining firm.

"Please don't ask me to leave..." she began in an angry voice but Albus cut her off by grabbing her shoulders firmly and turning her to face him.

"They could come back any minute Minerva! Do you want them to find you?" Minerva watched Albus' eyes grow with a fiery intensity. "Do you want them to find your son?" Minerva jerked sharply away from her mentor and she stared at him with wide eyes.

"How did you know about..?" She began but the old wizard shook his head.

"That is irrelevant at this time," his voice had become desperate and when he pulled her away from Robert she was too shocked to stop him. "Where is he?" Albus asked and Minerva rubbed a hand over her brow. Something sticky came off her fingers and she suddenly remembered what she'd done. She looked down at her bloodied hands and turned a fretful look to her friend.

"Albus..." her voice wavered and the deputy headmaster took her into his arms.

"It's alright my dear, you're safe now," he said softly. "Tell me where your son is."

"He's asleep in his crib," she whispered and she felt the air around them shift as someone came to stand beside them.

"The boy is upstairs," Albus said and Minerva felt a large warm hand press gently into her back. She knew it was Alastor Moody, a good and long time friend but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. "Take care of the boy," Albus said more firmly this time and Minerva felt the hand slip from her back.

"Logan," she whispered, turning her head slightly to look at Alastor. "His name is Logan." She looked up into her friends handsome face and he gave her a reassuring smile.

"I'll take good care of Logan," he said, brushing a finger across her cheek. "And Bertie." He gave her a sad smile and Minerva felt tears streaming across her face again. "I promise."

-x-

A loud crash brought Minerva out of a fitful sleep and she jolted forward from the chair she'd fallen asleep in. She let out a shaky breath and rested her head against the bed as she let her heart rate slow. Suddenly a hand tentatively touched the top of her head and she jumped back, covering her mouth with her hand.

"It's just me," came his steady, reassuring voice. Minerva covered her face with her hands, blinking back tears as she fought to keep control. Severus sat up in her bed and shifted across it so he could sit in front of her but Minerva turned her face away from him. "You're soaking wet," he said as he ran his hands down her arms gently.

"I'm fine," she said as she choked back a sob. She pressed her fingers into her eyes and was grateful when Severus remained silent. The tears just wouldn't stop and when a brief flash of Robert's lifeless body came before her eyes she snapped them open.

"I feel sick," she said quietly as she stumbled from the chair in a flurry. She dashed to the bathroom and fell to her knees in front of the toilet. Behind her she could hear Severus calling her name but she couldn't find her words.

As she heaved into the toilet she banished her dark memories away, wondering what could have brought the nightmares back so vividly.

"Minerva?" There was a soft knock on the open door and as she stood up from the floor she waved him in. "What happened?" He asked and Minerva shook her head.

"Bad dream," she said, giving him a shaky smile as she rinsed out her mouth and pressed a cold damp towel to her neck.

"Some dream," Severus said behind her. When she looked at him she could tell he knew that there was more to this story. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked, looking more uncomfortable by the second.

"No, I'm fine." She smiled at him again, a little less shaky than before. She rinsed her mouth one last time and then pushed passed Severus to re-enter her bedroom.

"You should try to sleep some more," Severus said and Minerva shook her head as she sat down heavily on her bed.

"I'm awake now, I might as well stay up." Severus hovered a few feet away from her, his arms crossed over his bare chest. Minerva looked up at him and her eyes swept over his body but before she could really appreciate what she was seeing she quickly looked away.

"You need to sleep," he said again and Minerva gave a frustrated sigh. But before she could speak Severus cut her off. "It's half past three in the morning, you should take the bed." Minerva spun around to look at the time piece on her bedside table and she frowned.

"I felt like I slept more than that," she said, more to herself than to him. His hands on her shoulders made her jump violently and Severus steadied her against him.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered and Minerva sighed.

"I know," she said, lowering her eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry," she said, resting her head on his shoulder. She felt his body stiffen against her and she pulled away quickly; _how could she have forgotten_? "Have I hurt you?"

"What?" he looked down at her in confusion, it seemed she wasn't the only one to forget what had happened to him only hours before. She watched his face as realisation fell into place. "Oh! No, I'm fine." He gave a smirk. "Seems your remedies really do work."

"Oh ye of little faith," she said with a slight laugh. Severus bowed his head for a minute and Minerva was astonished to find the tiny smile on his lips when he looked back up at her. They were silent for a moment. Minerva couldn't erase her nightmare from her mind but she found the warmth of Severus' hands still firmly planted on her shoulders comforting.

She felt Severus move one of his hands slightly and pull at the shoulder of her sleeveless dress. She shrugged his hand away and looked up into his eyes.

"Don't," she said, her voice wavering. She knew what he must have seen, what had made him tense when she'd rested against him.

"Who did that to you?" he asked, replacing his hand on her shoulder where the long jagged scar disappeared under her dress.

"I did." Her voice was barely a whisper and she wasn't sure Severus had heard her. His face was unreadable. "I..."

"Why?" He asked, cutting her off. Minerva moved away from him and crawled up the bed to rest against the headboard.

"Because I had to."

"Why? What could have happened to you that you needed to do that to yourself?"

Minerva sighed and chewed on her thumb nail. She observed the man before her, watching her so intently. He'd been questioning her about the scars since the moment they'd first become colleagues and in truth there were too many to explain. But she knew that he probably wanted to know about Robert, about her Bertie. And she clearly remembered promising him that she would tell him what had happened to her when she'd helped him the night He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was defeated. Well, here it was; it was time to fulfil her promise. She took a deep breath. It was time.

"I was 15 when I first met Robert. He was 17 and worked on his father's farm which bordered on our land. When the war started Bertie went out to fight with his older brother," she paused as she remembered the day he told her what he'd done.

"Peter?" Severus asked, bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Yes, Peter." She gave a slight smile and cleared her throat before continuing. "After I graduated Hogwarts I went to London," she watched Severus nod his head, he knew this part.

"During the war we barely had any contact but we remained good friends and every time he was on leave he would come find me." She smiled sadly. Severus moved closer to her and sat on the bed with his own back against the headboard. Minerva was glad of the change, she didn't have to see his face.

"When the war ended it took Robert a year to come back home and when he did, something had changed. We were fine, we were as close as ever but it was other things. He couldn't stand being with a group of people. When he asked me to marry him I took him to a cottage I'd inherited and we lived there all our married life." She trailed off as hundreds of memories came flooding back. Bertie with the chickens, swimming in the lake at the bottom of the hill, their neighbours, bringing their son home for the first time.

"Did he know you were a witch?" Severus asked and Minerva noticed the tense tone his voice had taken on.

"No, no he didn't." She felt Severus shift next to her and she turned to look at him. "It was my choice. I didn't do it because of our Secrecy laws, I did it to protect them." Severus frowned and Minerva turned away quickly.

"From what?"

"From my past," she said, feeling almost void of any emotion. She decided that at that moment, it wasn't a bad place to be. "We had a child together," she continued, changing the subject slightly. "A boy that I named after my father. We'd delayed in having children because Robert didn't think he would be a suitable father." She laughed at the thought of Bertie's face when he held their son for the first time. "He was hooked from the first minute he saw him, the two were inseparable."

"In the summer of 1956 I left Robert and our child to go to work. I was doing the night shift, just like I had done on many other nights." She took a shaky breath. "Except on this one night I received an owl telling me that we were in danger. The letter was a complete surprise, not only due to the content but because I'd had very little contact with the wizarding community since we'd moved from London." She stopped and ran a hand through her hair nervously.

"When I got back to our cottage..." her breath caught in her throat and she couldn't find her words. She felt Severus press his shoulder into hers but remained silent. She was glad. He waited quietly as she took a few deep breaths. "Severus..." She looked over her shoulder at him and he slowly lifted his unreadable eyes to hers. " I've never told anyone..."

"You don't have to continue," he said, his voice rough and cold but Minerva knew he wasn't angry at the thought she might back away now. The fact that he'd offered her a way out made her soften a bit. And as she looked at him she realised that she wanted to tell him, to confide in him. To know that there was at least one person she could turn to.

"They tortured him. When I got there he tried to break free of the bonds they'd conjured. He wanted to protect me but he couldn't," she realised she was crying, the tears flowing freely. "When I tried to get to him they bound me too. I had... I had to watch them torture him. They tore his flesh from his body..." She could feel her long buried anger rising in her body and she gripped the bed covers tightly. "And there was nothing I could do, I had no wand. No form of defence." She tried to wipe away her tears but they wouldn't stop. Severus surprised her by cupping her face in his hands and wiping them away for her.

"They left him laying on the floor and once I'd broken free of the bonds I ran to the house for my wand. His wounds were too great for me to heal and the only chance I had at saving him was to transfer them onto myself." She watched Severus' eyes widen slightly and his thumbs stilled on her cheeks.

"A mirror charm?" He asked, his voice low. "That's very dark magic Minerva."

"It was the only option I had, I had to do it." She wasn't sure why her voice had such an undertone of desperation to it but she had to make him understand. "I thought that if I could take some of the deeper wounds away I'd be able to help him. I would never normally use such -"

"You do not need to justify your actions to me Minerva. I have over used dark magic..." he dropped his hands into her own. "At least your reasons were noble."

"Not that it did much good," she said quietly, looking down at their hands. "He died anyway. He died knowing that during our marriage I'd kept this titanic secret from him. He must have felt so betrayed." She folded her arms across her chest and chewed on her bottom lip to stop herself from crying again.

"He obviously loved you. I'm sure that had he survived he wouldn't have blamed you. And knowing you, you would have fought every step of the way to put right the wrongs you'd created." Severus' words rang through her mind and she thought deeply about them. All this time she had wondered what would have happened to her and Bertie if he'd survived and at all times she'd come to the conclusion that he would have never forgave her. But thinking about what Severus had said made her realise that they would have worked it out. They loved each other more completely than she'd loved anything else in the world. Deep down she knew he would have forgiven her. She was shocked to find that it had taken a few simple words from an equally broken man to make her realise what she already knew. She gave him a gentle smile.

"Thank you," she whispered and leaned into his embrace. Severus remained silent and very slowly, he lifted his arms to pull her into a heartfelt hug.

"You should try to get some sleep," Severus said after a few minutes. Minerva nodded, feeling completely exhausted after reliving one of the most terrible ordeals she'd ever lived through. She allowed him to coax her under the bed covers and as she was settling into the pillows she caught a glimpse of Severus settling down into the chair she'd been in. She sat up on her elbow and shook her head at him.

"You'll never sleep in there," she said and Severus just shrugged his shoulders.

"I'll be ok, you just get some sleep." Minerva watched him trying to get comfortable in the chair and she chuckled.

"Get in the bed," she said softly and moved over to the other side if the bed. Severus looked up at her with a suspicious glare and eyed the bed cautiously.

"Get in? With you..?"

"Neither of us are in any fit state to be sleeping in that chair. We're just sharing a bed," she said, laying her head down and closing her eyes. "This is what friends do Severus, now get in the bed." She waited a few moments and just as she was about to open her eyes she felt the bed shift beside her and the covers pulled away from her slightly as Severus shifted under the blankets. Minerva listened to him let out a deep breath as he relaxed into the mattress and she smirked. The room went quiet and Minerva could feel herself beginning to fall asleep.

"What happened to your son?" Severus asked after a moment and Minerva took a deep breath to wake herself up before speaking.

"Very few people knew about him so it wasn't hard to keep him a secret." She turned onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. "I gave him up."

"You gave him up?" Severus asked, turning over and lifting up onto his elbow so he could look down into her eyes.

"I was terrified that they would come looking for me again. I couldn't put my son through the same thing his father had to suffer through. Giving him up was the best thing I could have ever done." Severus was silent when she stopped talking and she wasn't surprised.

"Do you know where he is now?" He asked and Minerva nodded.

"Yes."

"Do you ever get to see him?"

"I get to see him often," she gave a sad smile and Severus laid back down, now looking up at the ceiling too.

"Does he know?" Severus asked quietly. Minerva rubbed a hand over her tired eyes.

"No." She'd never regretted giving her boy up. Knowing he was going to be safe and loved outweighed her selfish need to keep him close to her. Albus, Filius and Alastor, the only other people to know some of what she'd endured, had tried to dissuade her but to no avail. She was glad she'd gone through with it but even now, all these years later, seeing him again tore her heart into pieces.

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading. Please remember to leave a comment :D See you in 2012! Woo! x**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello again everyone! As you can all probably tell, I'm taking advantage of my Christmas holiday and trying to get as much writing done as possible. I think I'm doing well :D despite still reeling slightly from last nights antics - the less said about that the better me thinks!**

**Anyway, here's Chapter 18. It's a little more light hearted just so we can see them together and how the night Severus returned from prison changed the both of them for the better. But knowing me and my future plans for this story, it won't stay like this for long, hahah. **

**So I hope you all like it and please remember to leave a quick (or long if you're feeling generous) review. I love to hear your thoughts on what you're reading.**

***Happy dance for 2012! ***

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 18

The last two weeks had been hard on Severus. To begin with, his recovery had been slow, painfully slow. Minerva had given him some of her precious plants when he'd returned to his own quarters and they had helped more than he could have hoped for. His classes were going well but the students were having difficulty keeping up. No matter what the Headmaster said to him he refused to make the lessons easier, once the students got used to his way of working the worthy ones would go on to become skilful potion brewers. It was for their own good. He smirked at the memory of Minerva's face when he uttered the same thoughts to her. It resulted in their first full blown argument but Severus had to admit to being more amused by it than angered. Minerva, however, still wasn't talking to him. Their busy schedules meant that he hadn't seen the Transfigurations professor for a few days but as he headed to the Great Hall for dinner, he knew she wouldn't have calmed down.

He was the last teacher to arrive at the table, dinner was already halfway through and Severus grumbled at the thought that he might have missed the slow roasted beef. He jumped up the steps to the table and headed for what had now become his chair. He sat down next to Minerva but she kept her focus on Albus who was filling her in on the newest flavour of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans.

Severus smirked, what a thrilling conversation, Minerva would be no doubt enthralled with what the old man had to say. He scoffed out loud at his own joke and he caught his neighbour flash him a scornful look. Severus shrugged and for the first time noticed the covered plate in front of him. He lifted the cover and the smell of slowly roasted beef hit his face. His mouth began to water immediately and he quickly discarded the cover before tucking into his food. He glanced to his side, there was no question as to who had saved him the meal, no one else would even think to save him food let alone enquire after his favourites. The woman beside him finished off the last of her vegetarian option but she still wouldn't look at him. If he were the kind of person that laughed out loud he would have.

Just as dinner was finishing Severus and Minerva stood up at the same time. He kept his face impassive as she skirted around him but as he followed her he caught eyes with Filius and smirked. As they got out into the hall Severus jogged to catch the deputy up and he fell in stride with her.

"If that was your apology then I accept it," he said, clasping his hands behind his back. Minerva froze in place, making Severus speed passed her. He stopped and turned back to look at her astonished face.

"My apology?" She asked, outraged. "I owe you no apology Severus Snape." She tried to walk passed him toward the stairs but he caught her arm to hold her back.

"Then perhaps it was your way of saying I was right?" Minerva's lips thinned and Severus wondered if he'd gone too far this time.

"Didn't I ask you not to speak to me?" She asked, surprisingly amicable.

"Yes you did," he said, stepping closer to her so he could look down his nose at her.

"Then why are you speaking to me?" She asked, seemingly none pulsed by his threatening stance.

"Because you saved me dinner." He said and he watched a smile slowly spread on to her face.

"Oh Severus, how do you know I didn't save it for you because I'd done something to it?" She raised an eyebrow in question at him. Severus froze in place.

"You wouldn't dare!" He said in a dangerous whisper that would terrify any of his students. Minerva on the other hand simply shrugged her shoulders.

"Want to bet on that?" And with that she started up the stairs again. Severus watched her for a second before running after her.

"What did you do to my food?" He asked but Minerva turned her head away from him.

"I told you not to speak to me," she said.

"But I..."

"Stop talking to me," she cut him off and Severus could actually hear the amusement in her voice.

"If I find out that you..." Severus stopped when they hit the top of the stairs and she turned sharply to look at him. He felt his weight shift backwards and just as he was about to fall Minerva's hands reached out and grabbed the lapels of his waistcoat.

"Be careful Severus, who knows what a small tumble might do to the composition I sprinkled on your food." She smoothed out his lapels and patted his chest gently. "I'm leaving now." And with that she headed toward her rooms.

"What did you do to my food?" He shouted after her but all he received a slight backwards wave of her hand. He growled deep in his chest - _she wouldn't dare!_

"Shouting in the corridors Mr Snape? The last time you did that I recall putting you in detention." Severus turned around to see Filius smiling broadly at him.

"It's that blasted woman's fault. She's messing with my head," Severus said. Filius chuckled and Severus was pleased that the wizard knew not to take his angry words seriously.

"Aye, you'll soon learn not to make the lady angry." Filius patted Severus on the back and they began to walk along the corridor.

"I don't know; it makes for rather good entertainment." Filius laughed again and Severus smirked.

"Just make sure you don't take it too far my boy, she can give it back as good as anyone but remember; everyone has a breaking point." They stopped at the corridor which would take Severus down to the dungeons.

"Your words have been noted Professor, however I might point out... she started it." Filius patted Severus on the back again and shook his head with a grin.

"Get some rest, Quidditch season starts tomorrow." Severus felt his skin tingle at the prospect of the Quidditch season. He'd never been particularly good at, or even enjoyed playing the game but his need to always see Slytherin triumph overrode his boredom with sports. "Good night Severus," Filius said as he began to walk down the hall.

"Good night," Severus said as he headed toward the stairs. Quidditch! Slytherin had been performing horrifically bad in the last year but after hearing about the new team he felt confident that they would beat any team they came up against. Even Gryffindor - the only team and house it was ever worth competing against.

At the thought of Gryffindor his mind wandered back to Minerva. He'd been pleasantly surprised at the easiness their friendship had taken on. After that night he'd spent with her he'd initially withdrawn from her. It was nothing she'd done, it was just his automatic response to that kind of situation. But he soon found that he'd worried her and later discovered that she'd assumed he'd backed off because of what she'd confessed to him. It was a hard lesson for him to learn. He was no longer alone and his actions now had implications on those closest to him. He'd never had that before, had that sense of looking out for someone else. In his entire life he'd relied on no one but himself but that had changed when Minerva told him what had happened to her. It astonished him to find that he actually liked the idea of taking care of someone.

He walked into his rooms, not really taking any notice of Sir John. His Dolor Altor was talking to him but Severus' mind was too consumed with other things. He pulled off his heavy robes and shrugged out of his waistcoat. Just as he was beginning to unfasten his shirt buttons a low smoky voice came from behind him.

"When I came here I didn't expect this kind of display, a cup of tea perhaps but never this." Severus spun around, his eyes wide, furiously scanning his rooms. Minerva, the woman that had been occupying his mind, was sitting at his piano. Severus shot an evil look at Sir John in the portrait behind her. The man shrugged and sauntered back to his own portrait on the door.

"I tried to tell you," he said as he moved and Severus growled deeply.

"Not hard enough," Severus muttered and Sir John merely made a tutting noise before leaving them alone. "What do you want?" He asked, turning his back on her while he refastened the buttons on his shirt.

"I'd settle for some tea," she said from behind him.

"I'm all out," he said turning back to look at her.

"I thought you might be, so I brought my own." She gestured over to his desk where she had laid out a fresh pot of tea and his old, chipped mugs. Severus almost laughed but it came out as more of a snort of irritation. Minerva smiled at him and Severus shook his head.

"Well pour it then," he said, waving his hand toward it.

"I'd be delighted seeing as though you asked so nicely." She glared at him playfully as she walked by him and Severus rolled his eyes.

As Minerva set about making the tea Severus took her seat in front of the piano. He ran his fingers over the keys gently, making sure not to press the keys. He hadn't played it since the morning before he'd accompanied Minerva to the Albert Hall. He wasn't entirely sure of the reason; was it his time in prison? Finding out about a part of Minerva's childhood? Her husband? For whatever reason he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Play something," Minerva said, jolting Severus from his thoughts as she placed a mug in front of him.

"Not right now," he said, standing from the piano and taking his tea over to his sofa.

"Sir John said you haven't played it much recently," she said, sitting in a chair opposite him.

"Do you want it back?" He snapped but regretted it immediately. Minerva's eyes lost their amusement and she fixed her gaze squarely on him.

"What happened?" She asked softly and Severus sighed.

"Nothing," he said. "I just... haven't felt like playing in awhile." He gulped back a large swig of his tea. "And I don't know why," he added when she was about to speak.

"Then maybe you should just play anyway." She said and Severus frowned.

"Have you not been paying attention to what I..?" Minerva cut him off by jumping up from her chair and pulling Severus to his feet. Before he uttered a single word, she pushed him over to the piano and forced him to sit down on the stool.

"My father liked Scott Joplin, do you know him?" She asked and Severus shook his head. "This piece is called Bethena and my father taught me it when I was 11 the summer before I started school."

Severus watched his friend glide her fingers across the keys, teasing out an old fashioned ragtime tune that he actually recognised. He had to admit she had some skill on the piano, she kept good rhythm, even if the notes were slightly out and although her left hand was a little clumsy her right was almost perfect. She stopped suddenly and turned to face him.

"Why did you stop?" He asked her and she smirked.

"Because I don't remember anymore," she answered. "But if I found the sheet music, do you think you could teach me it again?" Severus shook his head and just as he was about to refuse her she broke in. "Just think about it?" She asked with that annoying smile he'd begun to find endearing. Against his better judgement he sighed and nodded his head. "Wonderful. I'll have the sheet music sent to you right away. Now I must be going," she emptied her mug and sent it soaring over to his desk. "I'll see myself out," she said patting him on the shoulder as he started to get up from the seat.

"You know, I haven't actually said yes yet," he called to her as she opened the door.

"Yet." And with that she disappeared. Severus folded his arms over his chest. He knew he'd walked right into that. Correct, he hadn't actually agreed to teach her the ragtime piece but when he'd agreed to think about it, he'd fallen into her trap. If she could get him to agree to thinking about it, she could certainly get him to agree to be her teacher. If there was one thing he'd been surprised to learn about his former professor it was the striking similarities she had with those placed in Slytherin house. She could be sly and manipulative at times and she'd proved just how loyal in nature she was. It was just that bull-headed bravery that set her apart from them and would no doubt get her into trouble in the future.

Yes, their relationship had definitely changed over the past few weeks. He still couldn't quite believe what had happened, one minute she wanted nothing to do with him and the next, asking for piano lessons. It would leave him confused if he really thought about what it all meant but things were good, so to avoid messing up a good thing, he just didn't think too much about it.

What he focused his mind on was the request she'd just presented him. He shot a glare at the door where Sir John would be resting in his portrait and cursed the old man for telling Minerva about his lack of enthusiasm for the instrument. He knew deep down that she was doing it to try to encourage his playing but in his mind he focused on teaching her a piece her father had taught her. In his heart she was helping him, in his mind he was helping her. It was always easier to block out his heart for he'd had a lot of practise in the last few years.

A small tap on the window made him look up and he saw an owl holding a folder of parchment. He walked over and opened the window for the bird to hop inside. It dropped the folder into his hands and after Severus gave it a nut, it flew back out into the night. Severus opened the folder and laughed when he saw what was inside it. There was a small note attached to the front which he picked it off the parcel and opened.

_I just happened to find this laying on my desk, what luck! M_

Severus tucked the note in his trouser pocket and leafed through the sheet music to Bethena. _The nerve of that woman_! He chuckled again and walked over to the piano. He set out the sheet music across the stand and sat down. He placed his hands above the keys and after a moment's hesitation played the intro. The sudden surge of joy pushed its way into every dark part of his soul, it was glorious. He looked up to the portrait behind him to see Sir John resting against the frame with an easy smile.

"She's good for the soul, my boy." He said and Severus nodded.

"She is indeed," he responded and he suddenly frowned. Sir John's smile increased and gave a little bow as he retreated back to his own portrait. Severus looked down at the piano again. _Had Sir John been talking about the piano or Minerva? _He scratched his chin gently and folded his arms. _What or who exactly had he been referring to? _

* * *

**Hope you liked it! Please let me know what you thought xxx**


	19. Chapter 19

**Good evening Ladies and Gents! I hope this finds you all well. **

**So here is Chapter 19, I hope you like it. I already have a draft of Chapter 20 and 21 so hopefully I'll have those up soon although I am babysitting my nephew for two days (started this morning) but I'll be writing when he is napping. Isn't it just perfect? I'm on holiday and I'm spending my time babysitting... What a wonderful aunt I am!**

**One thing I should say... I've had a lot of reviews about who Minerva's son might be so I'll say it here, if you really want to know before it's revealed (as it might be awhile) then if you read this fic from the beginning then there are a lot of clues throughout. But I can confirm that it is NOT Snape – I've had them kissing... how screwed up would that have been? Hahah. **

**Aaaaanyhooooo, remember to let me know what you thought and thank you so much to everyone that has reviewed.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

** - Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 19

Minerva ran down the main staircase with a carefree attitude she wouldn't dare let show at any other time of the school year. Christmas was just around the corner and she looked forward to spending the holidays with her family. She heard footsteps coming toward her from the corridor and she turned to the person with a big smile.

"Listen," she said in a whisper. The man stopped and frowned slightly. "Absolute silence," she said, lifting her hands in the air as if to say 'where is all the noise?'

"That's because the students have gone home," Severus said and Minerva frowned at him.

"Can you not even take pleasure in this?" She asked with a frustrated sigh.

"You're late for your lesson," He said sternly and Minerva rolled her eyes.

"It's Christmas," she said as if he didn't know.

"Just because it's Christmas doesn't mean you can skip your lessons."

"I'll have you know I haven't skipped a lesson in my life!"

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" He mumbled and Minerva shot him a glare.

"You say that as if it's a bad thing," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes. "I thought I'd go into Diagon Alley, finish my Christmas shopping..."

"Skipping lessons to go shopping?" He sounded disgusted and Minerva held back a laugh.

"Well I was going to invite you but now I think I'd rather go alone," she said but Severus just shrugged his shoulders.

"Suit yourself." He began to walk away from her but at the last minute Minerva reached out for him and linked her arm through his.

"Oh Severus, your such a Scrooge. It's Christmas, a time to be with friends and an excuse to eat and drink in excess without the guilt." She chuckled and pulled Severus toward the main doors.

"A Scrooge?"

"A muggle man that hated Christmas, he's a character from a Dickens novel." Minerva answered quickly, brushing it aside as she urged him through the doors.

"I'm not letting you drag me shopping..."

-x-

"Are you finished?" Minerva asked for the third time.

"Mmm," was Severus' grunted response. Minerva sighed and placed her bags on the floor. She stepped around the books now surrounding him and placed her hands over the pages of the book he was reading.

"Severus..." her voice was a low warning and Severus slowly lifted his eyes to look at her.

"This was your idea," he said and Minerva tugged the book out of his lap and slammed it shut.

"I had three things I needed to pick up, I wasn't expecting to sit around a bookshop for two hours while you decided on which text to buy; the Latin or the Ancient Greek? Why not just buy plain old English? You're going to need to translate the difficult passages anyway and it's cheaper." She tossed the book onto one of the piles and picked up her bags. "It's really not a difficult decision."

"On the contrary Professor, did you know that..?" But Minerva couldn't take it anymore and she cut him off.

"I don't care," she said briskly. Severus scoffed and picked up the Latin translation before heading to the counter to pay. Despite Severus' initial reaction to heading into Diagon Alley he'd mellowed once he'd realised that it was a case of picking up a few orders to big to send by owl and not trolling through shops. And once they entered the bookshop he'd demanded that he search for a book he'd been waiting to be published. Minerva leaned against a chair and sighed. She was pretty sure he been prolonging the experience just to annoy her and she was certain that he was getting her back for dragging him along.

What made things worse for the young teacher were the number of students they'd bumped into along the way. In their usual excitable way many of them had come running toward her, introducing their parents to her and talking so fast she had to ask a number of them to slow down. Severus would hover nearby, not saying a word and seeming none pulsed when the students didn't acknowledge him.

Just as Severus headed toward her she noticed a hustling group heading their way. She watched Severus freeze and suddenly she was surrounded by fresh faced red heads.

"Hello Professor McGonagall," said the man of the family.

"Hello Arthur, how are you?" She asked as the Weasley clan beamed up at her.

"Very well Professor thank you," he said. "Busy time of year and our newest addition makes for a very busy house." He smiled proudly over at Molly who was holding a wriggling baby, his red hair already heavily covering his head.

"His name is Ronald," Molly said a little out of breath. "I expect he'll be showing up on your records soon," she added.

"No doubt a Gryffindor too!" Arthur said with a big laugh and Minerva smiled politely as she tried to sneak a glance to find out where Severus had got to.

"Any Weasley will be a welcome addition to my house," Minerva said smiling down at the other Weasley children. The tiny twins wobbled on their feet as they tussled to the ground. Molly jumped to attention and the two boys scurried away.

"Fred, George! You get back here this instant!" Molly passed the baby over to Arthur and shot through the shop after the two boys. Arthur turned to Minerva and gave her an awkward smile.

"Kids will be kids," he said with a shrug but she caught the look of concern he shot after his wife. Minerva liked Arthur and Molly. They had been good students' some of her first at Hogwarts and she was proud with how they turned out. She hadn't seen Arthur much since he left school except for chance meetings like this but Molly often came to visit before the twins came along. Minerva couldn't quite remember when she'd last seen Molly but she knew for certain that the last time she saw her, the Prewett brothers had still been alive.

"How is she Arthur?" Minerva asked and when he looked at her he knew exactly what she was asking.

"She worshipped those boys," Arthur said, holding Ronald tightly to his chest. "She's living for us, for our family." He gave her a sad smile and Minerva smiled back.

"Tell her to come see me Arthur, it's been awhile since she's come to the castle for tea."

"I don't know if she'll come back now," Arthur admitted with a shake of his head. Minerva frowned.

"Why?"

"Well you have Snape on the staff, from what I heard at the Ministry he was there the night they slaughtered Molly's brothers." Minerva blanched and she suddenly felt sick to her stomach. "Are you alright Professor?" Arthur asked, reaching out for her arm. She quickly nodded her head and focused her eyes on him.

"I'm fine, thank you Arthur. It's just been a long day, I'm rather tired." She lied, feeling guilty as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Oh of course," Arthur said with a smile. "You should head back to Hogwarts."

"Yes," she touched his shoulder briefly. "But please pass on my message to Molly, I can meet her in Hogsmeade if she would prefer it. I can understand her reluctance to step back into the castle." Arthur nodded and said he'd do his best to persuade his wife to visit her. With a quick goodbye Minerva fled the bookshop and ran out into the street. She shouldered her bags and walked quickly with her head down. She just wanted to get home.

"Minerva!" She heard him call her name but she ignored it. She couldn't talk to him right now. "Minerva," he grabbed her arm but Minerva spun around and pushed him away from her.

"Don't Severus," she said darkly. He frowned and when Minerva tried to walk away he grabbed her arm again and pulled her into a secluded alley. "Get off me!"

"What's wrong with you?" He asked, his eyes flashing angrily.

"Why did you hide from the Weasley's?" She asked, stepping away from him so there was some distance between them.

"I didn't hide-"

"Don't you dare lie to me Severus," she said. "With the other students you merely hung in the background silently. I saw your reaction when you noticed the Weasley's coming toward me." She watched Severus building the walls around himself and his face turned stony. "Is it because of the Prewetts?" She asked, studying him carefully, waiting for some kind of response.

"Minerva I..." his face had softened a little and in that one moment she felt like her whole world had been shattered.

"Oh Merlin..." she swayed slightly on her feet, her legs had turned to jelly. Severus reached out for her but she batted his hand away. "Don't," she said, warning him with a hand to stay away from her. "I have to leave."

She turned away from him and fled back into the street. She wasn't fully aware of the journey home but suddenly she found herself standing outside Filius' door. She reached a hand up to awaken the stone statue but Filius appeared by her side, making her jump.

"It's been some time since you've stopped by my rooms," Filius said with a chuckle but when they locked eyes, Minerva watched his humour vanish instantly. "What happened?"

"Oh Filius..." she covered her face with her hands as the tears began to fall and her friend immediately opened the door to his quarters and led her inside.

"Tell me what happened," he said pulling her toward his sofa. Minerva let her shopping bags fall to the floor and she sat heavily on the cushions. She turned to her friend, preparing to tell him everything and he offered her a weak smile.

-x-

Minerva removed the last few pins in her hair and ran her hands through the long dark tresses. She'd just spent the last hour informing her friend of what had happened earlier in the day in Diagon Alley. He'd listened carefully to her and only once she'd finished talking did he finally speak up.

"You said yourself once, that you were aware that he'd probably taken part in some atrocities," Filius said from behind his teacup.

"Yes but I never expected..." she trailed off with a shrug of her shoulders. She felt they had been talking in circles.

"What?" Filius prompted her gently.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want what I already suspected to be confirmed."

"It was war Minerva; people are made to do and witness things that, given a choice, they wouldn't choose to do or see." Filius said and Minerva watched him carefully.

"But you can't know if that applies to Severus. Let's face it; we don't know anything about him, about his reasons for returning to us. Has he told you?" She asked and Filius chuckled.

"If he hasn't told you, what makes you think he'd tell me?" He gave her a pointed look and Minerva frowned. She straightened her back and pursed her lips.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked. Filius held his hands up quickly in surrender and he gave her a friendly smile.

"I just think you should talk to him," he said carefully and Minerva folded her arms over her chest.

"Do you honestly think he'd tell me the truth?" She asked with a sceptical look.

"Yes." Filius said, taking a sip of his tea. Minerva watched him level his eyes on her. "The question is; do you want to hear the truth?" Minerva chewed on her thumb nail and looked away from her friend. As she'd said to Filius, she had always suspected Severus had a darker past than she could imagine but could Filius be right? Had Severus only taken part in these vicious sports to appear as one of the group? Did that thought make it any better than him doing it for entertainment? And if she asked him, would he ever tell her the truth as she had done with him?

-x-

Severus appeared at her door the night she was preparing to go home. When she opened the door he had been walking away as if he'd changed his mind about seeing her. After an awkward pause she had invited him in and now he sat in her window seat watching her pack.

"How long are you going away for?" He asked quietly and Minerva blew a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I'll be back for New Years Eve," she said with her hands on her hips.

"You're taking that much with you for just one week?" He asked with a slight smirk and despite her darkened spirits she couldn't help the smile tugging at her lips.

"You never know what you'll need," she said with a shrug and Severus nodded.

"I wanted to talk to you before you left," he said and Minerva folded her arms over her chest. She knew she probably looked uncomfortable or vulnerable but to be honest, that was exactly how she felt.

"Why come tonight? Why not last night or the one before that?" She had to admit, she was angry that he'd avoided her since the day they'd returned from Diagon Alley. "Why leave it to the last minute?"

"Because I kept putting it off... I hoped that if I ignored it, it would fix itself."

"And has it?" She gave him a pointed glare and he sighed.

"I've made things worse haven't I?" he looked down into his hands and Minerva chewed on her thumb nail. "I was there... the night that-" He ran a hand over his face and stood up. "I saw it happen, I saw Bellatrix-"

"I don't want to hear it," Minerva said as she continued with her packing.

"You have to." He said sternly. "You can't ignore it."

"Like you did?"

"Damn it Minerva!" She looked up at his outburst and Severus turned away from her for a second. She gave him a minute to calm down. "You have to know that I didn't take part in it... I watched them die, yes. I celebrated in their demise. And if they'd asked me to take part in it, I probably would have... but the fact is... I didn't." He turned back to look at her and Minerva felt tears strolling down her face. "I hadn't been a Death Eater long, I was eager to please. To show I was worth the title."

"So you watched two brave young men die?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"To me they were foolish men who took on something bigger than they were. They should never have come." His words were cold and indifferent and Minerva struggled to believe that the man before her was the same one she had grown so fond of in the last few months.

"So to you they got what they deserved?" She asked with difficulty.

"They knew the risks, we all did. I'm not saying they got what they deserved," he added quickly. "But when they took on Bellatrix Lestrange they knew there was a probable chance they wouldn't survive."

"I never thought you were a cruel man Severus," she said and she saw the way his jaw clenched.

"War does that to a person."

"The man I've come to know wouldn't stand by and let..."

"This is who I am Minerva, it's who I've always been. I haven't changed and I never will. I understand if you'd rather detach yourself from my association, you will not be the first." He looked at her coldly and Minerva looked away. _Could she forgive him?_"I didn't know the Prewetts but if you had done what I had to someone I cared for..." he left the sentence open but Minerva understood his meaning. She nodded and turned back to her packing.

"I have to finish this," she said quietly. After a moment she heard a swish of robes and a door slamming in the other room. When she looked up he was gone and she sat on her bed with a heavy sigh.

It was true that she'd been fond of the Prewett's but she'd never been particularly close to them. They'd played on the Gryffindor quidditch team and fought excellently in their duelling classes. Their deaths had touched her deeply as she thought of the wasted talent and potential. Of what they would have become, of the families they would have brought up. She wiped at the tears that had fallen from her tired eyes and hugged her arms around her waist.

In a way Severus was just like the Prewett brothers. Because of his connections and early experiences he would never go on to reach his full potential. But perhaps there was still time for him?

He'd said he would never change but the way he'd held her the night she told him about Robert would always remain in her memory. He'd been kind and understanding, a good friend. What Filius had said about people doing things they wouldn't normally do during wartime slipped into her mind. She wanted to believe that Severus wouldn't have done the things she knew and suspected him of if there hadn't been a war on but the truth was; she just couldn't be sure of it.

But she recognised something in him that she saw in herself. She couldn't place her finger on what it was but she knew it was there. Perhaps it was guilt, or anger and hurt... could it be regret? Sir John had said the young potions master was as broken as she was. They were both too emotionally harmed to ever connect with other people and despite all the odds they had gravitated toward each other. Her sister would call it fate but Minerva knew it was deep rooted survival instinct. As social creatures, humans craved companionship with their peers and on the surface Minerva had that but until Severus had come along, she had never felt that real connection with another person since Bertie died.

Severus had committed unforgivable crimes but Minerva knew there were things she'd done in the past that were unforgivable too. They were more alike than she'd care to admit.

Minerva wiped the last of her tears from her face and packed the rest of her belongings in her case before putting on a smile and heading to her family home for Christmas.

* * *

**Hope you liked :D Please let me know what you think! xxx**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hi folks! So my updates have slowed for two reasons; one – I'm back at work (sad face) and two – **_**my computer died! **_**(crying hysterically) My very good friend has managed to find all my data and transfer it all onto a portable hard-drive until I can get my computer working again. Baz – you'll never read this but you are my God! So all praise Baz, God of the computer geeks! We wouldn't have this chapter if it wasn't for him.**

**So here it is, chapter 20 uploaded from my work computer (I'm staying an extra half hour to do this, I'm mental). I have the whole story planned out in drafts now and have decided that it is going to be easier for me to split the story up into a series. So each fic will be set over the events of one school year – if that makes sense. That way it will be easier for me to skip a few years if I need to or else this could get quite boring :D**

**Anyway, enough of me. Hope you enjoy this and thank you to everyone that has reviewed and added me to lists – all is very much appreciated.**

**Happy reading – I'm going home!**

** - Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 20

Severus sat at the piano and tapped out the last phrase of the Brahms waltz. He dropped his hands into his lap and looked up at the time piece on the empty fire place. It was three minutes past 12 in the morning.

Christmas day.

He'd never been one to celebrate Christmas, he'd never seen the point in it. He didn't believe in the stories despite what his father had enforced on him and his mother had told him that the holiday was for loved ones to get together. He'd never had anyone close enough to him to call them loved ones and he didn't pity himself for being alone.

In truth he rather enjoyed the solitary time. There was only once in his life when he'd been excited at the thought of Christmas and that was the year Lily had told him she was staying at the castle for the holiday. Of course, later he'd discovered that Potter and Black were staying... he'd immediately taken up Lucius Malfoy's offer of visiting with his family at Malfoy Manor.

Severus picked up a pile of sheet music from the top of the piano and a piece slipped from his hand. It was the introduction to Bethena, the Scott Joplin piece he had been teaching his former professor. At the thought of Minerva his insides immediately began to tighten and twist uncomfortably. He'd been hard on her the last time they'd spoken and part of him regretted talking to her like that. On the other hand, she needed to know that he was no saint. Far from it. The look on her face as he spoke, the horror and pain... the betrayal... it would haunt him more than anything he'd witnessed as a Death Eater.

He tucked the sheet music into a folder and placed it under the piano. He hadn't seen or heard from Minerva since she'd returned home to be with her family. He would never admit it but he felt rather forlorn without her presence in the castle, a feeling that was repeated throughout the entire faculty. Filius had promised to stop by before Christmas lunch but Severus didn't want him to. He knew that once Filius stopped by, the older wizard would badger him constantly until he agreed to go to lunch. Severus hoped he would forget so he could spend the time with his potions and books. If Minerva were here he knew he'd be safe, she'd keep Filius occupied so that he would be free to do as he pleased.

It made him angry to think how quickly she had been to disassociate herself from him. He couldn't blame her however; he'd been expecting this to happen from the beginning. The problem was, in the time since then, he'd dropped his guard. Her hit had touched him deeper because he'd had nothing to hit back with. He'd gone in with his heart on his sleeve as Lily had once said to him.

As usual he'd learnt his lesson the hard way and he would not be repeating it anytime soon. He thought Minerva was different, that she had taken him for what he was. If she couldn't accept his past actions, no matter how much he regretted them, then she wasn't worth his time. He sighed. He knew that in reality, the one who was really losing out was himself. He would forever regret not having the Deputy on his side, while in time she would come to congratulate herself in getting rid of him. In the time she had spent getting to know him the other teachers had distanced themselves from her. Severus thought it ridiculous and for the most part, Minerva didn't seem to care. But now, she would no doubt be looking forward to integrating back into the staff fold.

He stood up angrily from the piano and paced over to his drinks cabinet. He opened a bottle of fire whiskey, a drink he'd planned to open on New Year's Eve and offer to Minerva. He wasn't sure why he'd planned it; other than he knew that was what friends did on that particular holiday. He filled a glass and took a large swig. Just as he was about to take another, a slight glimmer of green smoke puffed out of his fireplace. He frowned and waved his wand over the hearth to remove the guards he'd placed on it when he moved into the rooms.

After a moment the green smoke returned and out of the rising green flames stepped the woman he'd been fuming about.

"Hello Severus," she said softly. He took another swig of his drink but remained silent. Minerva sighed and unfastened her cloak to take off. Underneath she wore a deep green dress made of velvet, with long sleeves that covered her hands and a low neckline.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you," she said eyeing the glass cautiously.

"What do you want?" He asked gruffly before draining the last of his whiskey and refilling the glass.

"I killed a man once," she said suddenly and Severus froze in place, his eyes fixed on her. "He was after my sister and nephew and I headed him off. Killed him before he'd stepped out of the woods." She shrugged her shoulders. "I never felt guilty for it. There was a huge trial for people like me but Albus had mine dismissed as self defence and I was allowed to continue with my life."

Severus stepped toward her and offered her his glass, she took it without hesitation and he retrieved himself another one.

"I'd never thought much about it until I thought about what we'd said to each other." Severus frowned but Minerva carried on talking anyway. "That man I killed was probably sent to look for my family, ordered to harm them. He might have done something he wouldn't normally do in any other circumstance. But the thing that got to me the most was the thought that somewhere, someone was waiting for their husband, their father, their son to come home but he never did. He never returned to his loved ones because I'd killed him before he could even stand trail."

"Minerva I'm not looking for your forgiveness..."

"But that's the thing, if I can't forgive you for what you did how am I ever to forgive myself?" Severus watched her turning the glass in her hands worriedly.

"If you hadn't done what you had you might not be standing in front of me right now." He moved toward her and looked down in her eyes. "You're not a bad person Minerva; there is nothing to forgive in your case."

"Would you take it back if you could? If you could have stopped them?" She asked, in a pained voice.

"I do not posses that great Gryffindor trait that you do. Myself preservation is too strong, in no circumstance would I have risked my life for anyone else." He knew his words were crude but it was the truth.

"You did for the Potters," she said softly and Severus snorted.

"I only wanted..." he paused on the edge of admitting he'd only gone there to save Lily. He looked away from Minerva's eyes but the look he'd caught there made him wonder, not for the first time, if she suspected his motives.

"Whatever the reason, you certainly displayed the complete opposite to cowardice." For some reason Severus had been glad she hadn't said he was brave. He knew that she had implied it but stopping short of the word made him feel at ease.

"You don't know me Minerva, there's too much for you to ever know about me." He said the words before he could stop himself and he berated himself internally.

"I doubt we'll ever truly know everything about each other," she said and Severus turned a surprised look at her. He had expected her to walk away from him again but she hadn't. In fact she looked dead set on staying put. "All I know is in the past week I haven't been myself. I've been short with everyone, including my family, and I may have dealt out a few more detentions than were strictly necessary."

"And you're blaming this on me?" He asked, looking Minerva straight in the eyes so she could see the humour behind his own. She hesitates for a split second before she chuckled lightly.

"You seem to be at the bottom of all my troubles," she said and Severus nodded.

"Well I'm sure there are plenty of people here that would agree with you." He lifted his glass and clinked it with hers before taking a sip.

"Did you plan on getting drunk?" She asked as she sipped gently on her own whiskey.

"I hadn't but now that you've suggested it..." He strode to his desk and picked up the bottle of fire whiskey. He lifted it for her to see and indicated for her to sit on the sofa. "Care to join me?" Minerva smirked and slowly moved toward the sofa and sat down.

"I can't stay long, my sister will be back soon and she'll question my whereabouts," she rolled her eyes and Severus was under the impression that Lydia would not look on her sister being here with a good eye.

"Lydia would disapprove of you being here?"

"Not just here," she said with a smile. "Being with you is the problem she'd have. She wouldn't think it right for a single woman to be alone in a man's chambers." She sipped on the whiskey Severus had handed to her.

"Isn't that old fashioned?" Severus asked and Minerva chuckled. The wizarding world was still traditional, some of their customs still remained from Medieval times but the ones that had disappeared through the centuries were separation of the sexes. Men could have female friends, lovers with no prospect of marriage and vice versus and people no longer thought badly on the situation.

"We come from a different time and place Severus. I grew up in a household where arranged marriages to further power or gain funds were the norm. The younger and innocent a girl was the more she'd go for. If a girl was alone for a minute with a man her reputation would be ruined, there would be no way of proving that nothing had transpired between the two."

"How did you live through that?"

"Well I didn't, did I?" She asked with a smile. "Albus sent me to London."

"But would you have suffered the same fate as your ancestors if you hadn't gone?

"No, that I can say for sure." She turned her body to fully face him. "My father had left me in charge of the estate which meant that, even if I hadn't gone to London, I wouldn't have needed to marry because I had the means to do as I pleased."

"What about your sister? Did she go through with it?" Severus asked, resting his arm along the back of the sofa. His fingers played with the sleeve of her dress and he was pleased that she didn't pull away.

"Lydia wanted to marry; she wanted to please my mother..." Severus thought Minerva suddenly looked angry. "It was one of those things... my mother never really paid Lydia much attention and it was the one thing Lydia wanted. So she did what my mother wanted of me and she received my mother's affection. But her husband was a dangerous man and I got her out of there as soon as I could. She remarried a few years later, her own decision and choice and he was wonderful. A kind and generous soul. She was happy with him."

"Did you ever remarry?" He asked, wondering how he'd come to be sitting so close to her.

"I never wanted to," Minerva said, resting her head against the back of the sofa. Severus froze when her cheek landed on his arm and while he enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere part of him wanted to pull away. "The opportunity arose a few times but they wouldn't have worked out."

"Why?" Severus asked. He asked himself the same question; why was he so interested in her. And why was she telling him?

"It's not fair to be in a relationship when one of you isn't in it completely." Severus nodded his head in understanding. He knew he could never be with another person without a part of him longing for Lily. Not that the chance had presented itself in anyway and to be honest, he'd never looked for it. He was absent mindedly still nodding his head and when he came out of his thoughts he realised Minerva was looking at him oddly. "You understand that?"

It was a natural question to ask when trying to describe something without giving to much away but Severus wondered if she was asking; have you been through the same thing?

"I have an idea," he said trying to be as discreet as possible. Minerva smiled slightly and closed her eyes.

"Will you ever marry Severus?" She asked and he couldn't help but notice that she seemed sleepy.

"No. I've seen what marriage can do to people." He watched Minerva's eyes flicker open and she frowned slightly.

"Marriage can be wonderful," she said gently and Severus shrugged. He looked down at his glass.

"I'm not suited to that life," he said looking back at her. Minerva had pulled her legs up underneath herself and Severus was surprised to find his hand gently stroking her neck.

"I think you'd be surprised Severus," she said with a kind smile. She leaned toward him and placed a soft kiss on his cheek. "I have to go."

"Now?" He asked, his head still hazy from the touch of her soft lips. He shook himself mentally. "Good, I have things to do," he said, feeling a little more like himself. Minerva smiled and shook her head gently. She stood from the sofa and placed her empty tumbler on top of the cold fireplace. Severus followed suit and he stood behind her as she scooped a handful of Floo Powder. He watched her step into the fireplace and she turned to him with one last smile.

"Merry Christmas Severus," she said and without waiting for an answer she threw the powder to the ground and disappeared into the green flames.

Severus stood stock still, staring into the green embers that were quickly dying and thought about what he'd just learned.

The once stoic and self righteous Gryffindor she had seemed to her students had been shattered in an instant. However, thinking about it, he decided it wasn't so bad. The less than perfect Gryffindor was a refreshing change to the usual type and he knew that knowing more about Minerva only made him take to her more.

He smirked at the thought; what most people would run from, he was drawn to. Lily had once told him, in her girlish way that wasn't unkind, that he was dark and twisty. He'd been angry at the time but there was little doubt that he'd grown into the phrase. Perhaps the reason he seemed to get along with Minerva was due to the fact that she was dark and twisty too. Not in the same way he was, he knew that, but it was clear that they'd both been driven toward their misfortunes.

Severus refilled his glass and slowly made his way to his bedroom. He lay carefully on the bed, making sure not spill his drink and stared up at the canopy. Minerva had risked everything to save the people she loved and he knew that through the last war, there were hundreds that had done the exact same thing. However the thought that it had happened to her... for the first time in a long time, he regretted his youthful decisions. He knew he didn't have any connections to what happened to Minerva but most likely someone, someone much closer to him than would like, had suffered like her because of him.

Severus lifted his head slightly to drain his glass in one go and let it roll from his hand onto the bed as his head fell heavily to the pillow. He, Severus Snape, was a Death Eater through and through; there was no denying it. But as he lay there, his mind hazy with alcohol, he couldn't help but wonder what might have happened had he chosen a different path. If he could take back those words that had ruined his relationship with Lily... if he'd chosen to stay at the school that Christmas instead of going to Lucius'... if only his mother hadn't departed this world so soon...

His mind was full to the brim and as he imagined what his life could have been he felt his eyes begin to sting. He pressed his fists into his eyes and took a deep breath. It was too late for regrets, too late to change what he'd done, too late to wonder what could have been... But that didn't stop his mind from drifting to another life. To a girl he loved and lost, then to a woman he deeply respected... a woman he lov...

Severus snapped his eyes open and shot up to a sitting position. He couldn't catch his breath and he gasped for a moment until he managed to slow his breathing. Had he really been about to admit that he..? He shook himself hard and laid back down. He loved Lily, had always loved her and yet... she'd never really understood him, not really. Not as she... not as Minerva did.

He felt weary from his heavy thoughts and the whiskey hadn't helped. He was exhausted. He reluctantly closed his eyes again and when he waited for Lily's face to appear in his dreams he almost jerked awake when a pair of brilliant blue eyes flashed at him with a secretive smile.

Perhaps it was just an excuse but Severus couldn't open his tired eyes and so with his insomnia at bay he welcomed the blue eyes and secretive smile. And in his mind, as she leaned over him he reached up and ran his hands through her black tresses, enjoying the feel of her silky strands caressing his bare chest.

When morning came Severus had woken slowly and without fear. And it may have been the sleep hazed mind playing tricks on him but he thought he could smell her unique feminine scent on the bed around him; where only a moment ago she'd been laying, her arms wrapped around his body securely as he lazily kissed shoulder in a way he'd never imagined with Lily.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to let me know what you thought :D xxx**

**Oh and keep an eye for a piece I wrote for Snape's birthday. I'm hoping to have it up in the next couple of days. Is it MM/SS centred you ask? Phfft, of course it is!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sweetie darlings! I'm happy to say that, despite my computer still lying six feet under, I'm updating. Yey! The ever wonderful Saint Baz has given me his spare laptop while he brings mine back from the bright light. If he wasn't one of my oldest friends I'd kiss him!**

**So here is chapter 21! It's more of a filler chapter for the next one and I've done something I normally wouldn't do which switching POV toward the end. But please bear with me while I rewrite a chunk of the next chapter as someone forgot to save the file... ok so it was me. But how was I supposed to know my computer would go and die on me?**

**Anyhoooo... I hope you all enjoy this chapter. As I said before, it's more of a filler to what is to come so I'm sorry if it's not as satisfying as you would like. The next one is a good one and the one after that is hopefully going to be even better - I'm trying something a little different as it's going to be from another characters POV that I haven't written in before... it could all go horribly wrong, but hey... what ya gonna do?**

**And before I go - please leave a review! :D Love you guys! Night yall.**

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 21

Minerva was in her study, sitting on the floor, surrounded by books as she absorbed every word of the one she was reading. It was her favourite way to read and it was how she'd learned to read in the first place.

_"...and he ran too-ward the cas... cast-tel.."_

_"Castle," came a voice that exuded strength and status. It's deep resonance could terrify an army of men and sooth a baby's cries. It was the voice Minerva fell asleep too and she loved it. She looked up from her book to the man hidden behind his news paper._

_"Castle," she repeated and the news paper lowered so a pair of wire rimmed glasses framing blue eyes peeked over the top._

_"Now read it again," he said and Minerva quickly read the passage again as the man disappeared behind his paper._

_"Angus look-ed... looked over the fe...fen... fench and he bra... bran... dish... ed." Minerva scrunched up her nose as she sounded the word again in her head. "Brandished," she said with a big smile and she glanced back up to the news paper. "Papa, what does brandished mean?" She watched him patiently lower his paper and he took a few puffs of the smoking pipe on his desk._

_"It means to wave something enthusiastically," he said and Minerva nodded. "Keep reading Neva," he said Minerva grinned before returning to the page._

_"He bran-dished his wand and..."_

_"Logan!" The shrill voice came from behind the closed doors to her father's study and Minerva immediately stood up, tripping over the books that she'd placed around her so she could easily access them if she needed to._

_"Coming Alexandra," Logan replied and he stood up to open the study door. Alexandra stood just outside with an angry expression, her hands on her hips and her eyes blazing._

_"She's late," Alexandra said in a clipped tone. "The dance master has been waiting for 10 minutes and here you have her sitting on the floor reading." She pushed passed Logan and grabbed Minerva by the wrist. "Brains will not get her a husband Logan, she needs to work on her dancing."_

_"She's a smart, beautiful and charming little girl. She doesn't need your tricks to make her appealing to men." He made his way toward Minerva and picked her up. "My little Neva won't have to marry if she doesn't want to. She'll have her independence," he said, kissing the top of her head as she snuggled into his neck._

_"Filling her head with this nonsense will not serve our daughter well, Logan. She must marry and unless you can find a way to change the law she will not benefit from you or this estate. As the possibility of that seems highly unlikely I will groom the girl for marriage." Alexandra stepped toward Logan to take Minerva from him but he pushed her away._

_"You will keep your money greedy hands off my daughter Alexandra or so help me..." He let the threat hang in the air and Alexandra hesitated for a moment. She glared at him and stormed from the room._

_"You Sir, are condemning this child to a commoners life!" She shouted as she looked at him from the doorway._

_"Commoners have always done well despite their misfortunes," Logan said with his head held high. "And let's not forget what obscurity you arose from Miss Groves." The use of her maiden name made Alexandra fume and she slammed the door to the study shut. Minerva jumped and snuggled into her father's secure frame at the sound. Logan gave her a tight hug and kissed her head before setting her down amongst her books._

_"Keep reading Neva," he said as he walked back to his desk and lifted his paper. Minerva happily returned to her book, sounding out each word as her father had taught her and absorbing every new meaning. Completely unaware of her parents war, she blissfully stuck to her father's side, making her utterly unprepared for what would later come._

Looking back on it now she could understand her father's motives. He was a world ahead of his generation and most people thought the Lord of Lailoken had finally lost his mind when he'd signed his eldest daughter as the sole beneficiary. But for Minerva, she was ever grateful for her father's teachings. His courage and beliefs had become her own and little did he know that she tried to pass on every good trait she learned from him onto those that passed through the classrooms.

She missed her father beyond belief. He was the one who had instilled in her a sense of self worth. And it was because of him she now found herself sitting in his study in Lailoken.

As she turned her page there was a soft knock at the door. She turned to look at the door and smiled when her nephew, Logan, peeked his head inside.

"Can I come in?" He asked and Minerva chuckled.

"You know you can," she said and Logan made his way over to her. He sat on the floor opposite her and picked up the nearest book. He flicked through the pages and he chuckled.

"I remember you teaching me to read in here," he said and Minerva swallowed the lump in her throat. "Are you ok Aunt Neva?" He asked, reaching out a hand and laying it on top of hers.

"Just a little tired," she replied, closing her book and giving him her full attention.

"I wanted to talk to you..." he paused and put down his own book. "I think mother is..." he stopped again and rubbed a hand over his forehead.

"Logan?" Minerva was worried, Logan had never looked so troubled.

"I think there's something wrong with her," he said slowly and Minerva frowned.

"What makes you think that?"

"Haven't you noticed that she keeps forgetting things?" He asked carefully. "And she said something to me the other day... on Christmas eve when we got back from the festival..." Minerva shifted uncomfortably. When she'd returned to Lailoken from Severus' quarters her sister and nephew were waiting for her. Thankfully they didn't question her much after she said she'd been to see the Headmaster but it seems that that wasn't the whole story. "Well, she said 'your mother always does this'. She didn't see me behind her, I don't think I was meant to hear."

"Logan I don't understand what you..."

"But that's the thing, I don't understand what she meant. I don't understand half the things that come out of her mouth these days." Minerva's heart pulled in her chest when Logan lifted his bright blue eyes up to her. "Was I adopted Aunt Neva?" Minerva couldn't help the relieved laugh that bubbled out of her chest.

"My goodness Logan!" She stroked his cheek gently. "You're not adopted my boy."

"I don't look anything like her," he said, seriously. "I love the woman that raised me, of course I do but I know there's something to this. Lately she's said so many things..."

"Logan your mother is getting old, we both are." Minerva said and she carried on before the young man could interrupt her. "She may say and do things that don't make sense but why jump to all these conclusions? She's the only mother you have, what difference does it make if she's your biological mother or not?"

"So she's not my mother then?"

"That's what you're taking away from what I've just said?" Minerva shook her head.

"Well you just said..."

"The point I was trying to make boy, was that she's brought you up well. You've turned out good and you're doing well for yourself. She loves you. What more do you want?" Logan looked away from her but she titled his head back to her. "What are you looking for?"

"I don't know Aunt Neva, I guess since I've been hearing all these things coming from mum I just became nervous." He shook his head. "I'm sorry if I've upset you Aunt."

"You haven't upset me boy," she pulled his chin toward her and kissed his cheek. "Now leave me to my reading," she said, squeezing his shoulder gently. Logan smiled and jumped to his feet. Minerva watched him make his way out but then he stopped at the door and turned back to look at her.

"Aunt Neva?"

"Yes?"

"Where were you on Christmas eve?" He gave her a tiny grin but Minerva managed to keep her face straight.

"I already told you, I had to see Professor Dumbledore." She turned her eyes to her book but she knew her nephew was still there.

"Then you must have got lost on your way," he said and Minerva looked over at him with a frown. "You see, I contacted the Headmaster and he said he hadn't seen you." Minerva could feel herself heating up but she kept her eyes steady on him. "Where did you get to?" He was grinning like the cat that caught the wigglypuff and Minerva sighed.

"I was with a friend," she admitted reluctantly and Logan's grin increased.

"A male friend?"

"Yes, a male friend. And that's all that he is." She dismissed him with a wave of her hand and moved her attention back to her book.

"Then why keep it a secret?" Logan asked and Minerva jumped when she found him kneeling beside her, wearing the same big grin.

"Because if your mother had found out I knew I'd never hear the end of it," she nudged him away with her shoulder. "I'd appreciate it if this remained our secret."

"Another one to add to the list of things we can't tell mum," he said with a laugh and Minerva chuckled too. "So is this guy really just a friend?"

"Yes."

"Cause, just so you know, I think if he's interested, then you should go for it." He was looking at her sincerely but Minerva shook her head.

"Firstly, this isn't something I feel comfortable discussing with you and secondly, there are no feelings, no interest... Severus and I..."

"Severus?" Logan asked, picking up on the name immediately. Minerva rolled her eyes and scolded herself for falling into that. "The guy I met in Hogsmeade?"

"Yes, we've become friends... or at least as friendly as you can be with someone like Severus." Logan seemed to miss the last part of her sentence; his mind must have been on other things.

"Aunt Neva, you do know that he's younger than I am..."

"Oh Logan!" Minerva let out a frustrated sigh. "He's my colleague, we see each other every day even if we'd rather not - as unlikely as it may seem we have formed an alliance. A sort of friendship, but I can assure you, he harbours no feelings for me." Minerva stood up and magicked the books around her back in to the bookcases. Logan stood up with her and followed her toward the study doors.

"Ok, so he has no feelings for you..." Minerva had been about to open the door but Logan gently pulled her away from it. "But do have feelings for him?"

"What makes you ask that?" She asked nervously.

"You were really happy when you got back on Christmas Eve and just now when you were talking about him... it's just despite the age thing, if you liked him I'd be ok with it. And I'd help you keep it a secret from mum." Minerva smiled warmly and touched his cheek.

"You're a good boy Logan and I love you very much, but there are no feelings on either side and there is nothing to hide from your mother." She kissed his cheek as she passed him in the hall. "But thank you boy."

-x-

"You seem desolate my boy." Severus looked up from his book and was not surprised to find Filius standing in front of him.

"I came to the library for some quiet," he said harshly and returned to his reading. The scrape of a chair against the stone floor told him that the Ravenclaw had ignored his not so subtle hint.

"Its always quiet around here without the students." Filius said and Severus kept his head down, trying to ignore him. "Did you and Minerva work things out?" Severus' head shot up at the sound of Minerva's name and he frowned.

"There was nothing to sort out," he snarled.

"That's not what she said," Filius said. Severus shook his head, his blood boiling.

"She had no right to talk to you about..."

"She came to me because she was upset," Filius said, raising his hands in a defensive manor. "She didn't tell me what happened but I could tell that whatever it was, really shook her. The two of you have seemed... lost these last few weeks. I hope you have worked out your differences." Severus eyed Filius carefully. He knew the older man wasn't out to cause trouble or to pry for gossip. If Filius was interfering in someone else's business it was because he wanted to help. The part Severus worried about was whether or not he'd spoken the truth when he said that Minerva hadn't discussed anything with him. Severus knew they were close, good friends and had been for a long time. Could he trust the Charms professor as much as she did?

"We have come to an agreement... we have our affairs in order, at least as much as they can be." Severus said at last, deciding to play it close to the chest just in case.

"Well that sounds promising," Filius beamed and let out a small chuckle. "I didn't like seeing the two of you at odds." Filius rose from his chair and stretched. "Will you be at the party tonight?" Severus scoffed in reply and Filius chuckled again. "Come now, it's New Year's eve. A time for new beginnings." Severus couldn't help but take in that last line; new beginnings - Merlin knew he longed for that.

"I have avoided all your other parties Filius, what makes you think I'll attend this one?" Severus asked, his voice less threatening than it had been previously.

"Because Minerva will be there," he said with a smile. Before Severus could say anything else the older wizard began to walk away. "See you at 9.30," Filius said over his shoulder and Severus glared at his back.

If he couldn't admit it to anyone else then he would admit it to himself; he'd missed the Deputy. No matter how much he'd tried to dismiss it, he missed her quiet company, her voice and the fresh smell that seemed to follow her wherever she went. She'd worked her way under his skin without him knowing and even his staunch loyalty to the pretty redhead he'd fallen for as a child couldn't remove her. Part of him didn't mind, he'd always liked the professor during his school days but now that she was his colleague he found his relationship with her had changed dramatically. He now looked at her differently, knowing things about her past made her human to him. She wasn't the kind to look down her nose at others and she certainly wasn't the pretentious Gryffindor he had come to expect from most bearers of that house. She was as flawed as the rest of the world and in that he found some comfort.

He glanced up at Sir John who had followed him to the library and was now dozing in a heavily decorated red and gold throne. Severus stood from his chair and tucked his book under his arm. He tapped the corner of the portrait and Sir John slowly opened his eyes.

"Time to go?" He asked and Severus nodded.

"Time to go," he agreed and the old wizard heaved himself off the throne with a heavy sigh.

"She'll be back tonight my boy," Sir John said as he massaged his back as if it were aching.

"What makes you think I'm waiting for her return?" Severus asked, not needing to ask who he was referring to.

"Well, you've spent the Christmas  
Holidays speaking to an oil painting. The hot topic of conversation has been my granddaughter for the past seven days. You've missed her lad, there's no need to be ashamed of it." Sir John smiled but Severus kept his face impassive.

"Are you coming or not?" Severus asked, pointing toward the library exit. Sir John chuckled and started walking through the paintings.

Severus sighed, Sir John was right, they had discussed Minerva at length. But sometimes Severus found it easier to ask others about her then ask her himself. Perhaps he should change that?

"Are you coming or not?" Sir John called to him from the doorway to the library. Severus smirked and let out an amused scoff.

"I'm on my way Sir John," he called back. "I'm on my way."

* * *

**So there it is. Thanks for reading and please remember to leave me some love :D xxx**


	22. Chapter 22

**Howdy folks! So I can't sleep tonight. I'm exhausted but it just wont come! And as I laid here I couldn't stop writing the missing chunk of this chapter in my head so I thought that I might try to get it out and then maybe I could get some sleep.**

**Anyway, here is chapter 22 - the New Year's Eve chapter. There's some nice little romantic bits in here for those that have been asking for it and also some drama for me :D But it's getting serious now, they're realising what is going on between them.**

**Oh also, I've created a twitter account (the link is on my profile) at the suggestion of a friend who uses it as quick way to update people on where he is with his travel blog. So I'm giving it ago, never used it before and I'm not sure how useful it will be but I thought it would be interesting to get to know some of you guys and to even maybe do some Q&A's and things on my chapters/stories. So if any of you have twitter and are interested then you know what to do.**

**Enough of me! I hope ya'll enjoy the chapter and thank you to everyone that has reviewed so far. Don't forget to let me know what you thought about this one :D Happy reading!**

**- Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 22

Minerva ran up the steps of the castle and pushed through the heavy oak doors. She stumbled into the castle in a whirlwind of snow and she chuckled as she struggled to shut the doors against the wind. At last the door was securely shut once more and Minerva turned toward the Great Hall. As she did she noticed someone stood just outside the hall, watching their colleagues laugh and dance. Minerva pushed her cloak off her shoulders and draped it over her arm as she slowly made her way toward him.

"Hello Severus," she said and she could tell by his tense shoulders that she had surprised him. He turned to her with a frown.

"How splendid of you to join us Minerva," he sneered and she shook her head at him.

"Are you going in?" She asked him with a slightly challenging look. Severus scoffed and moved aside to clear the door for her.

"After you Professor," he said with a mock bow and Minerva rolled her eyes at him. She peeked into the Great Hall where her friends were gearing up for midnight. Just as she was about to step through the doors she pulled back and looked up at Severus.

"How about a walk instead?" She asked and smiled when Severus frowned. She stepped back toward the main doors and rested her hand against the wood. Severus stared at her for a few moments before hesitantly walking toward her.

"It's snowing," he said and Minerva shrugged.

"I love snow." She pulled her cloak and scarf back on and opened the door to step out into the frosty night. She looked up at the sky and sparsely falling snow then turned back to see Severus in the doorway. "It's stopping," she added and noticed the way her friend wrapped his arms around his body for warmth. She lifted her wand and transfigured his robe into a thick winter cloak and linked her arm with his.

"Don't you want to bring in the new year with your friends?" He asked, quietly and Minerva shot him a sideways glance.

"I thought that's what I was doing," she said and Severus scoffed gently.

They walked down the steps of the castle and started on the path toward the lake. They walked in comfortable silence, the snow crunching under their shoes the only sound. Minerva kept her arm securely linked through his, keeping their bodies close together for warmth, which he didn't seem to mind. As they drew alongside the Forbidden Forest they passed Hagrid's hut and it suddenly dawned on her that she hadn't seen him at the party. Just as she had the thought a large shadow slowly rambled out of the trees. Minerva felt Severus step away from her and she noticed his hand reach inside his cloak but she stopped him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"'Ello Professor," Hagrid said with a big smile when he saw her. Fang bounded over to Minerva and she patted him on the head.

"Hello Hargid," she said, stepping toward him once she knew Severus had calmed. Fang followed her and nudged her hand until she scratched under his chin. "I thought you would have been at the party."

"Thestrals bin kickin' up a bit," he said with a laugh. "I'm headin' to the party now, are yeh comin?" He asked, his eyes shifting toward Severus for a moment. Minerva looked back at her sulky friend too and she smiled at Hagrid.

"It was a long journey back and I wanted a breather before joining everyone else. Severus was kind enough to offer to accompany me," she said aware of a pair of eyes on her back.

"Well if you need anything..." the half giant said and Minerva smiled politely.

"Thank you Hagrid," she said, giving Fang one last pat on the head before walking back to Severus. "But we'll be just fine." She waved goodbye to Hagrid as he pulled Fang away and she and Severus continued their walk toward the lake.

"I offered to accompany you?" Severus said after a moment and Minerva chuckled.

"I thought it sounded more friendly than telling him I had to drag you with me."

"Friendly..." he whispered and Minerva squeezed his arm gently with her hand.

"Well you could have walked away," she said, looking up at him. "I'm sure you're not the kind of man that can be coerced into doing something he was really against," she teased and Severus frowned at her.

"You are an insufferable woman," he retorted and Minerva chuckled again.

"Thank you."

They fell into silence again and Minerva untangled her arm from his as they neared the cliff overlooking the lake. She walked right up to the edge and leaned against the rocks and she suddenly remembered that Severus had once kept her from falling from this spot. She turned back to see him hovering at a safe distance but his eyes were focused on her, perhaps watching for a slip or trip like he had the day he arrived back at the school. It seemed like such a long time ago.

She turned back and walked over to Severus. She stopped beside him and looked up at him.

"You're pensive tonight," she said and Severus shrugged.

"And you're inquisitive tonight," he retorted and Minerva shook her head with a smile. "Let's go," he said, placing his hand on her lower back and leading her down the slope toward the pier.

Once again Minerva walked on ahead of Severus and stood at the edge. The lake was frozen in parts and Minerva was reminded of her school days when the lake would freeze over completely and they could skate on it. Severus slowly stepped up beside her but she kept her eyes looking out at the lake. As the clouds shifted above them the moon lit up the atmosphere and suddenly there seemed to be glitter floating in the air around them. She held her hands out as if trying to catch it but she couldn't see anything in her palms when she brought them to her face.

"It's diamond dust," Severus said beside her and when she turned to look at him she caught him staring at her intently again. "When it's this cold, the moisture in the air freezes, causing this effect."

"It's beautiful," she said smiling up at him and Severus suddenly turned away form her.

"Yes it is."

Minerva watched her friend as he tucked his hands into the sleeves of his cloak and wrapped his arms around his body. He looked cold and for a moment Minerva felt guilty for dragging him out of the castle. To her surprise, Severus suddenly lowered himself onto the pier and dangled his legs over the edge. He reached up and gently pulled her down to sit with him.

They sat there, shoulder to shoulder for what felt like the longest time. Minerva glanced over at Severus and she noticed that he had wrapped his arms around his body again to generate warmth. Feeling the guilt seep back in she retrieved her wand and conjured a small ball of blue flames that floated in front of them. She reached over to Severus and pulled his arms from around his body. She covered his hands with her own and brought them up to the ball of flames to warm them. She felt Severus relax a little next to her and his weight shifted slightly into her side. It was a comfortable situation that caused a flutter in her stomach. She stared at their hands, framed together against the bright blue flames and when Severus brushed a thumb over her skin the flutter in her stomach turned into a heat that spread through the rest of her body.

A loud bang in the distance made Minerva jump and they quickly let go of each others hands in their shock. Minerva glanced back at the castle to see fireworks in the shape of phoenixes soaring through the air. She turned back to look at her companion who she found staring at her once again.

"I guess it's midnight," she said looking down at his lips. She couldn't help herself when her mind went back to the small kiss Severus had stolen from her all that time ago. They'd never talked about it and although she didn't know how he felt about it, she knew that sometimes when they were together, it was all she could think about.

"Yes," Severus said and Minerva noticed the way his own eyes flickered to her lips. With a deep breath Minerva leaned toward him slowly and stopped just millimetres from his lips as he had done before. She felt his breath against her lips and as she closed her eyes she pressed her lips to his.

When they'd kissed before neither had barely moved but this time Minerva felt one of Severus' hands creep up her neck. She drew back slightly to look at him and found Severus watching her with intensity. He brushed his fingers against her chin and Minerva felt his other hand touch her waist tentatively.

Minerva smiled at him and covered the hand on her waist with her own. She pulled his arm around her, letting him know it was ok and brushed her lips against his. Severus pulled her closer to him and he buried his head in her neck, breathing deeply. Minerva rested her head on his shoulder and watched the fireworks still exploding above the castle.

Severus shifted his head slightly and suddenly Minerva felt his lips on her neck. She froze in his arms when she felt a jolt of pleasure shoot through her body. A stolen kiss for an ill man, soft comforting touches between friends and a shared kiss for the new year were one thing but what Minerva was feeling right now was dangerous territory. Not wanting to make her friend feel rejected she slowly pulled back and held his face between her hands. She placed a quick kiss on his forehead and smiled warmly.

"Happy new year Severus," she said, ignoring the ache of her body. Severus' eyes were closed and when he finally opened them she caught a glimpse of what she was feeling there.

"Happy new year Minerva," he said, both hands now resting around her waist.

Minerva was very aware of how easy it would be to fall back into his arms if he were to persuade her. She half wished that he would kiss her again but was pleased when he eventually pulled away. She wasn't entirely sure what was happening to her. One minute she was sharing a walk with a friend and now... was it possible that she was looking at him as..? When she looked up at Severus he was deep in thought too and she wondered if he were having the same confusing thoughts.

"Minerva..." he started but stopped for a moment to think. She waited for him to continue with knots in her stomach. "I think we should head back to the castle," he said with a sigh and Minerva's stomach sunk into her knees. She could tell that Severus had been thinking about saying something else and she was curious as to what he was going to say originally.

They helped each other up from the pier and began walking back to the castle with a canyon sized gap between them. As they walked Minerva couldn't help but ponder what Severus had wanted to say but before she could question him they had arrived at the school courtyard where the staff party was still watching the last of the fireworks. Thankfully no one noticed their appearance for a minute which gave them a second longer alone.

"What happened by the lake..." Severus started and Minerva shook her head.

"A new years eve kiss, Severus," she said putting on a happy smile. "There's no reason for us to speak of it again if that is what you wish." She watched a frown form on his face and just as he was about to speak Filius appeared at their side.

"Severus my boy!" He said, clapping him in the back. "Didn't I tell you our Neva would be back for the party?" Despite loving the older wizard with all her heart Minerva really wished the normally very observant man would pick up on the tension in the air. "Come now both of you, a drink to celebrate!"

Minerva could do nothing as Filius pulled her away to find something to toast with. As she was walking she turned back to look at Severus who was watching her with a pained expression. She tried to loosen Filius' grip on her arm but before she could, Severus had already slipped into the darkness and disappeared.

* * *

**Hope you liked it and please remember to leave a comment :D xxx**


	23. Chapter 23

**Good evening ladies and gents!**

**First of all I should apologise for the lack of updating in the last month - work has just been so crazy with our new season but it's almost finished until the summer season which starts in April. Hopefully I'll be able to get more writing done in that time.**

**Anyway, I haven't had chance to upload the music onto my livejournal page yet but I'm hoping to get it done tomorrow night*. But before then, if you'd like to hear it you'll be able to find it on youtube - however you've all probably heard it without even realising. It's the music for the Barclays bank advert. I saw the opera at my work and I've completely fallen in love with it - especially the woman currently playing the trouser role of Nicklausse/muse. Ah-Maayy-ZING!**

**So enough rambling... I hope you enjoy this and I'm sorry for falling behind on updates.**

**Don't forget to let me know what you think and anyone that has sent me messages that I haven't to, don't worry - I'll reply tomorrow when I have a bit more time.**

**For now, I'm off to bed! Nightie night all!**

** - Lillibet x**

*******28.02.12 I've now uploaded a video of the barcarolle on my LJ page (link in my profile) I couldn't find a piano piece that I liked so I've uploaded one that I did - although I prefer a slower tempo for the intro. Hope you like it and leave a comment if you recognise it :D I'm sure you all will!**

* * *

Chapter 23

"Good morning Severus," Minerva said brightly as she entered the staff room. He grumbled deeply and lifted the paper over his face so she could no longer see him. She smirked and made her way over to sit with Pomona and Rolanda who had just poured her a hot cup of tea.

"I thought you had the morning study group," Pomona said as she dug into a fresh pastry.

"Aurora needed to swap, I'm covering her evening patrol next week." Minerva caught the knowing glance that passed between her friends and she frowned. "What?"

"Well of course she doesn't know..." Rolanda said to Pomona with a roll of her eyes.

"You're never around anymore to get in on the latest gossip," Pomona said. Her words were light and cheeky but Minerva caught the haughty glance she gave her. "You're always preoccupied with other business," she added, the cheekiness forgotten. Minerva narrowed her eyes when Pomona and Rolanda looked distrustfully over at the potions master. She knew Severus would pay them no heed but she felt her blood begin to boil on his behalf.

"You're right," she said, slamming her cup down on the table. "I have had better things to do with my time than to sit around listening to idle gossip!" She stood up angrily and Pomona and Rolanda looked up in surprise.

"Where are you going?" Pomona asked with a worried look.

"Anywhere but here," she snapped as she headed for the door. When she opened it she glanced back at the young man now staring at her. She shifted her eyes quickly and exited without a backwards glance to Pomona or Rolanda.

Minerva took a few steps down the hall before stopping and looking around her. When she was convinced that no one was in her sight she changed into a little grey tabby. She padded her paws into the stone floors and flexed her claws as she stretched her back. She loved the way things felt when she was a cat. Everything was intensified. Her sense of smell was stronger, her sight was sharper and even the sensation she felt at being touched. Never in her life had she felt such euphoria than when someone would run their hand from her ears to her tail. It was a sensual experience being a cat and it had been the one magical vice that she hadn't been able to give up when she'd fled with Bertie.

Getting used to the change in body was something that still took a few seconds but soon she was trotting along the corridor, sticking as close to the wall as she possibly could. She played with shadows, chased a few mice and pawed at whatever else came across her path. With her human mind still working at its full potential, she was acutely aware of the time and knew she had to head to her classroom to start the school day.

As she stepped out from behind a suit of armour something flickered across the floor in front of her. Her cat senses kicking in too quickly she darted across the floor to catch whatever it was. Just as she managed to gain control again someone clasped their large warm hands firmly but gently around her tiny body. She mewled loudly in protest as the person picked her up but she quietened as soon as she caught his scent.

"You upset your friends," Severus said with an amused tilt to his words. He held her to his chest as he walked them both through a tapestry and up a set of stairs. Minerva hissed at his words and she felt his chest rumble through her body but she couldn't tell if he was laughing. Her friends made her angry; they disregarded her friendship with the Potions Master and refused to speak to her if she was keeping his company. "You should know by now Minerva that people do not react positively to me," he said but Minerva was distracted by his fingers massaging her pelt. "I do not wish for you to lose your friends on my account. It would be best if you..." As he continued to talk, Minerva struggled against him, flexing her claws into his clothes but despite her fight Severus kept a tight hold on her.

Once they reached the top of the stairs she thought he would put her down. Her hopes were not realized and it was not until Severus walked them into her empty classroom that she transfigured back into her human form. If she hadn't been so angry with the man in front of her she would have noticed that he still held her in his arms.

"Why are you pushing me away again?" She asked softly. "I thought we'd moved passed this..." she sighed and she felt Severus' hands press gently into her back.

"I didn't much care for what they said about you..." he mumbled softly and Minerva pursed her lips in anger. It frustrated her to know her friends had been gossiping about her but she hadn't expected anything different from them. What surprised her was how much it had obviously bothered Severus.

"I didn't think you cared about what other people said," she said with a slight smile.

"You damn well that I don't," he said through gritted teeth. "But you have been tainted by..."

"What makes you think I care?" She asked and Severus opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it and remained silent. "Something much more exciting will happen in the coming weeks and my business will be but a distant memory." Severus nodded slowly and stepped away from her. She immediately mourned the loss of the warmth his arms had given her.

"I still think that we have become too close... it's affecting your standing and I..." Minerva scoffed which made Severus stop talking and frown at her.

"When will you learn that I will not be pushed away?" She asked with a slight chuckle. She was bored with this 'two steps forward, three steps back' attitude he had. She watched Severus as he clenched his fist tightly and looked away from her.

"This is not up for discussion," he said with finality but before he could continue, Minerva jumped back into the conversation.

"Is this because of New Year's Eve?" She asked, a light bulb shining brightly in her mind. Severus looked at her darkly.

"You said we need never talk about it again."

"It's obviously made you uncomfortable," she said carefully. "I think we need to confront it." She noticed the way his eyes narrowed at her words and she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. "Talk to me."

"There's nothing to..." he stopped himself mid-sentence and Minerva watched the muscles in his jaw clench. "I can't... I can't stop thinking about what happened."

"It was just a kiss between friends," she said lightly, sensing his discomfort.

"No it wasn't," he whispered and Minerva felt her heart beating rapidly. "Because I want to do it again." For a moment Minerva just stared at the side of his head, completely unsure of how to react to the raw emotion on his pale features. "I can't do this any more," he said quietly, finally turning his eyes to her.

"You're running away from our friendship because of this?" She asked, taking a few hesitant steps toward him. "It's a poor excuse Severus." Severus stared at her as though he were offended by her words but then a different look filtered into his eyes and when he spoke Minerva was taken aback by the desperation there.

"I can't... please Minerva..."

"I value our friendship too much to allow you to do this," she said as she took the last few steps to stand in front of him. Severus held his hand out slightly to keep her from getting too close. "I refuse to let it get between us." She took hold of his hand and held it tightly. Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again. He stared straight at her and it was the first time that Minerva felt as though she was seeing the real Severus – the unsettled soul that had looked up at her with such trust when she placed the Sorting Hat on his head.

"I need you to be my friend," he said after a moment, squeezing her hand. "Just my friend."

"I would never ask anything of you that you are not willing to give," she said and she noticed the way Severus' eyes flickered to her lips. Fighting her own desires to feel the softness of lips once more she pulled away from him and used her free hand to direct his eyes to hers again. "But don't you do this again Severus," she said kindly and after a moment's hesitation he nodded. She gave a friendly smile and dropped his hand from hers as she made her way to her desk. The larger the space between them, the better. "We've been invited to lunch on Saturday," she said and Severus followed her carefully with his eyes.

"Where?" He asked, suspiciously.

"Peter's house," she said, sitting down at her desk. Severus shook his head.

"What if I said no?" He asked, as though testing for some kind of a reaction. Minerva observed him for a moment before speaking.

"I would never ask you to do something against wishes," she said, hoping that her earlier words would be reinforced by her similar statement. She caught something flicker in his eyes, an uneasy sense that perhaps he had been asked to do too many things against his wishes in the his dark past. Quicker than she could process her thoughts, Severus schooled his features and nodded smartly.

"Very well," he said. Minerva had the sense that he wanted to say more but unfortunately the bell sounded outside the classroom. Severus looked toward the door, they could both hear the students talking noisily outside and with a shake of his head he looked back at her. "Have a good day Professor," he said with a slight bow and Minerva smiled.

"Good to you Professor," she replied and Severus smirked. She watched him walk to the door and open it forcefully. The students on the other side jumped back when they saw the Potions Master and an immediate hush fell over them. He stalked away from the classroom and Minerva watched the student skirt around him to duck into the safety of her classroom. She shook her head but couldn't quite disguise the amusement she felt. A few of the students began to whisper immediately and Minerva could only guess at what rumours would fly around the castle after this chance meeting. She sighed and stood up from her chair. She tapped her wand at the blackboard and turned to her class.

"Settle down, settle down," she said and the class swiftly gave her their full attention. "Today class, we will be discussing the intricate details of transfiguring a living organism." She picked up an ordinary garden worm from a large box on the front desk and held it in her hand for the class to see. Focusing her mind on teaching was harder than she thought but as she looked down at the eager faces of her students she knew her personal business would have to wait. "Now pay close attention..."

-x-

Minerva awoke slowly. Saturday had come quicker than she had expected. As the week had progressed she had been happy to note that as predicted, the staff had soon found something else to gossip about and her friendship with Severus had been allowed to continue without scrutiny. She was not naive enough to think that the staff had completely forgotten about them, she knew some were still not happy with their companionship but they were discreet with their disapproving attitudes. It suited Minerva perfectly.

After a luxurious stretch Minerva rolled over to look at the time piece on her bedside table. It was a little after ten in the morning, she had over slept. With a sigh she flung the covers back and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, ignoring the cool air that hit her, making her want to climb back into bed. She quickly tip toed across the floor and practically jumped into her slippers. Just as she was pulling on her dressing gown Teensy appeared behind her.

"Good morning Teensy," Minerva said, with a yawn.

"Teensy wishes Miss Neva a good morning," the elf said with a funny bow. She followed Minerva out into her living room and ran toward the table that held a steaming mug of peppermint tea. Minerva lifted the cup to her nose and breathed in deeply. "Would Miss like some breakfast?" She asked and Minerva smiled.

"No thank you," she said and she watched Teensy deflate slightly from disappointment. "Perhaps later," Minerva added and the elf smiled broadly.

"Yes Miss," she said and disappeared with loud pop.

Minerva sat in the large loveseat she adored and tucked her legs underneath herself as she took a sip of her tea. She closed her eyes, the peppermint tea bring back the usual familiar memories of her childhood. Just as she was about to take another sip of her tea someone cleared their throat. Her eyes flew open to see Severus standing by the door. Startled by his sudden appearance and reminding herself to give Leander a scolding for not warning her she stood up from the chair and fastened her dressing gown around her waist.

"Good morning Minerva," Severus said with a smirk. "Am I disturbing you?"

"What do you want?" She asked, trying to regain her dignity by brushing her hair from shoulders so it fell down her back.

"I came to enquire about lunch," he said and Minerva chewed her lip.

"Yes," she said, offering him a seat and sitting back down in her loveseat. "Peter asked us to be there for 12.30, we should leave for midday."

Severus nodded but didn't take the seat she offered him. Instead he walked toward her hearth and looked down into the small fire Teensy had lit for her. Minerva watched him for a moment, she knew he had something to say. She could almost see the cogs working in his mind. She picked up her tea and held it between her hands while she patiently waited for him to speak. After a moment he turned to look at her.

"Why has your brother-in-law asked me to lunch?" He asked as Minerva sipped her tea.

"I assume that it is because he enjoyed your company when you last met," she said with a shrug but she could tell he wasn't satisfied with her answer. "You have to understand that he's been my friend longer than I've known my own sister... he's the brother I never had. He likes to get to know the people that come and go from my life."

"He likes to make sure you're safe," Severus said quietly.

"I guess," she said with another shrug. Severus suddenly looked worried and she summarised that it might have something to do with his connections to the Death Eaters. "Peter knows me well and he has a sixth sense when it comes to knowing who will still be a part of my life in 10 years time. He just wants to get to know you, to be as close to friends as you can be. This won't be the only time he invites you to lunch..." Severus rolled his eyes and Minerva smiled, she knew he hated gatherings of any sort.

"There's something to look forward to..." he mumbled and Minerva chuckled.

"I thought you liked Peter," she said and Severus shrugged. "Oh yes, I remember... you like him against your better judgement." Severus scoffed at her and she was pleased to discover that he now knew her well enough to tell when she was teasing him.

"I like him fine," he said in a way that told her he liked Peter a lot more than he was letting on. "I've just never been invited to something without a cause."

"I've invited you to plenty of things," she argued and Severus dismissed her response with a wave of his hand.

"Yes but you..." he stopped suddenly and Minerva raised an eyebrow at him.

"I what?" She asked and Severus huffed.

"You're different," he said quietly. "You invite me to things; and just so you know, I think you're mad for this, because you enjoy my company." She smiled despite the jibe he'd thrown in there.

"And Peter is doing the same. Just because you find it hard to believe that people might actually find you good company doesn't mean it's true." She finished off her tea as Severus stared thoughtfully into the fire and stood up.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to change," she said and she caught Severus look her over.

"I think you look just fine," he said after a moment and Minerva felt a blush creep up her neck.

"Thank you Severus," she said, tucking her hair behind her ear. "But I don't think Peter would appreciate me arriving for lunch while still in my night gown."

"You should wear you hair down more often," he muttered, looking down at the floor. "It reminds me of someone I once knew." Minerva self-consciously ran her hand through her hair and gave him a nervous smile.

"Someone you liked I hope," she said with a chuckle.

"Yes, someone I liked..." he said softly as though his mind were somewhere else. "I should let you alone," he said suddenly and Minerva fought her desire to know who he had been referring to.

"I've prepared a portkey to a little cafe run by a wizarding family 15 minutes away from Peter's. It's set for 12.05 from Albus' office." She watched Severus nod his head and he edged toward her door.

"I'll see you at midday Professor," he said and she gave him a soft smile as she watched him leave her room.

Minerva stood where she was for a moment. She had never in her life known someone that was so much hard work as Severus was. His brief visit left her feeling exhausted but she knew she wouldn't trade what she had with him for anything in the world. She was about to make her way into her bedroom when Leander came bursting into a portrait panting.

"Leander, what in heavens..?"

"That blasted boy!" He spat angrily and Minerva crossed her arms over her chest. This was no surprise, her Dolor Altor was infamously unpleasant to everyone but her but she had rarely seen him so outraged. "He persuaded those tyrants from that odious painting down the hall to trap me in my own home!"

"Oh Leander..." She said in a sympathetic voice, all the while trying to fight the smile threatening to break her façade.

"And to make it worse," he continued as if she hadn't spoken. "He promised to call it off if I let him in... let me tell you, I didn't want to let him in but I knew you'd want to see him..." he gave her a disapproving glare. "When I did let him in he fell back on his promise! Only called those beasts away once he left. He is a despicable man and one that I would not be sorry to see leave this prestigious castle!" He crossed his arms over his well sculpted chest and fixed his handsome eyes on her. Minerva sighed and headed for her bedroom.

"He's not that bad Leander. He can be difficult, I admit that and he has an odd sense of humour..."

"An odd sense of humour?" Leander outraged. "That's your excuse?"

"I'm not excusing him," Minerva shot back as she headed for her bedroom. "Severus is my friend and he will be a regular visitor here whether you like it or not."

"I warn you my Lady," Leander said darkly. "This boy will betray you as soon as it is convenient for him." Minerva turned to look at him and she shuddered at his words. The usually handsome man seemed ugly with a darkness she had never seen in him.

"Why do you speak of this?" She demanded, trying to ignore the hurt she felt.

"Because I see a lot of my living self in the boy..." he said in a low voice. "I speak from experience my Lady - he will betray you." And before Minerva could argue he stalked from the portrait and disappeared into the portrait hanging behind her front door; no doubt heading for his guard post portrait.

Minerva took a few deep breaths to get her emotions under control. Leander had never spoken to her like he just had and it disturbed her. His predictions couldn't be right... could they? The Severus she had come to know in the past months would never do such a thing. She chewed her thumb nail. But perhaps the Severus that had once been a subject of the Dark Lord might do such a heinous thing. She glared at the portrait that Leander had disappeared into and shook the thoughts from her head. What Leander said were just the musings of a jealous man with nothing else to do but harvest his grudges. She had complete faith that one day, Severus would prove her Dolor Altor wrong.

-x-

They had arrived at Queen's Gate Terrace right on time and when Peter greeted them at the door he gave Severus a warm welcome and a brotherly hug. To her surprise Peter's godson Sam was there practising for a piano recital with a young soprano singer. Peter led them down stairs into his study where lunch was being laid out by Hannah, the ever faithful cook that had worked for Peter since he first moved to London to make his fortune.

"Hello Minerva," Hannah said with a smile. Minerva moved over to greet her and she kissed the older woman on the cheek.

"It's wonderful to see you Hannah," she said and the cook squeezed her hand gently. "This is Severus," she said, turning to look at Severus.

"Well now, a friend of Minerva's is always welcome here," Hannah said in that motherly way that Minerva had always loved. "The smoked salmon sandwiches are divine, I'd take a few before Peter get's his hands on them." Just as Hannah spoke Minerva turned to look at Peter who had just shoved one of the finger sandwiches into his mouth. Hannah tisked and Peter looked at them with feigned innocence.

"What?"

"Like I said, get them before they go." Hannah patted Severus on the arm and excused herself from the room.

"So Severus, tell me... do you like music?" Peter asked after they'd had their fill of delicious tea and food.

"I do," Severus said and although Peter remained quiet to let him elaborate, Minerva knew he wouldn't.

"Severus plays the piano," she said and she could feel Severus' eyes burning into the side of her head. Peter's eyes lit up at her words and he leaned toward Severus.

"Do you now?" He asked, excitedly.

"A little," Severus admitted and this time Minerva kept quiet.

"Play for us," Peter said in his over-enthusiastic way. He stood up and moved over to the double doors that led into the music room. Minerva felt Severus grip her knee under the table and she jumped at the sudden contact. "It's only a small thing but it has a beautiful sound." Peter said loudly from the other room. Severus kept his eyes on Peter as he set up the piano but his fingers tightened on her knee.

"I can't play for him," Severus said quietly and Minerva laid her own hand over the top if his.

"But you can play for me can't you?" She asked softly and after a moment he turned to look at her.

"I can play for you," he whispered and Minerva smiled. She stood up and with Severus close by her side, made her way toward the music room. She glanced at Peter who was watching them with an amused expression and she questioned him with her eyes. He shook his head slightly then turned his attention to Severus.

"Here, sit here," he said and Severus slowly sat down at the piano. Minerva stood by Severus' side and she watched him take a deep breath. Just then Sam walked into the room and smiled.

"Clare just left, she's sounding great," Sam said as he approached his godfather. Severus immediately stood up and moved away from the piano. "Hello Aunt Neva," Sam kissed Minerva's cheek and then turned to Severus with an out stretched hand. "My uncle tells me that you're a friend of Neva's," he said. Severus hesitated for a moment before shaking the young man's hand.

"We work together," Severus said in away that told Minerva he'd rather not be included in this conversation.

"Do you play?" Sam indicated to the piano and Severus shrugged. Minerva felt him move slightly closer to her and she wondered if he was even aware of what he was doing.

"Some," Severus said and Minerva frowned at him. She wanted to say something but the look he gave her made her keep quiet. The last thing she wanted to do was to make him even more uncomfortable than he was already.

"Here, let me teach you something." Sam guided Severus toward the piano stool with a hand on his shoulder. Minerva smiled encouragingly when Severus glanced up at her and once he was sure of himself, he turned his attention to Sam.

"Did you hear the piece I was playing for Clare?" He asked and Severus nodded slightly. "It's from Les contes d'Hoffmann, an opera by Offenbach do you know it?" Severus shook his head and Sam smiled. "It's a magnificent piece, beautiful music and intriguing storyline. This piece is a Barcarolle, it's very famous. It's called Belle nuit, ô nuit d'amour."

At the name of the piece Minerva felt her insides melt. This was one of her favourite pieces of music, a piece her father would play and a piece that she would often sing along to in English; just like her grandfather, Sir John, had taught her. She listened to Sam play the basic intro and watched the way Severus took in his every move. When Sam taught Severus the first bar he looked up at his godfather with delight at how quickly Severus picked up and understood the passage.

Severus seemed in a world of his own as he listened and copied Sam and Minerva was pleased. As she watched him play she felt Peter touch her waist lightly to get her attention and he beckoned her through to the study where they would still be able to see and hear the piano. Peter sat down on the window seat and moved over so she could join him. Minerva relaxed into the frame and watched Severus learning his new piece.

"He's quite taken with you," Peter said and Minerva turned her eyes toward him. "Follows you around like a lost soul." His words were not unkind, Minerva knew her brother in law was fond of Severus but there was still an edge to him.

"He doesn't fare well in other people's company," she said and Peter smiled.

"But he does in yours."

"He merely tolerates it," she said and Peter chuckled lightly.

"So what is it?" He asked, looking over at his godson and Severus. "A fling? A passionate affair?" Minerva stared at her friend in shock.

"We're just friends," she said angrily. "We ask nothing of each other and to be honest, it's nice to sit with someone that's not going to expect me to be a McGonagall." She knew that Peter understood her. Knew that she hated to be the centre of attention, the perfect hostess, the dutiful house-maker... in other words, her mother's daughter. "And I would have thought you knew me well enough to know that I would not condone a 'passionate affair'. I mean really Peter, have I ever in all the time we've known each other..?"

"Alright, alright," he said, lifting his hands in defence. "I'm sorry. It's just the two of you seem very close and I was hoping you weren't getting in over your head."

"Well I'm not," she said and gave him a sarcastic roll of the eye. "And thank you for your concern."

"Seriously Neva, he's the kind of boy to fall for a woman like you. Make sure you don't do anything that might lead him on." Minerva laughed at Peter's words and shook her head.

"You should have stopped at 'I'm sorry'," she said and Peter chuckled.

"I don't want to see either of you get hurt," he added and Minerva smiled at him, she was never able to stay angry at her brother in law for long. He reminded her so much of Bertie.

"We won't," she said, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek. Peter took one of her hands in his and patted it in a brotherly fashion.

"He plays well," he said, still holding her hand and Minerva relaxed against him.

"You should hear him play something he knows," she said, looking over at Severus as he began to play the intro he'd just learned.

"Has he heard you play?" Peter asked and Minerva shifted away from him slightly. He'd first heard her play when she'd been 16 and had listened to her play for Bertie in their little cottage after the war. The truth was and despite how she'd played during lessons with Severus, she wasn't that bad. With the music in front of her and a day of practise she could present an adequate recital but she preferred to avoid playing herself. It brought back too many memories.

"You know I haven't played since Bertie died," she said and she saw the saddened look on Peter's face. He still lived it just as much as she did. They were quiet for a moment, both lost in their thoughts while they watched the two men practise. After a little while Severus stood up from the piano and Minerva watched him awkwardly shake Sam's hand in thanks. Severus looked around the room and Minerva made her way over to the doorway to get his attention. The look of mild anger on his face did not go unnoticed by her and when he passed her she touched his arm briefly.

"I'd never leave you alone Severus," she said softly and he quickly schooled his features.

"I don't need to be baby sat Minerva," he snarled but when she moved over to the window seat he followed willingly.

"You play very well Severus," Peter said as Severus stood by the fireplace looking out of place. He gave Peter a quick glance but said nothing. "If you ever wanted to play with the students at the symphony I'm sure I can set something up for you." Peter smiled warmly but Severus shot Minerva a look and she knew what it meant.

"With our schedules at the school I doubt Severus would be able to get away," she said with a smile directed at Peter. "I can't allow Severus the extra time away when I've denied the other teachers. It simply wouldn't be fair."

"All work and no play, ey my boy?" Peter asked with a hearty laugh. He checked his watch and stood up with a sigh. "I have to get this one back to the concert hall before they start to think I've kidnapped him," he said, making his way over to Sam and telling him to get ready. "I hope you'll both stay for dinner," he added before he left, leaving Minerva and Severus alone in the sitting room.

"I notice that he never waits for an answer," Severus muttered into the fireplace once he knew Peter was out of sight. Minerva chuckled and leaned back against the window frame, watching Severus.

"There's no saying no to Peter," she said and Severus scoffed. He was quiet for a time, just staring into the fire and Minerva allowed him his silence, knowing that he would start the conversation if he wished to speak. She closed her eyes and rested her head back against the frame, the warmth of the room making her sleepy.

"Did you hear him play?" Severus suddenly asked, making Minerva jump slightly. "Sam, his technique was..."

"Perfect?" She supplied and she watched Severus nod slowly.

"Yes," he said, looking over at her. "He reached perfection," he said, in awe. Minerva smiled at him, seeing a slightly different man standing in front of her - she wondered if this was how he'd been before his troubles started, if there was ever such a time.

"Perfection isn't everything Severus, he lacked emotion." She stood up from the window seat and moved to stand beside him. "You have that," she said with a smile but it faltered when she noticed his body tense.

"But perfection is what people want," he said in a voice that made Minerva think they were no longer only talking about musical talent.

"Not me," she said, resting her hand on his shoulder and turning him toward her. "Perfection is not to be desired, it makes us mere mortals feel inadequate. Leave perfection for the Gods," she said with a slight teasing tone and was glad when she caught the corner of his lip turn up. The tell tale sign that he was amused.

"You're named after a Goddess," he said, narrowing his eyes. "I assume this advice is not taken upon yourself?" He asked and Minerva chuckled.

"Well of course not," she said playfully and Severus scoffed again. He stepped toward her and touched her cheek softly.

"I think you're as near to perfection as anyone could hope to be," he said softly and Minerva felt something rise in her chest at the sweetness of his words. Ever since their kiss on New Year's Eve Severus had been withdrawn but she had assumed that he'd been embarrassed or angered by it. As it turned out, Peter may have been right. She knew right then that although she had tried to ignore it, she could see that Severus was indeed quite taken with her.

"Will you play for me?" She asked, knowing that she shouldn't and yet unable to tear herself away from his caressing fingers. He smiled down at her and reached for her hand as he led her toward the piano.

"What would you like to hear?" He asked and Minerva shrugged.

"Whatever you wish to play for me," she said as he pulled her down onto the stool with him. As she watched him caress the keys for a moment while he thought about what to play, Minerva decided that one more day of ignorance, one more day of blissfully sitting by his side would be enough.

Just one more day before confronting herself... and what she might be feeling for the man by her side.

* * *

**Well, that's all for now folks! I hope you enjoyed it and please remember to leave a review xxx**


	24. Chapter 24

**Good morning ladies and gents!**

**I hope you are all splendidly well! I'm sorry for the huge delay in getting this out but for those of you that haven't read **_You and Me_** I haven't been very well. I'm getting much better but this isn't something that will going away anytime soon but hopefully it will not continue to affect my writing. **

**Anyway here's chapter 24, I really hope you enjoy it! I typed this up while I was visiting with my family where I celebrated my 25th birthday... 25 more and I'll be 50... ouch!**

**One last thing, I've created a page on DeviantART under **_**Shady-Dame**_** if you guys would like to check out what I've been doing. Part of getting over my illness was to keep my hands and mind busy so I turned to art. I've posted two pieces – both MM at stages of her life. Please check them out and let me know what you think; I'm always looking for ways to improve. I'm hoping over time that I might get round to illustrating some of the chapters of **_First Cut_**, I'm working on something now so keep an eye open for it. One last thing, I'm also on twitter and LJ as **_**Lillibet426 **_**if you fancy adding me.**

**Thanks so much for still following this story, I can't tell you enough how much I appreciate your support and loyalty. I give you all 10 points to your chosen house!**

**Rex x**

* * *

Chapter 24

Severus tugged his cloak tighter around his body and ducked his head down to avoid the wind. He caught a glimpse of [ingredients shop] and headed toward it. He would have avoided coming into Diagon Alley at all costs had he not ran out of merriweed, he still couldn't believe an owl order would take up to eleven weeks. Just as he was about to enter the shop someone grabbed his arm.

"Severus!" The person had to shout over the ghastly wind but it wasn't until he caught a glimpse of blonde hair floating outside the man's hood did he recognise who it was.

"Lucius!"

"Come!" He shouted with a smile. "Join me for a drink!"

Severus gladly went with his old friend and once they were inside The Leaky Cauldron Severus found himself throwing his arms around Lucius in a brotherly hug.

"How are you keeping?" He asked as they both took off their cloaks. Lucius shrugged and ordered a bottle of wine to be brought to the table they had just seated themselves at.

"I worked my way into the Ministry so I'm doing just fine," Lucius said, leaning back in his chair as Severus poured the wine Tom had brought them. "But it's clear none of us are doing as well as you."

"What do you mean?" Severus asked.

"Well, living under Dumbledore's roof..." Lucius laughed and shook his head. "I always knew you were smart Severus but..."

"I had nothing to do with it," Severus said, it was partly true. "The Dark Lord sent me and after he fell, Dumbledore offered me refuge. It doesn't take brains to know that's an offer you should never turn down."

"Still, who would ever question you? You have the trust of Albus Dumbledore." Lucius drank his wine and Severus stared into his own cup. He wasn't sure what to say to his old friend. He knew he could never tell him the truth, he would see him for the traitor that he was. However Lucius still expected him to be of a certain character. He wasn't sure he could it anymore.

"How is Narcissa?" Severus asked, knowing that Lucius would gush with pride about his doting wife and fair haired heir. As Severus listened to Lucius talk away he realised with some amusement that the life Lucius had always wanted was almost in his grasp... now all he needed were the powerful connections.

"You should come to the Manor," Lucius was saying and Severus shrugged. "You should see my son."

"I thank you Lucius but getting away from the castle is difficult at the best of times. If Dumbledore were to find out that I had visited you he would become distrustful."

"Are you sure it's Dumbledore that you're worried about?" Lucius asked seriously and Severus narrowed his eyes at him.

"Who else would I be referring to?" He asked and Lucius rubbed his chin as if he were thinking - Severus knew he was mocking him.

"McGonagall," he said with a sneer. Severus narrowed his eyes.

"What about her? He asked, hoping he sounded uncaring and dismissive.

"Rumour has it that you two have been spending a lot of time together." Lucius eyed Severus with a cold stare. "I heard that you even visit London together."

"What you heard has been taken out of context," Severus said through gritted teeth. "In order to get close to Dumbledore you must first get to those that he surrounds himself with." Lucius snorted and shook his head in disbelief. Severus wasn't surprised that his friend didn't believe him. "If spending a few hours escorting an old woman to London will put me in good stead with the Headmaster then so be it."

"Changing sides for good?" Lucius asked with a smirk. Severus rolled his eyes.

"Merely adjusting while awaiting the return of our master," Severus answered quietly. He caught the way Lucius' eyes flickered with malice.

"You think he will return?" Lucius asked, careful to keep his voice low so no one would hear them.

"I believe he will find a way," Severus said, a feeling of ice cold dread coursing through his body as he repeated the same words that Albus had said to him in the first few days after the Dark Lord's defeat.

"If he does he will not take to you making house at Hogwarts," Lucius said smugly, implying that his entry into the Ministry would be of higher value.

"The only being our master was ever cautious of was Dumbledore..." Severus gave Lucius a seething look. "Who will be of greater when I return to him with my knowledge of Dumbledore and the way he prefers to do things?" Severus didn't believe what he was saying but from the incredulous look on Malfoy's face he could tell that he was unhappy with the possibility of a reversal in their social status. "Dumbledore's greatest weakness is forgiveness. He promised me a second chance and welcomed me back with open arms. You would be amazed by what he discloses to those that he trusts."

"Such as?" Lucius asked, leaning in toward Severus.

"Now why would I divulge my information to you?" Severus asked with a smirk as he rose from the table and began to walk away. Lucius jumped from his chair and began to follow him.

"Never forget who it was that dragged you out of your miserable existence in the first place," he said angrily. Severus turned to look at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"And I'll never forget the first lesson you taught me," he said. "Always look out for yourself; no one else will." And with that Severus strode away from Lucius and ventured back into Diagon Alley.

As he walked Severus suddenly realised just how much he'd enjoyed taunting his former confidant and a sense of his former life came rushing back to him. It felt good but there was one thing that he'd never felt as his former self. Guilt. He felt guilty for what he'd done. Not at what he'd said to Lucius but at something he never thought he'd care about. _What would Minerva think?_ He knew she would have been appalled by his actions had she been there to witness them and part of him was sorry for it. Of course, what he had said to Lucius had been an outright lie. He would never betray the man that had saved him.

Severus pushed his thoughts away from his mind as he meandered through the crowds of Diagon Alley. He finally reached the apparating point and after checking that his recent purchases were safely in his robes he returned to Hogsmeade. He landed soundly outside the Hogs Head and just as he was about to make his way toward the castle a huge body slammed into him from his side and knocked him to the ground. Severus growled deeply and looked up at the half giant.

"Watch where you're going!" He snapped angrily.

"Sorry professor!" Hagrid said loudly. Severus noticed the way he slurred his words slightly; he knew he was drunk. "'Ere, let me give you a hand," he said and before Severus could object Hagrid clasped his hands around Severus' upper arms and hauled him to his feet. Severus batted the other man's large hands away from him and quickly dusted off his robes. "I'm sorry professor, I didn't see yer..." Hagrid began to apologise and Severus cut off the apology with a shake of his head.

Severus wanted to say something but instead he bit back the number of nasty retorts he felt on the edge of his tongue and instead, stalked away. He walked quickly, wanting to put as much distance between himself and the great oaf as possible. Unfortunately for him the sound of heavy footsteps steadily making their way behind him grew more apparent until Severus found the giant walking right beside him. He growled deeply, unhappy with the situation.

"Feels good to 'ave everyone in the castle again don't it?" Hagrid asked and Severus ignored him. He slowed his steps in the hope that the giant might grow tired with his slow progress and move on ahead. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I like me alone time but hearing the kids back in the classrooms... reminds yer why yer love Hogwarts so don't it?" Severus ignored the man again and he could tell, much to his displeasure, that from the way the giant was talking that he wasn't going to be rid of him anytime soon.

They continued on the path toward Hogwarts. Hagrid all the while jabbering away about anything and everything. He didn't even seem to care that Severus had not answered a single one of his questions. Severus breathed a sigh of relief when they finally entered the castle. He heard Hagrid close the heavy door behind him and just as Severus was about to walk away Hagrid spoke again.

"I never liked you much as a kid," he said with a shake of his larger hairy head. Severus rolled his eyes and thought about walking away. "But professor Dumbledore trusts you and if he can find in him to do it then so can I," he said, puffing out his chest with importance. "And of course, I've seen you with professor McGonagall and I figure that if someone like her can see something in you then I must be missing something." He patted Severus on the shoulder in what was supposed to be a gentle and friendly gesture; instead Severus felt as though he were being pummelled into the ground. "I'm willin' to give yer a chance professor and to prove it I bin collecting the wings from the dead Lacewing Flies... thought you might be able to use them in your potions."

"They would be very useful," Severus admitted, it was hard to get Lacewing wings fresh without getting attacked by other Lacewings. Hagrid smiled proudly and patted Severus on the shoulder again. Just as Severus was about to excuse himself he heard footsteps coming down the stairway toward them.

"Good evening Hagrid," Minerva said as she looked down at them from the stairs.

"Evenin' professor!" Hagrid said in his slurred voice. Severus watched Minerva give him a sweet smile as she joined the by the door. "Isn't it late for you to be wandering around the castle?" He asked, swaying slightly. Minerva took a step away from the giant in case he should take a stumble.

"I'm on duty tonight," Minerva explained with another smile. "But I think we can safely say that's time for you to get some sleep." Hagrid smiled sheepishly as Minerva ushered him toward the castle doors.

"You're a swell lady professor," he said with a hiccup. "there's no wonder you're the only one he likes," he said in a loud whisper and he gave Severus a lopsided grin.

"Good night Rubeus," Minerva said and Hagrid waved as he headed out of the castle and slowly made his way down the steps. Severus moved to stand beside her but his eyes were focused on her as she watched the giant walk in a zigzag line toward his home.

"You're not on duty tonight," he said after a moment and she smiled.

"No I'm not," she said, closing the door after making sure Hagrid wasn't going to fall down on his way back the Gate Keeper's hut. She turned to look at Severus and leaned against the door as she crossed her arms over her chest. "you're late professor Snape."

"Yes," he said with a slight smirk. "I apologise professor." Minerva narrowed her eyes at him.

"Just because you're no longer my student doesn't mean I can't punish you."

"Punishment?" He asked, his voice low and he caught the betraying smile in her eyes.

"Are you flirting with me Severus Snape?"She asked with a chuckle.

"I am not," he said in his most serious voice. Minerva smiled and moved away from the door.

"Good because you have work to do," she said as she began to walk away. Before she get too far Severus reached out and took hold of her hand.

"Would you care to join me?" He asked and she rolled her eyes a little.

"I've already covered half an hour of your patrol for you, I'm not doing your job for you." There was a glint in her eyes that told him that although she was being serious, she wasn't angry with him.

"Then let me walk you to your room," he offered and she gave him a small smile.

"That's very kind of you but I have a meeting with the Headmaster," she said. For some unexplainable reason Severus felt a simmering of jealousy in his chest at the thought of his friend spending the evening with Dumbledore.

"Fine," he said in a clipped tone and Minerva frowned.

"What is it?" She asked but Severus ignored her. "Severus?"

"You should get going," he said to her with a dismissive wave of his hand and he began to walk away.

"What has gotten into you?" She asked and he could hear her footsteps behind him as she followed.

"Nothing," he snapped.

As he walked away he could hear Minerva's heels clicking on the stone floor as she marched after him. She had never had trouble keeping up with his long strides; in fact it was he that usually had to catch up to her. He could hear her steady movements and he knew that she keeping her distance from him; she wary. He stopped short at the thought and growled deeply in his chest. His jealousy and unwillingness to share her with his colleagues had blinded him and for a moment he had forgotten that she was not his. She never would be.

"Severus?" Minerva's voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"When I was a student people always thought..." he paused, unsure of what he was going to say but the niggling green eyed monster picking away at the back of his mind wouldn't let up. He sighed before speaking again. "We all assumed that you and the Headmaster... at some point..." He watched a smile break the frown on Minerva's face and he went quiet again. He felt foolish and he grew annoyed when he felt a slight flush grow over his neck.

"Many people have asked me what you are trying to," she said with a slight laugh. She moved toward him so she was standing directly in front of him. "And the answer is no," she said with a smile. "I'm not his type." Severus eyed her curiously. He wasn't sure what she'd meant by that. Minerva was a beautiful and talented witch; he assumed she would fall into everyone's 'type'.

"And did you ever..?" He asked, hesitantly.

"No!" She said quickly. She laughed and Severus felt instant relief spread thought his body. "When my father died Albus stepped in. He took me under his wing so to speak and became my mentor." Severus noticed the way her smile grew in fondness for the old man. "He saved my life," she said quietly, looking away from Severus.

Severus studied her face while she stared at something beyond a window. He wanted to know what had happened, how Albus had saved her life but he knew from the way she held her body that he would do best not to question her.

"May I walk you to the Headmaster's office?" He reached out an arm and touched her elbow when she didn't respond. It took her a moment to look around at him and when she did Severus placed his hand on her lower back and began to move them both along the corridor.

They walked in a companionable silence. Severus kept glancing at her and worried that perhaps in his need to settle his own uncertainties that he had somehow increased her own. He kept his hand on her lower back as they walked; she didn't seem to mind. After a moment Minerva slipped her arm around his back and he felt her hand tangle in the back of his robes.

"What were you and Hagrid talking about?" She asked softly.

"What did Hagrid talk about, don't you mean?" He asked with a snort. He smirked down at Minerva, she looked up at him with her own smile and shook her head. Severus continued. "Nothing of consequence, he mumbled on about the students mostly." He looked back down at Minerva and thought best to leave out the part where they had discussed her.

"Did you know that I was at school with Hagrid?" She asked and Severus shook his head; he had to admit he was surprised.

"I was a few years above him but we shared the same house."

"How unfortunate," he muttered and Minerva shot him a scornful look.

"He was as funny and kind as he is now," she said, nudging him with her shoulder.

"Is it true he was expelled?" Severus almost regretted asking when she untangled herself from his body. Her face had grown slightly red from fury and her eyes flashed.

"Yes," she said through gritted teeth. "That blasted boy blamed Hagrid..."

"The Dark Lord?" Severus asked remembering the rumours he had heard in the Slytherin common room.

"He went by Tom in those days, he had everyone fooled except Albus. I didn't trust him, not because of Albus' own distrust but because I'd sensed something in him. And of course, once he'd implicated Hagrid and had him expelled, I never trusted him again, no matter how hard he tried." Severus frowned at her but in her frustration she didn't seem to realise what she'd said.

"What did you mean by that?" He asked her. Minerva sighed.

"Nothing," she said and she quickened her pace.

Severus watched her walk slightly ahead and then followed, keeping a few steps behind her. He had never been aware that Minerva had ever had to associate with the boy who would later become the Dark Lord. It seemed that not only did their paths cross in this very place but that they had engaged in some sort of... what? What had it been? Had she once been taken with him? He'd heard stories of the good looking orphan that had saved Hogwarts and the students within from a terrible monster. Had the boy fallen out of favour with her? Even as the thought passed through his mind, Severus knew better. The Dark Lord did not feel love or have the ability to care for another person. He only knew power. Power was something Minerva definitely had.

Severus' mind filled with scenarios on how he might have tried to recruit the young Gryffindor, the talented witch that excelled in everything she did, the youngest person to register as an animagus, a stunning Quidditch player... a pure blood. She possessed everything that the Dark Lord valued in a person and Severus would bet his worth that this is what Minerva had referred to. He didn't need to get to know Minerva well to know that she would never take the offer of his master but what he wanted to know is how far the Dark Lord had gone to persuade her. Had she been tempted? Did she ever stray?

"What are you doing back there?"

Severus looked up to see Minerva standing in the corridor ahead of him.

"Nothing," he said and walked quickly to join her. She eyed him with scrutiny and he knew she could tell his was lying. She didn't comment.

"You're going to make me late," she said and Severus took hold of her elbow as he passed her so they were walking together.

"We wouldn't want that now would we?" He said mockingly and she nudged him with her shoulder.

"You're in a curious mood tonight Severus," she said. Severus smirked.

"It's a shame you can't join me for my rounds," he said as they neared the stone eagle. "I feel mischievous." His tone was dark and Minerva laughed beside him.

"Then perhaps it is for the best that I cannot accompany you," she said. Severus lifted an eyebrow and gave her a 'your loss' shrug. He began to walk away from her. "Do try to stay out of trouble," she called after him and Severus smirked. His last minute plan to make sure that her thoughts were on him while meeting with the Headmaster had just been achieved. She was worried about him and at present, it suited him fine.

Severus meandered through the empty corridors, his mind wandering but his eyes ever watchful. As he turned a dark corner he noticed a light at the end of the hall. Frowning, Severus quickened his pace and drew his wand as he neared the light.

"Good evening Professor." It was the Bloody Baron. Severus lowered his wand and after a moment he tucked it into his pocket.

"Good evening Baron." He'd always liked the ghost of Slytherin, even when he was a student. The ghost had been a source of wisdom during his troubled teens and knowing the Baron's true past didn't deter his thinking of him.

"It's quiet tonight," the ghost said, floating next to Severus as he made his way through the halls.

"Even Peeves is quiet," Severus observed.

"I was sorry to hear about the Gryffindor girl," the Baron said and for a moment Severus wasn't sure to whom he was referring. "I never liked mudblood's but I know how it feels to have a loved one turn their back on you."

Severus remained silent, he wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to discuss Lily; he wasn't comfortable with it.

"We can't help who we fall in love with," the Baron continued. Once again Severus remained silent. "I have to admit to you young man, you've done well by making an ally of Professor McGonagall."

"How so?"

"She's a well respected member of the wizarding community," he answered. "When people see her with you they'll forget about your past. And on that note, allow me to extend my congratulations; not many people can work their way through her ice cold demeanour."

"You make it sound as if I'm using her," Severus said through gritted teeth, his anger flashing in his eyes.

"Well aren't you?" The ghost turned to look at him.

"Certainly not," Severus snapped.

"Then what are you doing with a Gryffindor?" The Baron asked and Severus frowned. "I thought you might have learned that they can't be trusted." Severus clenched his fists and for the first time he felt an intense dislike for the ghost of Slytherin.

"And I suppose I should entrust myself to a fellow Slytherin?" Severus asked snarkily. "We've all seen how well that worked out..." he paused, considering his words and the ghost. "Or perhaps I should try my luck with a Ravenclaw?" Severus watched the Baron stiffen and shoot him with a glare.

"You speak out of turn young man," the Baron said darkly.

"I was merely making a suggestion," Severus shrugged and walked away.

"She'll never fully trust you, no matter what she says. You're dirt... she'll never trust you!"

Severus tried to ignore the Baron's words as they travelled along the corridor to him. The harder he tried to push them from his mind the more difficult it became to truly forget about them. Minerva's trust meant more to him than he was comfortable with but he was sure that he had it. She'd told him she trusted him. After all the things she'd shared with him, told him... included him in.

She had to trust him.

Didn't she?

Then again, why would she? He hadn't confided in her as she had with him. There were still parts of his past that she didn't know about, parts of his history that he couldn't share with her. He had once been the enemy and she had no knowledge of his reasons for defecting. And yet the way she was him... deep down he knew she _did_ trust him. Minerva had opened herself up to him and yet he had remained as shut off as ever. He knew it wasn't something he would be able to change overnight but surely the important thing was that he'd acknowledged it. He needed to show her how much he trusted her. It was something he could work on. Needed to work on.

The Bloody Baron was wrong about Minerva... and he was wrong about him.

* * *

**Well then folks, I hope you enjoyed it! Please remember to leave me a quick review and if you're felling up for it to check out some of my art work. Thanks again! xxx**


	25. Chapter 25

**Greetings peeps! I can't sleep tonight, it just won't come so I decided to finish typing this chapter up while watching Doctor Who (the good ones with David Tennant) and drinking from my new Tardis mug which is quite possibly the best birthday present I've ever been given. It's the actual Tardis and it even has a lid! It's brilliant – I may even post a picture on my LJ I'm that in love with it, ha! **

**Anyway enough of all that. Here's chapter 25 which I really hope you enjoy. It carries on straight from the last chapter which I wanted this moment in their history to be finished before I jumped a few weeks (maybe a month) into the school year. So I hope you enjoy it, I'm not really sure what I think about this chapter but I've been trying to rework it for days now and I think it's time to just let it go. But please let me know what you thought, I'm very grateful of any feedback you can give.**

**Thanks to everyone that has continued to review my work. I have gained so much from you all. And thank you once again to everyone that has added me to alerts and what not. You're all amazing!**

**Enjoy and goodnight! **

**Lillibet x**

**P.S. any Doctor Who fans reading this – I'm watching Blink from season 3... wise choice before I go to bed? Me thinks not!**

* * *

Chapter 25

Minerva stepped off the stairs and knocked gently on Albus' door. It swung open immediately and she was greeted with the rowdy chorus of past Headmasters and Headmistresses. They were arguing over something and as usual Albus sat at his desk, working away amongst the madness. He glanced up and smiled gently when he realised who it was.

"Is it that time already?" Albus asked and Minerva affectionately shook her head; he knew exactly what time it was. She watched him roll up his scroll and stamp it with the Hogwarts seal. He then raised his hand and the men and woman in their portraits fell silent. "I wanted to discuss replacing the Head of House to Slytherin."

Minerva nodded in agreement. Filius had been looking after the Slytherin students since the last Head of House had retired and although he had earned the trust of some of the younger Slytherins, the majority still wouldn't accept him.

"Who did you have in mind?" She asked and Albus pressed his finger tips to his mouth in contemplation.

"Severus..." he said after a pause.

Minerva let the name hang in the air.

"What do you think?" Albus asked and she knew she had taken too long to answer him.

"I don't know what to think," she said after a moment. Albus stood from his chair and motioned for her to follow him upstairs to his study. "He's a Slytherin; the students would look up to him, seek his advice and it would make sense to..." she spoke almost to herself as she followed Albus up the stairs. "But with his past do you really think..?"

"I think that due to his past he would make a very suitable fit for the position." He lowered himself into an arm chair and motioned for Minerva to do the same. She felt his eyes fixed on her. "I thought you would agree with me," he said.

Minerva turned to look at the fireplace and instead of sitting down she moved over to stare into the flames. She noticed the embers shift slightly and Fawkes lifted his head and let out a soft squawk. His tiny wrinkled body warming and regenerating in the heat.

"You think this a bad idea?" Albus asked. Minerva could tell he was getting annoyed with her lack of participation in their conversation.

"I don't understand why you seek my counsel on this..." she started but Albus interrupted her.

"You are my deputy. You've always had an active say when it comes to the appointing of new staff."

Minerva bristled a little but hoped Albus hadn't picked up on it. Being a part of the recruitment process for new teachers was something she always enjoyed but this time it was different. She was torn; at a cross roads in choosing between giving a friend an exciting promotion so early in his career and keeping the impressionable young Slytherin flock from a man who once associated with most evil wizard to exist.

"He would need coaching for the role, he's never been in a position where people will go to him for help, he's never had to be supportive... he can't just... he has to be their mentor." She continued to watch Fawkes in the fire and she bent down to carefully place a few more logs onto the dwindling fire.

"I agree," Albus said with a nod. "Which is why I would like you to guide him..."

"No!" Minerva said absolutely.

"This is not up for negotiation," Albus said, a smile softening his words. "He trusts you. He will listen to you."

"Albus I'm asking that you not do this. Severus would not take kindly to me instructing him in this..."

"But you are friends, are you not?" Albus asked, interrupting her. Minerva sighed.

"You know very well that Severus is a complicated creature; it is because of our friendship that he would not react well to this proposal." Minerva finally turned and she lifted her eyes to his. "I know him well enough to know that he would not like any help from me. It would be best for everyone if you were to choose someone else." Albus considered her for a moment before speaking.

"Then who would you suggest?" He asked and Minerva sighed. "None of the other teachers have been particularly welcoming of him. No one would be willing to volunteer their time."

"They would have no choice if the orders came from you," Minerva said with a frown. Albus gave her a look that told her that she would be the one dealing with Severus and the other teachers.

"There is going to be some backlash from this Albus; the community and the teachers."

"It's nothing you can't deal with is it?" Albus asked as he stood from his chair. He began to head back down the stairs and Minerva looked back at Fawkes for a moment before following him.

"I'll take care of it," she said once they had both arrived back in the Headmaster's office. "I'll speak to Severus first thing in the morning." Albus sat down behind his desk and picked up his quill. Minerva knew the meeting was over and she headed for the door.

"New positions have to be filed to the board and the Ministry by March. You should get confirmation from Severus on his receiving the post and proceed with the necessary follow up." Albus returned to his papers and Minerva nodded.

"Thank you Sir," she said as she left the office.

Minerva stepped onto the stairs and took a deep breath. Albus' habit of reminding her of her duties and the procedures of the school was something she had come to expect of him. At first his constant reminders had irked her and left her with the feeling that her performance as deputy was unsatisfactory. However over the years she had learned that he meant nothing by it. He was fastidious with the running of the school and sometimes verbally listed the things that needed to be done; not only for the benefit for his staff but for himself also. Minerva recognised that he was reassuring himself that everything was as it should be. Even after all the years, Minerva was still as much in awe of him as she had been when she first met him as an eleven year old girl. He was an extraordinary man.

-x-

"Are you sure?" Filius paced the floor in Minerva's rooms. She looked up at him from her place on the sofa and rubbed a hand over her forehead.

"Yes," she repeated for the fourth time. "I think you would be the best choice."

"And you're sure he wouldn't prefer for you to..."

"No, I'm absolutely sure of that." Minerva gave him a weak smile. "So you'll do it?" She asked.

"Well yes of course," Filius said stopping his pacing and looking down at her. "Anything I can do to help the boy."

"Good," Minerva said with a sigh of relief. "Thank you Filius, I'll let the Headmaster know once I've attended to a few other things." She stood up and made her way over to her friend.

"But why have you asked me?"

"Because you have been acting Head of House this past year and have come to know some of the students." She said softly. "Besides, he trusts and respects you. Who else would he listen to?"

"What does Severus think on the matter?" Filius asked. Minerva turned to look at him and smiled slightly.

"That remains to be seen," she said with a shrug.

"And you will be the one to tell him?" Filius asked with a smirk. Minerva nodded as she headed toward her door. "Good luck." He said as he disappeared into the fireplace.

Leander opened the door for Minerva as she walked toward him and she heard him growl. The door closed behind her and she turned to look at her Dolor Altor.

"What is it?" She asked, calmly.

"Nothing my Lady," Leander said with a bow. He shifted from into his human form and peered at her from under his golden locks.

"You have been out of sorts Leander," she said, crossing her arms over her chest and levelling her eyes on his.

"Have I not performed my duties my Lady?" He asked, somewhat coldly.

"Of course you have," Minerva said with a frown. "But we used to be friends."

"We still are," Leander said, the tension in his shoulders melting away. "I just don't understand why you are doing all this for him."

"Severus?" She watched Leander's eyes grow dark. "This is about him?"

"He will turn against you my Lady," he said in a menacing whisper.

"What do you know of it?" Minerva demanded.

"I may not know the boy but I know his kind of old," he said. "I used to be just like him."

"And what was that?"

"A traitor."

Minerva froze and stared at the painted man. Her bond with Leander was deeper than that of a usual resident and Dolor Altor but never had she been wary of him. Her relationship with Leander had come under strain when she had begun a friendship with Severus. At first she had taken it as a bout of jealously which she had come to expect of him at times. However this time it was different. He was different.

"What do you mean?" Minerva asked, stepping closer to the portrait and pressing her fingertips to the canvas.

"I am trying to protect you my Lady," he said, tensely. "I swore to protect you."

"I do not need protecting Leander," she brushed her fingers over his face. "You have warned me and I take your forewarning into consideration... but I believe Severus will never betray us."

"I hope you are right my Lady," Leander said, his eyes showing a sadness Minerva had never seen on him. "I so hope you are right."

Minerva watched her Dolor Altor shift back into his Lion form and he stalked away from her. Minerva chewed her thumb nail, deep in thought as she started to make her way down to the dungeons. Leander's warning had left her feeling uneasy. She didn't know much about Leander's past but had the sinking feeling that hundreds of years locked inside a painting had mellowed him. Come to think of it, she knew about as much of Leander as she did about Severus. Leander claimed to recognise himself in the potions master but was it true? _Could Severus really betray her? _

Minerva stopped when she suddenly found herself outside the potions master's office. She pushed her way inside and ducked under the tapestry behind the desk. At the main door to his chambers she found an empty portrait, she knocked gently.

Sir John appeared with an exasperated sigh and Minerva watched his rather grumpy face slip into a smile.

"My dear girl," he said softly, all trace of annoyance gone from his person.

"Hello Sir John," she said watching his smile increase. A wave of fondness swelled in her chest at the sight of his kindly face.

"He's in a foul mood today Neva," he warned, his frown reappearing.

"When isn't he?" Minerva asked as Sir John let the door slide open. She heard his soft laugh as she passed him and smirked. The door closed behind her and she caught sight of Sir John travelling through the portraits to Severus' bedroom.

"He'll be right with you," Sir John said in a clipped tone. He shook his head and muttered something under his breath; she had no doubt what had him out of sorts.

Minerva paced the sparsely furnished living room but made no move to sit down or look at anything. Although Severus took it upon himself to wander her quarters as he wished he did not take well to others doing it in his own.

Suddenly the doors to the bedroom crashed open and Minerva jumped. Severus scowled at her as if staring her down but she refused to look away from him. He fiddled with the cuffs of his shirt as he began to make his way toward her. As he drew closer Minerva could see that his hair was damp and she blushed at the thought that she had disturbed him in the shower.

"Well?" he asked in his usual dry way.

"I didn't realise you were busy, I could have come back." She said and Severus turned away from her.

"I was just changing," he said as he made his way to his desk. There was a teapot and cup that Minerva was sure had just been brought in by an elf because she hadn't noticed it before.

"Are you alright?" she asked carefully. Severus poured the tea into the cup and added a good dose of milk. He turned to her and handed her the cup which she took with a smile of thanks. She took a sip; exactly how she preferred it.

"What has Sir John been saying?" Severus asked and Minerva shook her head.

"He hasn't told me anything," she said truthfully. "What's happened?"

"I had a letter today; the convicted Death Eaters have been sentenced to life in Azkaban... I have been officially cleared of all charges..." he said. Minerva watched him; he seemed almost confused, angry even.

"That's good news," Minerva said and Severus nodded briefly.

"Yes," he muttered. He sat down in the wooden chair at his desk and indicted for her to sit in the worn but comfortable armchair by the fire. She did as he asked and smiled at him.

"You think you should be with them," she stated, almost able to read his mind.

"I was there, I joined them... I was one of them..."

"But that's just it Severus," she said softly. "You _were_ those things... but you're not anymore. Are you?"

"No," he rubbed a hand over his face. "But I was..."

"Enough Severus, I won't allow you to do this again. You have repented for your past indiscretions. And knowing you as I do, you'll continue to blame yourself, constantly working away to make up for the mistakes you've made." He scowled at her and Minerva shook her head. "I have some news for you," she said changing the subject. Severus stared at her. "But its good news, at least I hope you'll take it as good news."

"What is it?" he asked looking somewhat concerned.

"As you know, since Professor Slughorn left the school Filius has been doubling up as Head of Slytherin. However Albus has decided that although Filius is doing a fine job that it would be more appropriate to finally find a more permanent replacement." Minerva watched Severus' eyes narrow at her and she felt distinctly uncomfortable under his gaze. "How would you feel being put forward for the position?"

"Head of Slytherin?" He asked slowly. Minerva nodded and gave him a hesitant smile. "You want me to take the role of Head of Slytherin?"

"Yes." Minerva watched Severus' cautious eyes turn hard.

"Are you mad?"

"I can most assure you Severus that I am as sane as you," she said with a smirk. Severus scoffed and Minerva let out a chuckle.

"But why?" He asked, somewhat bemused.

"You are a Slytherin and the students of your own house trust you on that basis alone. Albus believes that you will be able to give counsel to those that seek it and provide a strong line of what is right and wrong for those that may be considering... a different path." She let her meaning sink into his mind and observed his features. He was thinking hard on something, he turned away from her for a moment.

"What do you think?" he asked, keeping his eyes focused on his possessions that littered his desk.

"I believe that Albus is right," she said carefully. Severus turned to look at her slowly and she knew he had seen right through her.

"What do you think Minerva?" He asked again.

"I think it may be too soon for you," she admitted. Severus nodded and relaxed back in his chair. He brushed his hands through his damp hair and sighed.

"I agree," he said after a moment. Minerva had to admit she was surprised by his admission. She thought he would have been angered by her words in him but he seemed accepting of it. It disconcerted her. "I'm still too close to my former life... what would I say to them? How could I prevent them from making the same mistakes as I?"

"You tell them what you would have liked to have heard when you turned down the wrong path, you support them, give them advice... the truth is Severus you can only do so much for them. In the end it's their own decision." She sighed and couldn't help thinking of the students that had slipped through her fingers.

"Then what's the point?" he asked cynically.

"To help those that you can, to hold a hand when they need it, to supply a warm office where they can escape their troubles. To help them in their studies, their lives... to be there for them." She stood up and made her way toward him. She touched his cheek softly and knelt down in front of him. "The students need a strong Head to look up to. Someone who will protect them, someone that, in the end, is on their side."

"Who would look up to me?" He asked gently.

"They all ready do Severus, I've heard the Slytherin students talk of you. They just want the knowledge that they have someone watching their back." Minerva clasped his hand in hers and she felt him grip her tightly.

"Do you think I can do it?"

"I think with time and training, you'll make an exceptional Head of House." She gave him an encouraging smile. "I still think it's too soon but Albus is right, the students need one of their own. And you'll have mentoring from Filius for the rest of the term. I will assess your progress at the end of term and should the board agree with the reports then you will be set up on a trial basis next September. You have plenty of time to consider it even after I file our proposal to the board. If by the end of term you wish to stay as you are then you are breaking no contracts. There's no pressure on you." Minerva watched him ponder her words. She remained on the floor in front of him, her hand still firmly clasped in his own.

"Filius... these aren't going to be lessons are they?" he asked after a moment. Minerva laughed and shook her head.

"You will shadow him while he's dealing with the Slytherin students; see how he interacts with them. You don't have to take part in the sessions if you don't want to but I would suggest trying to get to know them while you can. It's also useful to try to handle matters on your own while you have Filius with you, that way if you need guidance he will be hand with some suggestions."

"Why Filius?" he asked. "What not you?" His question took her by surprise and it took her a moment to answer. _Had she been wrong about him?_

"Filius has been acting Head of House; he can fill you in on what he's learned of the students. How they work, how they behave, what problems they have. All information I cannot give you."

"But you could give me everything else," he said, his voice flat and void of emotion. Minerva looked carefully at his face and wished he wasn't so hard to read.

"I didn't think you'd want to take lessons from me," she said. Severus frowned.

"Why?"

"I thought that considering our friendship that you would not like me to be your teacher once again," she said. Severus pursed his lips in thought and he smirked.

"I thought you said these weren't lessons," his voice was dark but Minerva could sense the humour behind it.

"You know exactly what I mean," she rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry that I have misunderstood you on this matter Severus, I presumed to know too much about you and I shouldn't have..." she stopped talking when she felt Severus' fingers tapping on her hand.

"You're right," he said quietly. "I will no doubt be difficult... perhaps for the sake of our friendship this course is the right one."

"Our teaching methods would have clashed too much; I believe we would have spent much of the time arguing."

"An enjoyable sport," he remarked with a serious face. Minerva laughed and shook her head.

"But not at all useful!" she admonished playfully. She turned the hand over that was still holding his and he began to tap his fingers against her palm. The feeling sent tingles down her wrist.

"Once again professor, you are correct." He said with mock distain. Minerva laughed again and regretfully stood up. Her hand slipped from underneath his.

"How did that taste?" She asked and Severus gave her a dark look.

"Not pleasant," he growled. He looked up at her carefully and for a moment they were silent. "I think you should leave before I do it again." He said after a moment with a smirk. Minerva returned his smile but couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind.

"I'll inform the Headmaster and the school board of your decision." She said, moving toward his door instead of thinking too much. "Congratulations Severus," she said as she stepped through the open door.

"Thank you Minerva," Severus said from behind her. He lifted his hand slightly but let it fall by his hips before is reached its destination. Minerva wondered what he had stopped himself from doing. Feeling slightly awkward she gave him one last smile and turned on her heel to walk back through his office and into the hallway.

* * *

**Hope you liked it and please remember to leave me review...**

**xxx**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hello everyone**

**Well what can I say? I'm so sorry for the delay in updating this. It wasn't because I was blocked or because I lost interest but because I was temporarily filling in for the head of my department at work while she was on maternity leave. Thank god she's back! Not only can I start writing again but I can have a social life, woohoo! Join me in the happy dance? Anyway, here's the next instalment of First Cut. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Lots of dark and twisty from Snape in this one, oh how we love some dark and twisty Snape! And an interesting side of Dumbledore that we don't see very often, I feel like I'm only scratching the surface of it here but look forward to exploring it more in the future – I would love to know your thoughts on it.**

**I'd just like to thank everyone for their continued support of my writing, for the lovely reviews and messages and for the alerts and follows. I'm eternally grateful to you all. And I hope you will all continue to let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Happy reading!**

**Lillibet x**

* * *

**Chapter 26**

It had been three weeks since Minerva had talked to him about taking the Head of House position and since then, Severus was becoming more and more unconvinced by the idea. It had to be the most ridiculous idea the Headmaster had had in a long time. When he had been asked to visit the Headmaster in his office he was sure it was to take back his offer of promotion. It hadn't been, of course and the meeting had only resulted in leaving Severus feeling completely fed up.

Albus had been quick to suggest that Severus make arrangements to shadow Filius in his next tutorial session with the Slytherin's. Reluctantly Severus had done just that and he was now on his way to meet with Filius an hour before the first Slytherin student arrived.

Severus had spent a large part of his afternoon pacing the space between the student's desks and the teacher's desk in the Transfiguration classroom. He stormed backwards and forwards, ranting about how he would make a terrible Head of House and all he received from the Transfigurations professor was the occasional grunt to signal that she either agreed or disagreed with him. At one point Severus glared at her as she continued to mark her papers until she finally looked up at him.

"You've gone quiet," she said. Severus crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against one of the desks, his glare deepening.

"Oh, noticed did you?" Severus said sarcastically. "I thought you had forgotten I was even here."

"Don't sulk Severus, it really doesn't suit you," she said, grinning before she turned her attention back to her marking.

In his surprise Severus made a loud choking noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. Minerva looked up at him again.

"I honestly don't know what you'd like me to say," she admitted with a sigh. "I've told exactly what I think on the situation and now my only advice is to do as Albus suggested. Shadow Filius, give it a try and if it doesn't work out then you don't have to take the job." Severus just stared at her for a moment.

"That's your advice?" He asked, his face and body still portraying his sour mood. "That's the last time I come to you for assistance."

"It's not like you have anyone else to go to," she bit back. Severus smirked, their eyes catching for a moment before he turned on his heel and left the classroom.

Even now the thought of their banter made him smirk. To other people their words might have seemed cruel, as if they each harboured a hatred for the other. Every so often their moments would turn to arguments and childish spats where they each tried to outdo the other. It was about getting one up on the other rather than trying to hurt one another; although Severus had received a scolding or two from his colleague when he had over stepped the line.

With his thoughts agreeably elsewhere, Severus unfortunately found himself suddenly outside Filius's door. Severus let out a heavy sigh and before he had even raised his hand to knock on the door it swung open to reveal a bright smiling face.

"I thought it would be you," Filius said, standing aside. "Come in," he said. Severus did as he asked without a word and once he was inside Filius patted the back of a chair that was positioned in front of his desk. "Sit down my boy, sit down." He seemed full of energy but Severus wanted to be very far away from this room. Instead of escaping, he watched Filius prepare tea while he chattered away about something Severus could care less about. "So I think congratulations are in order," Filius said as he handed him a cup of tea.

"I haven't been given the job yet," Severus muttered, placing his tea on the desk without taking a sip.

"A slight technicality," Filius said with a shrug and a smile. "The board will agree to your promotion despite your limited teaching experience. Promoting from within is essential when possible in any school. You already know the students and the schools inner workings; what you have is an asset that on this occasion far out weights experience."

"Which is what?" Severus asked with a frown.

"Knowledge," Filius replied with excited eyes. "You've been teaching them every day and I know some of the students have already begun to trust you. I heard they are already coming to you with their problems and worries." Severus watched a slight smile break onto the older man's face, "Minerva told me," he said. Severus shook his head.

"Any chance to gossip," he remarked darkly even though he knew she wasn't really the type.

"You don't fool me boy," Filius said in an off handed manner as he made his way to his bookshelf and began to search for something. Severus turned to watch him closely. "I know you don't really mean it," he said as he pulled a large emerald green leather tome from the shelf. Severus could see it _had Slytherin House: tutorial notes_ written down the side, but something else was already distracting Severus's mind.

"What do you mean?" He asked Filius.

"It doesn't take a genius to see how you feel about her," Filius said as he sat behind his desk and opened the tome at the right date.

Severus was frozen in place, his eyes staring at Filius. The older man's matter of fact tone had left Severus feeling uneasy. It was as if he knew something that he didn't and from the way he said it.

"What are you referring to professor?" Severus asked in a clipped tone. Filius looked up in surprise as if he wasn't even aware that he had company.

"We'll..." Filius cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable. Severus eyed him coolly. "I only meant that you have a solid friendship with her, that you... perhaps care for her more than you let on..." Severus thought the older man looked as if he regretted his words as soon as they left his mouth. But it was too late, Severus was already seething and he wasn't about to let his colleague off the hook so easily.

"You speak of things you know nothing about," Severus said through gritted teeth.

"I meant no offence by it," Filius said, wringing his hands together worriedly. "Why don't we just forget I said anything?"

Severus could feel his blood boiling but he did as Filius asked and tried to put it out of his mind. He watched the older man return to the book, watched his eyes flicking back and forth over a list of names. Before Severus could query which of the students they would be seeing Filius slammed the book shut loudly.

"No, I'm sorry," he said, standing up. Severus frowned but kept his eyes on Filius as he moved around the desk and began to pace his office. "I don't know why you keep yourself so closed off!"

"What do you mean?" Severus asked, his defences quickly building again.

"I mean, why won't you allow people to see you for who you really are?" Severus was about to interrupt but before he could, Filius continued, his face slowly turning red from frustration. "Take this moment for example; I told you that I could see your true feelings showing through that stern exterior for a very dear friend of mine. I know you care for her; I dare say you may have even fallen in love with her. I know this because I take the time to look at you both and I can see the difference you have made to each other's lives. What I don't understand is why you won't allow her to see that, why keep pushing her away? Minerva is a wonderful woman; she's the kind that is hard to come by, she's caring and kind but a match for any man. Why keep yourself so isolated when you have the affection, trust and loyalty of someone like that?"

Severus felt as though he had fire coming from his ears. His stomach was churning and he had a white knuckle grip on the chair arms. He looked up at Filius whose laboured breathing showed the level of anger he held back.

"You speak out of turn old man," Severus said darkly. Surprise filtered into Filius's eyes but Severus ignored it. He stood up slowly from his chair. "You want to know why I keep myself so closed off? It's so people like you can't poke their noses into my business! You think that your position in life has given you the right to pass judgement on others and offer your observations of those around you. You're wrong! What have you ever done professor? What do you know of people like me? My feelings for... her... you were wrong. I do not care for her as much as you would say, in fact, she is merely an opportunity. I'm using her to my own advantage and I have learned to tolerate her because I must." Severus paused and took a deep breath. "I don't think this arrangement is going to work professor, I no longer wish to take part in these sessions. I don't even know why I'm still here!"

Severus turned away from Filius and marched toward the door. Behind him he could hear Filius scurrying behind him but Severus opened the door and slammed it behind him just as he heard Filius call his name.

Severus was furious. How dare that man speak of such things when they were not true. He felt his chest tighten suddenly and he paused in the silent, empty corridor. It wasn't true... was it? He pressed his hand to the wall to steady himself as he felt his chest tighten even more. Of course it wasn't true! He noticed his sudden difficulty breathing. _It wasn't true_ he thought to himself one last time before pulling himself together and marching in the direction of the Headmasters office. There were a few things he wished to discuss with the old man.

A few moments later Severus arrived at the eagle statue. He stormed the familiar spiral stone steps and jumped onto the landing before the stairs had stopped moving. As he neared the door to the Headmasters office he could hear voices coming from inside. He didn't bother to pay his usual respects and knock before entering but instead barged in. The voices immediately turned to outrage and they began shouting over one another to be heard.

"_How dare he walk in here unannounced!"_

"_... wouldn't have dared do such a thing during my tenure..."_

"_... insolent..!"_

"_... he could have been busy boy!"_

Severus clenched his fists tightly as he stared at the unoccupied Headmasters desk. He felt his anger peak.

"Will you all shut up?!" He shouted loudly over everyone. There was a moment of stunned silence before the first former Headmistress shouted back.

"_How dare he!"_ The voice rang out, breaking the quiet. To Severus's annoyance, the other former Head teachers soon rediscovered their voices too.

"_Shut up?_

"_We'll I never..."_

"_... you're never too old for punishment boy!"_

They continued that way for some time and Severus could feel his already bad mood becoming even worse.

"_Did you hear that Dumbledore?"_ Asked one of the former Headmistresses. _"I hope you heard what he said!"_

Severus looked up to the balcony overlooking the office where the Headmaster's private chambers were located. Dumbledore was looking down at them with interest, the familiar mischievous glint shining behind his half moon glasses.

"I did Flora," Albus said with a slight smile. He looked squarely at Severus and his smile slipped a touch. "Did you wish to speak with me?"

"Yes," Severus said in a clipped tone.

"Then come up," Albus said, his smile increasing again. "I've just had the elves bring up some tea."

Severus walked quickly up the stairs, glaring at the portraits and trying to ignore their snide comments as he passed them.

"What can I do for you Severus?" Albus asked from his armchair by the fire. Severus stood at the top of the stairs and made no move to join him. He was in no mood for anyone's hospitality. "Weren't you supposed to be in a tutor session with Filius?" Albus asked when Severus made no attempt to start the conversation. Severus couldn't stop the frown that creased his brow at the sound of his colleague's name. "Did something happen?"

"I wish to discontinue my _lessons_ with Professor Flitwick," Severus said through clenched teeth and he noticed the way Albus's eyebrows raised slightly.

"You need to shadow Filius if you are to become the Head of..."

"I do not want it!" Severus snapped. "I want nothing to do with this and if you won't allow me to drop it then I will resign."

"No need Severus," Albus said gently, raising a hand to calm Severus' tirade. "I wish for you to remain here at Hogwarts and in your current position."

Severus felt the tightness in his chest lighten as if some had just released a belt that had been tied around his body. He hadn't expected it to be so easy.

"However..." Albus began. "You will still take the role of Head of House." Severus felt his chest close up again.

"Why?" Severus asked, the tightness reaching his voice.

"Do not forget what I have offered you," Albus snapped back, his voice taking on a hard edge. "You will accept this position."

"Why?" Severus asked again. "There are far superior teachers here that..."

"Because I want to know what is being said," Albus interrupted. Severus scoffed; _he should have guessed._

"You want me to spy on the children," Severus stated. There was no need to ask it, he knew exactly who the Headmaster would call on for the dirty jobs. The Death Eater.

"I want to know what whispers are being passed around," Albus said. Severus could hear the underlying meaning in his words.

"You want me to spy on the students?" Severus repeated, not bothering to cover his motives as Albus had.

"It's what I hired you for," Albus said coldly. "Isn't it?"

"I never thought you would stoop to that level," Severus said, narrowing his eyes at the Headmaster. Albus shrugged and Severus knew what he was thinking; at the end of the day it was Severus who would be doing the spying, Albus could stay on the moral high ground.

"A few years is all I ask," Albus added. "This generation has been heavily influenced by Voldemort's rein. I'm hoping they will open to you. I want us to be prepared in case the children are planning to do anything once they graduate."

"And once they have you'll get rid of me?"

"Of course not, unless you want to leave," Albus said.

"I don't want the job," Severus said again.

"You have no choice," Albus said, taking a sip of his tea. "I have already submitted your name to the school board; they will have finalised the paper work today."

"And if I refuse it?" Severus tested him.

"You can walk away right now if you wish," Albus said to Severus' surprise. "But what do you have to go back to? The Ministry would throw you in Azkaban without my employment. So I suppose it comes down to this; what would you prefer?" He looked over at Severus. "My offer of sanctuary and in return you undertake any tasks that I ask of you or... a life time in prison with the Dementors?"

Severus let his words sink in and he knew that Albus was right. There was nothing left outside this castle for him and a lifetime spent in prison would be the end of him.

"I think it's in your best interest to stay," Albus added, breaking through Severus' thoughts. Severus looked at him squarely and gave a mirthless laugh.

"Don't you mean yours?" He said coldly.

"There's no denying that I will benefit greatly from this," Albus said standing up from his chair.

"Of course not," Severus mumbled under his breath. He watched Albus walk towards him and Severus knew his time in Albus' _presence_ was over.

"I suggest you carry on as you were," Albus said, walking Severus down the stairs and toward the office door. Severus marched through and got onto the moving the staircase without saying another to Albus. "Goodnight Severus."

"Yeah," he called over his shoulder as he continued to walk away from the Headmaster.

-x-

Severus marched along the cold corridors, his mind churning with everything everyone had said to him during the course of the night. As he walked he considered each person that he had come to count on since arriving back at the school.

Albus had presented the forgiving father, a warm and mischievous character that had the ability to liven up a room when he walked into it. He had made Severus feel important and worthy, special even. But underneath it, Severus knew he was just another one of Albus' pawns in the overall game plan.

Filius became his carefree, jovial brother. A comrade, someone he knew he could trust. But as it turned out he was just like the rest. He liked to gossip and poke his nose where it didn't belong. His only interest in Severus was one of intrigue, of deceit.

And Minerva... he paused briefly in his thoughts. _Minerva_. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. Minerva had done him no harm except befriending him. But he believed that she was the reason he was in this mess. She had made him weak. She had lulled him into a sense of safety and in his weakened state he had latched onto her. Severus scoffed as realisation dawned on him. She had purposefully ensured through her _kind_ actions that he had no choice but to depend on her completely. He thought back to his days in prison and how patient and dedicated she had been. And because of that he had counted down the minutes until her arrival, he had taken comfort in her soft skin and femininity... but it had all been a lie. The only thing was he wasn't sure what she was up to. _What could Minerva McGonagall get from him?_ _Could it have been knowledge or power?_ He thought it unlikely. But he'd been wrong about everything else so far, who was to say he couldn't be wrong about this too?

Severus paused and clenched his fists tightly. He looked to his right and saw the moonlight reflecting off the lake, pouring through the windows. He considered the sight for a moment then turned sharply on his heel and headed down towards the lake, his mind growing ever darker as thoughts of Minerva filled his mind. He strode across the grass as quick as he could until the sound of pebbles crunching under his feet filtered the air as he reached the bank.

He began blasting the pebbled bank with any hexes that sprung to mind. He watched the damage he was doing spread over the ground and he felt a gradual freedom overtake him. Finally he lifted his wand to the sky as his mind darkened even further and shouted "Avada Kadarva!" The green light exploded into the night sky and for a moment he revelled in the stillness that fell around him. In the quiet he heard rocks slide against each other behind him and he spun around, wand raised at the figure before him.

"Severus..." Minerva's voice trembled slightly and Severus could see the fear in her eyes. He lowered his wand slowly but kept it tightly in his hand as he turned back to look across the lake.

"What do you want?" He asked in an unfriendly tone.

"Filius said your session didn't go well," she answered. Severus could hear the hesitance in her voice and had he been in any other frame of mind he probably would have been sorry. "But I'd say it was worse than he let on," she added after a moment. Severus sneered and turned to look at her. He watched Minerva take a step back from him and took note of the mistrust in her face.

"Good observation," he snarled. "Come to check up on me? Are you making sure the Death Eater is doing as Lord Dumbledore ordered?"

"Don't call him that," Minerva snapped, her confidence back in an instant.

"Why not?" Severus challenged, stepping around her. "They're more alike than you think. Both of them are manipulative, selfish..."

"How dare you say such a thing?!" Minerva gasped, her eyes watering. "Albus helped you; he gave you a second chance, a home, a job. He..."

"He gives nothing for free Minerva," Severus said quietly as he began to walk around her in circles. "He only agreed to our arrangement because of what I could offer him. We had a deal." _And he broke it_, Severus added in his mind.

"What could you offer him?" Minerva asked, stepping away from him so he could no longer circle her.

"Information," he said with a sneer, stopping in front of her. "The Dark Lord liked to own people, liked to remind his subjects of his favours. It kept them in their place, reminded of the dept owed. Your sainted Dumbledore does the same thing. You all do." Severus began to walk away but Minerva lunged forward and grabbed his arm, turning him to look at her.

"Do you include me in that?" She asked, her eyes blazing. Severus considered her for a moment and he felt an unreasonable, yet strong desire to hurt her.

"You've changed me Minerva, you've made me into something I've never wanted to be. You forced yourself into my consciousness without asking and being a bull headed Gryffindor you assume it's ok. You are an elitist pureblood looking down at the rest of us. You saw me as a pet project, someone to nurture, someone to save. Well let me tell you _Lady McGonagall _I don't need you..."

"You ignorant, ungrateful... you think... you truly think I'm as selfish as that?" Minerva asked. Severus could see the hurt he had so desired to inflict upon her.

"I know it," Severus continued. "A person is only as powerful as those they have underneath them. What greater standing than having a hand in reforming a Death Eater? This must make you look very good in your social circles." Severus was no longer sure of what he was saying but the deepening hurt and betrayal in her eyes spurred him on. _Was he enjoying it?_

"You think I befriended you for my own gain?" Minerva asked with a surreal and sudden calmness. "Then I suppose you're right, I did." Severus hadn't been expecting her to admit it but he allowed her to continue talking. "I thought we were friends, I thought I could be myself around you, I thought I could confide in you. You were the only person that saw me for who I am really am, the only one to understand me. And I thought I knew you as well as you knew me. But I was wrong, I don't know you. I never have and for that I suppose I'm grateful." She took a deep breath and shook her head slightly. "I thought I'd found something that I thought I'd never feel again... thank you, Severus, for reminding me that people will only disappoint."

Severus turned his back on her to look over the lake. He could no longer bear to look at her. He couldn't stand to see her sadness, the tears that had began to roll down her cheeks. He didn't want to be around her any longer.

"Just let me be Minerva." His voice sounded hard and cruel and when he eventually turned around he realised she had gone. He looked toward the castle and he spotted her figure walking along the path, her shoulders hunched. He watched her for a moment as a sickly feeling began to spread through his stomach but before he could register what it was he turned away angrily.

"Good riddance" he muttered under his breath. He turned slowly once again to look at the retreating figure and he wasn't sure if he really was glad to see the back of her. A fleeting moment of panic filled his chest and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

He waited for the feeling to pass... and it did rather quickly.

Just as it always did.

* * *

**Remember to leave a review or message me with any thoughts, advice and suggestions. Hope you enjoyed! xxx**


	27. Chapter 27

**Hello everyone**

**This is my Easter treat to you! I was hoping to get it out on Sunday night but after having 7 adults and 4 children over for dinner I wanted to do nothing more than curl up on my sofa with a large glass of wine. Sorry! But it's up now so I hope you enjoy it. I'm afraid it's still dark and twisty and to be honest there's so much to work through with these two that the next couple of chapters might be the same. But don't be put off because we all know Minerva can't stay angry for too long... or will it be Severus that makes the first step? Hmmmm, the possibilities. **

**Anyway... I hope you all had a lovely Easter weekend doing lots of fun things and I hope you ate lots of chocolate. Unfortunately for me I didn't get any Easter eggs this year *sad face* which is probably good because I have a bridesmaids dress to fit into soon sooooo maybe it's all for the best (Yeah I know it sucks!) **

**Thank you to everyone that has reviewed and sent me messages and also a big thank you to all of you that have signed up to alerts.**

**Hope you all enjoy this chapter and please remember to let me know what you think.**

**Much love friendships!**

**Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 27

The day was damp and grey. The strong wind was fierce against the windows and after a moment Minerva stood up and made her way over to the large windows in her classroom. She waved her wand and the heavy oak shutters slammed shut, blocking out some of the boisterous weather. The classroom was plunged into darkness and the class of first years she had sitting at their desks used the distraction to chatter.

"That's enough," Minerva said gently and the children soon simmered down as she began to light candles around the room. She watched her class for a moment as they returned to their work and once she was sure that they were giving their studies their full attention she walked back to her desk and returned to the marking she had been doing.

Minerva thought the weather to be a suitable match for her current mood. For weeks now she had kept herself to herself, not bothering to join the other teachers in the staffroom or even for their meals. She was in no mood for company but she knew this couldn't go on much longer. Her colleagues and friends were beginning to worry and if truth be told, Minerva was beginning to feel lonely. She had kept herself shut away far too long.

Of course, she knew the reason for it. _Severus._ After his outburst she had been too stunned, hurt even, to retaliate. For which she knew was most out of character for her. However what she was more worried about was her friends' reactions to what had happened. It was no secret among the teachers but what she couldn't bear was the pity and smugness she expected to see in their eyes. How hard they must be trying to refrain from saying _'I told you so'_.

As requested, Minerva had kept her distance from Severus. She had not spoken to him in weeks, not even when the need to discuss school matters arose. The whole thing was carefully worded in a letter and was over within two correspondences. Whenever she thought about him she felt a thousand emotions crashing into her body. She missed him; there was no doubt about that. She missed his company, his silent presence when they would retire to her office to mark papers or discuss lesson plans. However the overriding feeling she couldn't shake was anger. Never in her life had someone infuriated her so much. Now as she was able to look back over the last few months she wondered why she had allowed herself to devote so much time to him. He was the kind of person she would normally avoid, one that she would dismiss when he first crossed her. _Why hasn't she done that with Severus_? She chose not to think too much on the matter.

The bell ringing in the hall caused her to jump slightly and she looked up to see her class already packing away their books.

"Homework," she barked, smirking at the collective groan that spread across the room. "Two sheets discussing Balthazar's theory on the transfiguration of objects. To be in on Monday."

She watched them sigh heavily and slowly haul them heavy satchels out of the classroom. You could always tell what time of year it was by the drag in the students' footsteps. They were tired, overwhelmed by homework and new knowledge. Spring usually lessened the pressure but the lingering winter kept the sun and warmer weather at bay. They weren't the only ones that longed for the light nights and summer sun.

Today though there was no promise of sunshine and Minerva cleared away her desk and piled the day's work into her arms.

"Teensy," she said softly. Without a second delay her dutiful house elf appeared with a bright smile. Minerva couldn't help but smile back as she handed the elf her work.

"Teensy is leaving important papers in Miss Neva's living room," she said, bouncing excitedly.

"Thank you Teens," Minerva said, patting her on her head as she headed for the door.

"Teensy bring Miss Neva some dinner?" She asked. Minerva turned back and smiled at her.

"No thank you," she said. "I think it's time I headed back to Great Hall."

Minerva watched Teensy's smile widen. She knew the elf had been worried about her even though she had never uttered a word on the matter. Teensy had done the only thing she could; she made sure everything her mistress wanted done was done to the best of her ability. Minerva had to admit, she had helped.

"Thank you," she said gently. Teensy bowed, her longs ears scraping the floor. She gave Minerva one last smile before vanishing with a loud pop.

Minerva began to head to the Great Hall, her mind wandering as she travelled the corridors. She smiled at the portraits that greeted her and didn't get chance to react quick enough to stop herself from walking into the person that rounded the corner in front of her.

"Watch where you're going dammit!"

Minerva jumped at Severus' loud outburst. She watched his face carefully when his eyes finally focused on her and she knew he was only now realising it was her and not some unfortunate student.

"Hello Severus," she said carefully. His face contorted and she briefly wondered what nasty comment he was biting back.

With a sigh Minerva pushed by him and continued her walk to the Great Hall. She could hear his footsteps behind her and she chanced a quick look over her shoulder at him. See caught the quick dart of his eyes; _had he been watching her?_ At the door to the hall Minerva stopped and turned to look at him. He looked startled.

She wanted to ask him if he had gotten what he wanted. If he was happier under the current circumstances. If he regretted saying those hurtful things to her. She stared into his eyes and there was a hardness there that made her rethink her questions. It was obvious he didn't care. She shook her head, looking down at her feet and turned back to the door. Just as she was about to open it he spoke.

"Minerva..."

She turned to face him slowly, her body tense, mind wary. He was staring at her with such intensity that it made her uncomfortable and she crossed her arms over her chest as she waited for him to speak.

He didn't.

But he continued to stare at her until she threw her arms in the air and gave a frustrated sigh.

"Did you wish to speak with me Professor Snape?" She asked. Severus remained quiet but she watched his look turn dark. "Is this how I should expect our time at this school to remain? Cold stares and silence?"

Severus looked as though he were about to say something but must have thought better of it. He continued to stare at her and Minerva could feel her anger rising.

"You certainly are a piece of work Severus Snape," she said with a snide laugh. "If this is the person you really are then I want nothing to do with you. Let's make things easier for us to work together and forget that we were ever friends; I wouldn't think it too hard for you. I wouldn't be surprised if you already had."

"Don't presume to know me," Severus said in low voice.

"I don't _presume_ anything," she countered with a scoff. "I know for certain that I do not know you."

"This doesn't suit you," he said quietly. Minerva was confused and it took her a moment to respond.

"What doesn't?"

"Trying to hurt people."

"No," she said, narrowing her eyes at him. "That's your talent isn't it?" She stepped closer to him and spoke with a coldness that surprised even herself. "And I experienced firsthand just how good you are at it."

With that she turned on her heel and stormed through the doors to the Great Hall and proceeded toward the high table. By the time she sat down Severus had also made his way toward the table but he chose to sit at the end where there was less chance anyone would talk to him. She gripped the arms of her chair in her annoyance. _Why did she allow him to get to her so much?  
_  
"I'm glad you've joined us today," Albus said. Minerva was violently jolted from her thoughts at the sound of his voice and she looked at him, her eyes wide.

"I'm sorry Albus," she gave him a weak smile. "I was completely in my own world."

"So I could see," he said, returning her smile. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes," she said quickly. She was glad when the food slowly appeared in the bowls in front of them.

With the Headmaster distracted by the delicious food prepared by the house elves Minerva glanced down the table to Severus. He was so hunched over his plate that she wondered if he had fallen asleep. Without warning he suddenly lifted his head and Minerva fought the urge to look away. Their eyes locked for a tense moment until she felt Albus touch her hand.

"You must try the potatoes my dear," he said with a smile. "The elves have really excelled themselves."

Minerva returned his smile and once he had returned to his food she chanced looking back at Severus. She was surprised to see his seat empty and after quickly scanning the rest of the hall surmised that he must have left through the side door.

Suddenly she didn't feel like eating. She made to stand but Pomona, who was sitting beside her, pulled her gently back into her seat. Minerva watched her friend spoon chicken and vegetables onto her plate.

"Talk to me," she said softly as she poured a generous portion of gravy over the food. She nudged the plate toward Minerva.

"What do you wish me to talk of?" Minerva asked, picking up a fork and moving the food around her plate.

"Anything," Pomona said. "You've been so distant lately and we've barely spoken a few words to each other this week. I miss my friend."

Minerva couldn't help but smile at Pomona and she reached a hand over to squeeze Pomona's fingers.

"I'm right here," she said. "But I understand what you're saying."

"Have you made up with Filius?" Pomona asked, eagerly digging into the potatoes Albus had recommended.

"We never fell out," Minerva said, putting down her fork and pushing her plate away.

"That's not how he sees it," Pomona said.

"Filius is feeling guilty, he thinks he is the reason that Professor Snape and I have..." she wasn't sure what to say but Pomona was able to fill in the gaps.

"And was he?"

"Heavens no!" Minerva said. "It was bound to happen sooner or later," she said with a shrug. "I'm surprised our friendship lasted as long as it did."

"I don't know," Pomona said while sucking on her fork in thought. "I think, and I'd like to state for the record that I never thought I'd say this, but I think you were actually good for each other."

"You don't like him," Minerva stated.

"I don't know him," she said, pointing her fork at Minerva knowingly. "I can't justly make a decision on someone I don't know but you, you do know him. And I saw how you got on; I noticed the slight change in him when he was with you. I figured if one of my closest friends could learn to like him then maybe there was something I was missing." She was quiet for a moment and Minerva smiled. When Pomona caught the smile she quickly cleared her throat. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to instantly start liking him."

"Of course not," Minerva laughed. "Why haven't you said this before?"

"I didn't think it was important."

"So why tell me now?"

"Because I think whatever he said, whatever Filius thinks he caused, you should let it go. Forget it. It can't have been that bad," Pomona leaned back in her chair and Minerva could feel her eyes focused on her.

"It's not as easy as that," Minerva sighed. "It's complicated."

"Isn't it always?" Pomona muttered with a smile. "Well I hope you sort it out soon, I've had enough of Filius' despondent sighs in the staffroom."

-x-

"Filius?"

The older wizard looked up from his book and Minerva gave him a kind smile.

"I've been looking for you," she said. "It's almost ten, why are you still in the staffroom?" She took a seat opposite him and crossed one leg over the other.

"I couldn't sleep," Filius said, closing his book and giving a tired smile. "You've been looking for me?"

"I thought we should talk," Minerva said softly.

"About Severus?"

Minerva could see his discomfort. His face showing the guilt he felt. She berated herself for not seeing it before her conversation with Pomona.

"Yes," Minerva said, moving to the chair beside his. "But more importantly, I want to talk about us."

"Us?" Filius asked in confusion.

"I don't blame you for what Severus did," she smiled at him. Filius shook his head.

"Well you should," he said with a sigh. "If I hadn't stuck my nose in... I thought I was pointing out something he already knew. I was trying to give him some advice."

"He hates that," Minerva said with a laugh. Filius smirked.

"Well I know that now," he muttered. "I wanted to say that I was sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Minerva assured him. "This isn't your fault."

"But if I hadn't..."

"Stop it right now," she said sternly. "I won't have you fretting over this. It was bound to happen sooner or later." She looked down at her fingers and she could feel Filius' eyes staring at her.

"You're sad." He stated. Minerva sighed and looked back at him.

"I'm not sure sad is the word I would use," she said. "I'm angry, what he said..."

"What did he say to you?" Filius asked tentatively.

"It doesn't really matter now," she said with a shrug.

"But you're still angry," he stated, giving her a pointed look. She sighed and chewed her bottom lip for a moment before answering.

"Of course I am," she admitted. "I admit that it still bothers me but not enough for me to talk about it." She wasn't sure why she couldn't talk to him about what Severus had said to her but wanted to change the subject quickly. "I came here to clear things with you; this shouldn't affect our friendship."

"I did worry that it might," he said gently.

"You have been a part of my life longer than most people," she said giving him a hard look to make him understand that she really meant what she was saying. "You have helped me through hard times and we have shared the happy ones, there's too much history to let something as trivial as this get in the way. I don't blame you one bit and that's the honest truth."

"Thank you," Filius said squeezing her hand gently. He smiled and Minerva returned it with a wink.

"Now let's talk of happier things," Minerva suggested as she stood from her chair and headed for the door. "Would you care for a nightcap?"

-x-

Minerva awoke to the smell of peppermint and she opened her eyes to find a mug of steaming peppermint tea on her bedside table. She smiled as she sat up and picked up the mug to cup her hands around it. She took a sip and relaxed against her headboard with a content sigh.

Suddenly Teensy appeared at the foot of her bed and Leander walked into the frame on the wall behind her. Minerva smiled at the two of them.

"Good morning," Minerva said with a smile. It soon faded however when she noticed Teensy casting nervous glances at Leander while wringing her hands. "What is it?" She asked, placing her tea on the table.

Teensy whimpered and covered her eyes with her hands. Minerva looked to her Dolor Altor for an explanation. Leander leaned against the frame, brushing his golden hair back from his perfectly carved features. He sighed.

"You have a visitor," he said after a moment.

"Who?" Minerva asked, wanting him to confirm the suspicion causing her stomach to knot.

"It's that ignorant boy..."

Minerva didn't hear the rest of what Leander said as she jumped from her bed, knocking the tea off the table as she did. Teensy ran to clean up spilt liquid and broken mug as Minerva dashed out into her living room.

Severus was waiting by her fire place when she flung the doors open. He slowly turned to look at her, his face unreadable.

"What are you doing here?" She demanded in a curt tone. Severus waited for a moment, his eyes falling across her body before quickly snapping back to her own.

"Perhaps you should cover yourself before we speak?" He said, his eyes now carefully focused on her face.

In her haste Minerva had forgotten to put on her dressing gown. She resisted the urge to look down at herself; she knew what she'd find. During the night she woke up in a sweat and in the attempt to get back to sleep had decided to take off the trousers to her thick winter pyjama set. Neglecting to remember her dressing gown left her in her pyjama top which she was grateful was long enough to allow her to keep her modesty.

"These are my private living quarters, I was not expecting visitors to arrive unannounced. I will wear what I please." She did not want to give him the satisfaction of leaving to fetch her gown. "How did you get in here?"

"I chanced coming by floo," he said. He must have caught the anger Minerva felt building inside her because he shrugged. "You should change your protective spells more often if you do not want visitors."

"Most visitors would never disarm my enchantments without my permission," she said coldly.

"You would never give it to me," he stated. Minerva gave a wry laugh.

"I wonder why that is?"

"I think I made a mistake," he said suddenly. It took Minerva a moment to really understand what he'd said and from the annoyed look on Severus' face she guessed that he had not actually meant to say it.

"Go on," she said after a long pause.

"I may have said some things to you that I shouldn't of," he said quietly. Minerva nodded in encouragement and gave him a slight smile.

"Are you apologising?"

"No," he said quickly. Minerva frowned and before she could ask him to explain his meaning he continued. "I just thought you should know that I should never have said it."

"Are you telling me..." she took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand, "are you saying that while you still stand by what you said, your only regret is that you said it out loud?"

"Yes," Severus answered, quickly continuing when Minerva started to walk away. "Well, I stand by some of what I said."

Minerva couldn't believe what she was hearing. What she thought might have been an apology was quickly turning into another argument.

"Well I think that if you _think_ something you should say it. Keeping it to yourself is rude and disrespectful!" She said crossly.

"But isn't that what everyone does?" Severus asked with a scowl. Minerva watched his body grow tense, his hands tightening in fists. "Think one thing but say the opposite?"

"Friends tell each other the truth," Minerva said furiously. "Especially if one of you is resentful of the relationship! You can't pretend to like someone and allow them to think they've found someone who understands them... it's cruel Severus." She felt her throat tighten but she refused to allow it to show. "I prefer the truth, even if it hurts."

"I wanted to hurt you that day," Severus admitted. Minerva stared at him and she felt her eyes welling up. She crossed her arms over her body and hugged herself tightly.

"Why?" She waited a moment for him to respond, he looked uncomfortable and hesitant; she couldn't remember if she'd ever seen him like this.

"Because it made me feel like the person I used to be." He was looking at the ground and Minerva wondered if he found it difficult to look at her. _Was he ashamed? _She wasn't in the mood to find out. He had just admitted that he wanted to hurt her and she found that even after everything else he had said, this is what hurt the most.

"Well congratulations," she said with a shaky voice. "You succeeded." She quickly turned and marched back toward her bedroom, she was finished.

"It wasn't what I remembered," Severus called to her. She stopped at her door and looked over her shoulder at him.

"It never is," she said softly.

"It's your fault, you changed me!" He bit back following her to where she stood. She turned to look at him fully and pushed him away.

"While I possess the ability to change your appearance I do not have the ability to change the foundations of your personality." She pushed him again, edging him toward the fireplace. She wanted him out of her room; she just wanted him to go away. "This is your own doing. Do not blame me for your freedom to think and do as you please."

They were standing by the fireplace, their hostility showing in their bodies. Minerva wanted him to respond to what she had just said but the look of confusion on his face didn't give her much hope. She wanted him to see that change, while sometimes frightening, was a good thing. She wanted him to see that it made him a better person. _Why couldn't he see the good it had done?_

Severus sighed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I have to go." He said finally.

Minerva felt her stomach sink.

"Do," she said softly. She watched him step into the fireplace and take a hand full of floo powder. "Severus?" His eyes found hers and Minerva felt the tears she had been holding back begin to fall. "Please don't come back."

The look on Severus' face was one of resentment but she was sure she had seen something else just before the mask fell into place. _Could it have been regret? _She watched him leave and hoped it might have been.

* * *

**Well there it is, it turned out a bit sadder than I meant it to be but I hope you still enjoyed it! Please remember to let me know what you thought, your support and feedback mean the world to me. Thank you everyone xxx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Evening everyone!**

**I'm on a roll. Months of not being able to write is obviously working for me because now I can't stop lol. So here's the next chapter and I hope you enjoy this one too. I've already got a draft version of the next chapter written but it needs a bit of work. Hope to have it out sometime next week if all goes to plan. **

**Once again, thank you to everyone that has reviewed this story. Your comments and kindness really mean the world to me. So thank you to everyone.**

**I hope you enjoy what you're about to read and I hope you have all had a very splendid weekend.**

**Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 28

Severus stormed out of the fireplace and strode toward his bedroom. He slammed his door shut and sat on his bed, his head falling into his hands. He was feeling too many things at once, his chest was tight.

"Severus?"

"Not now Sir John," he said, looking up at his Dolor Altor.

"I take it, it did not go well?" He asked gently.

"She..." Severus took a deep breath, for some reason he felt like he couldn't catch it. It was as if he'd been running.

"Are you alright?" Sir John asked his voice full of concern. Severus growled and stood up from his bed

"I'm fine," he barked. He placed his hand on his chest and forced himself to breathe calmly. He focused on the heavy in and out of his lungs and stared at the floor. "She asked me never to go back," he said finally. He looked up at Sir John who was looking at him sympathetically.

"Isn't that what you wanted?" He asked. "It's all you've been ranting about for the last few weeks."

"Yes but I..." Severus paused. _He what?_ He admitted that he was surprised by Minerva's cold reaction to him; he had imagined she would easily forgive him as she had done in the past. He couldn't have been more wrong.

"Let me guess," Sir John said, shaking his head. "You were only happy when it was you that was doing the pushing away, now that she's shown you that she prefers it that way, you regret it."

"I don't regret it," Severus snapped. "And I told her so."

"And here you are wondering why she no longer wants anything to do with you," Sir John sighed.

"I told her I made a mistake, what more does she want from me?" Severus paced his room.

"Have you tried an apology?"

"What do I have to apologise for?" Severus asked angrily. "I told her the truth, if she didn't like what I had to say then that's her problem." He crossed his arms over his chest and glared up at Sir John.

"What you said to her was not the truth," Sir John said.

"She's changed me...!"

"Yes yes, I know, she's changed you against your will." Sir John said with a roll of his eyes. Severus watched the old man sit down heavily in an old arm chair. "But a person cannot change unless they want to. You must have wanted it Severus or else we wouldn't be here having this conversation, would we?"

"I don't know who I am anymore," Severus admitted, sinking down onto his bed again. He felt tired, defeated.

"That's not her fault," Sir John said, resting his chin on his hand and leaning against the arm of the chair.

"Why must you always take her side?" Severus asked in frustration although he was not angry.

"I may be dead but she's still family," he said with a smile. Severus shook his head.

"Yes well, you protect my quarters; you should be taking my side." As soon as he said it he regretted it, he knew how petulant he sounded. The last thing he wanted was Sir John talking to him as if he were a child. "The point is..."

"I understand your point Severus," Sir John interrupted with a slight smile that Severus couldn't read the meaning of. "Did you honestly mean what you said to her?"

"Yes," he said, his stomach tightening. "But not all of it," he added quietly.

"Then let's say that you had the chance to change it, to take back what you said," Sir John said softly. "What would you do?"

Severus frowned, he was confused.

"Are you talking about removing the memory?" He would be surprised if that was what the older man was talking of but at the same time, it wasn't a bad suggestion.

"Heavens no!" Sir John looked aghast. "To obliviate someone goes against nature. The very thought makes my paint boil."

Severus scoffed. "Then what is it you are suggesting?"

"Talk to her," Sir John said with a frustrated sigh.

"How? She asked me to leave her alone."

"You've never done what she wished of you before, why start now?" Sir John said with a smile. Severus scowled at him but he did have a point.

"And what do I say to her?" He asked.

"Well that's up to you," Sir John said, standing up from his chair. "Just make sure it comes from your heart," he added as he pulled a pipe from his pocket and began to pack it with tobacco. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an exploding snap game to get to."

Severus watched his Dolor Altor walk out of the portrait and he shook his head. Whenever he spoke to Sir John he was never sure how sound his advice was. Would Minerva allow him to speak even if he somehow managed to get her alone? And even after he did manage to do it, what would he say to her? The idea to erase her memory filtered his mind again and the more he thought on it, the more tempting it was. But he knew he'd never do it. He couldn't do that to Minerva.

He had hoped that Minerva would have approached him. He had expected her to be at his quarters the next morning, fuming and berating him for his behaviour. She hadn't of course. He wondered if she would come the next day; she didn't. He knew he had hurt her when she stopped coming to the hall for meal times. She would instead make excuses to eat in her own quarters and he wasn't the only one that had noticed the changes in her. From the conversations he overheard at the staff table everyone had noticed. And from the cold looks he received from one or two of them, he assumed they had guessed the reason.

Severus soon found himself alone again. Only Filius made any effort with him and Severus wondered if the only reason was their continuing tutor sessions with the Slytherins. He wanted to think the older wizard would stay away like Minerva had but he knew the truth. He knew that the infuriating man was too forgiving for that. He was too kind, too loyal.

Severus sighed and leaned back against his headboard. _Wasn't this what he wanted?_ He wanted to be alone, he wanted to be his old self, he wanted to be hated. _Didn't he?_ His stomach churned and he was filled with a sense of worry as a familiar longing returned to him. His longing to fit in. He closed his eyes and tried to push the feeling away but he couldn't. Only a year ago he would have forgotten his emotions in an instant, people would come and go from his life and he could shrug it off. They never left a mark on him. But she had. He had begun to realise that he hadn't felt the need to fit in with the rest of his colleagues in the last few months because he knew he didn't need to. He had Minerva; she was his friend and he... had he been happy? Was that happiness? Had it really been that long since he'd felt the emotion that he couldn't recognise it when he was experiencing it?

He abruptly pushed himself off the bed and strode out into his living room. His eyes fell on the cauldron sitting on his desk and he made his way over to it. Thoughts of Minerva and the mistakes he'd made in his miserable life still cluttered his mind. He pulled a text book from his bookshelf and picked a potion at random. To rid himself of his worries he fell back on a reliable hobby from his years as a student and began to examine the potion instructions in front of him.

-x-

Severus had been working on improving a potion that when used correctly, could burn through even the strongest of metals. It was a volatile potion that could have disastrous effects on the people using it. It was a liquid as fluid as water and even the smallest drop could lead to a serious accident. Severus' idea was to create a thicker liquid, one that would do the same thing but slower, allowing easier and safer application. His new ingredient was rosmarinic acid, a herbal component that he hoped would give the potion a slower reaction time when mixed with magic. He had carefully placed the acid into a vial and planned to add it drop at a time to the other ingredients already brewing in the cauldron.

Just as he was about to let the first drop drip into the cauldron a knock at the door startled him. In his surprise, he accidentally dropped the vial he was holding into the cauldron. The liquid turned a sickly green and Severus grimaced at the foul sour odour that reached his nose. He covered his face and just as he was about to banish the liquid it exploded.

When Severus came to he found he was laid on the ground, his head spinning and his eyes sore. He quickly closed his eyes and the soreness lessened somewhat. There was a loud crash from somewhere in the room and he tried to sit up.

"Don't move Severus."

He wasn't sure but he could have sworn the voice belonged to Filius. He tried to open his eyes again but his vision was blurred. He couldn't see who was holding him down. He grew worried; _what happened to him?_

"Get Poppy."

The voice came again and this time Severus was sure it was Filius. He tried to tell him that he didn't want that unendurable woman fussing over him but when he opened his mouth all he felt was a sticky bubble pour from his mouth. It tasted like iron and he winced.

"Get that cloth," Filius was saying. "Don't try to talk." Severus felt the dry fabric on his mouth and he tried to shake Filius' hands away.

"Would you keep still?!"

It was a different voice. Severus froze and slowly opened his eyes. There was a blur of dark hair and pale skin. He blinked a few times trying to clear his sight.

"Min..." He coughed, unable to ask his question. _Could it be her?_

"Please, for once will you just do as you're told and stop talking?" Her voice was harsh but Severus could hear the shakiness it held.

"Poppy is coming," Filius said.

"Filius..." Minerva paused.

Severus watched her blurry outline move slightly as if she was looking at someone standing above them.

"I know," Filius said, "he'll be alright."

"How could you be so stupid?!" Minerva had turned back to Severus and he felt her lean into him. "What on earth where you doing down here?"

He could hear her talking but the blurred outline of her face was becoming harder to make out. He blinked and found it difficult to open his eyes again. He was so tired.

"Severus?"

He managed to slowly force his eyes open again. He could feel Minerva's hands cradling his head as she spoke to him.

"Severus, look at me," she said. He watched the shape he assumed was her move over him. "Severus..?"

He tried to speak but instead he coughed violently. The shape above him flinched backwards but she didn't move away or remove her hands from his face.

"Poppy is on her way." He heard her say, her fingers now caressing his jaw. "I'm far too angry at you Severus Snape to let it end like this!"

Her words were cold but he could hear the tenderness in her voice. He could feel her kindness in her fingers and the warmth from her eyes even thought he couldn't see them. He knew her, he knew how she was feeling, knew that inside she was berating herself for their argument this morning, blaming herself for what had happened to him. He felt a sudden desire to tell her he was sorry, it was an overwhelming feeling that he'd only ever felt once in his life. The little girl he loved, those brilliant green eyes staring at him... it's was happening all over again. He was losing her again except this time, it was him that was leaving and it was Minerva he was leaving behind. With a burst of energy he reached his hand up to clasp her fingers and he squeezed them tightly.

"Severus..." her voice shook and he squeezed her hand again, tighter this time. She had to know. "Severus..."

His eyes grew heavy again, his mind blanking and his body relaxing. He couldn't feel Minerva's hands on his face anymore as he drifted into sleep. Just before he gave into it he felt her squeeze his fingers.

-x-

The first thing Severus was aware was the eerie silence around him. He slowly opened his eyes and looked around. His vision was still slightly blurred but it was good enough to pick out the details. He was happy, although perhaps not as happy as one should be, to discover that he was still alive. The quiet room was a hospital room and from the logo on the large blue bottle hovering beside him feeding him some kind of liquid through the needle in his arm, he deduced he was at St Mungos. The upside to this meant he was being looked after by competent Medi-staff and not that infernal Pomfrey.

He rubbed his hands across his face and quickly pulled them away. They were covered in bandages leaving only the tips of his fingers visible. _What happened to him?_

Severus struggled to sit up and when he had he noticed someone sitting beside him. He scowled at her.

"It's not pretty," Minerva said, holding a cup with a straw in it to his mouth. He drew a quick sip, his scowl deepening. This was humiliating.

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He tried again, silence. He looked at Minerva in panic and she touched his arm.

"Your voice is fine," she assured him. "But they had to disable it while they're treating you. I think some of the medication can damage your voice box if it's not properly taken of. I dare say they have it lucky. Heaven knows what profanities you would be shouting now."

Severus had so many things he'd like to say in response but he couldn't. He'd never felt so helpless in his life.

"I think I prefer you like this," she continued. Severus scowled at her again but it wasn't giving the right impact without a snide comment to go with it. He watched Minerva smile and he paused a moment. It was a full smile, a joyous smile and he hadn't seen that in a long time. On impulse he reached a bandaged hand out to her and hoped she would take it. She stared at it for a moment and slowly touched his fingers with hers. Severus watched her smile fade and she quickly moved her hand away.

"I'm still too hurt to forget what you said," she whispered. "I'm sorry..." Her voice broke and Severus heard her sniffle. Was she crying?

"I opened up to you Severus, I confided in you, I allowed myself to let you into my heart and it's not something I do lightly. I have given you a part of me and you threw it all back at me. You didn't care."

Severus tried to sit up further, if he couldn't speak he had show her what he wanted her to know. Minerva kept talking.

"And then yesterday, I thought you came to apologise. Do you have any idea how it made me feel to hear that you didn't regret what you'd said?"

Severus nodded and clasped one of her hands between both his bandaged ones.

"Do you?" She asked, unbelievingly. "Because if you had then you should have apologised."

_He wanted to._

"Then again you'd never say sorry would you?" She said with a slight smirk. "Just do it in your own way. Explain to me what you meant; tell me what was going on in your mind. Help me understand you."

Severus felt her hand slipping from his and he quickly tightened his hold on her. He brought her hand to his chest and placed her palm over his heart. He hoped his apology was in his eyes but he knew it probably wasn't. In a final attempt he to get the message across he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed the inside of her wrist. He held her hand for a moment longer before allowing her to pull away.

"I'm not sure what you're trying to tell me," she said softly. "I don't want to jump to conclusions. But it's a start."

Severus watched her stand and she patted his shoulder.

"This isn't going to be easy," she said. "And don't think it will ever be forgotten. We just have to find a way to move passed it."

Severus nodded, his only form of positive communication. Who would have thought it would be so hard?

"They will let you out in two days," she said. Severus pointed to her and she shook her head, understanding his question. "Filius and Poppy will come for you," she said.

Severus scowled at the mention of Pomfrey and Minerva smirked.

"They offered to come get you," she said. Severus glanced down at the floor. _Was he feeling disappointment that she wasn't coming to take him home_? "I'm overseeing the seventh year mock exams," she said after a moment.

Severus glanced up at her and shrugged. Minerva shook her head and he watched her head for the door.

"I'll see you in two days," she said as she slipped out of the room.

Severus stared after her. _Two days? She wasn't coming back?_

Of course she wouldn't be coming back, why would she after what he'd put her through? He scowled at his inner thoughts but he knew it was right. Minerva had given him more than anyone had in his adult life. He just didn't know what to do with it.

He shuffled down into his bed and stared at his bandaged hands as he thought. When he returned to Hogwarts he had wanted to change, he didn't want to be part of the Death Eaters anymore. He wanted to be the man that Lily had always told him he could be. After going the opposite way and trying to prove himself with power he had returned to Dumbledore and pledged his allegiance. _But after Lily died hadn't it all become pointless? _Perhaps it might have been if Minerva had not pushed her way into his life.

Lily had always told him she wished better for him, wished he would allow himself to be a better person but it was Minerva that had given him the ability to do it. He knew he could never be the 'Potters' of the world but if he could change enough to allow one person in then surely that was enough? He wished he could speak to Lily, she always knew what to say and it had been so long since he had heard her voice...

Somewhere deep in his stomach there was a heavy weight and he looked toward the door wishing Minerva would come back through it. He could hear Lily's voice in his mind telling him he should be kinder, he could hear Sir John's words of wisdom and Filius' calm voice telling him things he should already have figured out. The words that had led to him to cause the one person that had befriended him for no other reason than to enjoy his company, so much hurt.

He was beginning to feel drowsy and he was glad of it. He had had enough of thinking, enough of analysing his actions, of listing all the things he had ruined. It was who he was, it was what he did. But there was room to change, to change just enough for Lily... and for Minerva.

* * *

**Tada! A slightly happier ending? I hope you thought so.**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and please remember to let me know what you though. Till next beautiful readers xxx**


	29. Chapter 29

**Evening everyone,**

**So here is chapter 29. I must admit I'm finding these next few chapters difficult to write, they're not flowing as smoothly as the others have and I fear that this can be really seen in this one. So I apologise in advance that this chapter is far from my best. The next chapter, I hope will be better, and I must say that I have started to write it and already it feels much better than this one ever did. **

**Anyway, I still hope that you enjoy it. I'm sorry that I haven't had time to reply to your reviews and messages on here, last week was very busy at work as we had a new show opening. But I just wanted to do a quick THANK YOU to everyone that reviewed or sent me PMs and to those that have added me to alerts and favourites. I really do appreciate it and I am enternally grateful to you all, thank you so much for reading my fics. You inspire me to continue writing, even when I have to take breaks and you just make me happy. Thank you!**

**Enjoy everyone and I hope you have an excellent week ahead of you.**

**Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 29

Minerva had arranged to meet Lydia for dinner at seven in Hogsmeade. She looked at her time piece and was irked that she fifteen minutes to get there. Filius was late, which was going to make her late, and if there was one thing she couldn't abide it was being late. He had promised a report on Severus' well being at six o'clock and the longer she was waiting the more concerned she grew. Was Severus not as well as she had assumed when she left his room yesterday? She glanced back at her time piece. Two minutes had passed and he still wasn't here.

Minerva began to pace and she could feel Leander's golden animal eyes following her back and forth from where he lounged under a tree in his painting. She shot him a look that told him to keep quiet and she watched him roll onto his back and close his eyes. He looked as if he didn't care, as if he didn't have anything he wanted to say. But she knew the truth. She walked away from him and sat in the arm chair by the fire.

Suddenly the fireplace lit up with green flames and Minerva gave a relieved sigh when she watched Filius step out.

"You've changed your wards," he said with a frown. Minerva paused for a moment before she caught onto what he was getting at.

"Yes," she said distractedly.

"It made it difficult for me to get through," he said, making himself comfortable on her sofa.

"I forgot to tell you," she said with a wave of her hand. "How is he?"

"Fine," Filius said. "Causing quite a stir over there. He made a young nurse cry twice today."

Minerva frowned at him. "But he can't speak."

"Doesn't stop the looks," Filius said with a smile. "I think they want rid of him almost as much as he wants to get out."

"Not surprising," Minerva said. "But he's really doing ok?"

"He's fine," Filius said looking at her. "They have their best healers working on him. His hands are almost back to normal."

"Good," Minerva said, slipping into her outer robes. "Is there anything I need to know?" She asked, checking her time piece again. She had five minutes.

"Why don't you go visit him again?" He asked. "It would save you quizzing Poppy and I when we return from visiting him."

"Don't start Filius," she said, marching back to her fireplace. "I have to leave."

"Where are you going?" Filius asked, now looking very comfortable on her sofa.

"Dinner with my sister," she answered stepping into the fire. "Leander will see you out," she said with a smile.

"Say hello to Lydia for me," Filius said, returning her smile.

Minerva travelled to the Hogs Head and found the place just as empty as it usually was. There were two men slumped against the bar and one asleep in a chair close to the fire. Minerva shook her head and carefully stepped around the one closest to her. There was no sign of Aberforth.

"Evening Aberforth," she called loudly as she made her way to the door. There was a loud grumble from somewhere behind the bar that sounded like 'evening' and she recognised it to be Abe's.

Once outside she quickly ran over to The Three Broomsticks and stepped inside just as it turned seven. She smiled and made her way through the busy bar toward the back where she had reserved a room for her and Lydia.

Lydia was already there as Minerva had expected. She had ordered the drinks and it looked as though she had ordered the food too as she was setting up the table.

"There are people to do that for you," Minerva said. Lydia turned with surprised eyes which quickly turned to happy ones.

"Oh Neva!" Lydia smiled and made her over to her. Minerva pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek.

"How are you?" She asked. Lydia smiled and continued to set up the table.

"Just fine," she said. "I'm just so happy to finally see you, it really has been too long. That school is working you too hard."

"I enjoy my work Lydia," Minerva said with a roll of her eyes. It was the age old conversation that they always had.

"I know you do," she said, lining up the knives and forks neatly. "I just think you should take more time to yourself. You're not as young as you once were."

"And yet I'm as young as I'll ever be again," Minerva countered with a smirk. Lydia shook her head and laughed.

"I can't ever win with you can I?"

"What are we having?" Minerva asked, sitting down at the table and taking a sip of her gillywater.

"I ordered the stew," Lydia said, sitting opposite her. "I know you probably haven't eaten since your breakfast, so I thought something heavy would be a suitable option."

"You know me too well," Minerva laughed.

"So tell me all the things you didn't put in your letters," Lydia said.

"Like what?" Minerva asked with a frown.

Lydia opened her mouth to say something but stopped when Madam Rosmerta walked in the room with their food. Minerva smiled at her.

"Rosmerta, how lovely to see you," Minerva smiled.

"Alright Minerva?" Rosmerta asked as she placed their food on their table. "I wanted to bring the food in myself so I could say hello. It's been a while since I've seen you both here."

"Minerva's been busy," Lydia said.

"With the new teacher I suspect," Rosmerta said looking at Lydia. Minerva watched the two of them with a frown.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked.

"Rosmerta hears everything my dear; you should know that by now." Rosmerta gave her a wink. "A few customers have said that..."

"And by customers I assume you mean Hagrid and Rolanda," Minerva said, knowing they were the only two teachers that visited the pub regularly.

"My lips are sealed," Rosmerta said. "Anyway it sounds to me as though he's been keeping you very busy so you deserve a night out with your sister. Enjoy." She smiled and patted Minerva gently on her shoulder as she left the room. Minerva looked at Lydia who raised her eyebrows.

"You seem upset," she said.

"I really do hate gossip. That's how trouble starts," Minerva said, picking up her spoon and trying her stew. "And I'm not upset," she added.

"Are you sure?" Lydia asked, tucking into her own food.

"Yes."

"Because you seem upset," she pushed on.

"Will you drop it?" Minerva gave her a stern look and Lydia shrugged.

"I just hope you're not getting too attached," she said.

"There's no attachment," Minerva said in a clipped tone.

"Good," Lydia continued. "Because you know, he's not that much younger than Logan."

"I'm very aware of that," Minerva said, putting her fork down and pushing her plate away. She was getting indigestion but she had an inkling that it wasn't the food that was the cause.

"And it would be entirely inappropriate to begin a sexual relationship with him," Lydia said. Minerva just stared at her for a moment.

"I beg your pardon?"

"You heard me," Lydia said looking at her crossly. "Our mother would gravely disapprove."

"Our mother has been dead for years," Minerva said and she noticed a frown crease Lydia's eyes. "And even when she was alive you know full well I never sought her approval."

Lydia seemed to come out of whatever had confused her and she leaned toward Minerva. "You've always done what you thought was right, would it honestly hurt to follow our mothers advice just once in your life?"

"How well did it work out for you?" Minerva asked in a cold voice. "You married the man she wanted you to marry, tell me, how did that work out?" Lydia looked angry.

"Well you did the complete opposite didn't you? You married someone of your own choosing and look how that worked out for you." Lydia jumped up from her chair. "It left you a widow and childless, whose fault was that?!"

Minerva cast her eyes into her bowl of stew while Lydia's words hung in the air. After a moment, she swallowed the anger that was building inside her and slowly stood up from her chair.

"Thank you for dinner Lydia," Minerva said in a calm voice that she found difficult to believe was her own. "I have to go now."

"Please Neva," Lydia voice cracked and she began to cry. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that. I was just so angry."

Minerva walked to the door and turned to look at her sister.

"I'm angry too Lydia," she said. "I've spent half my life being angry and the only thing, the only person that can make me see past that, is Severus. We have our differences and yes, we argue, hurt each other even but he never expects me to be anything other than the damaged human being that I am. I wish, that after everything you and I have been through, I could say that about you."

She watched the tears still streaming down Lydia's cheeks and Minerva was suddenly reminded of a time that felt not so long ago when she had seen that exact same face. A time when she had left her alone, left her crying without a backwards glance; not because she didn't care, but because she couldn't tolerate seeing it.

Minerva smiled sadly at Lydia and instead of leaving she walked quickly toward her younger sister and hugged her as she always wished she had done that day. Lydia clung to her.

"I'm so sorry Lydia," Minerva said, stroking her hair and kissing her cheek. "We haven't argued like that in some time," she said with a chuckle. She looked down at Lydia who was smiling.

"Let's not make it a habit," she said. "I'm sorry Minerva, I'm sorry for what I said. You have every right to do as you please and I should really learn to keep my nose out." She pulled away from Minerva and used her handkerchief to wipe away her tears. "If your relationship with that young man was to develop into..."

"It's not going to," Minerva said quickly. "To be honest we haven't been on good terms lately. I just miss his company."

"A good talker?" Lydia asked.

"Heavens no," she laughed. "Not a good talker, not even the best of listeners. He just makes me feel relaxed."

"I hope you're feeling just as relaxed now," Lydia said. Minerva immediately felt guilty for what she had said and she brushed a hand over her sisters cheek. "Will you stay a little longer?"

"I wish I could," Minerva said with a smile. "But I really should go. Final year mock exams begin tomorrow, I still have some preparation to do."

"I understand," she said dejectedly. Minerva felt the same tightening in her chest, the familiar guilt she felt whenever she took her baby sister back to their family home after a visit.

"Next week," Minerva said as she gathered her belongings. "Pete has invited me to a recital in London, would you like to join us?"

"Oh yes," Lydia said, brightening up considerably. "I'd like that very much."

Minerva smiled and headed for the door. "I'll meet you at King's Cross Station at 6.30 on Wednesday." Minerva turned to see Lydia playing with the collar of her dress; something she did when she was nervous. Minerva frowned. "What is it?"

"Nothing," she said with a smile, clasping her hands behind her back. "Would you mind writing to me that morning, just to remind me?"

Minerva watched her sister carefully. One thing they had always shared in common was their attention to detail, their punctuality and their uncanny ability to retain information. She remembered a conversation with Logan some months back, he had expressed his concern over Lydia's behaviour. _Was this the sort of thing he had been referring to?_

"Of course I can," Minerva said. "Will you be alright getting home to tonight?" Lydia laughed.

"My memory might not be as good as it once was but I can remember how to use the portkey to my front door."

Minerva laughed, "Alright, alright," she said. They hugged one last time and Minerva tapped the end of Lydia's nose and she chuckled. "See you soon."

"Bye Neva," Lydia said.

-x-

The next morning Minerva had woken early to prepare for the mock exams. Once breakfast had finished in the Great Hall, she, along with a few of the other teachers, set to work on setting up the room for the students. The exams were to see where the seventh year students were at in their studies and it was a good opportunity for the teachers to see where they needed help in time for the real exams before the end of the school year. She was fairly confident of this year's Transfiguration group but she would still continue to work with them thoroughly despite what the outcome of the exams were.

Minerva and the other teachers supervised the students throughout their exams and after two hours their time was up. Minerva asked the students to leave the hall and she watched the other teachers walk them out. She nodded her thanks to them and they exited the hall too. After the last student left the hall Minerva gathered the exam papers with a wave of her wand and waited until the last one landed neatly on top of the pile she was holding in her arms. She banished the tables and chairs and summoned the usual long tables reading for dinner later in the day. She was about to leave when she noticed Severus hovering by the doors. She took a deep breath and slowly walked toward him.

In her busy day she had almost forgotten that he was due to come back to Hogwarts. She hadn't seen Filius or Poppy since the previous day so no one had confirmed when he would be returning. He looked much better than he had in the hospital and at that thought, she couldn't help but think of what she'd said to him that day. She grew worried that now he had his voice back, he might respond to some of her remarks. She felt uneasy. _Would he tell her to go away? Would he once again ask her to leave him alone? _She thought for a moment and realised that it was she that had been the last to ask him to leave her alone. She was glad that he had chosen to ignore her.

"How are you?" She asked gently. Severus shrugged and held his hands out in front for her to see.

"Good as new," he said. "They were able to reverse the damage, which I suppose is good news."

"Excellent, I'd say," she said. There was a moment of silence and Minerva felt as though they had been transported back to those few weeks when they had first met.

"I'm not like most people," he said abruptly. Minerva frowned.

"I don't want you to be," she said.

"I won't change into someone you want me to be," he continued.

"And I wouldn't want you to," she said.

"But I have realised that... spending time with you... I'm still the same person I was..." he sighed. "I think I've learned to accept more graciously, I've learned how to allow someone to get close enough to understand what I really mean behind the snide remarks. At least I hope I have..." he drifted off and when his eyes reached hers, Minerva could see the question he was asking.

_Was he forgiven?_

"I think I mistook these new... feelings to mean that I had changed and I blamed you because... because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time." He paused and rubbed his chin as if thinking how best to word what he was thinking. "When I said that I meant most if what I said, I didn't mean the things I said to you."

Minerva just stared at him, a lump building in her throat. She never thought she would hear this from him. She thought back to the man she had met all those months ago and marvelled at him. _Was he finally seeing the man he had become?_

"I still think you're a bull headed Gryffindor though," he added with a scowl. Minerva laughed heartily and put her papers on the table beside her. She walked toward him and carefully slipped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. She was surprised when he wrapped his own arms around her waist and held her tightly, bowing his head into her neck.

Reluctantly Minerva pulled away and picked up her papers. She looked back at him and caught him watching her intently. He looked away quickly and indicated to the door for her walk out first. As she passed him she stopped and gave him a hard look.

"Severus?" She waited until he looked at her again and before she could warn him against hurting her again he interrupted her.

"I won't," he whispered. He must have seen the surprise on her face because he smirked. "I promise."

* * *

**Thank you so much for reading. If you can spare a minute to let me know what you thought I'd really appreciate it xxx**


	30. Chapter 30

**Evening folks!**

**I just wanted to post this chapter before I go to bed. It's a lot shorter than my usual updates but I felt that this piece nicely rounds off this section of their lives and it didn't really fit with what I want to do next. So here's the next update, I hope you like it and I promise to have the next chapter up as soon as I can. Here's a teaser – **_**Lydia reveals something to Severus that Minerva doesn't know...**_** [insert dramatic music here]**

**Anyway, remember to let me know what you thought. And as always, I'm eternally grateful for everyone that has reviewed and added me to favourites and alerts. You're supportive feedback on the last chapter really gave my confidence a boost and I'm really feeling energised to keep writing... but I have to go to bed. Busy work week ***_**sigh***_

**Enjoy!**

**Lillibet x**

* * *

Chapter 30

The road to recovery was slower than he would have liked. Severus stood in the hospital ward with Madam Pomfrey while he flexed and relaxed his hands. The Matron was making copious notes on her clipboard and he assumed she couldn't see the look he was giving her.

"I know a few spells that will keep your face that way," she said with a tut.

"That must be why you always look like that then," he countered.

Madam Pomfrey looked up from her clipboard and gave him a look he'd seen many times in his reckless days as a student. The look that told him he was being irresponsible and to leave experimenting with new potions to people with the credentials.

"I see you haven't picked up better manners since you were a student," she said, folding her arms, the clipboard hanging under her right elbow.

"Are we done?" He snapped, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"How has your respiratory system been? Any trouble breathing? Any pain?" She returned to her clipboard.

"No to all the above," he said in a bored manner. "And those three questions could have all been covered with the first one. You've just added seconds to our time here."

"And you've just added minutes with that rant," she said turning her back on him. "St Mungos have asked for a blood sample so would you roll up your sleeve?"

He scowled and debated saying no to her. After deciding it would only prolong this charade he reluctantly did as she asked.

"How do I know you're not going to dip the needle point in poison?" He asked as he watched her prepare the needle. "You could be working for the enemy."

"Has anyone ever told you you're paranoid?" Madam Pomfrey located a vein and carefully slipped the needle into his skin.

"Yes," Severus replied. "Has anyone ever told you you're overly fussy?"

"Yes," she said, giving him a hard stern. "And then they usually thank me for taking care of them."

"Well you've just prodded me with sticks and stolen my blood, is that something I should be thankful for?" He asked and the Matron pulled the needle from his arm and pressed a cotton ball on the puncture with a little bit more force than necessary.

"You can leave now," she said in a clipped tone. Severus glared at her but quickly jumped down from the hospital bed and escaped before she could call him back.

Severus made his way to the Great Hall and he stopped at the doors to look up at the high table. Albus was already in his seat, his morning tea cupped in his hands. His eyes were cast up at the ceiling which reflected the promise of good weather. It was in these moments when Severus wondered what was going through the Headmaster's mind. Was he mulling over plans to get the older Slytherin's to tell him what their future plans were or was he merely trying to decide on whether he should have porridge with fruit or honey? Severus still felt rather prickly about Albus' plaintive use of him but as the days passed he was becoming more accepting. It was after all what he had been brought in to do and once Severus committed to doing something, he would see it through to the end, regardless of how he felt about it.

As he began to walk toward the table, a few of the first year Slytherin's that he'd seen in his tutor sessions last week walked by him.

"Glad to see you're feeling better Professor," one of the boys said as they made their way to their table.

Severus nodded at them but made no effort to reply. The Slytherin's were becoming more vocal with him, they greeted him whenever he walked by and regularly came to sit in his classroom to do homework away from the rest of the school. He wasn't really sure how he felt about it. Filius had enthused about his passion at seeing a child progress through the school and turn into an adult. He promised him he would feel it one day too. But all Severus really felt was that his students were now taking up more and more of his own time. That, he wasn't so fond of.

Just as he reached the high table he looked toward the doors to see Minerva marching his way. He hovered by the chair at the end of the table that he had inhabited since he and Minerva had fallen out. He wondered if she would object to him taking up his former seat by her side.

He watched Minerva stop by the Gryffindor table and speak to a group of sixth years. One of them, a girl Severus recognised as dropping out of his Potions class recently, turned bright red and glanced at him. Severus glared at her. Minerva, unaware of the exchange, walked away and continued toward him. He wasn't sure but he could have sworn that she was trying to hold back a smile.

"Why do you look like that?" He asked unkindly, immediately regretting it. Minerva looked at him with innocent eyes as she stepped around him.

"Like what?" She asked, over her shoulder.

"Like you know something," he shot back.

"Oh Severus," she smiled. "What I know that you don't would stun a herd of hippogriff." Severus walked after her and sat down beside her before he realised what he'd done. Without giving it much thought he spoke to her.

"Your Gryffindor," he said. "The one too weak to keep up her lessons with me..."

"Her name is Katie Davis," she said, helping herself to a small bowl of porridge and honey. "You should remember that name, because she'll be returning to your class this afternoon."

"Why?" He asked. "I held no objection to her quitting because her performance was poor, her potions were never as good as her peers."

"But her coursework is excellent," Minerva said, turning to look at him. "You even said so in her report."

"But if she can't do the potion work..."

"But she can," Minerva interrupted him with a smile. "In her mock exam I had her try three potions and I received the results this morning."

"And?"

"They were good," Minerva said. "Very good."

"A fluke," Severus said with a frown.

"Three times?"

"Then she cheated," he said, his voice tense.

"Or could it be that she has learned well under you?" She gave him a pointed stare and Severus was stunned into silence for a moment.

"But she under performed in my classroom," he said.

"Well that's because the poor girl is terrified of you," Minerva said, matter-of-factly. Severus growled deeply and crossed his arms over his chest. "The truth is you terrify most of the students but they're listening to you. They're working hard on their homework and they're practising every day."

"I don't tell them to," he muttered, looking at her. Minerva shrugged.

"You don't have to," she said. "They're that scared that you'll lace poison into their pumpkin juice if they fail that they're willing to put in the extra work. But I feel I should state most emphatically that I do not condone this kind of teaching."

"It's working," he said with a shrug. He was testing her, trying to see if their weakened friendship had strengthened enough for him to tempt her into a spar.

"Don't start Severus," she said, in a dismissive tone but he noticed that she pushed the sugar pot toward him to add to his morning coffee. It was enough, for now.

-x-

Severus was sat in the corner of the staff room, his newspaper held up high over his face in the hopes it would dissuade people from approaching him. It worked for the most part until Minerva walked in and sliced her wand through it. Severus looked up at her with a frown, each half of the paper hanging limp from his hands.

"What did you do that for?" He asked, feeling the other teachers turn to them. Their somewhat volatile relationship had become a source of entertainment for the rest if the staff. He hated it.

"You have given Katie Davis an entire week's worth of coursework to be handed in on Monday."

"Yes, there was a lot to catch up on."

"She has a lot of other coursework to do Severus," Minerva shot back. "And she has just returned to your class, the least you could do is give her the work she needs to catch up on in small sections..."

"Are you saying I should give her special treatment?"

"Of course not," she said in frustration.

"Then I require her to complete the same work as everyone else," he said as he pulled out his wand and repaired his newspaper.

He watched Minerva over the top of his paper. She took a deep breath and pointed her wand at him.

"Don't..!" But it was too late. Minerva blasted the paper, and in turn him, with a sharp blast of fire. He wasn't burnt but his paper was, the ashes clinging to him. He looked up at her to see a slight smirk on her lips. "Feel better now?" He asked.

"I do actually," she said. Severus shook his head and brushed off the ashes from his clothes. "Tea?" Minerva asked.

"Yes," Severus answered in a clipped tone. "And a new paper."

"I'm afraid Poppy has the other one," she said. "Perhaps she'll allow you to borrow it after she's finished."

Severus looked over at Madam Pomfrey who folded up her paper, tucked it under her arm and exited the staffroom. Severus rolled his eyes and followed Minerva as she headed to the kitchenette to prepare their tea.

"Perhaps this is the lesson where I learn that I should be kinder to others," he said, leaning over her shoulder as she added milk to their tea.

"And yet what I bet you'll do is learn to arrive early and hold all the papers hostage until you've finished reading them," she handed him his tea.

"That's not a bad idea," he said with a smirk.

"Go away Severus," Minerva said, rolling her eyes. Of course he ignored her, and continued to follow her across the room. "Don't you have anything better to do than to follow me around the staff room?"

"This will teach you not to destroy my newspaper again," he said, sitting opposite her.

"Well in that case," she said, placing her tea on the coffee table and conjuring a neat pile of parchment. "You can help me plan the end of year exam timetables." Severus glared at her.

"I'd rather be fed to a dragon," he spat. Minerva smirked and shrugged.

"Suit yourself," she said. Severus huffed and watched her for a few moments. "Honestly Severus, you must have more important things to do than to watch me."

"Fine," he said, standing up. "I have potions to brew for Professor Sprout's adolescent Mandrakes, they're sick."

"Alright," Minerva said, looking up at him. "Just try not to blow yourself up this time." She smirked and Severus narrowed his eyes. She was making fun of him.

"Very funny," he said in a hard voice before he left the staff room.

Severus paused once he was outside and the door had closed behind him. He smirked and glanced back at the door. He was reassured by his interaction with Minerva. It was still tense and they were still unsure of how one another would react to something. It was like getting to know each other all over again.

He quite liked it. And this time, he wasn't going to mess it up.

**Hope you liked it. If you could take a few moments to let me know your thoughts I'll love you forever. Not that I don't already love you, I'll just love you that little bit extra : ) Night all xxx**


	31. Chapter 31

**Hello everyone**

**Another chapter, apologies for the delay. Very busy at work! Also, I sincerely apologise for any mistakes you may find. I'm having a few issues with my computer so I'm trying to do everything from my Ipad, it's not very good when you're trying to proof read your work. Anyway I just wanted to get this out because if I didn't do it tonight then I wouldn't have time to do until next week. **

**I will reply to everyone's reviews and emails as soon as I can but I just wanted to say I'm hugely grateful to you all! **

**Thanks for reading and remember to let me know what you thought.**

**Big hugs! Now I'm off to work another event, 3 in as many nights. Drained! x**

* * *

Chapter 31

Severus was leaning over his cauldron, slowly stirring the sleeping potion he was working on to replace the substandard liquid he'd been forced to take during his recovery. Madam Pomfrey had explained that the potions were sent in from St Mungo's and were designed so that any student, regardless of allergies or severity of aliments, would be able to take it. What that did to the potion was make it weaker. He'd had to take three bottles of the stuff before he felt even the slightest bit drowsy. If he was ever forced to go into the Hospital wing again, he wanted to make sure that the potions he would be taking had been brewed to the highest standard and by an exceptional potion master. Therefore, who better than himself?

He was preparing for the final part, arguably the most difficult part where timing required all his attention. He had finished sorting the ingredients he needed and picked up his hourglass to begin timing when he noticed someone walk by his door. Annoyed, he stopped what he was doing and waited for who he assumed would be student to dare walk by his door again. However the person that peeked their head into his classroom was not who he had thought. His anger lessened somewhat and was replaced by surprise.

"Severus?" The woman, whom he had met once before, walked into his classroom. Her long brown hair was braided over her shoulder and when she smiled, he was reminded of her sister. "I thought that was you. I'm Lydia, Minerva's sister. We met..."

"Yes I remember you," Severus interrupted, turning his attention back to his work.

"How are you?" She asked, tentatively. Severus closed his eyes and clenched his jaw.

"Why are you here?" He asked unkindly, even though he knew he should at least try to be courteous.

"I was on my way to see my sister," Lydia said, sitting at one of the desks. Severus looked up and narrowed his eyes at her. It didn't seem to bother her. "I must have taken a wrong turn. The castle has changed a lot since I was last here." She gave him a bright smile. Severus shook his head and stopped his hourglass. He would have to start again.

"She's in her quarters," he didn't bother to keep his annoyance from his voice. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out a neatly rolled parchment. He walked over to he and threw them onto the desk. "Would you give her these lesson plans when you see her, she's expecting them."

"Perhaps you could take them over yourself," Lydia said, picking up the parchment and returning it to him. "And show me the way in the process." Severus snatched the scroll from her and marched back to his own desk where threw it back into his draw.

"I don't have time..." he began. But it seemed Lydia had other plans.

"Please," she asked, making the short journey to stand in front of his desk. "You would be doing me a great favour."

"I'm not in the habit of doling out favours," he mumbled, discarding his perfectly prepared ingredients.

"Yes," she said with a sigh. "You don't seem the sort. But perhaps think of it this way, the sooner I find my way to Minerva's quarters, the quicker I'm out of your way." Severus stopped what he was doing and looked up at her.

"I still don't see how I benefit from this."

"I was led to believe that you do not suffer company unless absolutely necessary." Lydia smiled and leaned against his desk. The action irked him.

"That would be a fair assumption," he said, pushing his cauldron to the edge of the table forcing her away from desk. He wanted her to leave, but she wasn't getting the hints.

"So unless you show me the way, I will be forced to stay here while I send word to my sister that I am lost. And who knows exactly how long she will be..." she sighed, as if the situation was a hopeless one but he caught the look in her eyes. The one that knew she had him.

"Fine," he said, throwing his hourglass onto the desk with more force than necessary. "But let's be quick about it." He snatched the lesson plans from his desk draw and stormed from his classroom. He could hear Lydia's heels clicking against the stone floor as she trotted behind him in order to catch up.

"You are close with Minerva?" She asked, falling in step with him.

"We're colleagues," he said, quickening his strides.

"Yes I know," Lydia puffed. "But you are friends, correct?"

"I don't know where these questions are leading," he sneered. "But I would prefer it if you would remain silent for the rest of journey."

"My sister speaks highly of you," Lydia said, shaking her head. "I can't for the life of me see why."

Severus topped abruptly and turned to look at her. She looked up at him expectantly, her innocent eyes contradicting what she had just said.

"What part of 'remain silent' did you not understand?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Hmm," Lydia looked up at the ceiling in thought. "Gosh, that's a difficult one." Severus watched her in bewilderment. It was impossible to believe that this woman was in any way related to Minerva, let alone her sister. "It could have been the 'remain' for you see, I was already talking when you said that and if I were to 'remain silent', that would suggest that I had been silent to begin with. Then of course, it could have been the 'silent' part because, as you may have guessed, it does not form part of my daily vocabulary." She gave him a sweet smile and Severus looked away from her, shaking his head in wonder.

"Clearly," he said, continuing their journey. Perhaps if he couldn't shut her up, he could at least get them to their destination as quick as possible.

"Maybe that's why you get along so well with my sister," Lydia said, walking slightly behind him, no longer bothering to try so hard in keeping up with him. "She is what my son calls an 'observer'. She is strong in person, which I have never been, so my voice has always been my way of cutting space in a room. Otherwise, I would have been swallowed by Minerva's presence."

Severus raised his eyebrows but remained silent. Lydia must have guessed at his surprise because she laughed and continued to babble.

"Not that she likes to dominate a room, quite the opposite. She just has that natural way about her. You must have noticed it yourself? Anyway she's never been in want of attention, especially from men..."

"We're here," Severus interrupted with a sigh of relief. Her one sided conversation was leading to a territory he wanted no knowledge of He thanked Merlin that they had arrived at Minerva's door which would mean the end of his unwanted companions incessant talking.

"Oh good," she said, clapping her hands together. "Now that wasn't so bad was it?"

Clearly his inner thoughts had been wrong. He ignored Lydia and looked up at the portrait to Leander in his lion form eyeing him menacingly. "Would you inform Professor McGonagall that her sister is here?" He could at least take some enjoyment in the fact that for once, Minerva's Dolor Altor could not disregard his request and was instead forced to inform his mistress of her special guest's arrival. He smirked at the lion who growled in warning as he slinked out of the portrait.

"You needn't be so formal for my benefit," Lydia muttered from behind him. Severus's delight was short lived and when he spoke he didn't even bother to do her the courtesy of turning to look at her.

"I'm not," he snapped.

Suddenly the door opened and Minerva stood before them in the teaching robes Severus had seen her in at lunch, the only time their paths has crossed all day.

"Goodness Lydia, you're early," she said, giving her a big smile.

"I know, I'm sorry Neva," Lydia said, hugging Minerva tightly. "The house was just so quiet, and I thought it might be nice to get ready together as we used to."

"That's fine," Minerva said, standing aside to let Lydia walk past her. "Hello Severus," she added when she turned to look at him. Lydia stopped by Minerva's side and looked at him too.

"Your friend was kind enough to offer to show me where your quarters were," she said. Minerva raised her eyebrows and Severus scowled.

"I was dragged here," he muttered. Minerva smirked, catching his eye for a second before turning to her sister.

"Lydia you know where my quarters are, you've been here a hundred times before."

"How am I supposed to keep track when the castle keeps moving?" Lydia said, leaving them at the door and disappearing into Minerva's quarters.

"Thank you Severus," Minerva said in a somewhat heavy voice. Severus frowned and wondered if he should ask her if she was alright. He wasn't sure if their friendship had mended enough for her to confide in him. He decided against it.

"No need to thank me," he said, handing her his parchment scroll. "I brought you my lesson plans for next month." Minerva thanked him and smiled.

"How was your walk with Lydia?" She asked. Severus could see she was holding back a laugh and Severus sneered. "She can be overwhelming at times,"

"Understatement," he muttered, looking toward the floor.

"Yes well, she's still my sister so be careful of what you say." Severus looked up at her. Had he overstepped the line? Her smile told him he hadn't and he relaxed.

"Even if you agree?" He dared. Minerva laughed and looked over her shoulder into her rooms.

"Would you like to come in?" She asked, tentatively.

"No," Severus said carefully. "I should get going."

Minerva nodded and gave him a slight smile. She looked as though she were about to say something but Lydia's voice called to them from somewhere inside Minerva's quarters.

"Minerva, Severus, I've just ordered some tea for the three of us."

Minerva shook her head. She looked at Severus apologetically.

"Is she always like that?" He asked with a smirk. Minerva smiled and nodded.

"Come in Severus, have tea with us," she said, stepping aside to invite him in.

"If you wish," Severus said as he slipped inside and she closed the door behind him. He turned to her and they stood facing each other in silence. For some reason Severus grew nervous and from the way Minerva avoided his eyes, he guesses she was too. This was first time he'd been in her quarters since they'd made up and he wasn't sure it was a wise choice. He wondered if she regretted it. Suddenly she laughed and looked up at him. Severus frowned.

"Honestly Severus," she said with a sigh. "We used to spend hours in each other's company. Surely we can have tea together."

"I thought you might have regretted asking me in," he said quietly. He watched Minerva purse her lips.

"The thought had crossed my mind," she said. "But I want you here," she said. "I want us to be comfortable in each other's company again."

"Do you think it's possible?" He asked. "Even after what I did?" He watched her think on his words for a moment.

"If I can move past it," she said gently. "So can you."

"Then I'll take that tea," he said.

Minerva nodded and led the way to the sofa in front of the fire. As they took their places, Minerva on the sofa and Severus in the arm chair closest to her, Lydia came out of Minerva's bedroom full of energy.

"Logan sends his love," she announced, unaware of what had just passed between them.

"How is he getting along in his exams?" Minerva asked, turning to look at her sister.

"Just fine," Lydia said, sitting next to Minerva on the sofa. Teensy arrived with the tea and Severus caught the nervous look she gave him. He stared at her until she quickly looked away and bowed before leaving.

"I would prefer him to be doing better than 'just fine'," Minerva was saying. Severus assumed they were still talking about Logan.

"My son is training to become an Auror," Lydia said proudly, as she stood up and began to fuss around them, making tea and handing out napkins. Severus nodded but took note of the slight frown on Minerva's face.

"Yes," Severus said, looking over at Minerva properly.

"I suppose Minerva told you?" Lydia asked, catching him looking at her.

"He's met Logan before," Minerva jumped in. "That day we had tea in the Three Broomsticks," she prompted. Severus watched Lydia's face grow blank for a moment, it was as if she had no recollection of that day. But he knew she did, for she was about to refer to that very same meeting when she had appeared in his doorway. She seemed to come back to herself and she continued to fuss over the tea.

"Yes," she said suddenly. "Yes, of course."

"Lydia why don't you sit down?" Minerva said, clasping hold of Lydia's arm to stop her. "You're making me nervous with all this fluttering around."

"Oh I will," Lydia huffed, as if frustrated by Minerva's attention. "I just want to send a letter first. May I use your bedroom?" Severus watched Minerva, she was tense and unsure. He'd seen her like that when she worried about a student or when she was holding something back.

"Of course." Minerva said after a moment. Lydia smiled at them both and quickly ran into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her in the process.

Minerva stared at the closed door and Severus took the time to observe her more closely. He could see the pain and worry in her eyes. He could hear the tapping of her finger nails against the cup Lydia had handed to her. She was agitated and Severus considered leaving her alone. Something inside him told to stay. To speak to her.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly.

"Yes," Minerva said, still looking at the door. "I think she's over working herself."

"You're worried." He stated.

"No," she said, a little too quickly. She sighed and finally looked over at him. "A little."

"There's no shame in that," he said gently, despite thinking differently. He knew that was what she wanted to hear.

"Lydia would tell me I'm fretting over nothing," she said with a smile.

"Perhaps she's right," Severus countered.

"Perhaps."

She became distracted again and Severus watched her glance toward the door again. Once again his urge to run from the situation kicked in but whatever made him stay the first time, made him stay again.

"Are you two going somewhere tonight?" He asked.

"Peter has asked us to Surrey to attend an opera festival," she said. Severus watched her stare at him. She chewed on her bottom lip and sighed. "Actually... the invitation was extended to you too but..."

"I'm not expecting an invite," he said quickly.

"I know," she said. "When I received his letter it was when we were at odds with each other."

"I suppose that one way if putting it," he muttered with a shrug. Minerva smirked.

"And then when we reconciled I didn't know how you would respond to it. I should have just asked you."

"I understand why you didn't," he said truthfully. Although that didn't stop him feeling slightly annoyed. He knew it was an irrational feeling.

"I haven't told Pete that you're not coming," she carried on, watching him carefully. "There's still plenty of time for you to get ready should you wish to join us."

"I think I will give this occasion a miss," Severus said standing up and walking toward the fireplace.

"Why?" She asked.

"Well... I thought you would want time with your sister," he said looking at her through the mirror above the fire.

"I do," she said with a vigorous nod. "But I also want to spend time with you."

Severus allowed her words to hang in the air. Did she really want him to go along simply for his company? He knew that she did before but did she really mean it now?

"You want me to come with you?" He asked.

"Yes," she said, standing up and making her way towards him.

"Will there be a party?" He asked when she stopped in front of him. They were standing opposite each other as they had at the door but something had changed. He didn't feel like running.

"Just a gathering," she said with a shrug. Severus caught the smile in her eyes and he sneered.

"Another word for too many people in one place," he said harshly. Minerva laughed and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Please," she said. Severus glanced down at her hand and raised his own to brush his finger tips over her knuckles. He felt a jolt tingle through his body and they immediately pulled away from each other as if they'd received an electric shock. He thought it had been in his mind but had she felt it too?

"Maybe." He said, clearing his throat. "I should go back to my quarters. What time should I be ready for?" He asked, marching toward the door. "If I decide to come," he added over his shoulder. He heard Minerva laugh gently behind him.

"Seven," she said. Severus opened the door and turned to look at her. "We'll be travelling by port key, if you decide to come." She said, smiling.

Severus shook his head, trying to hide his own smile which turned it into a grimace. He nodded to her and left without another word. This would be their first outing together since they'd reconciled their differences. He was more nervous now than he had been before. Perhaps it was because he knew he had to try harder this time. Or perhaps it was that strange feeling that pulsed through his body when he'd touched her.

* * *

**Thanks so much for reading and if you want to let me know what you thought it would make this very tired worker bee very happy! xx**


	32. Chapter 32

**Evening friendships! It's almost 1.30am here, does this still count as evening? Probably not. But for some of you beautiful people reading in other countries it is evening, so welcome! If you're from the UK or on the same time zone then you're probably asleep, which means you're reading this in the morning. Good morning sunshine! **

**No sleep makes Rex a little crazy...**

**Anyhoo! Sorry I wasn't able to post this chapter last week like I wanted to. I know that I promised that Lydia would reveal something to Severus in Chapter 31 and as a few have already noticed, that didn't happen... I know, I'm sorry! But what actually happened is that I wrote Chapter 31 & 32 as one great big monster chapter and then split it into two parts as it was WAY too long. So it's in this chapter that Lydia reveals something to Severus. And also, something happened at the end of this that **_**even I **_**wasn't quite expecting. Intrigued and excited? Me too cause now I'm all pumped to write Chapter 33! But really I should be going to bed... ****real life sucks****!**

**So when I'm writing I sometimes find it really helpful to play music to help me get into the right frame of mind. I know some of you like it when I post youtube links on my livejournal page to music I've included in the chapters so I've posted the three pieces I listened to for this chapter. Cause I'm nice like that! My LJ is linked in my profile. If you do listen to them let me know what you thought, he's one of my favourite living composers! **

**Sooooo let me know what you thought on this chapter and I promise that I'll try to get back into the habit of replying to everyone's reviews like I used to. I'm just so busy with work at the moment that my mind is completely full with schedules and information and opera and people's names and kittens... wait, what? What I really wanted to say there was to say again how much I appreciate all your support and kind words. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know that you're still following and enjoying this fic. **

**I've just found some double chocolate chip cookies that I'm going munch with a cup of tea and get sad about the fact that I have to be up in four hours for work... FAIL! **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 32

Severus stood in front of his ingredients cabinet, using the glass as a mirror. He sighed. He had no idea what to wear for this type of occasion. Sir John's advice was to smart but not too formal. Severus had decided to wear his usual black trousers and white high collar shirt and had transfigured one of his waist coats into a suit jacket. He wasn't sure if he'd made the right choice and he knew he had very little time to change his mind. Minerva had sent her house elf to inform him that they would be meeting by the castle entrance at five minutes to seven and it was already quarter to the hour.

Severus straightened his jacket one last time. He wished he hadn't ordered Sir John away in his frustration; he would have liked to check clothing his choice with him. But it was too late and he knew that he didn't have time to search for his Dolor Altor. He picked up his wand from his desk and tucked neatly into his inside pocket before leaving his quarters.

He marched through the halls, keeping to quieter corridors to avoid any wandering students. He arrived at their designated meeting place first and he took a few moments to gather his thoughts. He was nervous, more nervous than he had felt in a long time. He knew that tonight might be the only chance he'll get to show Minerva that he truly regretted what he had said to her down by the lake. Although he knew they had made progress in patching up their friendship they were still on rocky ground. He never been in this position before, he'd never been given the chance to make it up to someone he considered a friend. Even with Lily. She had turned her back on him; of course he didn't blame her after what he had said to her. But he had hoped that she would have understood that he hadn't meant what he had said. Minerva had. Or at least she was willing to allow him to explain himself, to allow him to show her that she meant more to him. Severus paused in his thoughts. What exactly did Minerva mean to him? His feelings for her had changed since he'd almost driven her away completely and he had to admit that their friendship, although appearing to be building back to where they had left off, was somewhat different. He wasn't sure how, perhaps part of him didn't want to examine it too closely. But did it mean? The thoughts came back to him. What did she mean to him?

"Good evening Severus," a voice called to him.

Severus looked up to see Lydia walking toward him and Severus nodded his head in greeting. Minerva was a few steps behind her sister and Severus found his eyes drawn toward her. She wore a long black dress, smart but not formal, just as Sir John had suggested. Severus felt himself relax and he gave her what he hoped she could tell was a smile. She was beautiful, with her hair carefully curled into a clasp at her neck and her dark lips drawing his attention to her. She smiled and held up a smooth round stone in the palm of her hand.

"We should be going," she said to him. Severus nodded and placed his hand on top of hers. Lydia followed suit and until then he had almost forgotten that she was there. He felt himself grow warm and hoped that Lydia hadn't seen the way that she was looking at her sister. He could feel her eyes on him and he guessed that she had noticed something. He avoided both women's eyes and focused on the stone which had begun to slowly pulse a sapphire blue. He felt the pull of the portkey as it became fully active and with a sudden swirl of colour he found himself standing in a meadow.

There were wild flowers everywhere and even with the sun beginning low in the sky he could still see what looked like large daisies spanning across the entire plain. They swayed gently in the breeze and Severus noted that the air was slightly warmer then he would have expected. He turned to his side when he felt someone step up beside him.

"Where are we?" He asked Minerva, observing her face as she took a deep breath of the countryside air.

"Surrey," she answered turning to look at him.

"It's nice," he said, nodding his head in approval. He heard Minerva laugh gently next to him and link her arm through his.

"A man of many words isn't he?" Lydia said. Severus allowed Minerva to pull him toward her sister and they set off along a well worn country path through woods that were scattered with Blue Bells.

"You can talk enough for the both of us," Severus said with a scowl.

"Will you two stop it?" Minerva said with a sigh, unlinking her arm from Severus' and walking slightly ahead. He glanced over Lydia who smirked at him and he frowned at her.

"He pulled a face at me!" Lydia suddenly said. Severus stopped walking and turned to look at Lydia in astonishment. Minerva stopped too and turned to look at them, he was glad to hear her laughing.

"Severus..." she started.

"I did no such thing," he said as he quickly marched toward her. "I should think you know me well enough Minerva to know that I would not resort to such childish antics." He gently grasped Minerva's hand as he approached her and turned her around to keep walking. He felt her lace her fingers with his and she showed no sign of letting go. Severus was surprised and he glanced down at their hands.

"Is he calling me immature?"

"You're both immature," Minerva said lightly. "It's like being on a school trip... with first years!" She shot them both a look but Severus caught the humour behind her eyes when she held his gaze for a moment longer than necessary.

"We're just having fun," Lydia said, grinning broadly.

"I wouldn't call this fun," Severus muttered and he felt Minerva squeeze his hand gently. He looked at her from the corner of his eye and she smirked at him.

"That's because you don't know how to have fun," Lydia called over to him.

"I resent that," Severus said, looking over Minerva's head toward her sister. Minerva sighed and held up the hand that wasn't in his to silence them both.

"I resent my decision to bring you both here, what on earth was I thinking?" Minerva said. Severus watched Lydia drape a loving arm around Minerva's shoulders and nuzzle her cheek.

"You were thinking how lovely it would be to spend time with your sister and your best friend," she said with a soft laugh. Minerva laughed too.

"Lydia..." Minerva started but Lydia's attention was drawn away to something ahead of them.

Severus looked in the same direction and a beautiful manor house stood before them in the distance. He squeezed Minerva's hand and she looked up at him.

"This is where the festival is taking place?" He asked, noticing that the house wasn't near big enough to hold a hidden theatre inside.

"It's an outdoor festival," she said. "There's a marquee in the gardens beyond the house. Do you like it?"

"Very much," he whispered, looking back toward the house.

As they approached Severus listened to Lydia explain that the house was host to an annual festival or young classical singers at the beginning of their careers. It was a chance for them to shine and impress and to land themselves roles with an opera company or orchestra choir. Minerva had picked up the conversation and reminded him that he had very briefly met one of the young singers when they had had lunch at Peter's home some months back. Which was why he was at the festival this year and why Minerva had been invited along.

They were greeted at the house gates and promptly directed around the back of the house where Severus caught sight of the marquee. There were a lot of people, more than Severus had supposed would be there and more than Minerva had let on.

"Don't worry," Minerva said quietly to him. "I won't leave your side."

Severus glanced at her and he felt her squeeze his hand one last time before letting go. He felt the loss immediately, the slight tingling indicating that he had perhaps been holding her hand tighter than he had thought. He glanced toward the crowd to see Peter emerging, his arms opening wide to envelope Minerva in a hug.

"Peter, it's good to see you." Severus heard Minerva say. She quickly withdrew from her brother-in-law and stepped aside as Lydia leaned up onto her toes to kiss his cheek.

"My two favourite ladies in the world," Peter said as he moved forward to hug Severus.

Severus allowed Peter to hug him and pat his back in a brotherly fashion and he was surprised to feel his joy at being included in this ritual. Peter wrapped an arm around his shoulders and brought him over to where Minerva and Lydia were standing.

"I hope you've come with enthusiasm for good food, good wine and good company," Peter said to the three of them as they all walked into the marquee together. Severus looked over at Minerva and she gave him a reassuring smile. He felt uneasy, despite having her so close and Peter's encompassing presence. He froze in the centre of the room for a moment and he felt Peter's arm slip from his shoulder. A familiar urge to flee spread through Severus' body but before it reached his feet he felt Minerva's held slip into his again. He looked to his side to see her looking at him with a kind face. A sudden calm washed over him and he shook his head slightly. Minerva smiled and pulled on his hand gently.

"I think we need a drink," she said to him softly. Severus scoffed in agreement and willingly followed her as she meandered through the crowd.

-x-

The festival was new and exciting and Severus had been completely surprised at how enthused he had become. He had even enjoyed listening to Peter and two of his friends debating over a young mezzo soprano who Severus thought had a voice as fine and smooth as an old and expensive glass of whiskey.

The night had gone surprisingly well and Severus had even felt comfortable enough to allow Minerva to be pulled away by an acquaintance, leaving him alone and watching the crowds mingle in the marquee. He felt his mind drifting toward Minerva again when he caught sight of Lydia standing alone in the centre of the room. He frowned as he watched her. She looked lost, confused and perhaps disoriented. For some reason unbeknown to him, he began to make his way over to her. He stopped when she locked eyes with him.

"Severus?" She stepped toward him and Severus frowned. "Oh Severus, I never thought I'd be so glad to see you!"

"Lydia I..."

"Where am I?" She asked him, her hands gripping his forearms painfully. "I want to go home," she said to him, her eyes beginning to well up with tears.

Severus didn't know what to do with her and glanced around in search of Minerva or Peter.

"I think you should sit down," he said to her, leading her toward a chair and helping her to sit down. "Why don't you wait here and I'll go find Minerva?" Lydia's eyes shot to him and she grabbed his arm again.

"No please," she said frantically. "If mother finds out I've seen Neva..."

"Your mother?" Severus asked with a frown. "I don't think she's going to find out," he muttered with a scowl. He had a feeling Lydia was playing tricks with him and he wasn't amused by it.

"Please! Please don't tell Neva I'm here, she can't know. She'll be so angry and mother..."

Severus could see that she was beginning to panic and it slowly seeped into his mind that she wasn't playing with him at all. _This was real to her._

"Alright," Severus said, allowing her to pull him down into the seat next to him. "I won't say anything."

"I'm forbidden to see her," she explained. "Mother said she's tainted, that she's evil. She said Neva forced our father to sign everything over to her before he died. She said she's the reason we had to move out of the house..." She looked over at Severus. "But I know she's wrong, I know mother is lying. Neva worshipped our father..." Lydia stopped talking suddenly and her face expressed the same confusion it had when he'd spotted her in the room. He watched her rub a hand over her brow and close her eyes for a moment.

"Lydia..?" Severus watched her face become blank and she blinked a few times before looking at him.

"I'm sorry..." she took a deep breath. "I wasn't myself for a moment..." Lydia put her hands to her face. "They're getting shorter."

"What are?" Severus asked.

"Nothing," Lydia said standing up. Severus caught her arm and pulled her as gently as he could back to her seat.

"It's not nothing," he said. "It was as if..." He paused. _Could he be right? _

"As if what?" Lydia asked, in a demanding tone. "Say it."

"It was as if, for a moment, you forgot who you were... who I was..." he said carefully. Lydia looked away from him and pressed her fingers to her mouth.

"Promise me you won't tell my sister," she said, turning back to him.

"What is it exactly I'm supposed to be keeping secret?" He asked.

"Six months ago I was diagnosed with Fronto-temporal dementia," she said. "It's a muggle disease that affects the brain and personality..."

"I know what it is," Severus said, unsure what to do or react to this new information. Was he supposed to express sympathy? Perhaps offer to help?

"Then you'll know that there is no cure," Lydia sighed, unknowingly letting Severus know that there was nothing he needed to do or say. "Not in our world, or theirs."

"Why not tell Minerva?" He asked, curious as to why she wouldn't want her to know. They were sister, it was his understanding that siblings stuck together, and confided everything. At least that is what he had understood of Minerva and Lydia.

"Because it will upset her," she said. "And she'll stop at nothing to find a cure."

"I may be new to this," he said with a frown. "But wouldn't someone like that be an asset to your cause?"

"She is my sister and my best friend; I don't want her to know about this. I don't want what might be our last memories together to be of this disease!" She said her fists clenching in frustration. Severus scoffed.

"Well lucky for you, you won't remember any of this," he said, not meaning to be unkind but he knew that's how it sounded. "But Minerva will. I think you should tell her, don't rob her of the time she has left with you."

"This is none of your business Severus," she snapped. "You are not to tell my sister about this, are we clear?"

"Crystal," he sneered. Lydia gave him a hard look before standing their seat and walking off, disappearing into the crowd of people.

Severus found himself alone again, his mood considerably dampened by his exchange with Lydia. He didn't feel comfortable with the knowledge that he was keeping something from Minerva. He was trying to rebuild his relationship with her, to salvage what he could and now he was keeping secrets from her that she had every right to know. At that thought he realised that he had no commitment to Lydia. He would be jeopardising his friendship with Minerva for what? He was beginning to come to the conclusion that he should tell her and let Lydia deal with the consequences but one question was nagging at the back of his mind. _Could he do it? Could he tell her? _He knew the news would upset her. He tried to think of it from her point of view, it wasn't hard, he knew she would be heartbroken. He also knew that he couldn't be the one to give her that heartbreaking news. Damn Lydia! Damn her straight to hell!

Severus slowly looked out into the crowd of people, they were still enjoying themselves and he felt an unreasonable anger build up inside him. How could they be so carefree when he always found himself in these difficult positions? He watched the people in front of him slowly step out of his sight line as if they knew that seeing her would somehow help him. Minerva stood with a group of women, laughing and talking. Wisps of hair had escaped from the clasp and were now caressing her neck; he watched her reach a hand to sweep them away. He watched her trail her hand down her neck until it rested on her collarbone.

She must have felt him watching her, as most people do as she turned her eyes to him. She smiled and excused herself from the group. Severus stood up as she approached him and he felt his gut twisting with guilt at the thought that he knew something she so deservedly needed to know. It was a feeling he wasn't used to, guilt was a weakness he did not embrace.

"Will you come meet some friends?" She asked, stopping in front of him.

"I think not," he said carefully. Minerva nodded and looked down at her hands for a moment before looking back into his eyes.

"Would you care to walk?" She asked tentatively. Severus studied her face and then nodded. He knew she still had moments where she felt awkward around him and he didn't blame her. She was being cautious. He didn't blame her for that either.

Minerva led the way to the gardens and Severus followed her, brushing her hand against her knuckles, half hoping she would take his hand in hers again. She did and they walked hand in hand to the bottom of the enclosed garden to look out over the meadows.

The air was cool and refreshing. The sun slowly disappearing on the horizon throwing the beautiful grounds into a golden paradise. It was like nothing he had ever seen before and he stopped for a moment to take it in. Minerva continued walking, her hand slipping from his and stopped at a moss covered wall to lean against it. She looked out over the gardens and Severus became mesmerised by the sunlight reflecting off her hair. The last rays of sun cast her face and chest in a glow and she looked ethereal, basking in nature's glory. He walked toward her, his hand coming up to touch her collarbone. She surprised him by taking his hand and pulling it across her body so his arm rested across her chest, their bodies fitting together perfectly as he stepped behind her. She tilted her head slightly, brushing her forehead against his chin.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" She said.

Severus looked back toward the sun. He brought his free arm around her waist and held her tightly.

"Yes," he whispered.

They fell into a comfortable silence; one that reminded him of their former friendship. He appreciated her allowing him to be so close, perhaps she was not as hesitant as he had thought. _Had she really forgiven him?_ He decided to ask her.

"I forgave you as soon as I saw you standing at the door to the Great Hall," she said. "It's the forgetting I find hard to overcome."

"How can I help?" He asked, leaning his head against hers and holding her tighter.

"Just keep doing what you're doing," she said, twisting her body around slightly so she could look at him. She smiled and turned back to look at the sun. "You're doing just fine."

As Minerva continued to watch the sun fall beyond sight, Severus lowered his head to her shoulder, allowing his lips to graze her skin. He should be happy, but he couldn't be. She asked him not to hurt her again and considering his track record, the odds were not in his favour. Here he was, holding her as one would a lover but he was holding a secret from her. It wasn't right. Lydia should never have asked it of him.

"Tell me something," she said suddenly.

"Like what?" Severus kept his mouth close to her skin when he spoke, the light friction causing his lips to tingle.

"Anything," she said. "Tell me what you're thinking."

This was it. This was the moment where he should tell her the truth. But he couldn't.

"I think we should go back inside." He hadn't changed. He untangled his arms from her body and leaned against the wall with his back to the sun.

"I didn't think you were enjoying the party," she said, sounding to Severus as if she was somewhat disappointed.

"I'm not," he said with a scoff. He had been thought not anymore. "You said it once yourself, rumours start easily. We've been out here for some time, alone. We wouldn't your friends to come to the wrong conclusion, would we?"

"Would it be so wrong if they did?" She asked, looking at him carefully. Severus considered her question. He felt as if she were asking him something else, as if there was a hidden meaning behind her words. Before he could question it any further Minerva laughed. "You don't need to answer that," she said, turning quickly. Before she took her first step back toward the marquee Severus stopped her. He turned her around to face him.

"I meant that they would think there was something going on between us," he said, holding her in place with his hands on her shoulders.

"So was I," Minerva said softly.

"I don't understand," he said, releasing her.

"Neither do I," she said with a laugh. "This is absurd."

"What is?" Severus asked, somewhat desperately.

"This," Minerva said with a sigh. "Us."

Severus wasn't sure what she was getting at. Or was he perhaps not allowing himself to think that she might... what? Like him other than a friend? Love him? What?

"Our friendship?" he asked after a pause. He watched the pained expression on Minerva face and he reached a hand out to touch her neck.

"This isn't just a friendship anymore Severus," she said softly. "You know it isn't."

Severus felt himself leaning forward and he brushed his nose against her cheek, caressing her skin with his. "Then what us it?" he asked in a whisper. "What is it that I feel when I'm with you?" He pulled back to look at her, her eyes were closed and when she opened them he saw sadness in her eyes.

"I can't answer that," she said with a sad smile. "Only you can."

He had been right. Their friendship had changed. It felt familiar but this was new, he had never experienced this with her before. At least he had never been willing to look deeper into himself before.

"I've never felt this before..." he said, hesitantly. "I think I was close once but I..." _Ruined it?_ He finished in his mind. Yes, he could have had this with Lily, but he'd ruined it. _Was he going to do the same with Minerva?_

Before Severus could say anything else to her Minerva looked back toward the sun and sighed.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" She said, looking back at him.

"Yes," he said, his eyes never leaving her. He saw a question in her face and he knew she was wondering if he referring to herself or the view. He was wondering the same thing. He watched Minerva's lips part slightly and he felt drawn to them. He could feel his body leaning toward her and he lifted a hand to the back of her neck when he felt her hands press into his chest. Inches before their lips touched Lydia's voice sounded from inside the marquee.

"Neva? Are you out here?"

Severus felt Minerva jump back from him and he was jolted from whatever special moment they had been about to share. He felt dazed and it took him a moment to realise what was going on. He looked down at Minerva who was watching him carefully. She looked just as confused as he felt.

"Neva?" Lydia's voice cut through the silence again and Minerva sighed.

"Coming Lydia," Minerva called, looking back toward the marquee. She turned back to face Severus and he stepped toward her again, his hand coming up to her cheek.

"Minerva..." He asked sure what he wanted to say or even what he was feeling. He just knew that right then he wanted her. He wanted everything. Her mind, her soul... her body. It was a thought that he never expected to have and yet, one that he not surprised to have for her. He watched Minerva lay both hands over his on her cheek and she turned her head to his the centre of his palm.

"We'll talk later," she said, letting go of his hand. Severus tried to follow her but Minerva shook her head. He understood. She needed time. He needed time too. But what he wanted... was her.

* * *

**Thanks everyone for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and I can hear some of you saying "It's about damn time!" Remember to let me know what you thought, I love reading your feedback on this xxx **


End file.
